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Hold this dick

PHARM

Owner: cgram257

2-4, 53.5 roto pts (#3)
Z-Score: 0.804 (percentile: 78.94%)
Weeks at #1: 0
Categories won:
Best Week: Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms (+14 roto points)
Team MVP: Tormund Giantsbane (picked #11, 157 points, 38.57% of team total)
Longest winstreak: W-1

Roster Stats

Character Drafted Total Kills Politics Insults Wine Sex Thrones Deaths Special Feels
#11 157 40 3 27 15 5 3 0 42 22
#8 150 31 0 18 30 10 6 7 12 36
#26 60 20 3 3 5 5 2 0 12 10
#29 35 0 9 3 0 0 4 5 9 5
This is a clean-shaven White Walker with long greasy hair, one f the Night King's lieutenants. He was present at the dragon battle at the Frozen Lake.
#47 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 5 0 0
#44 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Totals 407 91 15 51 50 20 15 17 75 73

Roster

charId Character Special
19
* +1 point for awkward waves with his metal hand
* +1 point when he uses his metal hand in a combat situation
* +1 point when someone (excl. Cersei) references incest with Cersei or her childrens' bastardy directly to him
* 2x multiplier for sex acts involving incest (first cousin or closer)
67
* every mention of "killing Crows"
* every on-screen second he stares into Brienne's soul (rounded up)
80
+1 point for each act of blacksmithing.
82
* +1 politics point when he meets another character in secret
* +1 point when someone references his being a eunuch to him
* +1 point when he passes along information from his "little birds"
283
393
This is a clean-shaven White Walker with long greasy hair, one f the Night King's lieutenants. He was present at the dragon battle at the Frozen Lake.
Kills
Episode 3: The Long Night
Jaime bodies a wight onto the ground. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime slashes a wight across its back and drags it off of Brienne. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund slashes a wight across the chest as Drogon rains down fire in teh background. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund knees a wight in the zombie balls as Drogon's fire rages around. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund slashes two wights before the snowstorm overwhelms the battlefield. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund slashes three wights. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime kills a charging wight (Kill of Unnamed Character)
19:11 (+2) Gendry:
Gendry brings his dragonglass axe down onto a wight. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund cuts down a wight while telling the troops to fall back, then brings his axe down at a wight that attacks his leg. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund slashes a wight as his group makes a running retreat back to Winterfell (Kill of Unnamed Character)
24:47 (+2) Gendry:
Gendry smacks a kneeling wight with his axe as he runs towards the Winterfell walls. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund cuts down two wights. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund cuts down a wight as Melisandre works to light the trench on fire. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
37:16 (+2) Gendry:
Gendry cuts down the first wight over the wall. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime cuts down the second wight climbing over the wall. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund finds something to stab in the mostly empty ribcage of a wight climbing over the wall. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime cuts down three wights as they begin to overrun the wall. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
After being rescued by Brienne, Jaime covers her back and cuts down a wight. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund turns around to protect Gendry, kicking a wight off of their backs in the Winterfell courtyard. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund beheads a wight atop the castle walls. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime stabs into a wight. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund flails wildly and kills two wights as he and Gendry battle atop a mountain of wights and bodies. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
64:33 (+10) Gendry:
Gendry slashes down five wights as he and Tormund battle atop a mountain of wights and bodies. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund cuts down a wight as he and Gendry fend off the horde atop a pile of bodies. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
67:54 (+4) Gendry:
Gendry cuts down two wights as he and Tormund fight atop a mound of wights. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund stabs down into the mound of wights. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Episode 5: The Bells
Jaime stabs Euron Greyjoy through the stomach as they battle in the sea caves below King's Landing. (Kill of Named Character)
Political Wins
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
10:52 (+3) Gendry:
Gendry receives high marks on his peer reviews after the Battle of Winterfell, and he is legitimized as a non-bastard and named Lord Baratheon of Storm's End.

Daenerys Targaryen: "I think you should be Lord of Storm's End.
Gendry: "That can't be, I'm a bastard."
Daenerys: "No, you are Lord Gendry Baratheon of Storm's End. The lawful son of Robert Baratheon. Because that is what I have made you."
(New Title)
51:22 (+3) Varys:
Varys learns of Jon's parentage through the game of secret discovery telephone.

Varys: "How many others know?"
Tyrion: "Including us? Eight."
Varys: "Well, then it's not a secret anymore. It's information."
(Secret Discovery)
Episode 5: The Bells
4:38 (+3) Varys:
Varys has recruited Martha, a serving girl from the kitchen in an attempt to poison Daenerys. (New Follower/Prisoner)
4:38 (+3) Varys:
Varys has recruited Martha, a serving girl from the kitchen in an attempt to poison Daenerys. (Act of Betrayal)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Episode 1: Winterfell
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tyrion: "So, we're going to die. At Winterfell. Not the death I would've chosen. I always pictured myself dying in my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly fully of wine and a [in unison with Jaime] girl's mouth around my cock." (Funny Line)
to Tyrion: "It wasn't so simple. I was sleeping with my sister, and you had one friend in the world - who was sleeping with his sister." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "Would you like a drink?"
Tormund: "Brought my own." [holds up horn of weird milk]
(Funny Line)
The telephone game of Westerosi epithets makes its way to Tormund.
to Jaime: "They call you Kingkiller."
(Funny Line)
Tormund tells the story of his name, Giantsbane.

"They call me Giantsbane. Want to know why?
I killed a giant when I was 10. Then I climbed right into bed with his wife.
When she woke up, you know what she did? Suckled me at her teat for three months.
Thought I was her baby. That's how I got so strong. Giant's milk."
(Funny Line)
42:40 (+3) Gendry:
Gendry with the deflection as he gets grilled by Arya.
Gendry: "Then she (Melisandre) tied me up, stripped me down, put leeches all over me."
Arya: "Was that your first time?"
Gendry: "No, yeah, I've never had leeches put all over my cock."
(Funny Line)
Episode 3: The Long Night
9:12 (+3) Varys:
Varys sighs at his fate while waiting out the Battle of Winterfell: "At least we already in a crypt." (Funny Line)
submitted by yarden.s (approved!)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Tormund demands Jon finish off his horn of wine in front of a celebratory crowd at the Feast of Winterfell.

Tormund: "We have to celebrate our victory."
Jon: "Vomiting is not celebrating."
Tormund: "...yes, it is."
(Funny Line)
Jaime and Brienne play a drinking game of guesses.

Jaime: "You... are an only child."
Brienne: "I told you I was."
Jaime: "You didn't."
Brienne: "I did."
Jaime: "I surmised it."
(Funny Line)
"Now, which one of you cowards shit in my pants?" (Funny Line)
Brienne: "It's the first thing I learnt when I came to the North. Keep your fire going. Every time you leave the room, put more wood on."
Jaime: "... You know the first thing I learned in the North? I hate the fucking North."
(Funny Line)
Jon: "Rhaegal needs to heal. He doesn't need me weighing him down."
Tormund: "You weigh as much as two fleas fucking."
(Witty Insult)
Episode 5: The Bells
Tyrion: "Did you consider taking it (the golden hand) off?"
Jaime: "Cersei once called me the stupidest Lannister."
(Funny Line)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tyrion raises a toast - "to the perils of self-betterment" and Jaime just gets his lips on the cup as Brienne and Podrick barge in. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Jaime refills his cup as the fireplace crew talks about the sexism of knighthood in Westeros. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
9:18 (+5) Gendry:
Gendry takes a drink before asking the Hound if he's seen Arya. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Jaime drinks as Gendry scoots past him and Brienne in the aisle. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Brienne and Jaime share a drink at the Feast of Winterfell.

Jaime: "We've fought dead things and lived to talk about it.If this isn't the time to drink, when is?"
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tormund drinks from his horn as the crowd toasts both Daenerys and Arya. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Jaime pours himself a cup and drinks in Brienne's bedchambers as he jealously questions her about Tormund Giantsbane. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Jaime and Tyrion drink after toasting to Jaime's new relationship with Brienne. "To climbing mountains." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
44:21 (+5) Gendry:
Gendry and Arya spend possibly their last night rolling among the burlap sacks. "We're probably going to die soon. I want to know what it's like before that happens." (Act of Intercourse)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
After being spurned by Brienne, Tormund rebounds with a Northern girl who fancies him at the Feast of Winterfell.

Northern girl: " You can touch me. I'm not afraid of Wildlings."
Tormund: "Maybe you should be."
(Act of Intercourse)
Jaime fumbles awkwardly in his first attempts at flirting with someone who is not a sibling, but ultimately succeeds in wooing Brienne with the 'ol "my it's quite hot in here". (Act of Intercourse)
Jaime sits brooding in front of the fireplace after a 2nd night with Brienne, reflecting on how one just can't go back to non-incest after hitting that high-grade sibling kush. (Act of Intercourse)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
A Game of Thrones
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Jaime sits in front of the fireplace in Winterfell with Tyrion. (Basic Seat)
Jaime sits back down on his chair after inviting their new guests around the fireplace. (Basic Seat)
Tormund sits down to regale the fireplace crew with the story of how he was named Giantsbane. (Basic Seat)
Tormund and the fireplace crew continue sitting. (Basic Seat)
Jaime and the fireplace crew continue sitting. (Basic Seat)
Tyrion sits as Davos declares "we're out of wine" to the fireplace crew. (Basic Seat)
Tormund is sitting as Davos declares "we're out of wine" to the fireplace crew. (Basic Seat)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
14:53 (+1) Varys:
Varys sits in a chair at the edge of the head table as Tormund and the hall give a toast. "To Daenerys, the Dragon Queen!" (Basic Seat)
Tyrion sits with Jaime in front of a fireplace in Winterfell, as Tyrion ribs Jaime on his newfound romance with Brienne. (Basic Seat)
51:33 (+1) Varys:
Varys sits down with Tyrion in the cabin below deck, discussing the secret of Jon's parentage. (Basic Seat)
Jaime sits on a chair in front of the fireplace after a 2nd night with Brienne, reflecting on how non-incest just doesn't really do it for him. (Basic Seat)
Episode 5: The Bells
3:48 (+1) Varys:
Varys sits at his desk while penning a secret letter about Jon Snow's lineage. (Basic Seat)
10:23 (+1) Varys:
Varys continues to sit and write letters by candelight, when he is arrested by Grey Worm and the Unsullied. (Basic Seat)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
44:21 (+1) Gendry:
Gendry is seated as the Lords and Ladies of Westeros meet in the Dragonpit for Tyrion Lannister's trial. (Basic Seat)
55:11 (+1) Gendry:
Gendry sits back down after the Lords rise to anoint Bran Stark as King of Six Kingdoms. (Basic Seat)
Deaths
Episode 3: The Long Night
The White Walker lieutenants explode into ice shards in a chain effect after the Night King falls to Arya's stab. (Death)
Episode 5: The Bells
13:42 (+5) Varys:
Varys is executed by Drogon's dragonfire after his plots to betray Daenerys are exposed.

to Tyrion: "I hope I deserve it, truly I do. I hope I'm wrong. Goodbye, old friend."
(Death)
Jaime reassures Cersei in their final moments in the cellars of the Red Keep, as the castle collapses down around them.

"Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. Only us."
(Death)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
Tyrion finds Cersei's and Jaime's bodies in the rubble beneath the collapsed Red Keep (Dead Body Appearance)
Special
Episode 1: Winterfell
6:22 (+3) Varys:
Tyrion, as he and Varys arrive to a frigid Winterfell: "You should consider yourself lucky. At least your balls won't freeze off." (Special)
6:28 (+3) Varys:
Varys: "You take great offense at dwarf jokes, but love telling eunuch jokes. Why is that?"
Tyrion: "Because I have balls... and you don't"
(Special)
36:40 (+3) Gendry:
Gendry pours out the crucible of molten dragonglass, using it to cast obsidian arrowheads. (Special)
36:55 (+3) Gendry:
Gendry shows off the huge dragonglass battleaxe he forged. "It isn't easy making a blade that big with dragonglass." (Special)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
8:29 (+3) Gendry:
Gendry tends to the coals in the forge at Winterfell and starts to hammer a piece of metal. (Special)
Tormund gives the eye to Brienne during the battle planning meeting (3 seconds)

"We're all going to die... but at least we die together."
(Special)
41:42 (+3) Gendry:
Gendry delivers the dragonglass spear he forged for Arya. (Special)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Tormund eagerly stares at Brienne as she excuses herself to take a piss. His 3-second gaze is unfortunately interrupted by Jaime. (Special)
submitted by conor_finlay (approved!)
61:32 (+3) Varys:
Varys: "He (Jon Snow) is a man, which makes him more appealing to the lords of Westeros, whose support we are going to need."
Tyrion: "Joffrey was a man. I don't think a cock is a true qualification, as I'm sure you'd agree."
(Special)
Episode 5: The Bells
Jaime holds up his golden hand when Tyrion asks "how did they (Daenerys' forces) find you?" (Special)
Jaime waves his golden hand at the Lannister guards in futility, as the King's Landing gates close and lock Jaime outside. (Special)
Jaime uses the ancient martial art of throat-poking with his golden hand while fighting Euron Greyjoy. (Special)
Jaime bitch-slaps Euron across the face with his golden hand to escape from a chokehold. (Special)
The Feels
Episode 1: Winterfell
38:22 (+5) Gendry:
Arya and Gendry reunite in the Winterfell forge, and share some banter from their days on the road.
Gendry: "It's not a bad place to grow up, if it wasn't so cold."
Arya: "Stay close to that forge, then."
Gendry: "Is that a command, Lady Stark?"
Arya: "Don't call me that."
Gendry: "As you wish, m'lady."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Edd and Tormund Giantsbane stumble upon each other at the Last Hearth.

Edd: "Stand back, he's got blue eyes!"
Tormund: "I've always had blue eyes!!"
(Ridiculously Funny Moment)
After riding anonymously for a fortnight to reach Winterfell, Jaime discovers Bran has been sitting in the courtyard waiting for his "old friend" the whole time. (I've made a huge mistake.)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tormund bear tackles Jon Snow in the courtyard as the Beyond-the-Wall gang reunites in Winterfell. (Funny Line)
Tormund shotguns his entire horn of "giants' milk" as it pours down all over his beard to the dismay of Davos and others. (Ridiculously Funny Moment)
Jaime knights Brienne of Tarth

"In the name of the Warrior, I charge you to be brave.
In the name of the Father, I charge you to be just.
In the name of the Mother, I charge you to defend the innocent.
Arise, Brienne of Tarth - a knight of the Seven Kingdoms."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Tormund's heart is broken as he regales his story to Clegane. "And after all that, this fucker comes north and takes her from me. Just takes her, like that. I mean it, Clegane. My heart is broken." (Sad Feels)
23:32 (+5) Gendry:
Gendry proposes to Arya.

"I don't know how to be Lord of anything. I hardly know how to use a fork. All I know is that you're beautiful, and I love you, and none of it will be worth anything if you're not with me. So be with me. Be my wife. Be the Lady of Storm's End."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Jon and Tormund say their final farewells, as Tormund leaves to take the Free Folk home beyond the Wall.

Tormund: "It isn't home. We need room to wander. I'll take them back through Castle Black as soon as the winter storms pass. Back where we belong."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
After two days of playing house with Brienne, Jaime receives news of the events in King's Landing and reflects on where his true passions lie.

"You think I'm a good man? I pushed a boy out a tower window, crippled him for life for Cersei. I strangled my cousin with my own hands just to get back to Cersei. I would have murdered every man, woman and child in Riverrun for Cersei. She's hateful. And so am I."
(Sad Feels)
Episode 5: The Bells
12:40 (+5) Varys:
Varys says his last words to Tyrion as he awaits his execution: "I hope I deserve it, truly I do. I hope I'm wrong. Goodbye, old friend." (Sad Feels)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Tyrion frees Jaime and the Lannister brothers say their goodbyes on the eve of the attack on King's Landing.

Tyrion: "You were the only one who didn't treat me like a monster. You were all I had."
(Sad Feels)
Jaime reassures Cersei in their final moments in the cellars of the Red Keep, as the castle collapses down around them.

"Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. Only us."
(Sad Feels)