Tyrion Lannister

* +1 point each time he is denied a drink
* +1 point whenever he physically gives someone a coin (or other legal tender)

Raw Stats

Total Kills Insults Intercourse Wine Kills Cmd. Politics Deaths Special Warm/Fuzzy
3813 122 1320 425 1430 0 375 0 111 30

Event Log

Kills
Episode 5: The Wolf and the Lion
12:53 (+2) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion repeatedly bludgeons a hill tribesman to death with the tip of a shield during the ambush on the road to the Eyrie. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Episode 7: The Gift
28:30 (+1) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion beats a slave trader with the chain from his collar, to prove his worth to the slave trader Yezzan zo Qaggaz. (Major Injury of Unnamed Character)
Episode 9: The Dance of Dragons
45:39 (+2) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion picks a dagger up from the ground and slits the throat of a Son of the Harpy who attempts to attack Missandei. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Episode 9: Blackwater
50:00 (+2) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion hacks off a soldier's foot and kills him with his axe. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Episode 10: The Children
55:38 (+10) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion discovers Shae in Tywin's bed, and strangles her after a struggle. "I'm sorry." (Kill of Named Character)
59:43 (+10) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion shoots Tywin in the privy. (Kill of Named Character)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Episode 1: The North Remembers
12:01 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Cersei: "You love your children. It's your one redeeming quality. That and your cheekbones." (Funny Line)
Episode 1: The Wars to Come
14:19 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
“Are you a lord if you kill your father? I don’t imagine they revoke your nobility for killing a whore, it must happen all the time.” (Funny Line)
Episode 1: The Red Woman
29:17 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion with the completely uncalled-for burn on Varys.
Varys: "You walk as though the paving stones were your personal property. I used to steal from people like you when I was a boy."
Tyrion: "It's a good thing you're not a boy anymore. ... Because you have no cock."
(Witty Insult)
Episode 1: The Wars to Come
35:00 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "There are faster ways to kill yourself."
Tyrion: "Not for a coward."
(Funny Line)
37:31 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "You have a choice, my friend. You can stay here at Illyrio’s palace and drink yourself to death or you can ride with me to Meereen, meet Daenerys Targaryen and decide if the world is worth fighting for."
Tyrion: "Can I drink myself to death on the road to Meereen?"
(Funny Line)
Episode 2: The Kingsroad
5:45 (+6) Tyrion Lannister:
while disciplining Joffrey: "One word, and I hit you again."
Joffrey: "I'm telling mothe-" *SLAP*
(Threat)
6:13 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
After Tyrion lays the slapfest on Joffrey:
Hound: "The prince will remember that, little lord."
Tyrion: "I hope so. If he forgets, be a good dog and remind him."
(Witty Insult)
Episode 2: The Night Lands
10:00 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
after Cersei tears up Robb Stark's peace terms: "You've perfected the art of tearing up papers." (Witty Insult)
Episode 2: Stormborn
10:18 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion while convincing Daenerys to follow Melisandre's proposal to ally with Jon Snow. "I can't speak to prophecies or visions in the flame... but I like Jon Snow, and I trusted him. And I am an excellent judge of character." (Funny Line)
Episode 2: Home
22:03 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "Dragons do not do well in captivity."
Missandei: "How do you know this?"
Tyrion: "That's what I do. I drink and I know things."
(Funny Line)
submitted by wpearsal (approved!)
22:46 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
reasoning with Varys as he disapproves of Tyrion's alcoholism: "If I'd lost my cock, I'd drink all the time." (Funny Line)
22:55 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Varys: "If I'd lost my cock, I'd drink all the time."
to Greyworm: "... meaning no offense. He makes dwarf jokes, I make eunuch jokes."
Varys: "I do NOT make dwarf jokes."
to Varys: "You think them." (gives Varys the eye)
(Funny Line)
26:17 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Daenerys' imprisoned dragons: "I'm friends with your mother. I'm here to help... Don't eat the help." (Funny Line)
Episode 2: The House of Black and White
27:30 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "Cersei has offered a lordship to the man who brings her your head."
Tyrion: "She ought to offer her cunt. Best part of her for the best part of me."
(Witty Insult)
Episode 2: The Night Lands
27:35 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Janos Slynt: "I'm not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I'm denying its existence." (Witty Insult)
Episode 2: The House of Black and White
27:43 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "Are we really going to spend the entire road to Volantis talking about the futility of everything?"
Tyrion: "You're right, no point."
(Funny Line)
Episode 2: Home
28:30 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Varys: "Next time I have an idea like that... punch me in the face." (Funny Line)
Episode 2: The Night Lands
46:19 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Cersei: "You've never taken it seriously! You haven't, Jaime hasn't! ... it's all fallen on me."
Tyrion: "As has Jaime, repeatedly, according to Stannis Baratheon."
(Witty Insult)
Episode 3: The Queen's Justice
0:00 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
calling back to Bronn's quote about the Eyrie: "Give me ten good men, and I'll impregnate the bitch" (Funny Line)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
Episode 3: Oathbreaker
26:31 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "A wise man once said, a true history of the world is a history of great conversations in elegant rooms."
Missandei: "Who said this?"
Tyrion: "Me. Just now."
*awkward long pause*
Tyrion: "... alright, no conversations."
(Funny Line)
27:27 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Greyworm and Missandei: "Alright no drinking, we can play without drinking. It's a wonderful game - I invented it. Here's how it works: I make a statement about your past; if I'm wrong, I drink. And if I'm right... maybe we can't play without drinking." (Funny Line)
Episode 3: The Queen's Justice
34:07 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Jon Snow: "I came down here to brood over my failure to predict the Greyjoy attack. You're making it difficult. You look a lot better brooding than I do. You make me feel like I'm failing at brooding over failing." (Funny Line)
35:40 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"People's minds aren't made for problems that large. White Walkers, the Night King, Army of the Dead. It's almost a relief to confront a comfortable, familiar monster like my sister." (Witty Insult)
37:50 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "Apparently, it can be turned into weapons that kill white walkers and their foot soldiers. Or stop them. Destroy them. Unsure about the nomenclature." (Funny Line)
38:14 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "I'd very much like to believe that Jon Snow is wrong. But a wise man once said that you should never believe a thing simply because you want to believe it."
Daenerys: "Which wise man said this?"
Tyrion: "I don't remember."
Daenerys: "Are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom?"
Tyrion: "I would never do that."
To you.
The reason I believe Jon Snow is because he's here.
(Funny Line)
Episode 3: Breaker of Chains
39:15 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"I would like to think, if I were arranging a royal assassination, I'd plan it in such a way that I wouldn't be standing there gawking like a fool when the King died." [BETA-9] (Witty Insult)
Episode 3: What Is Dead May Never Die
40:28 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Grand Maester Pycelle: "Cut off his manhood and feed it to the goats." (Threat)
Episode 3: Breaker of Chains
40:52 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"But say what you will of Cersei - she loves her children. She is the only one I'm certain had nothing to do with this murder. Which makes it unique as King's Landing murders go." [BETA-9] (Witty Insult)
Episode 3: Lord Snow
42:16 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Yoren: "And what about you my Lord, what's the strangest thing you've eaten?"
Tyrion: "Do Dornish girls count?"
(Funny Line)
42:50 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Benjen: "The Night's Watch is a joke to you, is it? Is that what we are Lannister, an army of jesters in black?"
Tyrion: "You don't have enough men to be an army, and aside from Yoren here, none of you are particularly funny."
(Witty Insult)
Episode 3: The High Sparrow
54:54 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Brothel bouncer: "It's good luck to rub a dwarf's head."
Tyrion: "It's even better luck to suck a dwarf's cock."
*flustered Varys*
(Funny Line)
submitted by wpearsal (approved!)
56:05 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Varys: "I need to talk to someone with hair." (Witty Insult)
Episode 4: Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things
4:21 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Bran: "I'm not a cripple."
Tyrion: "Then I'm not a dwarf. My father will rejoice to hear it!"
(Comeback)
Episode 4: Garden of Bones
11:40 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Ser Meryn Trant: "No one threatens His Grace in the presence of the Kingsguard."
Tyrion: "I'm not threatening the King, Ser. I am educating my nephew. Bronn, the next time Ser Meryn speaks, kill him. That was a threat. See the difference?"
(Threat)
Episode 4: Book of the Stranger
16:21 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
in Valyrian to the former slaves in the Meereenese court: "Large sorry... you wait so fat time." (Funny Line)
Episode 4: The Spoils of War
27:05 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Daenerys: "What kind of a Queen am I if I'm not willing to risk my life to fight them."
Tyrion: "A smart one."
(Comeback)
Episode 4: The Sons of the Harpy
39:08 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"MRPPHM MRPPPHM MPRMPRPHM MPRPHPM MPRPRHPHMMM MMHRRM MPHRRM... thank you." (Funny Line)
Episode 5: The Ghost of Harrenhal
10:26 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Cersei: "Myrcella is a sweet, innocent girl and I don't blame her at all for you." (Witty Insult)
10:31 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Cersei: "Aren't you always so clever with your schemes and your plots?"
Tyrion: "Schemes and plots are the same thing."
(Funny Line)
11:41 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Lancel: "Tell me, if the vile allegations against my brother and sister are true, do you think it will make Jaime more likely to kill you or less likely? When I tell him you're fucking her, I mean." (Threat)
Episode 5: The Wolf and the Lion
11:45 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Catelyn: "The dagger foun-"
Tyrion: "What sort of imbecile arms an assassin with his own blade?"
Rodrik: "Shall I gag him?"
Tyrion: "Why, am I starting to make sense?"
(Comeback)
Episode 5: The Ghost of Harrenhal
12:23 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Lancel: "I swear to you."
Tyrion: "Swear to me on what?"
Lancel: "On my life."
Tyrion: "But I don't care about your life."
(Funny Line)
Episode 5: The Wolf and the Lion
13:24 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Bronn: "You need a woman. Nothing like a woman after a fight."
Tyrion: [looking at Lady Stark] "Well, I'm willing if she is."
(Funny Line)
Episode 5: The Ghost of Harrenhal
16:10 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Bronn: "What about your father?"
Tyrion: "He hasn't sent a raven in weeks. He's very busy. Being repeatedly humiliated by Robb Stark is time-consuming."
(Witty Insult)
Episode 5: Eastwatch
24:16 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "Who's that (raven letter) for?"
Varys: "Jon Snow."
Tyrion: "Did you read it?"
Varys: "It's a sealed scroll for the King in the North."
...
Tyrion: "What's it say?"
(Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 5: The Door
30:41 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"The Sons of the Harpy have a good story: resist the foreign invaders. Our queen has an even better story. Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, ...and all that." (Funny Line)
submitted by emilien.raggi (approved!)
31:47 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to High Priestess Kinvara: "Thank you for travelling all this way. I know from personal experience how uncomfortable the journey can be. *looks at Varys*" (Funny Line)
Episode 5: Eastwatch
32:52 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Jaime: "I once told Bronn that if I ever saw you again, I'd cut you in half."
Tyrion: "...it'll take you a while with a sparring sword."
(Funny Line)
39:11 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
First Gold Cloak: "That dwarf..."
Second Gold Cloak: "Where'd you get that scar?"
Tyrion: "Fish hook. Some men you just can't teach."
(Funny Line)
39:40 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Davos introduces Tyrion to Gendry, who has just smashed in the heads of two investigating Gold Cloaks.

Davos: "This is Gendry."
Tyrion: "He'll do."
(Funny Line)
44:55 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Jorah Mormont: "You may not believe it, but I've missed you, Mormont. Nobody glowers quite like you. Not even Grey Worm." (Witty Insult)
Episode 5: Kill the Boy
47:40 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Jorah Mormont: "Long, sullen silences and the occasional punch in the face. The Mormont way." (Witty Insult)
Episode 6: Beyond the Wall
19:43 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Daenerys: "Jon Snow is not in love with me."
Tyrion: "Oh, my mistake. I suppose he stares at you longingly because he's hopeful for a successful military alliance."
(Funny Line)
Episode 6: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken
21:27 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "You can't just hand a dried cock to a merchant and expect him to pay for it! He has to know it came from a dwarf. And how could he know unless he sees the dwarf?"
Slave trader: "It will be a dwarf-sized cock."
Tyrion: "Guess again."
(Funny Line)
Episode 6: A Golden Crown
24:01 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion confesses his "crimes" to the court at the Eyrie. "When I was twelve, I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew, I flogged the one-eyed snake..." (Funny Line)
Episode 6: The Old Gods and the New
29:21 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"We've had vicious kings and we've had idiot kings, but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!" (Witty Insult)
29:37 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Joffrey: "YOU'RE TALKING TO A KING!!!"
Tyrion: [SLAPS Joffrey] "...and now I've struck a King. Did my hand fall from my wrist?"
(Witty Insult)
Episode 6: The Laws of Gods and Men
33:24 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tywin: "How would you say he died, then?"
Tyrion: "Choked on his pigeon pie."
Tywin: "So you would blame the bakers?"
Tyrion: "Or the pigeons - just leave me out of it." [BETA-9]
(Witty Insult)
Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf
13:55 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Sandor Clegane: "Am I going to die in this shit city?"
Tyrion Lanniser: "You might."
Sandor: "And this is all your idea. Seems every bad idea has some Lannister cunt behind it."
Tyrion: "And some Clegane cunt to help them see it through."
(Witty Insult)
Episode 7: Mockingbird
15:21 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Bronn: "You once said, if anyone ever asked me to sell you out, you'd double their price."
Tyrion: "Is it two wives you want, or two castles?" [BETA-9]
(Witty Insult)
Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf
28:21 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Jon Snow: "I'm pleased you bent the knee to our Queen. I would have advised it, had you asked. But have you ever considered learning how to lie every now and then? Just a bit?!?" (Witty Insult)
28:49 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Jon: "Talk about my father if you want, tell me that's the attitude that got him killed. But when enough people make false promises, words stop meaning anything. Then there are no more answers, only better and better lies. And lies won't help us in this fight."
Tyrion: "That is indeed a problem. The more immediate problem is that we're fucked."
(Funny Line)
29:23 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Jon Snow: "I did this. I should go."
Tyrion: "She'll definitely murder you."
(Funny Line)
32:02 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Cersei: "I shouldn't be surprised, I suppose. She's your kind of woman: a foreign whore who doesn't know her place."
Tyrion: "A foreign whore you can't abduct, beat, or intimidate. That must be difficult for you."
(Witty Insult)
Episode 8: Hardhome
2:24 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"I killed my mother... on the day I was born. I killed my father, Tywin Lannister, with a bolt to the heart. I am the greatest Lannister killer of all time." (Funny Line)
Episode 8: No One
9:57 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "If you shaved your beard with a straight razor, you'd say the razor worked. That doesn't mean it won't cut your throat."
Tyrion: "Spoken like a man who has never had to shave."
(Witty Insult)
submitted by skywalkerdude (approved!)
Episode 8: Hardhome
20:27 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"Someday, if you decide not to execute me, I'll tell you all about why I killed my father. And on that day, should it ever come, we'll need more wine than this." (Funny Line)
Episode 8: The Pointy End
20:56 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Shagga: "How would you like to die, Tyrion son of Tywin?"
Tyrion: "In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a bellyful of wine and a girl's mouth around my cock."
(Funny Line)
Episode 8: Hardhome
21:25 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"My own sister married someone she loathed as well, though not by choice and certainly not for the greater good, Gods forbid." (Witty Insult)
Episode 8: The Pointy End
21:40 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Shagga: "Are those the best weapons you could steal? Good enough for killing sheep, if the sheep don't fight back. Lannister smiths shit better steel." (Witty Insult)
Episode 8: No One
26:24 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Missandei: "I have tried wine before. It made me feel funny."
Tyrion: "That's how you know it's working."
(Funny Line)
Episode 8: The Prince of Winterfell
30:01 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Cersei: "Do you know why Varys is so dangerous? ... Because he doesn't have a cock."
Tyrion: "Neither do you."
(Witty Insult)
30:45 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Cersei: "...because I have your little whore."
Tyrion: "I thought you preferred blondes."
(Funny Line)
33:39 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Cersei: "I will hurt you for this. A day will come when you think you're safe and happy and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth. And you will know the debt is paid." (Threat)
Episode 8: The Pointy End
45:44 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tywin: "Your brother would never have submitted to capture so meekly."
Tyrion: "We have our differences, Jaime and I. He is braver. I am better looking."
(Funny Line)
Episode 8: The Prince of Winterfell
47:21 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Joffrey: "They say Stannis never smiles. I'll give him a red smile from ear to ear."
Tyrion to Varys behind Joffrey's back: "Imagine Stannis' terror."
(Witty Insult)
49:03 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"The Lord of Light wants his enemies burned, the Drowned God wants them drowned. Why are all the Gods such vicious cunts? Where is the God of tits and wine?" (Funny Line)
Episode 9: Battle of the Bastards
0:00 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "Everyone who makes a joke about a dwarf's height thinks he's the only person ever to make a joke about a dwarf's height. 'The height of nobility,' 'a man of your stature,' 'someone to look up to.' You're all making the same five or six jokes."
Theon: "It was a long time ago."
Tyrion: "It was. And how have things been going for you since then?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by tibbydoscott (approved!)
Episode 9: Blackwater
7:35 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Shae: "You can't fuck your way out of *everything*." (Witty Insult)
Episode 9: Battle of the Bastards
9:52 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Missandei: "Our Queen insists that one of you must die as punishment for your crimes."
Tyrion: "It always seems a bit abstract, doesn't it, other people dying?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 9: Blackwater
13:43 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "I've always hated the bells. They ring for horror... a dead king, a city under siege."
Tyrion: "...a wedding."
(Funny Line)
21:17 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Joffrey: "If I tell the Hound to cut you in half, he'll do it without a second thought."
Tyrion: "That would make me the Quarterman. It just doesn't have the same ring to it."
(Funny Line)
Episode 9: Battle of the Bastards
26:44 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Theon Greyjoy: "I didn't murder the Stark boys. But I did things that were just as bad or worse."
Yara Greyjoy: "And he paid for them."
Tyrion: "Doesn't seem like it. He's still alive."
(Witty Insult)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
27:09 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Daenerys: "...I expect you want me to support your claim to the throne of the Iron Islands?"
Theon: "Not my claim. Hers."
Daenerys: "And what's wrong with you?"
Theon: "I'm not fit to rule."
Tyrion: "We can agree upon that at least."
(Witty Insult)
Episode 9: The Dance of Dragons
38:21 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Hizdahr zo Loraq: "You don't approve (of the fighting pits)?"
Tyrion: "There's always been more than enough death in the world for my taste. I can do without it in my leisure time."
(Funny Line)
38:56 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Hizdahr zo Loraq, as the dead pit fighter is dragged away: "That... is a vital part of the great city of Meereen, which existed long before you or I, and will remain standing long after we have returned to the dirt."
Tyrion: "My father would have liked you."
(Witty Insult)
39:36 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Hizdahr zo Loraq: "Well said. You're an eloquent man. Doesn't mean you're wrong. In my experience, eloquent men are right every bit as often as imbeciles." (Witty Insult)
Episode 9: Blackwater
41:15 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to the Hound after he retreats from the battle and takes a wine break: "Can I get you some iced milk and a nice bowl of raspberries, too?" (Witty Insult)
Episode 10: Mother's Mercy
32:06 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Missandei: "Apologies. My Valyrian is a bit nostril." (Funny Line)
33:36 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Daario: "So mainly you talk."
Tyrion: "And drink. I've survived so far."
(Witty Insult)
Acts of Intercourse
Episode 1: Winter Is Coming
30:25 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Jaime finds Tyrion with Ros at the brothel in Winterfell. (Act of Intercourse)
32:16 (+15) Tyrion Lannister:
Jaime needs Tyrion to hurry up so he won't be alone at the Winterfell feast - he invites three more whores for Tyrion at the brothel in Winterfell. (Act of Intercourse)
Episode 3: Lord Snow
51:35 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion exposes himself to the elements to piss from atop the Wall. (Non-sexual Nude Scene)
Episode 9: Blackwater
8:04 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Sex with Shae on the eve of the battle.
Tyrion: "I'm a Lannister. I don't have a choice in all this. But it's not your war."
Shae: "It is now."
(Act of Intercourse)
Episode 9: Baelor
26:45 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion with Shae in his tent, after meeting her for the first time. "And I want you to fuck me like it's my last night in this world... which it may well be." (Act of Intercourse)
41:59 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion and Shae round two after Tyrion tells the story of his former wife. Bronn awkwardly leaves the tent. (Act of Intercourse)
Episode 10: Fire and Blood
29:11 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion with Shae after he invites her to King's Landing with her
Tyrion: "because the King needs a Hand, and the Hand needs-"
Shae: "I know what a Hand needs."
(Act of Intercourse)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
Episode 1: The North Remembers
7:57 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks after making his entrance at Joffrey's nameday celebration. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
10:28 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion pours himself a glass of wine upon arrival at the Small Council meeting. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 1: The Wars to Come
13:59 (+15) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion downs 3 cups of wine after getting out of that fucking crate, before puking over all the rugs in Ilyrio's palace. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
15:04 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
After vomiting his previous three drinks onto the floor of Ilyrio's palace, Tyrion refills and goes for another. Boot 'n rally! (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 1: Winter Is Coming
30:25 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion chugs down a mug while he is with Ros at the brothel in Winterfell. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 1: The Wars to Come
35:01 (+10) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks away his misery with two glasses of wine on the balcony of Ilyrio's palace. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 1: Winter Is Coming
42:29 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion takes a sip from his flask to "prepare for a night with the Stark family" outside the feast at Winterfell. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 2: The Lion and the Rose
5:43 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Lunch with Jaime (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 2: The Kingsroad
7:07 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
A drink at breakfast. "Bread. And two of those little fish. And a mug of dark beer to wash it down." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 2: The Night Lands
8:25 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Drinks during a meeting with Varys and Shae. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 2: Home
23:19 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks during the meeting of the Meereenese council. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
24:46 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion downs glass #2 as he devises a plan to get the dragons to eat during the Meereenese council meeting. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 2: The Night Lands
26:06 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks during the meeting with Janos Slynt. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 2: The House of Black and White
27:20 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks a glass of wine inside that fucking box. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 2: The Lion and the Rose
32:48 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while Olenna speaks with Sansa. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
34:11 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks after Margaery's announcement about donating the leftovers from the wedding feast. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
44:58 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks after responding to Joffrey's challenge to fight with the other dwarves. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 3: Oathbreaker
26:06 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while making smalltalk with Greyworm and Missandei before the Meereenese council meeting. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
27:08 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks from his refill as he, Grey Worm, and Missandei continue to wait for Varys at the Meereenese council meeting. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 3: What Is Dead May Never Die
29:17 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while convincing Petyr Baelish to broker an agreement to marry off Myrcella Baratheon to Robin Arryn, the heir to the Vale. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
42:08 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
drinks wine while chatting with Varys. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 3: Lord Snow
43:03 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while chatting with Yoren and Benjen Stark. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
45:19 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks after a refill from Yoren. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
49:28 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while speaking with Maester Aemon and Lord Commander Mormont. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 3: The High Sparrow
52:53 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks from a flask while walking through a market in Volantis. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
55:49 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks at the whorehouse in Volantis. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 4: Book of the Stranger
13:28 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks wine at the beginning of the negotiations with the slave masters of Astapor and Yunkai. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 5: Eastwatch
23:03 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while discussing the burning of the Tarlys with Varys. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
24:11 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks from the refill after Varys finishes off the cup of wine he was originally drinking. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 5: The Door
31:13 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while discussing a PR strategy for the brokered peace agreement during the Meerenese council meeting. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 6: Beyond the Wall
20:15 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while talking with Daenerys in Dragonstone. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf
34:26 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion pours himself a glass from Cersei's own wine stash after he survives his feigned plea that Cersei should have Gregor Clegane execute him. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
35:24 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
After serving a refill of wine to Cersei, Tyrion pours another for himself and drinks. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 8: Hardhome
20:13 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
drinks while speaking with Daenerys in her chambers. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
22:45 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks his refilled cup while speaking with Daenerys in her chambers. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 8: No One
25:41 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks in the Meereenese council room. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
27:23 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion refills and drinks while fantasizing about retirement as a winemaker. "One day, after our Queen has taken the Seven Kingdoms, I'd like to have my own vineyard. Make my own wine. The Imp's Delight. Only my close friends could drink it." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 8: The Prince of Winterfell
30:24 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion sips from his glass while talking with Cersei after dinner. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 8: The Mountain and the Viper
39:37 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks as he awaits his Trial by Combat. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 9: Baelor
23:21 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks during the Lannister host's war planning. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
24:55 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks during his first meeting with Shae. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
36:19 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while playing never have I ever with Bronn and Shae!
Tyrion: "You killed your first man before you were 12."
Bronn: "It was a woman."
Tyrion takes a drink.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
36:44 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while playing never have I ever with Bronn and Shae!
Tyrion: "You once loved a woman many years ago but it turned out badly so you never let yourself love again."
Tyrion: "Oh wait, that's me."
Tyrion takes a drink.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
37:07 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while playing never have I ever with Bronn and Shae!
Tyrion: "Your mother was a whore."
Shae: "Drink."
Tyrion takes a drink.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
37:22 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while playing never have I ever with Bronn and Shae!
Tyrion: "Your father left the family when you were very young, never to return."
Shae: "Drink."
Tyrion: "Have we established the rules about lying?"
Shae: "Drink!"
Tyrion takes a drink.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
38:00 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while playing never have I ever with Bronn and Shae!
Tyrion: "I don't believe the life of the Silent Sisters is for you. So what's a lowborn girl to do?"
Shae: "Drink."
Tyrion takes a drink.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 10: Fire and Blood
20:31 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks during a discussion with his father Tywin. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Political Wins
Episode 2: Stormborn
10:18 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion convinces Daenerys to follow Melisandre's proposal to ally with Jon Snow. "I can't speak to prophecies or visions in the flame... but I like Jon Snow, and I trusted him. And I am an excellent judge of character." (Convincing Argument)
20:31 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion's earlier advice wins over Daenerys, as she opts for a slower, more politically-calculated siege rather than the violent direct-assault on King's Landing advocated by her Westerosi allies. "I am not here to be Queen of the Ashes." (Convincing Argument)
Episode 2: The Night Lands
28:19 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion strips Janos Slynt of his titles and exiles him to the Night's Watch. "There's a ship leaving for Eastwatch-by-the-Sea tonight. From there I'm afraid it's rather a long walk to Castle Black." (Politics (uncategorized))
Episode 3: The Queen's Justice
36:48 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
After Jon Snow resigns himself to giving up on an alliance with Daenerys and returning to the North empty-handed, Tyrion convinces him to stay and find a compromise deal, leading him to ask for the dragonglass.

Tyrion: "After a single meeting, it's not a reasonable thing to ask. So, do you have anything reasonable to ask?"
Jon: "What do you mean?"
Tyrion: "Maybe you are a Northern fool. I'm asking if there's something I can do to help you."
(Convincing Argument)
38:53 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion convinces Daenerys to give Jon Snow the dragonglass as a gesture of good faith with the North. "Let him mine the Dragonglass. If he's wrong, it's worthless. You didn't even know it was here. It's nothing to you. Give him something by giving him nothing. Take a step toward a more productive relationship with a possible ally." (Convincing Argument)
Episode 3: What Is Dead May Never Die
41:21 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion orders Grand Maester Pycelle to be thrown into the dungeons of King's Landing. (Politics (uncategorized))
Episode 4: Garden of Bones
11:07 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion interrupts the court and stops Joffrey's public beating of Sansa Stark. (Politics (uncategorized))
Episode 4: Book of the Stranger
15:01 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion overrules Missandei and Grey Worm, offering terms of compromise to the Slave Masters of Yunkai and Astapor.

"Slavery will never return to Meereen, but she will give the other cities of Slaver's Bay time to adjust to the new order. ... Instead of abolishing slavery overnight, we will give you seven years to end the practice. Slaveholders will be compensated for their losses... in exchange, you will cut off your support for the Sons of the Harpy."
(Executive Decision)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 4: The Sons of the Harpy
40:55 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion figures out that his captor is Jorah Mormont, and deduces the backstory behind their falling out. "A highborn knight from the North of Westeros, down on his luck in Essos. Dragon epaulets, bear sigil breastplate. You're Jorah Mormont." (Politics (uncategorized))
Episode 4: Garden of Bones
43:15 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion exposes Lancel Lannister's incest with Cersei.
Lancel: "Your own father, Lord Tywin, when I was named the King's squire, he told me to obey her in everything."
Tyrion: "Did he tell you to fuck her, too?"
(Politics (uncategorized))
44:08 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion gains Lancel as a follower after blackmailing him with his knowledge of his affair with Cersei. (Politics (uncategorized))
Episode 5: The Ghost of Harrenhal
11:20 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion discover's Cersei's wildfire plans through Lancel. (Politics (uncategorized))
Episode 5: Eastwatch
25:34 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
After the latest rejected plea by Jon Snow to get Daenerys to assist in the war with the White Walkers, Tyrion convinces the team on a different course to try to unite all three monarchs together:

Jon Snow: "We'll fight with the men we have. Unless you'll join us."
Daenerys: "And give the country to Cersei? As soon as I march away, she marches in."
Tyrion: "Perhaps not. Cersei thinks the Army of the Dead is nothing but a story made up by wet nurses to frighten children. What if we prove her wrong?
Jon: "I don't think she'll come see the dead at my invitation."
Tyrion: "So bring the dead to her."
(Convincing Argument)
Episode 5: The Door
30:08 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Confirmation that the slave Masters agreed to Tyrion's slavery phase-out proposal.
Varys: "In the last fortnight since our pact with the Masters..."
(Convincing Argument)
Episode 5: The Ghost of Harrenhal
32:37 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion recruits Halyne the Pyromancer: "You won't be making wildfire for my sister any longer. You'll be making it for me." (Politics (uncategorized))
Episode 5: Eastwatch
41:13 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
After Tyrion and Jaime's secret meeting, Cersei agrees to the truce with Daenerys while they await for Jon to return with proof of the White Walker situation.

Cersei: "I've come to believe that an accommodation with the Dragon Queen could be in our immediate interest. She has the numbers. If we want to beat her, we have to be clever. We have to fight her like Father would have."
(Deals Brokered)
Episode 6: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken
21:27 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion convinces the slave trader Malko to spare his life for the time being, instead of slitting his throat and chopping off his cock. "You can't just hand a dried cock to a merchant and expect him to pay for it! He has to know it came from a dwarf. And how could he know unless he sees the dwarf?" (Politics (uncategorized))
Episode 6: A Golden Crown
29:19 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Bronn volunteers to defend Tyrion in the Trial by Combat. "I'll stand for the dwarf." (Politics (uncategorized))
Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf
36:50 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
During their meeting in King's Landing, Tyrion deduces that Cersei is pregnant. (Secret Discovery)
40:01 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion's meeting with Cersei is succesful, convincing her to not only agree to the truce but to pledge her armies to march north to face the undead threat.

Cersei: "My armies will not stand down. I will not pull them back to the capital. I will march them north to fight alongside you in the Great War. The darkness is coming for us all. We'll face it together. And when the Great War is over, perhaps you'll remember I chose to help with no promises or assurances from any of you."
(Convincing Argument)
40:01 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
After a private meeting with Tyrion, Cersei agrees to a truce with the Targaryen and Northern forces so that they may collectively combat the White Walker threat, completing the deal brokered by Tyrion, Jaime, and Bronn's secret meeting. (Deals Brokered)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 8: Hardhome
5:58 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion convinces Daenerys to spare Jorah Mormont, and banish him from the city of Meereeen instead. "A ruler who kills those devoted to her is not a ruler who inspires devotion. And you're going to need to inspire devotion, a lot of it, if you're ever going to rule across the Narrow Sea. But you cannot have him by your side when you do." (Politics (uncategorized))
Episode 9: Battle of the Bastards
3:23 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion convinces Daenerys to go with a less bloodthirsty response to the slavers attacking Meereen.

Daenerys: "I will crucify the Masters. I will set their fleets afire, kill every last one of their soldiers, and return their cities to the dirt. That is my plan. You don't approve?"
Tyrion: "You once told me you knew what your father was. Did you know his plans for King's Landing when the Lannister armies were at his gates? ... He had caches of wildfire hidden under the Red Keep, the Guildhalls, the Sept of Baelor, all the major thoroughfares. He would have burned every one of his citizens. The loyal ones and the traitors. Every man, woman, and child..."
Daenerys: "This is entirely different."
Tyrion: "You're talking about destroying cities. It's not entirely different. I'd like to suggest an alternate approach."
(Convincing Argument)
Episode 9: Blackwater
28:00 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion wins the first phase of the Battle of the Blackwater, blowing out a huge portion of Stannis' fleet with a massive wildfire explosion. (Politics (uncategorized))
44:33 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion's speech rouses the troops after Joffrey abandoned them.
"They say I'm half a man. But what does that make the lot of you? The only way out is through the gates. And they're at the gates.

There's another way out. I'm going to show you. We'll come out behind them and fuck them in their asses.

Don't fight for your king and don't fight for his kingdoms. Don't fight for honor. Don't fight for glory. Don't fight for riches, because you won't get any. This is your city Stannis means to sack. That's your gate he's ramming. If he gets in, it will be your houses he burns, your gold he steals, your women he will rape.

Those are brave me knocking at our door. Let's go kill them!"
(Politics (uncategorized))
50:28 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion wins the third phase of the battle, successfully leading a counterattack by sneaking through the tunnels and flanking Stannis' forces, destroying his siege weapons. (Politics (uncategorized))
Episode 10: Fire and Blood
21:19 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion is appointed Hand of the King by Tywin
Tywin: "... and you will head to King's Landing."
Tyrion "And do what?"
Tywin: "Rule. You will serve as Hand of the King in my stead. You will bring that boy King to heel and his mother too, if needs be."
(Politics (uncategorized))
Episode 10: The Winds of Winter
47:04 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"I had something made for you. I'm not sure if it's right... Tyrion Lannister, I name you Hand of the Queen." (New Title)
Special
Episode 1: The Red Woman
29:58 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion gives a coin to the Meereenese homeless woman and her baby to feed themselves. (Special)
Episode 3: What Is Dead May Never Die
41:30 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion pays the frightened Daisy after he interrupts her session with Maester Pycelle to arrest him. (Special)
41:42 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion adds a second coin to Daisy's payment after watching Maester Pycelle dragged off. (Special)
Episode 4: Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things
52:16 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion offers up a coin to anyone at the inn who will give him the room. Bronn accepts.
Tyrion: "Is there nothing I can do ... [holds up coin] ... to remedy this?"
Bronn : "You can have my room."
Tyrion: "There's a clever man."
(Special)
Episode 5: Eastwatch
45:27 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion hands the sentimental slaver's coin to Jorah, reminiscing briefly on their slave days in Meereen before Mormont leaves for Eastwatch. (Special)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
Episode 6: A Golden Crown
39:42 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion tosses his bag of gold to Mord, as promised. (Special)
Warm Fuzzy Moments
Episode 5: Eastwatch
45:28 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion and Jorah share a brief reunion before Jorah sails off to the Wall on Jon's expedition to kidnap a wight..

Tyrion: "This is the coin the slaver gave me when I suggested he free us and pay us, remember?"
Jorah: "It was supposed to last us the rest of our lives."
Tyrion: "Take it with you. But bring it back. Our Queen needs you."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf
34:54 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
After an intense conversation spilling out all of Tyrion's wrongs to their family, Cersei decides not to execute her brother after all this time. Relieved, Tyrion downs a glass of wine, and pours another for Cersei, reuniting them with the only familial bond more powerful than her incestual love for Jaime - alcoholism. (Warm Fuzzy Moment)