Tyrion Lannister
OMGoT LOL
drafted by Find Incest Alternatives
* +1 point each time he is denied a drink
* +1 point whenever he physically gives someone a coin (or other legal tender)
Raw Stats
| Total | Kills | Politics | Insults | Wine | Sex | Thrones | Deaths | Special | Feels |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 206 | 0 | 30 | 57 | 55 | 0 | 20 | 0 | 0 | 44 |
Event Log
Political Wins
33:53
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion and Jon convince Daenerys to take a more cautioned approach to the war and lay siege to King's Landing instead of destroying it.
Daenerys: "No matter how many lords turn against her, as long as she sits on the Iron Throne, she can call herself Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. We need the capital."
Tyrion: "I watched the people of King's Landing rebel against their king when they were hungry, and that was before winter began. Give them the opportunity and they will cast Cersei aside."
Jon: "We'll surround the city. If the Iron Fleet tries to ferry in more food, the dragons will destroy them. If the Lannisters and the Golden Company attack, we'll defeat them in the field."
Tyrion: "Once the people see that Cersei is our only enemy, her reign is over." (Convincing Argument)
Daenerys: "No matter how many lords turn against her, as long as she sits on the Iron Throne, she can call herself Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. We need the capital."
Tyrion: "I watched the people of King's Landing rebel against their king when they were hungry, and that was before winter began. Give them the opportunity and they will cast Cersei aside."
Jon: "We'll surround the city. If the Iron Fleet tries to ferry in more food, the dragons will destroy them. If the Lannisters and the Golden Company attack, we'll defeat them in the field."
Tyrion: "Once the people see that Cersei is our only enemy, her reign is over." (Convincing Argument)
46:50
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion learns of Jon's heritage as a secret Targaryen and claimant to the Iron Throne through Sansa.
(Secret Discovery)
22:58
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion speaks his way past the Unsullied guards stationed outside of Jaime's tent
Unsullied: "We have orders to guard the prisoner."
Tyrion: "Ordered by whom, the Queen herself?"
Unsullied: "No."
Tyrion: "Well, in that case, as Hand of the Queen, I outrank whomever gave your order, probably by quite a lot." (Convincing Argument)
Unsullied: "We have orders to guard the prisoner."
Tyrion: "Ordered by whom, the Queen herself?"
Unsullied: "No."
Tyrion: "Well, in that case, as Hand of the Queen, I outrank whomever gave your order, probably by quite a lot." (Convincing Argument)
25:57
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion convinces Jaime to undertake the covert mission to smuggle Cersei out of King's Landing and escape to a new life.
"Do it. If you don't, you'll never see Cersei again." (Convincing Argument)
"Do it. If you don't, you'll never see Cersei again." (Convincing Argument)
26:21
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion unlocks Jaime's chains and frees him, sending him on a covert mission to rescue Cersei and end the war before Daenerys destroys the city.
"Tens of thousands of innocent lives. One not particularly innocent dwarf. Seems like a fair trade." (Act of Betrayal)
"Tens of thousands of innocent lives. One not particularly innocent dwarf. Seems like a fair trade." (Act of Betrayal)
28:41
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion convinces Jon to betray Daenerys for the good of the realm. "It's a terrible thing I'm asking. It's also the right thing."
(Convincing Argument)
46:35
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion successfully deflects Grey Worm from discussing his fate by dangling a juicy power struggle in front of the Lords of Westeros instead.
Grey Worm: "You are not here to speak! Everyone has heard enough words from you."
Tyrion: "You're right. And no one's any better for it. But it's not for you to decide. Jon committed his crime here. His fate is for our king to decide. Or our queen."
Lord Royce: "We don't have a king or queen."
Tyrion: "You're the most powerful people in Westeros. Choose one." (Convincing Argument)
Grey Worm: "You are not here to speak! Everyone has heard enough words from you."
Tyrion: "You're right. And no one's any better for it. But it's not for you to decide. Jon committed his crime here. His fate is for our king to decide. Or our queen."
Lord Royce: "We don't have a king or queen."
Tyrion: "You're the most powerful people in Westeros. Choose one." (Convincing Argument)
49:43
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion is succesful in his nomination of Bran Stark for King of Westeros.
"I've had nothing to do but think these past few weeks. About our bloody history. About the mistakes we've made. What unites people? Armies? Gold? Flags? Stories. There's nothing in the world more powerful than a good story. Nothing can stop it. No enemy can defeat it. And who has a better story than Bran the Broken?" (Convincing Argument)
"I've had nothing to do but think these past few weeks. About our bloody history. About the mistakes we've made. What unites people? Armies? Gold? Flags? Stories. There's nothing in the world more powerful than a good story. Nothing can stop it. No enemy can defeat it. And who has a better story than Bran the Broken?" (Convincing Argument)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
6:22
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
to Varys as they arrive in a frigid Winterfell: "You should consider yourself lucky. At least your balls won't freeze off."
(Funny Line)
29:51
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Varys (observing banners): "The Karstarks."
Tyrion: "One of the better sigils. Beats an onion, anyway." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "One of the better sigils. Beats an onion, anyway." (Funny Line)
30:59
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "Jon and Daenerys don't want to listen to lonely old men."
Tyrion: "I'm not that old... not as old as him (Davos Seaworth)." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "I'm not that old... not as old as him (Davos Seaworth)." (Funny Line)
12:40
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion comments on the Lannister brothers reunion as they are spat upon by Northerners.
"Well, here we are... together again. And the masses rejoice." (Funny Line)
"Well, here we are... together again. And the masses rejoice." (Funny Line)
13:41
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Jaime: "Don't be too hard on yourself. She fooled me more than anybody."
Tyrion: "She never fooled you. You always knew exactly what she was. And you loved her anyway." (Witty Insult)
Tyrion: "She never fooled you. You always knew exactly what she was. And you loved her anyway." (Witty Insult)
14:06
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "So, we're going to die. At Winterfell. Not the death I would've chosen. I always pictured myself dying in my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly fully of wine and a [in unison with Jaime] girl's mouth around my cock."
(Funny Line)
30:43
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "You've had a strange journey."
Bran: "Stranger than most."
Tyrion: "I'd like to hear about it.
Bran: "It's a long story."
Tyrion: "If only we were in a castle, in the middle of winter with nowhere to go." (Funny Line)
Bran: "Stranger than most."
Tyrion: "I'd like to hear about it.
Bran: "It's a long story."
Tyrion: "If only we were in a castle, in the middle of winter with nowhere to go." (Funny Line)
34:58
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
to Jaime: "I wish father were here. I would love to see the look on his face when he realizes his two sons are about to die defending Winterfell."
(Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
36:17
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Brienne: "We didn't meant to interrupt, we were just looking for someplace warm to-"
Tyrion: "-to contemplate your imminent death. You've come to the right place." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "-to contemplate your imminent death. You've come to the right place." (Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
30:34
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
"You might be surprised at the lengths I'd go to avoid joining the Army of the Dead. I could think of no organization less suited to my talents."
(Funny Line)
submitted by ryanmcfarlane09 (approved!)
31:11
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "Maybe we should have stayed married."
Sansa: "You were the best of them."
Tyrion: "What a terrifying thought." (Funny Line)
Sansa: "You were the best of them."
Tyrion: "What a terrifying thought." (Funny Line)
submitted by ryanmcfarlane09 (approved!)
38:50
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
ribbing Jaime on his new dedication to Brienne: "I'm happy. I'm happy that you're happy. I'm happy that you'll finally have to climb for it."
(Funny Line)
38:53
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
ribbing Jaime on his new dedication to Brienne: "Do you know how long I've waited to tell tall-person jokes?"
(Funny Line)
44:34
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
to Sansa: "My Lady. [long pause] ...'My Lord' is the standard response."
(Funny Line)
61:32
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "He (Jon Snow) is a man, which makes him more appealing to the lords of Westeros, whose support we are going to need."
Tyrion: "Joffrey was a man. I don't think a cock is a true qualification, as I'm sure you'd agree." (Witty Insult)
Tyrion: "Joffrey was a man. I don't think a cock is a true qualification, as I'm sure you'd agree." (Witty Insult)
22:30
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion attempts to speak to the Unsullied guards.
"I drink to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to see the..."
Unsullied: "-we speak the Common Tongue." (Funny Line)
"I drink to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to see the..."
Unsullied: "-we speak the Common Tongue." (Funny Line)
22:01
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
"I suppose there's a crude kind of justice. I betrayed my closest friend and watched him burn. Now Varys's ashes can tell my ashes: See, I told you."
(Funny Line)
58:18
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Jon: "I don't expect we'll ever see each other again."
Tyrion: "I wouldn't be so sure. A few years as Hand of the King would make anyone want to piss off the edge of the world." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "I wouldn't be so sure. A few years as Hand of the King would make anyone want to piss off the edge of the world." (Funny Line)
71:10
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel."
(Funny Line)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
34:50
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks in front of the fireplace at Winterfell as he chats with Jaime. "I wish father were here."
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
20:51
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion takes a swig from his wineskin after he realizes he has nothing to say to Sansa in the Winterfell crypts.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
30:45
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks from his second wineskin as Varys and Sansa tell him to give up hope of venturing upstairs and being useful for the battle.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
49:12
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks some liquid courage from his wineskin as the wights come bashing through to the crypt level.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
9:50
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks in the far background as Gendry scoots his way up the aisle.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
13:22
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion refills and drinks at the the refill station as he and Davos discuss the political drama to come. "We may have defeated them, but we still have us to contend with."
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
15:30
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks at the table with Jaime and Brienne as they kick off their drinking game of guesses.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
17:50
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Brienne tells Tyrion he is wrong about his guess, and he is forced to drink.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
39:01
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Jaime and Tyrion drink after toasting to Jaime's new relationship with Brienne. "To climbing mountains."
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
52:18
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks in the ship's cabin while discussing the issue of Jon Snow's parentage with Varys.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
61:30
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks in the throne room at Dragonstone as he and Varys discuss how to reign in Daenerys.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
A Game of Thrones
9:53
(+1)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion sits at the head table to the side of Sansa and Jon Snow, as they host the Northern Lords at Winterfell.
(Basic Seat)
30:43
(+1)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion sits down to hear Bran's story.
Bran: "It's a long story."
Tyrion: "If only we were in a castle, in the middle of winter with nowhere to go." (Basic Seat)
Bran: "It's a long story."
Tyrion: "If only we were in a castle, in the middle of winter with nowhere to go." (Basic Seat)
34:50
(+1)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion sits in a chair by the fireplace at Winterfell, chatting with Jaime. "I wish father were here."
(Basic Seat)
51:06
(+1)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion sits as Davos declares "we're out of wine" to the fireplace crew.
(Basic Seat)
8:54
(+1)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion sits at the head table during the celebratory feast at Winterfell.
(Basic Seat)
38:29
(+1)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion sits with Jaime in front of a fireplace in Winterfell, as Tyrion ribs Jaime on his newfound romance with Brienne.
(Basic Seat)
51:31
(+1)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion sits with Varys in the cabin below deck, discussing the secret of Jon's parentage.
(Basic Seat)
66:08
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion tries out his seat in the Hand's chair before the Small Council meeting begins.
(Seat of Power)
67:01
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion hurriedly sits back into the Hand's chair as he hears the Small Council members enter the room.
(Seat of Power)
68:39
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion returns to the Hand's seat after Bran arrives at the Small Council meeting.
(Seat of Power)
69:51
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Davos reseats himself in the Hand's chair at the Small Council meeting after King Bran's departure.
(Seat of Power)
The Feels
31:11
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Sansa and Tyrion wax nostalgic to their King's Landing days, and all the trials they've endured since
Tyrion: "Maybe we should have stayed married."
Sansa: "You were the best of them." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Tyrion: "Maybe we should have stayed married."
Sansa: "You were the best of them." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
submitted by okaymkay (approved!)
67:24
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
As the dead make their way into the Crypts, Sansa and Tyrion hide behind a tomb and share a tender moment. Tyrion kisses her hand as they pull out their weapons and join the fray.
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
submitted by okaymkay (approved!)
12:40
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Varys says his last words to Tyrion as he awaits his execution: "I hope I deserve it, truly I do. I hope I'm wrong. Goodbye, old friend."
(Sad Feels)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
22:30
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion attempts to speak to the Unsullied guards.
"I drink to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to see the..."
Unsullied: "-we speak the Common Tongue." (Ridiculously Funny Moment)
"I drink to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to see the..."
Unsullied: "-we speak the Common Tongue." (Ridiculously Funny Moment)
26:47
(+15)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion frees Jaime and the Lannister brothers say their goodbyes on the eve of the attack on King's Landing.
Tyrion: "You were the only one who didn't treat me like a monster. You were all I had." (Sad Feels)
Tyrion: "You were the only one who didn't treat me like a monster. You were all I had." (Sad Feels)
11:53
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion discovers the bodies of Jaime and Cersei buried beneath the rubble of the Red Keep.
(Sad Feels)
67:15
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
An exacerbated Tyrion reacts as the Small Council arrives and proceed to rearrange his carefully placed chairs.
(Ridiculously Funny Moment)
68:02
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion inquires about how history regards him in the Archmaester Ebrose's new historical tome, "A Song of Ice and Fire" - but is told by Samwell Tarly that he isn't actually mentioned in it.
(Ridiculously Funny Moment)