Matchup: Pod's big rod vs Eggplant sucks ass for Ep 1
A Storm of Semen
Kills
27:57
(+1)
Yara Greyjoy:
As thanks for her rescue, Yara headbutts Theon, bloodying his nose.
(Minor Injury of Named Character)
Political Wins
20:34
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei gains the sellsword services of the Golden Company.
Cersei: "In any event, you are most welcome here in King's Landing, Captain Strickland."
Harry Stickland: "We look forward to fighting on your behalf, Your Grace." (Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
Cersei: "In any event, you are most welcome here in King's Landing, Captain Strickland."
Harry Stickland: "We look forward to fighting on your behalf, Your Grace." (Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
20:34
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Along with the Golden Company, Cersei gains their Captain Harry Strickland as a follower.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
Tormund and the Night's Watch discovers the grisly scene at the Last Hearth, where the White Walkers have massacred the inhabits.
(Victorious Battle)
Tormund and the Night's Watch discovers the grisly scene at the Last Hearth, where the White Walkers have massacred the inhabits.
(Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
29:01
(+3)
Yara Greyjoy:
Yara: "You want to go to Wintefell. To fight for the Starks. Go. What is dead may never die."
(House Words)
The Night King has Ned Umber reanimated as a wight in the ruins of the Last Hearth.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
6:22
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
to Varys as they arrive in a frigid Winterfell: "You should consider yourself lucky. At least your balls won't freeze off."
(Funny Line)
12:40
(+3)
Daenerys Targaryen:
Sansa: "What do dragons eat, anyway?"
Daenerys: "Whatever they want." (Threat)
Daenerys: "Whatever they want." (Threat)
14:05
(+3)
Sansa Stark:
Tyrion: "Last time we spoke was at Joffrey's wedding. Miserable affair."
Sansa: "It had its moments." (Funny Line)
Sansa: "It had its moments." (Funny Line)
15:12
(+3)
Sansa Stark:
to Tyrion, for thinking Cersei would honor the agreement to support them with the Lannister Army: "I used to think you were the cleverest man alive."
(Witty Insult)
submitted by gravesalex0 (approved!)
29:51
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Varys (observing banners): "The Karstarks."
Tyrion: "One of the better sigils. Beats an onion, anyway." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "One of the better sigils. Beats an onion, anyway." (Funny Line)
30:59
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "Jon and Daenerys don't want to listen to lonely old men."
Tyrion: "I'm not that old... not as old as him (Davos Seaworth)." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "I'm not that old... not as old as him (Davos Seaworth)." (Funny Line)
33:11
(+3)
Daenerys Targaryen:
(before Jon rides Rhaegal)
Jon: "What if he doesn't want me to?"
Daenerys: "Then I’ve enjoyed your company, Jon Snow" (Funny Line)
Jon: "What if he doesn't want me to?"
Daenerys: "Then I’ve enjoyed your company, Jon Snow" (Funny Line)
submitted by krystataylor14 (approved!)
41:22
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Daenerys: "So you're the man."
Sam: "Um... which... man? am I... your Grace?" (Funny Line)
Sam: "Um... which... man? am I... your Grace?" (Funny Line)
50:40
(+3)
Tormund Giantsbane:
Eddison Tollet: "Stay back, he's got blue eyes!"
Tormund: "I've always had blue eyes!!!" (Funny Line)
Tormund: "I've always had blue eyes!!!" (Funny Line)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
25:43
(+5)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei sips from her glass while Euron asks her about his performance in bed.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
25:25
(+5)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei chats with Euron after a romp in her chambers.
(Act of Intercourse)
41:13
(+5)
Jorah Mormont:
Jorah gently caresses the Khaleesi's elbow as he points out where Samwell is in the library.
(Act of Intercourse)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
A Game of Thrones
9:53
(+1)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa sits at the head of the table alongside Jon Snow as they host the Northern Lords at Winterfell.
(Basic Seat)
9:53
(+1)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion sits at the head table to the side of Sansa and Jon Snow, as they host the Northern Lords at Winterfell.
(Basic Seat)
10:23
(+1)
Daenerys Targaryen:
Daenerys takes her seat at the head table in the great hall of Winterfell between Jon Snow and Tyrion.
(Basic Seat)
19:58
(+5)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei greets the captain of the Golden Company, Harry Strickland, from the Iron Throne.
(Iron Throne)
25:32
(+1)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei sits down with a glass of wine in her bedchambers after her session with Euron Greyjoy.
(Basic Seat)
39:21
(+1)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa sits in her chambers as she discusses the cowardice of Robbet Glover, who is not sending his troops.
(Basic Seat)
41:17
(+1)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam scoots out of his library seat as he is startled by Daenerys and Jorah.
(Basic Seat)
Special
5:14
(+3)
Daenerys Targaryen:
Daenerys debuts the season with a white double-breasted coat with matching red gloves and scarf. Even her horse is decked out to match!
(Special)
25:53
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Euron: "How do I compare? To the fat king."
Cersei: "Robert had a different whore every night, but he still didn't know his way around a woman's body."
Euron: "And the Kingslayer?" (Special)
Cersei: "Robert had a different whore every night, but he still didn't know his way around a woman's body."
Euron: "And the Kingslayer?" (Special)
29:51
(+3)
Davos Seaworth:
Varys (observing banners): "The Karstarks."
Davos: "One of the better sigils. Beats an onion, anyway." (Special)
Davos: "One of the better sigils. Beats an onion, anyway." (Special)
41:17
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam is reading a book in the Winterfell library as Daenerys and Jorah walk in.
(Special)
41:30
(+3)
Jorah Mormont:
Jorah reunites with Sam and they talk about his former Greyscale condition.
Dany: "The man who saved Ser Jorah when no one else could."
Jorah: "They could. They just wouldn't." (Special)
Dany: "The man who saved Ser Jorah when no one else could."
Jorah: "They could. They just wouldn't." (Special)
submitted by nickg (approved!)
46:31
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam mentions the book he found out Jon's lineage from: "Bran and I worked it out. I have a High Septon's diary, and Bran has... whatever Bran has."
(Special)
submitted by dtsantise (approved!)
Ned Umber is impaled on the wall of his keep, surrounded by a spiral of bloody body parts.
(Special)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
The Feels
29:17
(+5)
Yara Greyjoy:
Theon and Yara share an embrace before they part ways to fight their separate parts of the war.
Yara: "You want to go to Wintefell. To fight for the Starks. Go. What is dead may never die."
Theon: "What is dead may never die."
Yara: "But kill the bastards anyway." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Yara: "You want to go to Wintefell. To fight for the Starks. Go. What is dead may never die."
Theon: "What is dead may never die."
Yara: "But kill the bastards anyway." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
36:04
(+5)
Daenerys Targaryen:
After Bran issues a dire warning to everyone that the White Walkers are coming and how they don't have any time for this, Jon and Dany take a romantic getaway to the frost-covered waterfall on dragon-back.
Jon: "It's cold up here for a southern girl."
Dany: "So keep your Queen warm." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Jon: "It's cold up here for a southern girl."
Dany: "So keep your Queen warm." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
As he tries to get his makeout session on with Daenerys, Jon enters a staring contest with Drogon who is watching with great interest.
(Ridiculously Funny Moment)
submitted by tommywaffles18 (approved!)
42:22
(+15)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam hears the news of the deaths of his father Randyll and brother Dickon from the executioner herself.
Daenerys: "I offered to let him retain his lands and titles if he bent the knee. He refused."
Samwell: "Well at least I'll be allowed home again, now that my brother's the lord."
Daenerys: "Your brother stood with your father." (Sad Feels)
Daenerys: "I offered to let him retain his lands and titles if he bent the knee. He refused."
Samwell: "Well at least I'll be allowed home again, now that my brother's the lord."
Daenerys: "Your brother stood with your father." (Sad Feels)
50:39
(+3)
Tormund Giantsbane:
Edd and Tormund Giantsbane stumble upon each other at the Last Hearth.
Edd: "Stand back, he's got blue eyes!"
Tormund: "I've always had blue eyes!!" (Ridiculously Funny Moment)
Edd: "Stand back, he's got blue eyes!"
Tormund: "I've always had blue eyes!!" (Ridiculously Funny Moment)
53:29
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
After riding anonymously for a fortnight to reach Winterfell, Jaime discovers Bran has been sitting in the courtyard waiting for his "old friend" the whole time.
(I've made a huge mistake.)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)