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Ellie is a dick #givemesandorback | Fantasora

Ellie is a dick #givemesandorback

Bitchachos

Owner: tyler3005

38 roto pts (#2)
Z-Score: 0.874 (percentile: 80.9%)
Weeks at #1: 4
Categories won: Political Wins (111), Insults Delivered / Funny Lines (105)
Best Week: Episode 1: The Red Woman (+10.5 roto points)
Team MVP: Doran Martell (picked #28, 104 points, 21.89% of team total)

Roster Stats

Character Drafted Total Kills Politics Insults Wine Sex Thrones Deaths Special Feels
The head of House Martell of Dorne, and elder brother of Prince Oberyn Martell.
#28 104 0 0 0 0 0 0 5 99 0
The second of the Lannister children, he is Cersei's lover and twin brother, and also the father of her three bastard children, the supposed sons and daughters of the late King Robert Baratheon. He also serves as Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, and recently returns from a mission to Dorne to rescue his daughter/niece, Myrcella Baratheon.
#4 97 15 30 30 0 10 0 0 12 0
The leader of the Sparrows, a religious movement within the Faith of the Seven. After being appointed as High Septon by Cersei Lannister, he has lead a sweeping inquiry to root out moral corruption in King's Landing, imprisoning Loras Tyrell, Margaery Tyrell, and Cersei Lannister.
#16 49 5 33 6 0 0 0 5 0 0
A leader of the Wildlings, and formerly a trusted lieutenant and second-in-command to Mance Rayder, the King Beyond the Wall. Although they have met in battle more than once, he bears a grudging respect for Jon Snow.
#21 47 18 6 18 5 0 0 0 0 0
Theon's older sister, Yara was raised on the Iron Islands as a true Ironborn. She is a fearsome fighter and commands a longship of her own.
#45 40 0 15 15 5 5 0 0 0 0
Ser Davos is a knight serving Stannis Baratheon, and one of his most trusted advisors. He is often at odds with the Red Priestess Melisandre.
#9 36 0 15 21 0 0 0 0 0 0
First Ranger of the Night's Watch - in S1 he disappeared on a ranging north of the Wall and his whereabouts since then are unknown.
- 21 16 0 0 0 0 0 5 0 0
A disciple in the House of Black & White. Her real identity is unknown, as she is one of the many identities used by the Faceless Men in their work.
- 20 15 0 0 0 0 0 5 0 0
The former paramour of Prince Oberyn. She is also the mother of several of his bastard children, known as the Sand Snakes, and plots revenge against the Lannisters for Oberyn's death.
#40 19 10 6 3 0 0 0 0 0 0
The leader of a new Khalasar of Dothraki.
#33 17 0 3 9 0 0 0 5 0 0
The youngest of the Stark children. He splits off from Bran and travels with Osha to the Last Hearth, seat of House Umber.
- 9 0 0 0 0 0 0 9 0 0
A Red Priest from the city of Myr - he is a member of the Brotherhood Without Banners, led by Beric Dondarrion.
#41 8 0 0 3 5 0 0 0 0 0
Eddard Stark's sister. She was kidnapped by Rhaegar Targaryen and subsequently died, which sparked Robert Baratheon and the Starks to rebel against he Targaryens.
- 8 0 3 0 0 0 0 5 0 0
- 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
A fearsome warrior known as the Hound. Sandor formerly served in the Kingsguard of Joffrey Baratheon and accompanied Arya Stark on her travels. He was left for dead after a fight with Brienne of Tarth.
- 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
A northern lord. The son of Rickard Karstark, who was beheaded by Robb Stark for treason.
- 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The long-deceased head of House Stark. There are rumors that he may make a reappearance in flashback form for S6.
- 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Totals 475 79 111 105 15 15 0 39 111 0

Roster

charId Character Special
19
The second of the Lannister children, he is Cersei's lover and twin brother, and also the father of her three bastard children, the supposed sons and daughters of the late King Robert Baratheon. He also serves as Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, and recently returns from a mission to Dorne to rescue his daughter/niece, Myrcella Baratheon.
* +1 point for awkward waves with his metal hand
* +1 point when he uses his metal hand in a combat situation
* +1 point when someone (excl. Cersei) references incest with Cersei or her childrens' bastardy directly to him
* 2x multiplier for sex acts involving incest (first cousin or closer)
50
Ser Davos is a knight serving Stannis Baratheon, and one of his most trusted advisors. He is often at odds with the Red Priestess Melisandre.
* +1 point every time his fingers or onions are referenced
* +1 point when invoking Shireen's name
192
The leader of the Sparrows, a religious movement within the Faith of the Seven. After being appointed as High Septon by Cersei Lannister, he has lead a sweeping inquiry to root out moral corruption in King's Landing, imprisoning Loras Tyrell, Margaery Tyrell, and Cersei Lannister.
1 politics point every time he (or Sparrows under his order) publicly out a named character for their sins
3
First Ranger of the Night's Watch - in S1 he disappeared on a ranging north of the Wall and his whereabouts since then are unknown.
4 +1 point when giving motherly advice that is ignored
235
Eddard Stark's sister. She was kidnapped by Rhaegar Targaryen and subsequently died, which sparked Robert Baratheon and the Starks to rebel against he Targaryens.
91
The former paramour of Prince Oberyn. She is also the mother of several of his bastard children, known as the Sand Snakes, and plots revenge against the Lannisters for Oberyn's death.
+1 for invoking the name of Oberyn Martell
67
A leader of the Wildlings, and formerly a trusted lieutenant and second-in-command to Mance Rayder, the King Beyond the Wall. Although they have met in battle more than once, he bears a grudging respect for Jon Snow.
* every mention of "killing Crows"
* every on-screen second he stares into Brienne's soul (rounded up)
Kills
Episode 1: The Red Woman
Ellaria stabs Doran Martell as she overthrows the royal family of Dorne. "When was the last time you left this palace? You don't know your own people. Their disgust for you. Elia Martell raped and murdered, and you did nothing. Oberyn Martell butchered, and you did nothing. You're not a Dornishman. You're not our Prince." (Kill of Named Character)
Episode 2: Home
Tormund cuts down the first of Alliser Thorne's men who is foolish enough to charge at him. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Episode 6: Blood of My Blood
Jaime slays the Mad King Aerys II during one of Bran's flashback visions. (Kill of Named Character)
Benjen's horse stomps through a wight's chest as he rides in to Meera and Bran's rescue. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Benjen uses his flaming flail to knock out two wights. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Benjen sideswipes a wight into a tree, and kills two more with his pickaxe, and sets the last wight on fire with his flaming flail. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Benjen decapitates the head of a rabbit he has just hunted. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Episode 7: The Broken Man
Jaime clobbers Black Walder with his golden hand, leaving him with a severe bruise to the cheek.

Jaime: "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do?"
Black Walder: "I don't give a rat's-" *smack*
(Minor Injury of Named Character)
submitted by bookworm13457 (approved!)
Jaime acquires Edmure Tully as his prisoner after taking over the Siege of Riverrun. (New Follower/Prisoner)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 9: Battle of the Bastards
As the Wildling fighters charge into the Bolton shield line, Tormund reaches in to pull a soldier out of the formation, stabbing him through the belly. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund grabs the shield-holder out of the Bolton formation and yanks him down into the mud, slashing him across the back. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
After sustaining several headbutts from Smalljon Umber while they are trapped in the moshpit of death, Tormund goes in for the kill, biting into the Smalljon's neck and ripping out his jugular. (Kill of Named Character)
Episode 10: The Winds of Winter
The High Sparrow orders the seven-pointed star to be carved into Loras Tyrell's forehead after his confessions, as a symbol of his sins and newfound faith in the Seven.
Margaery Tyrell: "You mutilated him. You gave me your word."
(Major Injury of Named Character)
Political Wins
Episode 1: The Red Woman
Ser Davos convinces Edd to seek help from the Wildlings instead of throwing his life away in an attack against Alliser Thorne. "You're not the only ones who owe your lives to Jon Snow. (Convincing Argument)
Ellaria betrays Doran Martell, stabbing him to death as she overthrows the royal family of Dorne.
Doran Martell: "My son... Trystane."
Ellaria: "Your son is weak, just like you. And weak men will never rule Dorne again."
(Act of Betrayal)
Ellaria performs a coups d'état and seizes control of Dorne after assassinating Doran and Trystane Martell.
Doran Martell: "My son... Trystane."
Ellaria: "Your son is weak, just like you. And weak men will never rule Dorne again."
(Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
Episode 2: Home
Davos takes up Longclaw (Jon Snow's Valyrian sword) as he and the other Night's Watchmen prepare to defend against Ser Alliser Thorne. "I've never been much of a fighter... Apologies for what you're about to see." (New Weapon)
Tormund successfully leads the Wildlings to victory at Castle Black, after Ser Alliser Thorne and his men throw down their weapons after a display of Wun Wun's force. (Victorious Battle)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Jaime: "You're a bold man."
High Sparrow: "On the contrary. I fear a great deal. The Father, the Mother, the Warrior."
(House Words)
Davos convinces Melisandre to make an attempt to revive Jon Snow after she has lost faith in the Lord of Light in their long-awaited Disney moment. "I'm not a devout man, obviously. Seven Gods, Drowned Gods, Tree Gods, it's all the same. I'm not asking the Lord of Light for help. I'm asking the woman who showed me that miracles exist." (Convincing Argument)
Episode 3: Oathbreaker
The High Sparrow convinces Tommen Baratheon to stand down his demands for his mother's entry into the Sept to see Myrcella.
High Sparrow: "A true leader avails himself of the wisest counsel he can. And no one is wiser than the Gods."
Tommen: "My grandfather once said something similar. Except for the part about the Gods."
High Sparrow: "The Gods worked through him whether he knew it or not. As they work through your mother. There's so much good in all of us. The best we can do is to help each other bring it out."
(Convincing Argument)
Episode 4: Book of the Stranger
Jaime assists Cersei in convincing Kevan Lannister and Olenna Tyrell to march the Tyrell army into King's Landing to arrest the High Sparrow and rescue Queen Margaery. "When the High Sparrow is in custody or dead, preferably, and Margaery's back at Tommen's side, do you think the king will be angry at the outcome?" (Convincing Argument)
submitted by coconnor723 (approved!)
Episode 6: Blood of My Blood
The High Sparrow convinces King Tommen to allow Margaery to proceed with her Walk of Atonement.
Tommen: "Is there no other way? ... It just seems very dangerous."
High Sparrow: "She'll be protected the entire way. The Faith Militant are very stern with those who overstep their bounds."
(Convincing Argument)
The High Sparrow announces Margaery's crimes to the masses gathered at the Sept of Baelor.  "Rich or poor, noble or common, if we sin, we must atone. Margaery of House Tyrell came to us a sinner. She stood before the gods in the holy sept and lied. She turned a blind eye to her brother's sins. She disgraced her house, her King, and herself." (Politics Special)
The High Sparrow picks up an ownership stake in King's Landing after announcing a joint venture with Tommen Baratheon to make the Seven Kingdoms great again.
High Sparrow: "Together we announce a new age of harmony. A holy alliance between the Crown and the Faith."
Tommen: "The Crown and the Faith are the twin pillars upon which the world rests. Together we will restore the Seven Kingdoms to glory."
(Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
submitted by as38 (approved!)
The High Sparrow announces the latest high-profile devotees to sign onto Team Sparrow, in a joint press conference with Tommen Baratheon and Margaery Tyrell.

"Queen Margaery has already atoned for her sins by bringing another into the true light of the Seven. Together we announce a new age of harmony. A holy alliance between the Crown and the Faith."
(New Follower/Prisoner)
Despite being demoted out of the Kingsguard, Jaime is assigned a new role as head of the Lannister armies sent to deal with the Blackfish in the Riverlands. "I'm being sent to deal with the Blackfish. Apparently Walder Frey can't manage it on his own because he's 400 years old. Sent me with an army to the Riverlands and a siege that could last months." (New Title)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 7: The Broken Man
"There are some who know every verse of the sacred text, but don't have a drop of the Mother's mercy in their blood. And savages who can't read at all, who understand the Father's wisdom." (House Words)
Tormund convinces the other Wildlings to march for Jon Snow. "The Crows killed him, because he spoke for the Free Folk when no other Southerners would. He died for us. If we are not willing to do the same for him, we're cowards. If that's what we are, we deserve to be the last of the Free Folk." (Convincing Argument)
Jaime takes control of the Frey siege forces surrounding Riverrun. "I'm here by the king's command to take back this castle... The siege is now under my command. The next time the Blackfish looks out from those ramparts, he'll see an army at his gates, not whatever this is." (Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
Lothar Frey and Black Walder find themselves under Jaime Lannister's command as he arrives to take over the siege forces surrounding Riverrun. (New Follower/Prisoner)
After Jon Snow and Sansa Stark prove unconvincing, Davos convinces the young Lyanna Mormont to rally against the Bolton army. "Because Jeor Mormont and Jon Snow both understood that the real war isn't between a few squabbling houses. It's between the living and the dead. And make no mistake, my lady, the dead are coming ... As long as the Boltons hold Winterfell, the North is divided. And a divided North won't stand a chance against the Night King." (Convincing Argument)
Episode 8: No One
Jaime successfully convinces Edmure Tully to comply with his plan to retake Riverrun, sending him to the gates to ask for entry. (Convincing Argument)
Jaime is victorious in the Siege of Riverrun after his Trojan Horse, Edmure Tully, gains access to the castle and willingly opens his gates to the Lannister army. (Victorious Battle)
Jaime captures the castle of Riverrun. (Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
While watching from the ramparts of the newly-acquired Riverrun, Jaime spots Brienne and Podrick rowing away from the castle under the cover of night. (Secret Discovery)
submitted by nsimmonds (approved!)
Episode 9: Battle of the Bastards
Davos discovers Shireen's true fate as finds the charred remains of the wooden stag toy he gifted to Shireen next to a pyre. (Secret Discovery)
Episode 10: The Winds of Winter
responding to Loras Tyrell's confession before the Gods: "The gods' judgment is fierce, but also fair. The Warrior punishes those who believe themselves beyond the reach of justice. But the Mother shows her mercy to those who kneel before her." (House Words)
Loras renounces his claims to House Tyrell and swears himself to the High Sparrow and the Faith of the Seven.
Loras Tyrell: "I will abandon the Tyrell name and all that goes with it. I will renounce my lordship and my claims on Highgarden. I will never marry and I will never father children."
High Sparrow: "Brother Loras, I ask you to dedicate your life to the Seven Gods. Will you fight to defend your faith against heretics and apostates?"
Loras Tyrell: "I will."
(New Follower/Prisoner)
The High Sparrow reneges on his agreement to release Loras Tyrell after his confessions (presumably unharmed).
Margaery Tyrell: "You mutilated him. You gave me your word."
High Sparrow: "And I have kept my word. Once the Queen Mother's trial is concluded, Brother Loras is free to leave."
(Act of Betrayal)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Episode 1: The Red Woman
Doran Martell: "My son, Trystane..."
Ellaria: "Your son is weak, just like you. And weak men will never rule Dorne again."
(Witty Insult)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Alliser Thorne: "And you, Ser Davos, I will allow you to travel south. A free man, with a fresh horse."
Davos: "And some mutton. I'd like some mutton."
Alliser: "Wot?"
(Funny Line)
Episode 2: Home
Davos as he takes Jon's sword and rallies the men against Ser Alliser Thorne: "I've never been much of a fighter... Apologies for what you're about to see." (Funny Line)
Alliser Thorne: "For thousands of years, the Night's Watch has held Castle Black against the Wildlings."
Tormund: "Until you."
(Witty Insult)
High Sparrow: "You would spill blood in this holy place?"
Jaime: "Oh the Gods won't mind. They spill more blood than the rest of us combined."
(Threat)
Episode 3: Oathbreaker
Tormund: "The think you're some kind of God, the man who returned from the dead."
Jon Snow: "I'm not a god."
Tormund: "I know that. I saw your pecker. What kind of God would have a pecker that small?
(Witty Insult)
to Qyburn: "Does he (Gregor Clegane) understand what we're saying? I mean, to the extent that he ever understood complete sentences in the first place." (Witty Insult)
Episode 6: Blood of My Blood
Episode 7: The Broken Man
to Margaery: "The Queen of Thorns is a remarkable woman, a strong woman. And an unrepentant sinner. You must teach her the new one, as she taught you the old, or I fear for her safety, body and soul." (Threat)
Jon Snow: "Are you sure they'll come (the Wildling armies)?"
Tormund: "We're not clever like you Southerners. When we say we'll do something, we do it."
(Witty Insult)
Bronn: "Now that is a sorry attempt at a siege. Someone needs to teach those sad twats how to dig trenches."
Jaime: "Someone certainly does."
(Funny Line)
to Black Walder: "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do?" (Threat)
submitted by nsimmonds (approved!)
on the 62 Mormont soldiers: "If they're half as ferocious as their Lady, the Boltons are doomed." (Funny Line)
submitted by Laxis (approved!)
Episode 8: No One
on Sansa Stark: "In my experience, girls like her don't live very long." (Witty Insult)
Edmure Tully: "Do you imagine yourself a decent person? ... After you've massacred my family. Kept me in a cell for years. Stolen our lands."
Jaime: "I'll remind you that our houses are at war. I'm sorry if this conflict has inconvenienced you, but rebelling against the Crown does have consequences."
(Witty Insult)
to Edmure Tully: "I'll send for your baby boy. And I'll launch him into Riverrun with a catapult. Because you don't matter to me, Lord Edmure. Your son doesn't matter to me. The people in the castle don't matter to me. Only Cersei." (Threat)
Episode 9: Battle of the Bastards
Jon Snow: "We're digging trenches all along our flanks. They won't be able to hit us the way that Stannis hit you, in a double envelopment."
Tormund: ...
Jon: "A pincer move."
Tormund: ...
Jon: "They won't be able to hit us from the sides."
Tormund: "Good."
(Funny Line)
to Tormund: "No, it's a manner of speaking... not actual demons." (Funny Line)
submitted by righteous (approved!)
to Davos: "I have a jug of sour goat's milk stronger than any of that grape water you southern twats like sucking on." (Witty Insult)
Tormund: "I need a good drink to help me sleep the night before a fight. You want some? I have a jug of sour goat's milk..."
Davos: "No thanks, it does sound delicious, but..."
(Funny Line)
submitted by righteous (approved!)
Davos: "I can never sleep the night before a battle."
Tormund: "So what do you do all night?"
Davos: "I walk. Think and walk. Think and walk until I'm far enough away from camp that no one can hear me shitting my guts out."
(Funny Line)
Davos: "I can never sleep the night before a battle."
Tormund: "So what do you do all night?"
Davos: "I walk. Think and walk. Think and walk until I'm far enough away from camp that no one can hear me shitting my guts out."
Tormund: *laughs* "... Happy shitting."
(Funny Line)
Davos rallies the archers to charge in towards the main battle: "We may as well be taking shits back here. Follow!" (Funny Line)
submitted by righteous (approved!)
Episode 10: The Winds of Winter
Walder Frey: "Fear is a marvelous thing."
Jaime: "They don't fear the Freys, though. They fear the Lannisters. We gave you the Riverlands to hold the Riverlands. If we have to ride north and take them back for you every time you lose them, why do we need you?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by moonbaseu92 (approved!)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
Episode 4: Book of the Stranger
Tormund drinks from his mug as Jon Snow unrolls the letter from Ramsay Bolton. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
Episode 6: Blood of My Blood
Jaime and Cersei get it on after hot and heavy dirty talk about the power of House Lannister and destroying their enemies. "They've made us both stronger, all of them. They have no idea how strong we are. No idea what we're going to do to them. We've always been together. We'll always be together." (Act of Intercourse)
Deaths
Episode 6: Blood of My Blood
Benjen tells the story of his death and resurrection to Bran Stark: "I led a ranging party deep into the North to find White Walkers. They found us. A white walker stabbed me in the gut with a sword of ice. Left me there to die. To turn. The Children found me. Stopped the walker's magic from taking hold." (Death)
submitted by cmwalken15 (approved!)
Episode 7: The Broken Man
+0 for Benjen Stark
Episode 8: No One
+0 for Benjen Stark
Episode 9: Battle of the Bastards
+0 for Benjen Stark
Episode 10: The Winds of Winter
Lyanna dies in the tower shortly after giving birth to Jon Snow. (Death)
submitted by righteous (approved!)
+0 for Benjen Stark
Special
Episode 3: Oathbreaker
Olenna to Cersei: "Margaery is the Queen. You are not the Queen, because you're not married to the king. I do appreciate these things can get a bit confusing in your family."
(Special)
Episode 7: The Broken Man
Jaime smacks Black Walder with his golden hand as he gives a lesson on threats.

Jaime: "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do?"
Black Walder: "I don't give a rat's-" *smack*
(Special)
Episode 8: No One
after spotting them from the castle wall, Jaime waves to Brienne and Podrick as they row away from Riverrun. (Special)
submitted by andres.geurts (approved!)
Episode 10: The Winds of Winter
Bronn converses with Jaime about the women at the Frey-Lannister feast.
Jaime: "Not my type."
Bronn: "Not blonde enough?"
(Special)