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Pod's Long Rod | Fantasora

Pod's Long Rod

A Storm of Semen

Owner: edboyeriv

1-5, 21 roto pts (#4)
Z-Score: -1.162 (percentile: 12.26%)
Weeks at #1: 0
Categories won: Deaths (37), Special (147)
Best Week: Episode 3: The Long Night (+6.5 roto points)
Team MVP: Wight Army (Extras) (picked #17, 271 points, 39.5% of team total)
Longest winstreak: W-1

Roster Stats

Character Drafted Total Kills Politics Insults Wine Sex Thrones Deaths Special Feels
#17 271 157 12 0 0 0 0 0 102 0
#9 150 31 0 18 30 10 6 7 12 36
#16 61 5 17 9 5 10 1 5 9 0
#24 59 12 3 0 20 10 3 0 6 5
#32 48 32 0 0 0 0 0 5 6 5
#1 47 15 24 0 0 0 0 5 3 0
#25 35 0 9 3 0 0 4 5 9 5
#8 15 5 0 0 0 0 0 10 0 0
Totals 686 257 65 30 55 30 14 37 147 51

Roster

charId Character Special
130
* Actions of dragons while dragonriding
* Wights or White Walker versions of named chars are counted as followers (unless shown to be re-animated by someone else)
* Scenes of Winter arriving anywhere south of the Riverlands (inclusive)
* works of White Walker art
390
* each time he is mounted by a new dragonrider (Political Follower points)
* on-screen barrel rolls completed (360° rotations in the air)
* objects burned in non-combat situations
19
* +1 point for awkward waves with his metal hand
* +1 point when he uses his metal hand in a combat situation
* +1 point when someone (excl. Cersei) references incest with Cersei or her childrens' bastardy directly to him
* 2x multiplier for sex acts involving incest (first cousin or closer)
216
+1 when he or his Ironborn is referenced as the "greatest" (including self-references)
+1 for crude sexual remarks made about women he is courting
397
* glowing blue eyes (each set) simply staring at human characters without taking action (e.g. not attacking/pursuing)
* scores battle victories if featured in on-screen action
27
+1 point for failed attempts at basic tasks.
+1 point for surprising people with how good he is at a task
82
* +1 politics point when he meets another character in secret
* +1 point when someone references his being a eunuch to him
* +1 point when he passes along information from his "little birds"
52
* +1 point for mentioning that "the night is dark and full of terrors" * +1 each time she mentions a vision she sees in the flames
Kills
Episode 3: The Long Night
A wight leaps onto an Unsullied soldier as the undead crash into the Unsullied front line. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
An Unsullied soldier is knocked to the ground as he bleeds out over the snow. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
A wight severs the arm of an Unsullied soldier (Kill of Unnamed Character)
A wight rips apart the throat of an an Unsullied soldier with its bare hands (Kill of Unnamed Character)
A wight pushes a sword through the throat of an Unsullied soldier (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Wights gang tackle two Unsullied soldiers from the side (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Wights decapitate an Unsullied soldier as he lays injured on the ground (Kill of Unnamed Character)
A Vale soldier is run through by a wight, after valiantly bashing one to bits with his shield. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Podrick gets a quick stab on a wight that charges him. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
The wights slash another Northern soldier in the throat. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
A wight eats the face of a chainmailed soldier on the ground. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime bodies a wight onto the ground. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime slashes a wight across its back and drags it off of Brienne. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
A chainmail-clad wight pulls down a screaming Northern soldier. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Podrick home run swings a wight into pieces with his dragonglass blade. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Wights tackle three Northern soldiers (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime kills a charging wight (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Podrick runs through a wight with his sword, and slashes another on its side. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
A wight runs a sword through the back of Eddison Tollet moments after he rescues Samwell Tarly. (Kill of Named Character)
A wight lunges onto a soldier as the Northern forces make their hasty retreat back to Winterfell. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
A wight gets very stabby with a Northern soldier on the ground. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Two lunging wights are engulfed by the flames as Melisandre lights the trench just in the nick of time. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
A wight in front of the trench is caught in the flames after it suddenly lights up in flames after Melisandre's spell. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Four burning wights attempt to crawl out from under the burning trench lit by Melisandre (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Four more wights are shown burning along the trench lit by Melisandre. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime cuts down the second wight climbing over the wall. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
The wights begin to breach the defenses at the wall, knocking over one defender and lunging atop another screaming Northern soldier. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime cuts down three wights as they begin to overrun the wall. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
The Wight Army overtakes the wall, mauling 4 of its defenders and forcing the heroes to make a retreat. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
The wights jump two more Northern soldiers, dragging one of them across the ramparts and down to the zombie mosh pit below. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
After being rescued by Brienne, Jaime covers her back and cuts down a wight. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
After overrunning the castle wall, the wights descend onto the courtyard, massacring the first group of Northern soldiers they encounter. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
A hero wight manages to cut down two Northern soldiers on its own. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
A wight corners a Norther soldier and stabs him repeatedly in the stomach. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Wights begin overrunning the inner courtyard at Winterfell, tackling or slashing at 3 Northern soldiers. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
A wight stabs a Northern soldier through the throat. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Wights impale a Northern soldier onto the dragonglass-barbed Czech hedgehog, forming a safe platform for them to overrun the defense. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Wights jump the courtyard and cut down two Mormont soldiers. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Beric blocks the doorway for a few moments as the wights finish him off in one of the most intense TSA frisk checks of all time. (Kill of Named Character)
The Night King rides Viserion as he slashes at Rhaegal's breast, ripping off several of his scales as the dragons engage in an aerial dogfight. (Major Injury of Named Character)
55:32 (+5) Viserion:
Viserion slashes at Rhaegal's breast, ripping off several of his scales as the dragons engage in an aerial dogfight. (Major Injury of Named Character)
Jaime stabs into a wight. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
The wights break into the crypts, dragging a girl into the darkness of one of the vaults. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
A girl trips in the crypts and is dragged into the bokeh as the wights attack. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
An Iroborn is tackled by a wight in the Godswood. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Taking advantage of a prolonged landing, the horde of wights descend on Drogon, stabbing him all over as he attempts to fly away. (Major Injury of Named Character)
A wight kills a Nothern soldier in the hallway moments before he is killed by Jon Snow. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
As the Ironborn make their last stand in the Godswood, the wights take them down one by one. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
The wight eats the faces off of two people as they flood the Winterfell crypts. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
As Brienne and Jaimie are tied up against the wall, Podrick's hands are free and he continues to hack away at the wight horde, scoring two kills. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
The wights bash in a woman against a statue in the Winterfell crypts. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
The Night King dodges the naïve spear charge by Theon, breaking the weapon in half and stabbing Theon through the stomach with the broken stick. (Kill of Named Character)
After facing an onslaught of wights converging on Daenerys, Jorah succumbs to his wounds, having successfully defended his Queen. (Kill of Named Character)
submitted by brendan.hamme (approved!)
End-of-battle tally: minor injuries to Jon Snow throughout the battle (Minor Injury of Named Character)
End-of-battle tally: minor injuries to Brienne of Tarth throughout the battle (Minor Injury of Named Character)
End-of-battle tally: minor injuries to Tormund Giantsbane throughout the battle (Minor Injury of Named Character)
End-of-battle tally: minor injuries to Sandor Clegane throughout the battle (Minor Injury of Named Character)
End-of-battle tally: minor injuries to Gendry throughout the battle (Minor Injury of Named Character)
End-of-battle tally: minor injuries to Podrick Payne throughout the battle (Minor Injury of Named Character)
End-of-battle tally: minor injuries to Grey Worm throughout the battle (Minor Injury of Named Character)
End-of-battle tally: minor injuries to Samwell Tarly throughout the battle (Minor Injury of Named Character)
Episode 5: The Bells
Euron stabs Jaime through the ribs with his dagger as the brawl in the sea cave underneath King's Landing. (Major Injury of Named Character)
Jaime stabs Euron Greyjoy through the stomach as they battle in the sea caves below King's Landing. (Kill of Named Character)
Political Wins
Episode 1: Winterfell
Euron returns to King's Landing, have secured the services of the Golden Company for Cersei Lannister and the Crown. (Deals Brokered)
Tormund and the Night's Watch discovers the grisly scene at the Last Hearth, where the White Walkers have massacred the inhabits. (Victorious Battle)
Euron finds a way to charm himself into Cersei's cold graces.
Cersei: "You want a whore, buy one. You want a queen earn her."
Euron: "How? I've given her justice, an army and the Iron Fleet, yet she gives me no sign of affection. My heart is nearly broken."
(Convincing Argument)
The Night King has Ned Umber reanimated as a wight in the ruins of the Last Hearth. (New Follower/Prisoner)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 3: The Long Night
The Wight Army routs Jorah Mormont's cavalry charge with the Dothraki horde, winning the initial skirmish outside the walls of Winterfell. (Victorious Battle)
The Wight Army wins the second phase of the battle, pushing the Northern armies to retreat back within Winterfell and slaughtering almost all of the Unsullied defenders. (Victorious Battle)
The Army of the Dead wins the third phase of the battle, overrunning the Winterfall walls and reaching the interior of the castle. (Victorious Battle)
The Army of the Dead wins the third phase of the battle, overrunning the Winterfall walls and reaching the interior of the castle. (Victorious Battle)
After he notices an decidedly unstealthy Jon trying to sneak up on his back, the Night King raises all of the dead bodies surrounding Jon to become a new wight army. (Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
The Wight Army's numbers multiply as they add the dead Dothraki, Unsullied, and Northern armies to their ranks. (Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
The Night King reanimates Lyanna Mormont as an undead wight. (New Follower/Prisoner)
The Night King reanimates Qhono as an undead wight. (New Follower/Prisoner)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
51:22 (+3) Varys:
Varys learns of Jon's parentage through the game of secret discovery telephone.

Varys: "How many others know?"
Tyrion: "Including us? Eight."
Varys: "Well, then it's not a secret anymore. It's information."
(Secret Discovery)
Euron and the Iron Fleet ambush Daenerys Targaryen's fleet on their way to Dragonstone, shooting Rhaegal out of the sky from their ship-mounted Scorpions. (Kill of Named Character (Orchestrated))
Euron's Iron Fleet executes a devastating attack on Daenerys' armada, shooting down one of her dragons and sinking most of her ships just outside of Dragonstone. (Victorious Battle)
Euron has captured Missandei and delivered her to King's Landing following the surprise attack on Daenerys' fleet. (New Follower/Prisoner)
Episode 5: The Bells
4:38 (+3) Varys:
Varys has recruited Martha, a serving girl from the kitchen in an attempt to poison Daenerys. (New Follower/Prisoner)
4:38 (+3) Varys:
Varys has recruited Martha, a serving girl from the kitchen in an attempt to poison Daenerys. (Act of Betrayal)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
Brienne refers to the newly-knighted Ser Podrick Payne as he arrives to wheel Bran out of the Small Council meeting. (New Title)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Episode 1: Winterfell
Cersei: "20,000 men is it? is it?"
Harry Strickland: "Yes, your Grace. A few died in transit."
Euron Greyjoy: "They cheated at dice. Or maybe I cheated. Someone cheated."
(Funny Line)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tyrion: "So, we're going to die. At Winterfell. Not the death I would've chosen. I always pictured myself dying in my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly fully of wine and a [in unison with Jaime] girl's mouth around my cock." (Funny Line)
to Tyrion: "It wasn't so simple. I was sleeping with my sister, and you had one friend in the world - who was sleeping with his sister." (Funny Line)
Episode 3: The Long Night
9:12 (+3) Varys:
Varys sighs at his fate while waiting out the Battle of Winterfell: "At least we already in a crypt." (Funny Line)
submitted by yarden.s (approved!)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Jaime and Brienne play a drinking game of guesses.

Jaime: "You... are an only child."
Brienne: "I told you I was."
Jaime: "You didn't."
Brienne: "I did."
Jaime: "I surmised it."
(Funny Line)
Brienne: "It's the first thing I learnt when I came to the North. Keep your fire going. Every time you leave the room, put more wood on."
Jaime: "... You know the first thing I learned in the North? I hate the fucking North."
(Funny Line)
Episode 5: The Bells
Tyrion: "Did you consider taking it (the golden hand) off?"
Jaime: "Cersei once called me the stupidest Lannister."
(Funny Line)
after stabbing Jaime through the ribs: "You fought well... for a cripple." (Witty Insult)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
Episode 1: Winterfell
Euron drinks from his flask while chatting with Yara Greyjoy onboard his ship. He offers to Yara but she is apparently too proud to sell herself out for the fantasy points. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tyrion raises a toast - "to the perils of self-betterment" and Jaime just gets his lips on the cup as Brienne and Podrick barge in. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Podrick gulps down the overflowing full cup of wine poured by Tyrion. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Jaime refills his cup as the fireplace crew talks about the sexism of knighthood in Westeros. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Podrick drinks the last of his cup after Davos declares, "we're out of wine." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Podrick drinks from his cup as Gendry makes his way through the aisle. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Jaime drinks as Gendry scoots past him and Brienne in the aisle. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Brienne and Jaime share a drink at the Feast of Winterfell.

Jaime: "We've fought dead things and lived to talk about it.If this isn't the time to drink, when is?"
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
Jaime pours himself a cup and drinks in Brienne's bedchambers as he jealously questions her about Tormund Giantsbane. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Jaime and Tyrion drink after toasting to Jaime's new relationship with Brienne. "To climbing mountains." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
Episode 1: Winterfell
Euron chats with Cersei after a romp in her chambers. (Act of Intercourse)
Euron's right cheek is glimpsed as he pulls up his britches in Cersei's bedchambers. (Non-sexual Nude Scene)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Podrick has a girl in hand and chats up another Northern beauty before all three abscond into a dark corner of Winterfell. (Act of Intercourse)
Jaime fumbles awkwardly in his first attempts at flirting with someone who is not a sibling, but ultimately succeeds in wooing Brienne with the 'ol "my it's quite hot in here". (Act of Intercourse)
Jaime sits brooding in front of the fireplace after a 2nd night with Brienne, reflecting on how one just can't go back to non-incest after hitting that high-grade sibling kush. (Act of Intercourse)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
A Game of Thrones
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Jaime sits in front of the fireplace in Winterfell with Tyrion. (Basic Seat)
Jaime sits back down on his chair after inviting their new guests around the fireplace. (Basic Seat)
Podrick takes a seat among the fireplace crew. (Basic Seat)
Jaime and the fireplace crew continue sitting. (Basic Seat)
Tyrion sits as Davos declares "we're out of wine" to the fireplace crew. (Basic Seat)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
14:53 (+1) Varys:
Varys sits in a chair at the edge of the head table as Tormund and the hall give a toast. "To Daenerys, the Dragon Queen!" (Basic Seat)
Tyrion sits with Jaime in front of a fireplace in Winterfell, as Tyrion ribs Jaime on his newfound romance with Brienne. (Basic Seat)
51:33 (+1) Varys:
Varys sits down with Tyrion in the cabin below deck, discussing the secret of Jon's parentage. (Basic Seat)
Euron sits in the gunner's seat of the Scorpion aboard his ship, as the Iron Fleet chases down Daenerys' dragons. (Basic Seat)
Jaime sits on a chair in front of the fireplace after a 2nd night with Brienne, reflecting on how non-incest just doesn't really do it for him. (Basic Seat)
Episode 5: The Bells
3:48 (+1) Varys:
Varys sits at his desk while penning a secret letter about Jon Snow's lineage. (Basic Seat)
10:23 (+1) Varys:
Varys continues to sit and write letters by candelight, when he is arrested by Grey Worm and the Unsullied. (Basic Seat)
Deaths
Episode 3: The Long Night
56:09 (+5) Viserion:
Dueling with Rhaegal and then Drogon in aerial combat, the Night King is thrown off Viserion's back and Viserion soon after has his neck snapped by Drogon. (Death)
submitted by codyandrew77 (approved!)
Melisandre removes her amulet, letting old age finally consume her as she withers in the snowy fields outside Winterfell. (Death)
The Night King shatters after Arya lands a hit to its stomach with her Valyrian steel dagger. (Death)
76:06 (+5) Viserion:
Viserion collapses for the final time after Arya kills the Night King (Death)
Episode 5: The Bells
13:42 (+5) Varys:
Varys is executed by Drogon's dragonfire after his plots to betray Daenerys are exposed.

to Tyrion: "I hope I deserve it, truly I do. I hope I'm wrong. Goodbye, old friend."
(Death)
Euron bleeds out on the stones of the sea cave below King's Landing, having been stabbed through by Jaime.

"I'm the man who killed Jaime Lannister."
(Death)
Jaime reassures Cersei in their final moments in the cellars of the Red Keep, as the castle collapses down around them.

"Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. Only us."
(Death)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
Tyrion finds Cersei's and Jaime's bodies in the rubble beneath the collapsed Red Keep (Dead Body Appearance)
Special
Episode 1: Winterfell
6:22 (+3) Varys:
Tyrion, as he and Varys arrive to a frigid Winterfell: "You should consider yourself lucky. At least your balls won't freeze off." (Special)
6:28 (+3) Varys:
Varys: "You take great offense at dwarf jokes, but love telling eunuch jokes. Why is that?"
Tyrion: "Because I have balls... and you don't"
(Special)
Euron questions Cersei about his performance compared to her other lovers.
Euron: "So how do I compare to the fat king?"
Cersei: "You're insulting my late husband?"
Euron: "Are you offended?"
Cersei: "Robert had a different whore every night, but he still didn't know his way around a woman's body."
Euron: "And the Kingslayer?"
Cersei: "You enjoy risking your neck, don't you?"
(Special)
to Cersei: "I'm going to put a prince in your belly." (Special)
Ned Umber is impaled on the wall of his keep, surrounded by a spiral of bloody body parts. (Special)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Podrick impresses in a sparring session on the training grounds at Winterfell.

Jaime: "He's come a long way."
Brienne: "He's alright. Still has a lot to learn."
(Special)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
After he gets passed over by the group as Tyrion Lannister entreats a song, Podrick surprises the group with his rich and moving rendition of the ballad, "Jenny of Oldstones". (Special)
submitted by coreymarkhembree (approved!)
Episode 3: The Long Night
Melisandre lights up the arakhs of the Dothraki horde before they charge into battle against the undead army. (Special)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
The wight who killed Eddison Tollet stares back at Sam with its blue eyes, and Sam runs in terror (Special)
After Melisandre lights the trench, 18 wights stare back through the flames with their glowing blue eyes. (Special)
submitted by brendan.hamme (approved!)
A wight continues to stare at Arya with its blue eyes after being stabbed in the library. (Special)
The dead stare back at Jon as the Night King raises them back up. (Special)
Seven sets of blue eyes stare through the weirwood tree to watch as Theon makes his final spear charge against the Night King (Special)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
61:32 (+3) Varys:
Varys: "He (Jon Snow) is a man, which makes him more appealing to the lords of Westeros, whose support we are going to need."
Tyrion: "Joffrey was a man. I don't think a cock is a true qualification, as I'm sure you'd agree."
(Special)
Episode 5: The Bells
Jaime holds up his golden hand when Tyrion asks "how did they (Daenerys' forces) find you?" (Special)
Jaime waves his golden hand at the Lannister guards in futility, as the King's Landing gates close and lock Jaime outside. (Special)
Jaime: "You're no King."
Euron: "Oh, but I am. And I fucked the Queen."
(Special)
submitted by kelseylawniczak (approved!)
Jaime uses the ancient martial art of throat-poking with his golden hand while fighting Euron Greyjoy. (Special)
Jaime bitch-slaps Euron across the face with his golden hand to escape from a chokehold. (Special)
The Feels
Episode 1: Winterfell
After riding anonymously for a fortnight to reach Winterfell, Jaime discovers Bran has been sitting in the courtyard waiting for his "old friend" the whole time. (I've made a huge mistake.)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Jaime knights Brienne of Tarth

"In the name of the Warrior, I charge you to be brave.
In the name of the Father, I charge you to be just.
In the name of the Mother, I charge you to defend the innocent.
Arise, Brienne of Tarth - a knight of the Seven Kingdoms."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Podrick delivers a heartfelt rendition of the ballad, "Jenny of Oldstones":

"High in the halls of the Kings who are gone
Jenny would dance with her ghosts
The ones she had lost and the ones she had found
And the ones who had loved her the most
The ones who'd been gone for so very long
She couldn't remember their names
They spun her around on the damp old stones
Spun away all her sorrow and pain
And she never wanted to leave
Never wanted to leave...
Never wanted to leave...
Never wanted to leave...
Never wanted to leave...
Never wanted to leave..."
(Sad Feels)
Episode 3: The Long Night
Melisandre: "What do we say to to the God of Death?"
Arya: "Not today."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
After two days of playing house with Brienne, Jaime receives news of the events in King's Landing and reflects on where his true passions lie.

"You think I'm a good man? I pushed a boy out a tower window, crippled him for life for Cersei. I strangled my cousin with my own hands just to get back to Cersei. I would have murdered every man, woman and child in Riverrun for Cersei. She's hateful. And so am I."
(Sad Feels)
Episode 5: The Bells
12:40 (+5) Varys:
Varys says his last words to Tyrion as he awaits his execution: "I hope I deserve it, truly I do. I hope I'm wrong. Goodbye, old friend." (Sad Feels)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Tyrion frees Jaime and the Lannister brothers say their goodbyes on the eve of the attack on King's Landing.

Tyrion: "You were the only one who didn't treat me like a monster. You were all I had."
(Sad Feels)
Jaime reassures Cersei in their final moments in the cellars of the Red Keep, as the castle collapses down around them.

"Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. Only us."
(Sad Feels)