Event Log for Harrenhal Blades (Public #514)

Kills
Episode 1: The Red Woman
15:49 (+2) Brienne of Tarth:
Brienne cuts down the first Bolton soldier on horseback as she and Podrick rush in to save Sansa Stark. "It's a bloody woman!" (Kill of Unnamed Character)
16:22 (+2) Brienne of Tarth:
Brienne cuts down the second Bolton soldier who stupidly dismounts his horse to engage an enemy he's knocked to the ground. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
16:31 (+2) Brienne of Tarth:
Brienne cuts down the horse of a Bolton soldier, pinning the soldier's leg (Kill of Unnamed Character)
16:42 (+2) Podrick Payne:
Podrick stabs a Bolton soldier through the chest as he and Brienne charge in to rescue Sansa Stark. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
17:00 (+2) Brienne of Tarth:
Brienne ruthlessly slits the throat of a Bolton soldier pinned under his own horse. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
17:13 (+2) Theon Greyjoy:
Theon stabs a Bolton soldier through the back while he is battling Podrick Payne. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
26:48 (+10) Tyene Sand:
Tyene pulls out a dagger to stab Areo Hotah in the back, as Ellaria Martell begins her overthrow of the Martells. (Kill of Named Character)
26:51 (+10) Ellaria Sand:
Ellaria stabs Doran Martell as she overthrows the royal family of Dorne. "When was the last time you left this palace? You don't know your own people. Their disgust for you. Elia Martell raped and murdered, and you did nothing. Oberyn Martell butchered, and you did nothing. You're not a Dornishman. You're not our Prince." (Kill of Named Character)
26:55 (+2) Tyene Sand:
Tyene takes the dagger from Areo Hotah's back and throws it at Doran Martell's fleeing messenger. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
28:42 (+10) Obara Sand:
Obara stabs Trystane through the face after he turns his back on her to face Nymeria Sand one-on-one. (Kill of Named Character)
32:57 (+2) Daenerys Targaryen:
Jorah and Daario discover the charred bones of a ram out on the hills near the Dothraki sea. It appears to be Drogon's work.

Daario: "You think our friend got him?"
Jorah: "Don't know anything else that can melt a ram's horn."
Daario: "We're on the right path, then."
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
submitted by alicehanners (approved!)
42:41 (+2) The Waif:
The Waif beats the crap out of blind Arya on the streets of Braavos.
Arya: "I can't see."
Waif: That's your problem, not mine."
(Minor Injury of Named Character)
Episode 2: Home
10:59 (+2) Tormund Giantsbane:
Tormund cuts down the first of Alliser Thorne's men who is foolish enough to charge at him. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
11:17 (+2) Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun:
Wun Weg rips down one of Ser Alliser Thorne's crossbowman from the battlements after he looses a bolt at him. He's smashed against the castle wall, and then thrown across the courtyard, prompting the rest of the Night's Watch to throw down their weapons. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
14:08 (+2) Gregor Clegane (The Mountain):
Zombie Gregor smashes in the head of a King's Landing drunk who was spreading stories about Cersei. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
29:19 (+2) The Waif:
the Waif pummels a blind Arya during another training session. (Minor Injury of Named Character)
32:49 (+10) Ramsay Bolton:
Ramsay stabs his father Roose in the gut upon news that Fat Walda has borne Roose a second son. (Kill of Named Character)
37:07 (+10) Ramsay Bolton:
Ramsay offers up fresh meat to his hounds in the form of Fat Walda Frey. (Kill of Named Character)
37:07 (+2) Ramsay Bolton:
Ramsay offers up fresh meat to his hounds in the form of his newborn half-brother.
Fat Walda: "Please, Ramsay. He's your brother."
Ramsay: "I prefer being an only child."
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
44:08 (+10) Euron Greyjoy:
Euron throws his brother Balon Greyjoy over the bridge at Pyke and into the sea. "I am the storm, brother. The first storm and the last. And you're in my way." (Kill of Named Character)
Episode 3: Oathbreaker
14:04 (+5) Ser Arthur Dayne:
Arthur Dayne stabs Howland Reed in the stomach. (Major Injury of Named Character)
14:10 (+2) Ser Gerold Hightower:
The Targaryen Kingsguard stabs through one of Ned Stark's bannermen during Bran's vision. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
14:17 (+10) Eddard Stark:
Ned stabs the Targaryen Kingsguard, Gerold Hightower, through the throat. (Kill of Named Character)
14:45 (+2) Ser Arthur Dayne:
Arthur slashes another of Ned Stark's bannermen across the neck. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
14:56 (+2) Ser Arthur Dayne:
Arthur Dayne cross-slices the throat of one of Ned Stark's bannermen with both swords. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
15:02 (+2) Ser Arthur Dayne:
Arthur Dayne stabs through the throat of another of Ned Stark's bannermen. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
16:02 (+5) Howland Reed:
An injured Howland comes to Ned's aid, stabbing Ser Arthur Dayne through the back of his neck. (Major Injury of Named Character)
16:20 (+10) Eddard Stark:
Ned finishes off the mortally-wounded Targaryen Kingsguard Arthur Dayne. (Kill of Named Character)
38:21 (+2) The Waif:
The Waif beats the crap out of Arya in the training montage. (Scene 1: storytime with whipping switch) (Minor Injury of Named Character)
38:29 (+2) The Waif:
The Waif beats the crap out of Arya in the training montage. (Scene 2: nighttime training with the staff) (Minor Injury of Named Character)
38:32 (+2) The Waif:
The Waif beats the crap out of Arya in the training montage. (Scene 3: daytime training with the staff) (Minor Injury of Named Character)
46:00 (+10) Smalljon Umber:
Smalljon Umber brings Ramsay the severed head of Rickon Stark's direwolf, Shaggydog, to prove his prisoner's identity. (Kill of Named Character)
49:19 (+40) Jon Snow:
Jon cuts the rope holding the gallows platform at Castle Black, executing Ser Alliser Thorne, Bowen Marsh, Othell Yarwyck, and Olly for their roles in the plot to assassinate him. (Kill of Named Character)
Episode 4: Book of the Stranger
24:24 (+2) Daario Naharis :
Daario catches up with the Dothraki guard before he can sound the alarm, strangling him and finally breaking his neck. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
24:37 (+2) Aggo:
Ahko pummels Jorah Mormont in the streets of Vaes Dothrak, and nearly chokes him to death. (Minor Injury of Named Character)
24:40 (+10) Daario Naharis :
Daario stabs Ahko through the back with his knife, saving Jorah's life. "Told you, I'm very attached to this knife." (Kill of Named Character)
46:20 (+10) Ramsay Bolton:
Ramsay exposes his knowledge of Osha's loyalty to the Starks, stabbing her through the throat before she can assassinate him. (Kill of Named Character)
55:17 (+10) Daenerys Targaryen:
Daenerys shoves the last torchstand at Khal Moro, burning him alive inside the Temple of the Dosh Khaleen. (Kill of Named Character)
56:01 (+20) Daenerys Targaryen:
Daenerys burns down the Temple of the Dosh Khaleen, with Khal Rhalko and Khal Forzo inside of it. (Kill of Named Character)
56:01 (+24) Daenerys Targaryen:
Daenerys burns down the Temple of the Dosh Khaleen, with twelve unnamed Khals and their bloodriders inside of it, in addition to Khal Moro, Rhalko, and Forzo. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Episode 5: The Door
7:56 (+2) The Waif:
A weaponless Waif still manages to knock out Arya with a 4-stroke uppercut combo. "You'll never be one of us, Lady Stark." (Minor Injury of Named Character)
17:03 (+5) Leaf:
In a vision of the very distant past, Leaf plunges a shard dragonglass through the chest of a man tied to a Weirwood tree, creating one of the first White Walkers. (Major Injury of Named Character)
47:51 (+4) Leaf:
Leaf throws the first magical hand grenade, destroying two wights. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
47:55 (+8) Child of the Forest:
The bow-wielding Child of the Forest kills 4 wights with the magic hand grenades as the White Walkers and their horde march onto the entrance of the Three-Eyed Raven's cavern. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
49:20 (+2) Meera Reed:
Meera cuts down the first wight to fall into the cave through the weirwood root system. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
49:26 (+2) Bran Stark:
Summer leaps onto the second wight just before it attacks Meera Reed. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
49:37 (+2) Leaf:
Leaf stabs the upside down spidey-wight through the eye. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
49:45 (+8) Child of the Forest:
The bow-wielding Child of the forest kills 4 wights that crawl through the weirwood root system into the cavern of the Three-Eyed Raven. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
50:33 (+2) Meera Reed:
Meera cuts down a wight as it charges through the cavern tunnels shortly after Bran wargs into Hodor. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
50:53 (+10) Meera Reed:
Meera throws a dragonglass spear at the bearded White Walker, piercing it in the neck and shattering it. (Kill of Named Character)
51:10 (+2) Bran Stark:
Summer dives into the crowd of wights as Bran and company make their escape out of the Three-Eyed Raven's cavern. He lands on one wight but is quickly cut down by the horde. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
51:57 (+10) White Walker (Night King):
The White Walker King cuts down the Three-Eyed Raven after gaining access to his cavern via Bran's unsupervised vision. (Kill of Named Character)
52:46 (+76) Leaf:
Leaf sacrifices herself to detonate the magical hand grenade, engulfing a large horde of wights in the cavern tunnels and giving Meera, Hodor, and Bran more time to escape. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
52:46 (+10) Leaf:
Leaf sacrifices detonates the magical hand grenade in the narrow cavern tunnel, engulfing herself with a large horde of wights and allowing Meera, Hodor, and Bran more time to escape. (Kill of Named Character)
53:21 (+1) Hodor:
Hodor shuts the door on the horde of wights, severing the hand of one who just managed to slip its arm past the door. (Major Injury of Unnamed Character)
53:44 (+5) Bran Stark:
Bran mentally debilitates a young Wylas by warging into him, offering him a glimpse of his future demise at the Door. (Major Injury of Named Character)
55:15 (+10) Bran Stark:
While warged in, Bran forces Hodor to hold the Door against the horde of wights as he and Meera make their escape, sacrificing him in the process. (Kill of Named Character)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 6: Blood of My Blood
2:50 (+10) Jaime Lannister:
Jaime slays the Mad King Aerys II during one of Bran's flashback visions. (Kill of Named Character)
4:32 (+2) Benjen Stark:
Benjen's horse stomps through a wight's chest as he rides in to Meera and Bran's rescue. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
4:47 (+4) Benjen Stark:
Benjen uses his flaming flail to knock out two wights. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
4:53 (+8) Benjen Stark:
Benjen sideswipes a wight into a tree, and kills two more with his pickaxe, and sets the last wight on fire with his flaming flail. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
43:36 (+2) Benjen Stark:
Benjen decapitates the head of a rabbit he has just hunted. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Episode 7: The Broken Man
21:39 (+2) Jaime Lannister:
Jaime clobbers Black Walder with his golden hand, leaving him with a severe bruise to the cheek.

Jaime: "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do?"
Black Walder: "I don't give a rat's-" *smack*
(Minor Injury of Named Character)
submitted by bookworm13457 (approved!)
21:45 (+3) Jaime Lannister:
Jaime acquires Edmure Tully as his prisoner after taking over the Siege of Riverrun. (New Follower/Prisoner)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
45:55 (+5) The Waif:
The Waif stabs Arya Stark several times in the belly, although she manages to escape by diving into the canals. (Major Injury of Named Character)
Episode 8: No One
5:16 (+5) Lady Crane (Cersei Actress):
Lady Crane explains that she had disfigured Bianca's face after finding out the actress tried to kill her.
Arya: "What happened to the actress? The one who wanted you dead."
Lady Crane: "Bianca. She'll have a hard time finding work as an actress after what I did to her face."
(Major Injury of Named Character)
8:47 (+6) Sandor Clegane (The Hound):
The Hound kills three of the bandits sitting in camp, decapitating the first, cleaving the second in the chest, and slitting the throat of the third with his woodchopping axe. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
9:15 (+10) Sandor Clegane (The Hound):
Sandor cuts down Gatins with his axe, after failing to extract information on the whereabouts of the bandit with the yellow cloak. (Kill of Named Character)
13:28 (+2) Gregor Clegane (The Mountain):
Gregor rips off the head of a Faith Militant soldier sent to detain Cersei Lannister. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
46:22 (+2) Sandor Clegane (The Hound):
Sandor kicks over a tree stump being stood on by the bandit, strangling him on the noose.
Thoros of Myr: "You're getting old, Clegane."
Sandor: "He's not."
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
46:26 (+10) Sandor Clegane (The Hound):
Sandor kicks over the tree stump being stood on by Lem Lemoncloak, strangling him on the noose. (Kill of Named Character)
46:31 (+2) Beric Dondarrion:
Beric kicks over the third tree stump, strangling the last of the bandits on a noose. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
50:08 (+10) The Waif:
The Waif slits the throat of Lady Crane, who is sheltering the injured Arya Stark. "If you'd have done your job, she would have died painlessly." (Kill of Named Character)
55:51 (+10) Arya Stark:
Arya leads the Waif to her darkened quarters, where she extinguishes the lone candle with her sword Needle and gains the upper hand in complete darkness. (Kill of Named Character)
Episode 9: Battle of the Bastards
7:56 (+2) Daario Naharis :
Daario lops the head off of a Son of the Harpy, as he leads a horde of Dothraki screamers to storm the gates of Meereen. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
8:30 (+38) Daenerys Targaryen:
Daenerys commands her dragons to rain fire down onto one of the slaver ships attacking Meereen. 19 slaver soldiers are shown dying in the ensuing firestorm, as the ship collapses and sinks. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
10:23 (+10) Grey Worm :
Grey Worm swiftly slashes the throat of the slave master Razdal mo Eraz, after he offers up the the slaver Yezzzan zo Qaggaz to die as part of the terms of surrender to Daenerys. (Kill of Named Character)
10:23 (+10) Grey Worm :
Grey Worm slashes the throat of Belicho Paenymion, the slave master from Volantis, after he and Razdal mo Eraz offer up the slave trader Yezzzan zo Qaggaz as a sacrifice for Daenerys' terms of surrender. (Kill of Named Character)
35:26 (+10) Ramsay Bolton:
Ramsay shoots down Rickon Stark with his longbow after giving him a chance to run to freedom towards the Stark army. "Do you like games, little man? Let's play a game. Run to your brother. The sooner you make it to him, the sooner you get to see him again. That's it. That's the game." (Kill of Named Character)
39:07 (+2) Jon Snow:
After stumbling between the charging cavalry forces in a daze, Jon scores his first kill, knocking a Bolton soldier off his horse and then finishing him off on the ground. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
39:10 (+12) Jon Snow:
Jon cuts down six more soldiers on the battlefield as he dodges charging cavalry and arrow barrages streaming from the sky. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
40:17 (+6) Jon Snow:
Jon cuts down 3 more Bolton soldiers in between arrow barrages from Ramsay's archers. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
40:38 (+8) Jon Snow:
Jon cuts down 4 more Bolton soldiers as the mounds of bodies begin to pile up on the battlefield. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
41:43 (+2) Jon Snow:
Jon slits the throat of a Bolton soldier shortly after Davos and Smalljon Umber charge into the fray. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
41:48 (+2) Tormund Giantsbane:
Tormund runs his sword through a Bolton soldier from behind, saving Jon Snow. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
42:00 (+2) Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun:
Wun Wun bitch slaps a beheaded Bolton rider and his horse into oblivion as they charge into battle. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
43:20 (+2) Smalljon Umber:
The Smalljon cuts down a Stark soldier attempting to flee the encircling phalanx of Bolton soldiers by retreating over the mounds of corpses. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
43:34 (+2) Jon Snow:
Jon stabs through a Bolton soldier as his forces attempt to break through the encircling Bolton army. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
43:38 (+10) Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun:
Wun Wun smacks away 5 soldiers on the frontline of the Bolton shield formation. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
43:40 (+2) Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun:
After swiping away a hole in the Bolton shield formation, Wun Wun plucks a Bolton soldier out from the interior line and flings him into the air. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
43:51 (+2) Tormund Giantsbane:
As the Wildling fighters charge into the Bolton shield line, Tormund reaches in to pull a soldier out of the formation, stabbing him through the belly. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
43:54 (+4) Jon Snow:
Jon Snow cuts down two more Bolton soldiers. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
43:57 (+4) Smalljon Umber:
The Smalljon cuts down two Stark fighters after climbing over the mound of corpses to sandwich the Stark troops against the Bolton shield formation. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
44:19 (+2) Jon Snow:
Jon cuts down another Bolton soldier. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
44:25 (+2) Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun:
Wun Wun plucks another Bolton soldier out of the shield formation, ripping him in half with his bare hands. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
44:33 (+2) Tormund Giantsbane:
Tormund grabs the shield-holder out of the Bolton formation and yanks him down into the mud, slashing him across the back. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
45:17 (+2) Smalljon Umber:
The Smalljon cuts down a Wildling fighter. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
45:18 (+2) Jon Snow:
Jon uses a spin move to dodge and cut down a Bolton soldier from behind. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
47:35 (+2) Smalljon Umber:
Trapped together in the mosh pit of death, the Smalljon delivers several concussive headbutts to Tormund's skull. (Minor Injury of Named Character)
47:39 (+10) Tormund Giantsbane:
After sustaining several headbutts from Smalljon Umber while they are trapped in the moshpit of death, Tormund goes in for the kill, biting into the Smalljon's neck and ripping out his jugular. (Kill of Named Character)
51:31 (+10) Ramsay Bolton:
Ramsay fires the fatal arrow through the eye of Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun, killing the giant at last. (Kill of Named Character)
52:21 (+5) Jon Snow:
After the Stark forces breach the Winterfell walls, Ramsay challenges Jon to single combat: "You suggested one-on-one combat, didn't you? I've reconsidered. I think that sounds like a wonderful idea."

Jon blocks all three of Ramsay's longbow shots with a Mormont shield, and finally moves in close enough to Ramsay to pummel him into the ground.
(Major Injury of Named Character)
57:17 (+10) Sansa Stark:
Sansa feeds the imprisoned Ramsay to his own hounds.

Ramsay: "My hounds will never harm me."
Sansa: "You haven't fed them in seven days. You said it yourself."
Ramsay: "They're loyal beasts."
Sansa: "They were. Now they're starving."
(Kill of Named Character)
Episode 10: The Winds of Winter
9:05 (+5) High Sparrow:
The High Sparrow orders the seven-pointed star to be carved into Loras Tyrell's forehead after his confessions, as a symbol of his sins and newfound faith in the Seven.
Margaery Tyrell: "You mutilated him. You gave me your word."
(Major Injury of Named Character)
9:13 (+5) Lancel Lannister:
Lancel carves the seven-pointed star into Loras Tyrell's forehead after his confessions, as a symbol of Loras' sins and newfound faith in the Seven. (Major Injury of Named Character)
13:02 (+10) Qyburn:
After luring Pycelle to his laboratory, Qyburn's Little Birds converge and stab the Grand Maester to death. "This pains me, my lord. Whatever your faults, you do not deserve to die alone in such a cold, dark place. But sometimes before we can usher in the new, the old must be put to rest." (Kill of Named Character)
17:14 (+60) Cersei Lannister:
A candle burns down to ignite the cache of wildfire buried beneath the Sept of Baelor, creating a massive detonation that obliterates the Sept and the audience awaiting Cersei's Trial by Seven. The High Sparrow, Lancel Lannister, Kevan Lannister, Mace Tyrell, Loras Tyrell, and Margaery Tyrell perish as the wildfire explosion erupts through the floor of the Sept. (Kill of Named Character)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
17:15 (+452) Cersei Lannister:
A candle burns down to ignite the cache of wildfire buried beneath the Sept of Baelor, creating a massive detonation that obliterates the Sept and the audience awaiting Cersei's Trial by Seven. Along with the High Sparrow, Small Council, and the Tyrell royal family, 226 other members of the audience perish as the wildfire explosion erupts through the floor of the Sept. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
17:30 (+4) Cersei Lannister:
Two King's Landing pedestrians are consumed in the Sept of Baelor wildfire explosion. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
17:31 (+76) Cersei Lannister:
38 pedestrians in the square outside the Sept of Baelor are overrun as the explosion of wildfire spills outward onto the streets of King's Landing. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
17:36 (+6) Cersei Lannister:
A King's Landing pedestrian is crushed by a bell jettisoned from the explosion at the Sept of Baelor. Two other pedestrians are also destroyed as the alley becomes engulfed in wildfire. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
22:00 (+5) Gregor Clegane (The Mountain):
Septa Unella screams in agony as Cersei leaves Gregor Clegane to slowly torture her.
Cersei: "Now? Today? You're not going to die today. You're not going to die for quite a while."
(Major Injury of Named Character)
22:19 (+10) Tommen Baratheon:
After witnessing the wildfire explosion at the Sept of Baelor, Tommen removes his crown and leaps from the balcony to his death. (Kill of Named Character)
48:52 (+20) Arya Stark:
Arya serves Walder Frey pies stuffed with meat from his own sons, Black Walder and Lothar Frey.

Walder Frey: "Where are my damn moron sons? Black Walder and Lothar promised to be here by midday."
Arya: "But they're already here, my Lord... Here, my Lord... They weren't easy to carve."
(Kill of Named Character)
49:06 (+10) Arya Stark:
After serving him a meat pie cooked from his own sons, Arya slits the throat of Walder Frey. "My name is Arya Stark. I want you to know that. The last thing you're ever going to see is a Stark smiling down at you as you die." (Kill of Named Character)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Episode 1: The Red Woman
12:00 (+3) Roose Bolton:
to Ramsay: "Without Sansa, you won't be able to produce an heir. And without an heir, well... let's hope the Maesters are right and Lady Walda's carrying a boy." (Threat)
submitted by moonbaseu92 (approved!)
23:57 (+3) Septa Unella:
Margery: "I am the Queen and I demand to see my brother."
Unella: "Sinners do not make demands. They make confessions"
(Comeback)
submitted by smarlow13 (approved!)
27:28 (+3) Ellaria Sand:
Doran Martell: "My son, Trystane..."
Ellaria: "Your son is weak, just like you. And weak men will never rule Dorne again."
(Witty Insult)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
28:49 (+3) Nymeria Sand:
After Obara performs the named-character Kill Steal on Trystane: "You're a greedy bitch, you know that?" (Funny Line)
29:17 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion with the completely uncalled-for burn on Varys.
Varys: "You walk as though the paving stones were your personal property. I used to steal from people like you when I was a boy."
Tyrion: "It's a good thing you're not a boy anymore. ... Because you have no cock."
(Witty Insult)
29:48 (+3) Varys:
Tyrion to homeless mother: "For your baby. To eat." [makes stuffing motion into mouth]
Varys. "She thinks you want to eat her baby."
(Funny Line)
33:42 (+3) Daario Naharis :
to Jorah: "You're a romantic. I admire that. Sometimes I look at you and I think - 'so that's what I'll be like when I grow old.'" (Witty Insult)
36:25 (+3) Aggo:
Qhono: "You think she (Daenerys) has got white pussy hair too? You ever been with a girl with white pussy hair?"
Ahko: "Only when I was fucking your grandma."
(Witty Insult)
36:38 (+3) Qhono:
Ahko: "Pretty eyes, but she's an idiot."
Qhono: "She doesn't have to be smart to get fucked in the ass."
(Witty Insult)
38:15 (+3) Khal Moro:
Khal Moro: "Seeing a beautiful woman naked for the first time, what is better than that?"
Bloodrider 1: "Killing another Khal?"
Khal Moro: "Yes, killing another Khal."
Bloodrider 2: "Conquering a city and taking her people as slaves, and taking her idols back to Vaes Dothrak."
Bloodrider 1: "Breaking a wild horse, forcing it to submit to your will."
Khal Moro: "Seeing a beautiful woman naked for the first time is among the five best things in life."
(Funny Line)
39:31 (+3) Khal Moro:
Khal Moro reorts to Daenerys rattling off her many titles after being taking prisoner: "You are nobody, the millionth of your name, Queen of Nothing, slave of Khal Moro." (Witty Insult)
44:25 (+3) Davos Seaworth:
Alliser Thorne: "And you, Ser Davos, I will allow you to travel south. A free man, with a fresh horse."
Davos: "And some mutton. I'd like some mutton."
Alliser: "Wot?"
(Funny Line)
45:39 (+3) Loyal Night's Watchman (Steve Cash):
Night's Watchman: "Edd is our only chance.
Steve Cash: "It's a sad fucking statement if Dolorous Edd is our only chance."
(Funny Line)
Episode 2: Home
9:49 (+3) Davos Seaworth:
Davos as he takes Jon's sword and rallies the men against Ser Alliser Thorne: "I've never been much of a fighter... Apologies for what you're about to see." (Funny Line)
11:48 (+3) Tormund Giantsbane:
Alliser Thorne: "For thousands of years, the Night's Watch has held Castle Black against the Wildlings."
Tormund: "Until you."
(Witty Insult)
18:20 (+3) High Sparrow:
to Jaime Lannister, as his Sparrows circle in: "Every one of us is poor and powerless. And yet, together, we can overthrow an empire." (Threat)
submitted by as38 (approved!)
19:08 (+3) Jaime Lannister:
High Sparrow: "You would spill blood in this holy place?"
Jaime: "Oh the Gods won't mind. They spill more blood than the rest of us combined."
(Threat)
22:03 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "Dragons do not do well in captivity."
Missandei: "How do you know this?"
Tyrion: "That's what I do. I drink and I know things."
(Funny Line)
submitted by wpearsal (approved!)
22:45 (+3) Varys:
Tyrion: "Dragons are intelligent ... They have affection for their friends and fury for their enemies. I am their friend."
Varys: "Do *they* know that?"
(Funny Line)
submitted by danmirabile13 (approved!)
22:46 (+3) Varys:
Varys shakes his head and tsks as Tyrion pours out a glass of wine during a meeting of the Meereenese advising council. (Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
22:46 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
reasoning with Varys as he disapproves of Tyrion's alcoholism: "If I'd lost my cock, I'd drink all the time." (Funny Line)
22:55 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Varys: "If I'd lost my cock, I'd drink all the time."
to Greyworm: "... meaning no offense. He makes dwarf jokes, I make eunuch jokes."
Varys: "I do NOT make dwarf jokes."
to Varys: "You think them." (gives Varys the eye)
(Funny Line)
26:17 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Daenerys' imprisoned dragons: "I'm friends with your mother. I'm here to help... Don't eat the help." (Funny Line)
28:30 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Varys: "Next time I have an idea like that... punch me in the face." (Funny Line)
29:03 (+3) Roose Bolton:
Ramsay: "They obviously had help."
Roose: "I didn't think Lady Sansa killed them all by herself."
(Funny Line)
submitted by Reaper (approved!)
31:58 (+3) Roose Bolton:
to Ramsay: "If you acquire a reputation as a mad dog, you will be treated as a mad dog. Taken out back and slaughtered for pigfeed." (Threat)
36:46 (+3) Ramsay Bolton:
Ramsay rejects Fat Walda Frey's please for her son's life.
Fat Walda: "Please, Ramsay. He's your brother."
Ramsay: "I prefer being an only child."
(Threat)
38:56 (+3) Yara Greyjoy:
Yara: "Deepwood Motte was our last stronghold on the mainland."
Balon: "Then we will take more."
Yara: "Why? For more pinecones and rocks?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by kosowankenobi (approved!)
39:49 (+3) Balon Greyjoy:
to Yara Greyjoy: "When you rule the Iron Islands, you can wage all the peace you want. But for now, shut your mouth and obey or I will make another heir who will." (Witty Insult)
submitted by nsimmonds (approved!)
42:13 (+3) Euron Greyjoy:
to Balon Greyjoy: "I am the storm, brother. The first storm and the last. And you're in my way." (Threat)
submitted by wpearsal (approved!)
Episode 3: Oathbreaker
6:43 (+3) Tormund Giantsbane:
Tormund: "The think you're some kind of God, the man who returned from the dead."
Jon Snow: "I'm not a god."
Tormund: "I know that. I saw your pecker. What kind of God would have a pecker that small?
(Witty Insult)
7:25 (+3) Jon Snow:
Edd: "Your eyes are still brown. Is that still you in there?"
Jon: "I think so. Hold off on burning my body for now."
(Funny Line)
submitted by moonbaseu92 (approved!)
7:26 (+3) Eddison Tollett:
Edd: "Your eyes are still brown. Is that still you in there?"
Jon: "I think so. Hold off on burning my body for now."
Edd: "That's funny. You sure that's still you in there?"
(Witty Insult)
8:26 (+3) Gilly:
Gilly: "Did I ever tell you that I thought the sea was called 'the see' because it was nothing but water as far as the eye could see?"
Sam: "I don't think so."
(Funny Line)
submitted by cjcookart (approved!)
22:02 (+3) Varys:
to Unsullied guards while fanning himself: "I don't know how you stand in all that leather." (Funny Line)
submitted by danmirabile13 (approved!)
26:31 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "A wise man once said, a true history of the world is a history of great conversations in elegant rooms."
Missandei: "Who said this?"
Tyrion: "Me. Just now."
*awkward long pause*
Tyrion: "... alright, no conversations."
(Funny Line)
27:27 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Greyworm and Missandei: "Alright no drinking, we can play without drinking. It's a wonderful game - I invented it. Here's how it works: I make a statement about your past; if I'm wrong, I drink. And if I'm right... maybe we can't play without drinking." (Funny Line)
30:35 (+3) Jaime Lannister:
to Qyburn: "Does he (Gregor Clegane) understand what we're saying? I mean, to the extent that he ever understood complete sentences in the first place." (Witty Insult)
31:55 (+3) Grand Maester Pycelle:
"And what he's done to Gregor Clegane, is an abomination. We never sanctioned this, this... experiment, and I for one think it is in our best interest to have this beast destr- *gas leak*" (Funny Line)
submitted by klov3r (approved!)
32:14 (+3) Olenna Redwyne (Grandma Tyrell):
Olenna: "I was invited, my dear, to help deal with several troublesome issues, such as the Queen's imprisonment."
Cersei: "Thank you for bringing it up. It's well past time we addressed the abuses I endured."
Olenna: "Margaery is the Queen. You are not the Queen, because you're not married to the king. I do appreciate these things can get a bit confusing in your family."
(Witty Insult)
40:15 (+3) Arya Stark:
Waif: "That's a short list. That can't be everyone you want to kill. Are you sure you're not forgetting someone?"
Arya: "Which name would you like a girl to speak?"
(Threat)
43:17 (+3) Smalljon Umber:
Ramsay Bolton: "When my father became Warden of the North, your house refused to pledge their banners."
Smalljon Umber: "Your father was a cunt."
(Witty Insult)
44:55 (+3) Ramsay Bolton:
Smalljon Umber: "Fuck kneeling, and fuck oaths. I've got a gift for you."
Ramsay: "A girl, I hope. I prefer redheads."
(Funny Line)
45:22 (+3) Smalljon Umber:
to Ramsay Bolton and Harald Karstark: "And a boy, nice and young. The way Karstark likes 'em." (Witty Insult)
Episode 4: Book of the Stranger
2:16 (+3) Jon Snow:
Edd: "Where you gonna go?"
Jon Snow: "South."
Edd: "What you gonna do?"
Jon: "Get warm?"
(Funny Line)
5:45 (+3) Jon Snow:
after Sansa tastes the finest from Castle Black Brewery: "You'd think after thousands of years, the Night's Watch would have learned how to make a good ale." (Funny Line)
submitted by kremershell (approved!)
8:18 (+3) Brienne of Tarth:
Brienne: "I was Kingsguard to Renly Baratheon. Before Renly was assassinated with bloodmagic."
Nervous Davos: "That's... in the past now."
Brienne: "Yes, it's in the past. It doesn't mean I forget. *looks at Melisandre* Or forgive."
(Threat)
submitted by jamesfkehoe (approved!)
10:33 (+3) Bronze Yohn Royce:
to Littlefinger: "Slander a man in his own home, you might find yourself crossing swords with him..." (Threat)
submitted by Ser Vincent (approved!)
13:06 (+3) Missandei:
Tyrion: "Trust me. My own recent experience with slavery have taught me the horrors of that institution."
Missandei: "How many days were you a slave?"
Tyrion: "...long enough to know."
Missandei: "Not long enough to understand."
(Witty Insult)
16:21 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
in Valyrian to the former slaves in the Meereenese court: "Large sorry... you wait so fat time." (Funny Line)
16:22 (+3) Missandei:
Tyrion, in Valyrian: "Large sorry... you wait so fat time."
Missandei: "Perhaps I should translate for you."
(Funny Line)
20:05 (+3) Daario Naharis :
Daario: "I don't think you can ride the Dragon. Twenty years ago, maybe."
Jorah: "What?"
Daario: "Our Queen. She's wild, you know. Don't let her size fool you. It's hard enough for me, and I'm a young man. You... I don't think your heart could take it."
(Witty Insult)
20:38 (+3) Jorah Mormont:
Daario: "Oh, I don't want to fight you, Jorah the Andal. What do I have to gain? If I win, I'm the shit who killed an old man. If I lose, I'm the shit who was killed by an old man."
Jorah: "You didn't get much discipline as a child, did you?"
(Witty Insult)
20:43 (+3) Daario Naharis :
to Jorah: "If I win, I'm the shit who killed an old man. If I lose, I'm the shit who was killed by an old man. (Funny Line)
submitted by emilien.raggi (approved!)
22:03 (+3) Daario Naharis :
when Jorah asks Daario to surrender his signature knife: "ahh... I'm... very attached to this knife." (Funny Line)
23:01 (+3) Daario Naharis :
As he and Jorah watch a Dothraki couple going at it on the streets: "I should have been born a Dothraki." (Funny Line)
37:52 (+3) Olenna Redwyne (Grandma Tyrell):
Cersei: "You once spoke of your respect for our father because he understood the necessity of working with one's rivals."
Olenna: "My dear, you have been stripped of your dignity and authority, publicly shamed, and confined to the Red Keep. What's left to work with?"
(Witty Insult)
43:47 (+3) Osha:
Ramsay: "Do you know who I am?"
Osha: "A lord."
Ramsay: "Yes. A lord. You've seen my banners?"
Osha: "The flayed man."
Ramsay: "Does that worry you at all?"
Osha: "You eat them after?"
Ramsay: "No."
Osha: "Then I've seen worse."
(Witty Insult)
submitted by cjcookart (approved!)
48:47 (+3) Ramsay Bolton:
Ramsay sends a letter to Jon Snow, demanding Sansa back:

"Keep her from me and I will ride north and slaughter every wildling man, woman, and babe living under your protection. You will watch as I skin them living. You will watch as my soldiers take turns raping your sister. You will watch as my dogs devour your wild little brother. Then I will spoon your eyes from their sockets and let my dogs do the rest. Come and see."
(Threat)
submitted by elise.gwen.morgan (approved!)
51:41 (+3) Khal Forzo:
Kahl Rhalko: "I'd like to know what a Khaleesi tastes like."
Khal Forzo: "Good. You can suck my dick"
(Witty Insult)
53:14 (+3) Daenerys Targaryen:
to the Dothraki Khals: "And here, now, what great matters do the Great Khals discuss? Which little villages you'll raid, how many girls you'll get to fuck, how many horses you'll demand in tribute. You are small men. None of you are fit to lead the Dothraki." (Witty Insult)
53:47 (+3) Khal Moro:
to Daenerys: "All right. No Dosh Khaleen for you. Instead we'll take turns fucking you. And then we'll let our bloodriders fuck you. And if there's anything left of you, we'll give our horses a turn." (Threat)
Episode 5: The Door
3:06 (+3) Sansa Stark:
to Littlefinger: "Did you know about Ramsay? If you didn't know you're an idiot. If you did know, you're my enemy." (Witty Insult)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
4:49 (+3) Sansa Stark:
to Littlefinger: "You said you would protect me... I don't believe you anymore... You can't protect me. You won't even be able to protect yourself if I tell Brienne to cut you down." (Threat)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
9:46 (+3) Jaqen H'ghar:
to Arya: "A girl has been given a second chance. There will not be a third. One way or another, a face will be added to the hall." (Threat)
10:53 (+3) Izembaro (Robert/Tywin actor):
Lady Crane (Cersei) "Who will teach him strength? Who will teach him grace? To whom will he turn when it's time to learn to look darkness in the face?"
Izembaro (Robert): "Ned Stark will do fine. Now bring me more wine!"
(Funny Line)
20:40 (+3) Euron Greyjoy:
"Little Theon. Heard you managed to fuck things right into the ground. Captured a castle you couldn't keep. Got yourself taken prisoner. Even heard you have no cock. Explains why you think a woman can be king." (Witty Insult)
21:59 (+3) Euron Greyjoy:
Theon: "Last I heard, you were gallivanting around the world having a grand old time."
Euron: "Gallivanting? That the sort of thing you start to say once your dick gets chopped off?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by wpearsal (approved!)
22:58 (+3) Euron Greyjoy:
"I'm going to build that fleet, and I'm going to gallivant right over and give it (the Iron Fleet) to Daenarys Targaryen, along with my big cock!" (Witty Insult)
submitted by wpearsal (approved!)
30:41 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"The Sons of the Harpy have a good story: resist the foreign invaders. Our queen has an even better story. Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, ...and all that." (Funny Line)
submitted by emilien.raggi (approved!)
31:47 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to High Priestess Kinvara: "Thank you for travelling all this way. I know from personal experience how uncomfortable the journey can be. *looks at Varys*" (Funny Line)
42:47 (+3) Brienne of Tarth:
Brienne: "I don't like leaving you here alone."
Sansa: "With Jon?"
Brienne: "Not him. He seems trustworthy. A bit... brooding, perhaps. I suppose that's understandable, considering. The others, though. Davos and the Red Woman helped a man murder his own brother with bloodmagic... and that wildling fellow with the beard-"
(Funny Line)
45:13 (+3) Eddison Tollett:
Night's Watchman: "Should we close the gate, Lord Commander?"
Edd: "I'm not the Lord Command- *looks around* yeah, *ahem* ... close the bloody gate."
(Funny Line)
submitted by nick.embrey (approved!)
Episode 6: Blood of My Blood
6:29 (+3) Gilly:
to Sam: "You're nervous. You're a nervous talker. [prolonged silence] ... That's not any better being a nervous mute." (Witty Insult)
7:24 (+3) Samwell Tarly:
Sam: "I told them I met you in the North."
Gilly: "Did you tell them how far north?"
Sam: "Well, it wasn't a very large piece of parchment..."
(Funny Line)
16:57 (+3) Randyll Tarly:
Melessa Tarly: "Samwell, would you care for more bread?"
Sam: "Oh, yes. Yes, please."
Randyll Tarly: "Not fat enough already?"
(Witty Insult)
17:26 (+3) Randyll Tarly:
to Sam: "I thought the Night's Watch might make a man of you. Something resembling a man at least. You managed to stay soft, and fat. Your nose buried in books. Spending your life reading about the achievements of better men." (Witty Insult)
19:52 (+3) Randyll Tarly:
"I took you (Gilly) for a Mole's Town whore when I saw you and I made my peace with that. Who else would have him (Samwell)? But I overestimated him. No, it was a Wildling whore that seduced my son." (Witty Insult)
20:40 (+3) Randyll Tarly:
referring to Gilly: "This you getting back at me, boy? Bringing *that* to my table and making me dine with *it*?" (Witty Insult)
submitted by goodjujumagic (approved!)
35:18 (+3) Jaime Lannister:
to High Sparrow: "You've already insulted one great house. It won't happen twice. Every last sparrow will die before Margaery Tyrell walks down that street." (Threat)
39:10 (+3) Walder Frey:
to his sons: "You've lost it? ... It's a castle, not a bloody sheep. Presumably you still know where it is." (Witty Insult)
submitted by alexanderdropkin (approved!)
40:23 (+3) Walder Frey:
"All across the Riverlands right down to King's Landing, they're laughing at us. I hear it in my sleep! I'm not dead yet, unfortunately for you. And I'll not leave this world until they all choke on that laughter." (Threat)
41:32 (+3) Jaime Lannister:
"I'm being sent to deal with the Blackfish. Apparently Walder Frey can't manage it on his own because he's 400 years old." (Witty Insult)
Episode 7: The Broken Man
5:28 (+3) Sandor Clegane (The Hound):
Septon Ray: "There's a reason you're still here."
Sandor: "Aye, there's a reason. I'm a big fucker and I'm tough to kill."
(Funny Line)
9:22 (+3) High Sparrow:
to Margaery: "The Queen of Thorns is a remarkable woman, a strong woman. And an unrepentant sinner. You must teach her the new one, as she taught you the old, or I fear for her safety, body and soul." (Threat)
9:44 (+3) Olenna Redwyne (Grandma Tyrell):
remaking on Septa Unella: "Does it move or talk?" (Witty Insult)
submitted by ace75318 (approved!)
9:55 (+3) Olenna Redwyne (Grandma Tyrell):
to Septa Unella: "You're now in your sanctuary now, my dear. All I have to do is whistle and my men will stroll you in here and bash you about until I tell them to stop... *if* I tell them to stop." (Threat)
15:00 (+3) Tormund Giantsbane:
Jon Snow: "Are you sure they'll come (the Wildling armies)?"
Tormund: "We're not clever like you Southerners. When we say we'll do something, we do it."
(Witty Insult)
16:14 (+3) Olenna Redwyne (Grandma Tyrell):
to Cersei: "I wonder if you're the worst person I've ever met. At a certain age it's hard to recall. But the truly vile do stand out through the years." (Witty Insult)
17:16 (+3) Olenna Redwyne (Grandma Tyrell):
Olenna: "You've lost, Cersei. It's the only joy I could find in all this misery." (Witty Insult)
18:15 (+3) Jaime Lannister:
Bronn: "Now that is a sorry attempt at a siege. Someone needs to teach those sad twats how to dig trenches."
Jaime: "Someone certainly does."
(Funny Line)
18:25 (+3) Bronn:
Bronn: "Oh no, not me. I'm just an upjump sellsword."
Jaime: "You're an anointed knight, there's quite a difference."
Bronn: "Aye, knights don't get paid."
(Funny Line)
18:33 (+3) Bronn:
Jaime: "You have better instincts than any officer in the Lannister army."
Bronn: "That's like saying I have a bigger cock than anyone in the Unsullied army."
(Witty Insult)
18:57 (+3) Bronn:
Jaime: "And you'll get all three. A Lannister always pa-"
Bronn: "Don't say it. Don't fookin' say it..."
(Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
21:03 (+3) Bronn:
Lothar Frey: "Ser Jaime, we didn't know you were coming."
Jaime Lannister: "Because you didn't set a proper perimeter."
Bronn: "Good thing we're friends, or we'd be fucking you in the ass right now."
(Witty Insult)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
21:29 (+3) Jaime Lannister:
to Black Walder: "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do?" (Threat)
submitted by nsimmonds (approved!)
22:22 (+3) Bronn:
Jaime: "Get word to the Blackfish. I want a parley."
Bronn: "A parley or a fight?"
Jaime: "He's an old man."
Bronn: "You've got one hand. My money's on the old boy."
(Witty Insult)
24:20 (+3) Lyanna Mormont:
"As far as I understand, you're a Snow and Lady Sansa is a Bolton. Or is she a Lannister? I've heard conflicting reports." (Witty Insult)
27:29 (+3) Lyanna Mormont:
Jon Snow: "How many fighting men can we expect?"
Lyanna Mormont: "62."
(Funny Line)
27:51 (+3) Davos Seaworth:
on the 62 Mormont soldiers: "If they're half as ferocious as their Lady, the Boltons are doomed." (Funny Line)
submitted by Laxis (approved!)
29:17 (+3) Brynden Tully (Blackfish):
The Blackfish: "I assume you're here to fulfill the vow you gave my niece. I don't see Sansa and Arya."
Jaime: "I don't have them."
The Blackfish: "Pity. Do you wish to resume your captivity?"
(Witty Insult)
30:07 (+3) Brynden Tully (Blackfish):
Jaime Lanniser: "But if you surrender, I'll spare the lives of your men. On my honor."
Blackfish: "Your honor? Bargaining with oathbreakers is like building on quicksand."
(Witty Insult)
30:46 (+3) Brynden Tully (Blackfish):
to Jaime: "We have enough provisions for two years. Do you have two years, Kingslayer?" (Threat)
30:59 (+3) Brynden Tully (Blackfish):
Jaime Lannister: "You clearly have no intention of saving your men's lives. Why did you come treat with me?"
Blackfish: "Sieges are dull. And I wanted to see you in person, get the measure of you."
Jaime: "Well, now you have."
Blackfish: "Aye, now I have. I'm disappointed."
(Witty Insult)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
32:39 (+3) Robett Glover:
Sansa Stark: "I would remind you that House Glover is pledged to House Stark. Sworn to answer when called upon."
Robbett Glover: "Yes, my family served House Stark for centuries ... When my brother was lord of this castle, he answered Robb's call and hailed him King in the North. And where was King Robb when the Ironborn attacked this castle? ... Taking up with a foreign whore. Getting himself and those who followed him killed. I served House Stark once, but House Stark is dead."
(Witty Insult)
35:09 (+3) Yara Greyjoy:
to Theon: "Nothing on the Iron Islands has an ass like that. Doesn't interest you anymore?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by cmwalken15 (approved!)