Tyrion Assblaster
Hold Da Door
Owner: ericwithac
37 roto pts (#3)
Z-Score:
0.129 (percentile: 55.12%)
Weeks at #1: 0
Categories won:
Political Wins (62), The Feels (98)
Best Week:
Episode 1: Winterfell
(+5 roto points)
Team MVP:
Sansa Stark
(picked #6,
89 points,
22.88% of team total)
Roster Stats
Roster
charId | Character | Special |
---|---|---|
5 |
Sansa Stark
|
* Lady's actions contribute to her points. * +1 point in every scene she cries |
38 |
Grey Worm
|
* +1 for every 3-syllable word uttered in the Common Tongue (Westerosi English), not counting proper nouns (Daenerys, Unsullied, etc.) * Receives standard sex points for making it to first base |
82 |
Varys
|
* +1 politics point when he meets another character in secret * +1 point when someone references his being a eunuch to him * +1 point when he passes along information from his "little birds" |
40 |
Samwell Tarly
|
+1 point for reading books, mentioning he "read that in a book", or writing raven letters. |
216 |
Euron Greyjoy
|
+1 when he or his Ironborn is referenced as the "greatest" (including self-references) +1 for crude sexual remarks made about women he is courting |
Kills
19:27
(+4)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam defends himself against two wights with his dragonglass daggers.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
37:28
(+2)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam dual wields his dragonglass dagger to cut down a wight trying to scramble over the wall.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Grey Worm stabs a wight as it climbs over the wall.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Grey Worm lands a blow on a wight as it tries to climb the wall.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
38:31
(+2)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam bonks a wight in the head as it tries to climb the castle wall.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Grey Worm defends a cowering Sam from the wights.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
64:38
(+2)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell stabs a wight as he lays on his back amidst a pit of wights.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
A bloodied Grey Worm fights off a wight with his spear.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Grey Worm throws his spear through the back of a fleeing Captain Strickland, as the Unsullied forces rout the remains of the Golden Company and charge the King's Landing gate.
(Kill of Named Character)
Grey Worm spears a Lannister soldier as the Northern forces march their way into King's Landing.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Grey Worm throws a spear through the heart of a surrendered Lannister soldier, following his Queen's lead to raze the city and take no prisoners.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Grey Worm goes on a 9-soldier killing spree as he mows down Lannister soldiers with his spear in the fracas after their surrender.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Grey Worm spears 4 more soldiers as the fight against the Lannister soldiers continue.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
53:09
(+5)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron stabs Jaime through the ribs with his dagger as the brawl in the sea cave underneath King's Landing.
(Major Injury of Named Character)
Political Wins
20:34
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron returns to King's Landing, have secured the services of the Golden Company for Cersei Lannister and the Crown.
(Deals Brokered)
22:25
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron finds a way to charm himself into Cersei's cold graces.
Cersei: "You want a whore, buy one. You want a queen earn her."
Euron: "How? I've given her justice, an army and the Iron Fleet, yet she gives me no sign of affection. My heart is nearly broken." (Convincing Argument)
Cersei: "You want a whore, buy one. You want a queen earn her."
Euron: "How? I've given her justice, an army and the Iron Fleet, yet she gives me no sign of affection. My heart is nearly broken." (Convincing Argument)
23:25
(+3)
Sansa Stark:
Theon returns North and pledges his services to Sansa. "I want to fight for Winterfell, Lady Sansa. If you'll have me."
(New Follower/Prisoner)
38:17
(+3)
Sansa Stark:
Arya and Sansa learn of Jon Snow's true heritage as a secret Targaryen and heir to the Iron Throne.
(Secret Discovery)
46:50
(+3)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa breaks her promise to Jon, divulging his secret heritage to Tyrion Lannister. "What if there's someone else? Someone better?"
(Act of Betrayal)
Varys learns of Jon's parentage through the game of secret discovery telephone.
Varys: "How many others know?"
Tyrion: "Including us? Eight."
Varys: "Well, then it's not a secret anymore. It's information." (Secret Discovery)
Varys: "How many others know?"
Tyrion: "Including us? Eight."
Varys: "Well, then it's not a secret anymore. It's information." (Secret Discovery)
53:57
(+5)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron and the Iron Fleet ambush Daenerys Targaryen's fleet on their way to Dragonstone, shooting Rhaegal out of the sky from their ship-mounted Scorpions.
(Kill of Named Character (Orchestrated))
55:45
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron's Iron Fleet executes a devastating attack on Daenerys' armada, shooting down one of her dragons and sinking most of her ships just outside of Dragonstone.
(Victorious Battle)
57:23
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron has captured Missandei and delivered her to King's Landing following the surprise attack on Daenerys' fleet.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
Varys has recruited Martha, a serving girl from the kitchen in an attempt to poison Daenerys.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
Varys has recruited Martha, a serving girl from the kitchen in an attempt to poison Daenerys.
(Act of Betrayal)
The Northern forces win the ground war over the Lannister army, who are in disarray after surrendering their weapons and attempting to flee.
(Victorious Battle)
Grey Worm carries through with executing the Lannister prisoners over objections from Davos and Jon Snow.
Grey Worm: "It is not over until the queen's enemies are defeated."
Davos Seaworth: "How much more defeated do you want them to be? They're on their knees."
Grey Worm: "They are breathing." (Executive Decision)
Grey Worm: "It is not over until the queen's enemies are defeated."
Davos Seaworth: "How much more defeated do you want them to be? They're on their knees."
Grey Worm: "They are breathing." (Executive Decision)
Daenerys names Grey Worm to her Small Council as her new Master of War.
"You have walked beside me since the Plaza of Pride. You are the bravest of men, the most loyal of soldiers. I name you commander of all my forces, the Queen's Master of War." (New Title)
"You have walked beside me since the Plaza of Pride. You are the bravest of men, the most loyal of soldiers. I name you commander of all my forces, the Queen's Master of War." (New Title)
After Daenerys Targaryen's death, Grey Worm has taken charge of Tyrion as his prisoner, bringing him to the dragonpit to await judgment.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
Grey Worm confirms he also has Jon in his custody.
Sansa: "Where's Jon?"
Grey Worm: "He is our prisoner." (New Follower/Prisoner)
Sansa: "Where's Jon?"
Grey Worm: "He is our prisoner." (New Follower/Prisoner)
54:18
(+3)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa defies the rule of Bran Stark and proclaims that the North will secede from the Seven Kingdoms.
"...tens of thousands of Northmen fell in the Great War defending all of Westeros. And those who survived have seen too much and fought too hard ever to kneel again. The North will remain an independent kingdom, as it was for thousands of years." (Executive Decision)
"...tens of thousands of Northmen fell in the Great War defending all of Westeros. And those who survived have seen too much and fought too hard ever to kneel again. The North will remain an independent kingdom, as it was for thousands of years." (Executive Decision)
Forced by the demands of Grey Worm and the Unsullied, the rest of Westeros throws Jon under a bus, exiling him to the Night's Watch while everyone else gets noble titles.
Tyrion: "Giving you to the Unsullied would start a war. Letting you walk free would start a war. So our new king has chosen to send you to the Night's Watch." (Convincing Argument)
Tyrion: "Giving you to the Unsullied would start a war. Letting you walk free would start a war. So our new king has chosen to send you to the Night's Watch." (Convincing Argument)
70:32
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell Tarly is named Grandmaester of King Bran's new Small Council.
(New Title)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
14:05
(+3)
Sansa Stark:
Tyrion: "Last time we spoke was at Joffrey's wedding. Miserable affair."
Sansa: "It had its moments." (Funny Line)
Sansa: "It had its moments." (Funny Line)
15:12
(+3)
Sansa Stark:
to Tyrion, for thinking Cersei would honor the agreement to support them with the Lannister Army: "I used to think you were the cleverest man alive."
(Witty Insult)
submitted by gravesalex0 (approved!)
19:58
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Cersei: "20,000 men is it? is it?"
Harry Strickland: "Yes, your Grace. A few died in transit."
Euron Greyjoy: "They cheated at dice. Or maybe I cheated. Someone cheated." (Funny Line)
Harry Strickland: "Yes, your Grace. A few died in transit."
Euron Greyjoy: "They cheated at dice. Or maybe I cheated. Someone cheated." (Funny Line)
21:52
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Cersei: "You're insolent. I've executed men for less."
Euron: "They were lesser men." (Witty Insult)
Euron: "They were lesser men." (Witty Insult)
41:22
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Daenerys: "So you're the man."
Sam: "Um... which... man? am I... your Grace?" (Funny Line)
Sam: "Um... which... man? am I... your Grace?" (Funny Line)
33:40
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam defends his renowned fighting abilities
Jon Snow: "If you want to join them (Gilly and little Sam in the crypts)..."
Sam: "Everyone seems to forget that I was the first man to kill a White Walker. I've killed Thenns-"
Edd: "Thenn."
Sam: "I've saved Gilly more than once. I stole a *considerable* number of books from the Citadel library. Survived the Fist of the First Men. You need me out there!"
Edd: "Well if that's where it's come to we really are fucked." (Funny Line)
Jon Snow: "If you want to join them (Gilly and little Sam in the crypts)..."
Sam: "Everyone seems to forget that I was the first man to kill a White Walker. I've killed Thenns-"
Edd: "Thenn."
Sam: "I've saved Gilly more than once. I stole a *considerable* number of books from the Citadel library. Survived the Fist of the First Men. You need me out there!"
Edd: "Well if that's where it's come to we really are fucked." (Funny Line)
34:03
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Edd: "Well if that's where it's come to we really are fucked."
Sam: "Well- calling you fucked wouldn't be strictly accurate." (Witty Insult)
Sam: "Well- calling you fucked wouldn't be strictly accurate." (Witty Insult)
Varys sighs at his fate while waiting out the Battle of Winterfell: "At least we already in a crypt."
(Funny Line)
submitted by yarden.s (approved!)
21:27
(+3)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa: "... he got what he deserved. I gave it to him."
Sandor: "How?"
Sansa: "Hounds." (Funny Line)
Sandor: "How?"
Sansa: "Hounds." (Funny Line)
54:35
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
after stabbing Jaime through the ribs: "You fought well... for a cripple."
(Witty Insult)
47:44
(+3)
Sansa Stark:
Edmure Tully: "I suppose this is the most important moment of our lives. What we decide today will reverberate through the annals of history. I stand before you as one of the senior lords in the country. A veteran of two wars. And I like to think my experience has led to some small skill in statecraft - and underst-
Sansa: "Uncle? Please sit." (Witty Insult)
Sansa: "Uncle? Please sit." (Witty Insult)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
19:16
(+5)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron drinks from his flask while chatting with Yara Greyjoy onboard his ship. He offers to Yara but she is apparently too proud to sell herself out for the fantasy points.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
9:02
(+5)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa drinks from her cup at the head table as the awkward family dinner commences.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
9:53
(+5)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa stuffs her face with another cup as Gendry scoots his way down the aisle.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
25:25
(+5)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron chats with Cersei after a romp in her chambers.
(Act of Intercourse)
25:25
(+5)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron's right cheek is glimpsed as he pulls up his britches in Cersei's bedchambers.
(Non-sexual Nude Scene)
A Game of Thrones
9:53
(+1)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa sits at the head of the table alongside Jon Snow as they host the Northern Lords at Winterfell.
(Basic Seat)
39:21
(+1)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa sits in her chambers as she discusses the cowardice of Robbet Glover, who is not sending his troops.
(Basic Seat)
41:17
(+1)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam scoots out of his library seat as he is startled by Daenerys and Jorah.
(Basic Seat)
4:29
(+1)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa is seated at the head table in Winterfell as the court interrogates Jaime Lannister.
(Basic Seat)
18:38
(+1)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa sits with Lord Royce as they discuss what to do with the gates for the upcoming battle. "Keep them open for as long as you can, there are still people coming in from the countryside."
(Basic Seat)
8:54
(+1)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa sits at the head table during the celebratory feast at Winterfell.
(Basic Seat)
Varys sits in a chair at the edge of the head table as Tormund and the hall give a toast. "To Daenerys, the Dragon Queen!"
(Basic Seat)
Varys sits down with Tyrion in the cabin below deck, discussing the secret of Jon's parentage.
(Basic Seat)
53:50
(+1)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron sits in the gunner's seat of the Scorpion aboard his ship, as the Iron Fleet chases down Daenerys' dragons.
(Basic Seat)
Varys sits at his desk while penning a secret letter about Jon Snow's lineage.
(Basic Seat)
Varys continues to sit and write letters by candelight, when he is arrested by Grey Worm and the Unsullied.
(Basic Seat)
44:12
(+1)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa is seated as the Lords and Ladies of Westeros meet in the Dragonpit for Tyrion Lannister's trial.
(Basic Seat)
48:01
(+1)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam sits and looks away awkwardly as Edmure Tully glances around the room for support.
(Basic Seat)
49:12
(+1)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell sits back down as his proposal for a democracy is roundly rejected by the Lords and Ladies of Westeros.
(Basic Seat)
55:11
(+1)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa sits back down after the Lords rise to anoint Bran Stark as King of Six Kingdoms.
(Basic Seat)
55:11
(+1)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell sits back down after the Lords rise to anoint Bran as King of Six Kingdoms.
(Basic Seat)
67:41
(+1)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam sits down at the Small Council meeting as Tyrion flips through the history tome of "A Song of Ice and Fire"
(Basic Seat)
68:43
(+1)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell reseats himself at the Small Council meeting after King Bran's arrival.
(Basic Seat)
69:49
(+1)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell reseats himself at the Small Council meeting after King Bran's departure.
(Basic Seat)
75:31
(+3)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa takes her throne in the Winterfell Great Hall as Queen in the North
(Seat of Power)
Deaths
Varys is executed by Drogon's dragonfire after his plots to betray Daenerys are exposed.
to Tyrion: "I hope I deserve it, truly I do. I hope I'm wrong. Goodbye, old friend." (Death)
to Tyrion: "I hope I deserve it, truly I do. I hope I'm wrong. Goodbye, old friend." (Death)
55:49
(+5)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron bleeds out on the stones of the sea cave below King's Landing, having been stabbed through by Jaime.
"I'm the man who killed Jaime Lannister." (Death)
"I'm the man who killed Jaime Lannister." (Death)
Special
Tyrion, as he and Varys arrive to a frigid Winterfell: "You should consider yourself lucky. At least your balls won't freeze off."
(Special)
Varys: "You take great offense at dwarf jokes, but love telling eunuch jokes. Why is that?"
Tyrion: "Because I have balls... and you don't" (Special)
Tyrion: "Because I have balls... and you don't" (Special)
25:53
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron questions Cersei about his performance compared to her other lovers.
Euron: "So how do I compare to the fat king?"
Cersei: "You're insulting my late husband?"
Euron: "Are you offended?"
Cersei: "Robert had a different whore every night, but he still didn't know his way around a woman's body."
Euron: "And the Kingslayer?"
Cersei: "You enjoy risking your neck, don't you?" (Special)
Euron: "So how do I compare to the fat king?"
Cersei: "You're insulting my late husband?"
Euron: "Are you offended?"
Cersei: "Robert had a different whore every night, but he still didn't know his way around a woman's body."
Euron: "And the Kingslayer?"
Cersei: "You enjoy risking your neck, don't you?" (Special)
41:17
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam is reading a book in the Winterfell library as Daenerys and Jorah walk in.
(Special)
46:31
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam mentions the book he found out Jon's lineage from: "Bran and I worked it out. I have a High Septon's diary, and Bran has... whatever Bran has."
(Special)
submitted by dtsantise (approved!)
23:25
(+3)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa eyes well up as Theon arrives to Winterfell with the Ironborn to pledge his services.
(Special)
submitted by olinnbroderick3 (approved!)
"I am loyal to my Queen. I will fight for her until her *enemies* are *defeated.*
(Special)
23:06
(+3)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa cries over Theon's body as the Northern forces pay their respects to the dead after the Battle of Winterfell.
(Special)
49:21
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell explains the birds and the bees to Jon.
Samwell: "There's only so many books a person can read, so we-"
Gilly: "I'm sure he knows how it happens, Sam." (Special)
Samwell: "There's only so many books a person can read, so we-"
Gilly: "I'm sure he knows how it happens, Sam." (Special)
Varys: "He (Jon Snow) is a man, which makes him more appealing to the lords of Westeros, whose support we are going to need."
Tyrion: "Joffrey was a man. I don't think a cock is a true qualification, as I'm sure you'd agree." (Special)
Tyrion: "Joffrey was a man. I don't think a cock is a true qualification, as I'm sure you'd agree." (Special)
51:35
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Jaime: "You're no King."
Euron: "Oh, but I am. And I fucked the Queen." (Special)
Euron: "Oh, but I am. And I fucked the Queen." (Special)
submitted by kelseylawniczak (approved!)
67:22
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell places the tome, "A Song of Ice and Fire" in front of Tyrion at the Small Council meeting.
Tyrion: "What's this?"
Samwell: " A Song of Ice and Fire. Archmaester Ebrose's history of the wars following the death of King Robert. I helped him with the title." (Special)
Tyrion: "What's this?"
Samwell: " A Song of Ice and Fire. Archmaester Ebrose's history of the wars following the death of King Robert. I helped him with the title." (Special)
The Feels
42:22
(+15)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam hears the news of the deaths of his father Randyll and brother Dickon from the executioner herself.
Daenerys: "I offered to let him retain his lands and titles if he bent the knee. He refused."
Samwell: "Well at least I'll be allowed home again, now that my brother's the lord."
Daenerys: "Your brother stood with your father." (Sad Feels)
Daenerys: "I offered to let him retain his lands and titles if he bent the knee. He refused."
Samwell: "Well at least I'll be allowed home again, now that my brother's the lord."
Daenerys: "Your brother stood with your father." (Sad Feels)
23:25
(+5)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa and Theon share a heartfelt hug as he returns to the North with his Ironborn.
"I want to fight for Winterfell, Lady Sansa. If you'll have me." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
"I want to fight for Winterfell, Lady Sansa. If you'll have me." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Grey Worm and Missandei make plans for summer vacation after the war is done.
Missandei: "My people are peaceful. We cannot protect ourselves."
Grey Worm: "My people are not peaceful. We will protect you." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Missandei: "My people are peaceful. We cannot protect ourselves."
Grey Worm: "My people are not peaceful. We will protect you." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
34:25
(+5)
Samwell Tarly:
The three remaining Night's Watch members share some banter and reflect on their beginnings.
Samwell: "Think back to where we started. Us, Grenn, Pyp."
Jon: "Now it's just us three."
Edd: "Last man left, burn the rest of us." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Samwell: "Think back to where we started. Us, Grenn, Pyp."
Jon: "Now it's just us three."
Edd: "Last man left, burn the rest of us." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
50:17
(+5)
Samwell Tarly:
Jorah receives Heartsbane, the Tarly family sword from Samwell, as a remembrance to his father, the Lord Commander Jeor Mormont.
Samwell: "And I'd love to defend them with it. But I can't really hold it upright. Your father, he taught me how to be a man. How to do what's right. This is right." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Samwell: "And I'd love to defend them with it. But I can't really hold it upright. Your father, he taught me how to be a man. How to do what's right. This is right." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
31:11
(+5)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa and Tyrion wax nostalgic to their King's Landing days, and all the trials they've endured since
Tyrion: "Maybe we should have stayed married."
Sansa: "You were the best of them." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Tyrion: "Maybe we should have stayed married."
Sansa: "You were the best of them." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
submitted by brendan.hamme (approved!)
67:24
(+5)
Sansa Stark:
As the dead make their way into the Crypts, Sansa and Tyrion hide behind a tomb and share a tender moment. Tyrion kisses her hand as they pull out their weapons and join the fray.
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
submitted by brendan.hamme (approved!)
4:30
(+5)
Sansa Stark:
Sansa grieves over the body of Theon Greyjoy as the forces at Winterfell gather to honor the dead. She leaves him with her Stark brooch before lighting the funeral pyre.
(Sad Feels)
22:07
(+5)
Sansa Stark:
Sandor Clegane and Sansa talk about their long journeys and roads not taken.
Sandor: " You've changed, Little Bird. None of it would have happened if you'd left King's Landing with me. No Littlefinger, no Ramsay none of it."
Sansa: "Without Littlefinger, and Ramsay, and the rest... I would have stayed a Little Bird all my life." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Sandor: " You've changed, Little Bird. None of it would have happened if you'd left King's Landing with me. No Littlefinger, no Ramsay none of it."
Sansa: "Without Littlefinger, and Ramsay, and the rest... I would have stayed a Little Bird all my life." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
37:18
(+5)
Sansa Stark:
Arya and Sansa stage a family intervention with Jon Snow to bring him back to the Stark side.
Jon: "I've never been a Stark."
Sansa: "You are. You're just as much Ned Stark's child as any of us."
Arya: "You're my brother. Not my half-brother or my bastard brother. My brother." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Jon: "I've never been a Stark."
Sansa: "You are. You're just as much Ned Stark's child as any of us."
Arya: "You're my brother. Not my half-brother or my bastard brother. My brother." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
49:52
(+5)
Samwell Tarly:
Jon and Sam say their goodbyes at Winterfell.
Sam: "You're the best friend I ever had."
Jon: "You too, Sam." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Sam: "You're the best friend I ever had."
Jon: "You too, Sam." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Varys says his last words to Tyrion as he awaits his execution: "I hope I deserve it, truly I do. I hope I'm wrong. Goodbye, old friend."
(Sad Feels)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
61:10
(+5)
Sansa Stark:
The Starks share their farewells with Jon Snow before he is exiled off to the Night's Watch.
Sansa: "But they (the North) lost their King."
Jon: "Ned Stark's daughter will speak for them. She's the best they could ask for." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Sansa: "But they (the North) lost their King."
Jon: "Ned Stark's daughter will speak for them. She's the best they could ask for." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
68:02
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Tyrion inquires about how history regards him in the Archmaester Ebrose's new historical tome, "A Song of Ice and Fire" - but is told by Samwell Tarly that he isn't actually mentioned in it.
(Ridiculously Funny Moment)