Notice: MemcachePool::get(): Server localhost (tcp 11211, udp 0) failed with: Connection refused (111) in /var/www/html/fantasora.com/public_html/src/Cache/Cache.php on line 70
Coldhands Luke | Fantasora

Coldhands Luke

Dragon Insurance

Owner: matthewboltonis

3-3, 56.5 roto pts (#1)
Z-Score: 1.39 (percentile: 91.78%)
Weeks at #1: 0
Categories won: Insults Delivered / Funny Lines (93), Glasses of Wine Consumed (90)
Best Week: Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms (+10 roto points)
Team MVP: Tyrion Lannister (picked #8, 206 points, 41.62% of team total)
Longest winstreak: W-1

Roster Stats

Character Drafted Total Kills Politics Insults Wine Sex Thrones Deaths Special Feels
#8 206 0 30 57 55 0 20 0 0 44
#9 157 40 3 27 15 5 3 0 42 22
#24 59 12 3 0 20 10 3 0 6 5
#25 33 2 3 6 0 0 0 14 0 8
#40 30 10 0 3 0 0 0 14 3 0
#56 10 0 0 0 0 10 0 0 0 0
#41 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Totals 495 64 39 93 90 25 26 28 51 79

Roster

charId Character Special
17
* +1 point each time he is denied a drink
* +1 point whenever he physically gives someone a coin (or other legal tender)
67
* every mention of "killing Crows"
* every on-screen second he stares into Brienne's soul (rounded up)
27
+1 point for failed attempts at basic tasks.
+1 point for surprising people with how good he is at a task
45
258
+1 whenever she puts an adult in their place
283
384
Kills
Episode 3: The Long Night
Podrick gets a quick stab on a wight that charges him. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund slashes a wight across the chest as Drogon rains down fire in teh background. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund knees a wight in the zombie balls as Drogon's fire rages around. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Podrick home run swings a wight into pieces with his dragonglass blade. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund slashes two wights before the snowstorm overwhelms the battlefield. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund slashes three wights. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Podrick runs through a wight with his sword, and slashes another on its side. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Edd rescues Samwell Tarly and stabs the wight on top of him. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund cuts down a wight while telling the troops to fall back, then brings his axe down at a wight that attacks his leg. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund slashes a wight as his group makes a running retreat back to Winterfell (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund cuts down two wights. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund cuts down a wight as Melisandre works to light the trench on fire. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund finds something to stab in the mostly empty ribcage of a wight climbing over the wall. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund turns around to protect Gendry, kicking a wight off of their backs in the Winterfell courtyard. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund beheads a wight atop the castle walls. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund flails wildly and kills two wights as he and Gendry battle atop a mountain of wights and bodies. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
As Brienne and Jaimie are tied up against the wall, Podrick's hands are free and he continues to hack away at the wight horde, scoring two kills. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund cuts down a wight as he and Gendry fend off the horde atop a pile of bodies. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Tormund stabs down into the mound of wights. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Political Wins
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Tyrion and Jon convince Daenerys to take a more cautioned approach to the war and lay siege to King's Landing instead of destroying it.

Daenerys: "No matter how many lords turn against her, as long as she sits on the Iron Throne, she can call herself Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. We need the capital."
Tyrion: "I watched the people of King's Landing rebel against their king when they were hungry, and that was before winter began. Give them the opportunity and they will cast Cersei aside."
Jon: "We'll surround the city. If the Iron Fleet tries to ferry in more food, the dragons will destroy them. If the Lannisters and the Golden Company attack, we'll defeat them in the field."
Tyrion: "Once the people see that Cersei is our only enemy, her reign is over."
(Convincing Argument)
Tyrion learns of Jon's heritage as a secret Targaryen and claimant to the Iron Throne through Sansa. (Secret Discovery)
Episode 5: The Bells
Tyrion rats out Varys for his betrayal of Daenerys. (Act of Betrayal)
Tyrion speaks his way past the Unsullied guards stationed outside of Jaime's tent
Unsullied: "We have orders to guard the prisoner."
Tyrion: "Ordered by whom, the Queen herself?"
Unsullied: "No."
Tyrion: "Well, in that case, as Hand of the Queen, I outrank whomever gave your order, probably by quite a lot."
(Convincing Argument)
Tyrion convinces Jaime to undertake the covert mission to smuggle Cersei out of King's Landing and escape to a new life.

"Do it. If you don't, you'll never see Cersei again."
(Convincing Argument)
Tyrion unlocks Jaime's chains and frees him, sending him on a covert mission to rescue Cersei and end the war before Daenerys destroys the city.

"Tens of thousands of innocent lives. One not particularly innocent dwarf. Seems like a fair trade."
(Act of Betrayal)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
Tyrion convinces Jon to betray Daenerys for the good of the realm. "It's a terrible thing I'm asking. It's also the right thing." (Convincing Argument)
Tyrion successfully deflects Grey Worm from discussing his fate by dangling a juicy power struggle in front of the Lords of Westeros instead.

Grey Worm: "You are not here to speak! Everyone has heard enough words from you."
Tyrion: "You're right. And no one's any better for it. But it's not for you to decide. Jon committed his crime here. His fate is for our king to decide. Or our queen."
Lord Royce: "We don't have a king or queen."
Tyrion: "You're the most powerful people in Westeros. Choose one."
(Convincing Argument)
Tyrion is succesful in his nomination of Bran Stark for King of Westeros.

"I've had nothing to do but think these past few weeks. About our bloody history. About the mistakes we've made. What unites people? Armies? Gold? Flags? Stories. There's nothing in the world more powerful than a good story. Nothing can stop it. No enemy can defeat it. And who has a better story than Bran the Broken?"
(Convincing Argument)
Tyrion is named as King Bran Stark's Hand. (New Title)
Brienne refers to the newly-knighted Ser Podrick Payne as he arrives to wheel Bran out of the Small Council meeting. (New Title)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Episode 1: Winterfell
to Varys as they arrive in a frigid Winterfell: "You should consider yourself lucky. At least your balls won't freeze off." (Funny Line)
Varys (observing banners): "The Karstarks."
Tyrion: "One of the better sigils. Beats an onion, anyway."
(Funny Line)
Varys: "Jon and Daenerys don't want to listen to lonely old men."
Tyrion: "I'm not that old... not as old as him (Davos Seaworth)."
(Funny Line)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tyrion comments on the Lannister brothers reunion as they are spat upon by Northerners.

"Well, here we are... together again. And the masses rejoice."
(Funny Line)
Tyrion: "So, we're going to die. At Winterfell. Not the death I would've chosen. I always pictured myself dying in my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly fully of wine and a [in unison with Jaime] girl's mouth around my cock." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "You've had a strange journey."
Bran: "Stranger than most."
Tyrion: "I'd like to hear about it.
Bran: "It's a long story."
Tyrion: "If only we were in a castle, in the middle of winter with nowhere to go."
(Funny Line)
Sam defends his renowned fighting abilities
Jon Snow: "If you want to join them (Gilly and little Sam in the crypts)..."
Sam: "Everyone seems to forget that I was the first man to kill a White Walker. I've killed Thenns-"
Edd: "Thenn."
Sam: "I've saved Gilly more than once. I stole a *considerable* number of books from the Citadel library. Survived the Fist of the First Men. You need me out there!"
Edd: "Well if that's where it's come to we really are fucked."
(Funny Line)
Edd: "Samwell Tarly. Slayer of White Walkers, Lover of Ladies. As if we needed any more signs the world was ending." (Funny Line)
to Jaime: "I wish father were here. I would love to see the look on his face when he realizes his two sons are about to die defending Winterfell." (Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Brienne: "We didn't meant to interrupt, we were just looking for someplace warm to-"
Tyrion: "-to contemplate your imminent death. You've come to the right place."
(Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Tyrion: "Would you like a drink?"
Tormund: "Brought my own." [holds up horn of weird milk]
(Funny Line)
The telephone game of Westerosi epithets makes its way to Tormund.
to Jaime: "They call you Kingkiller."
(Funny Line)
Tormund tells the story of his name, Giantsbane.

"They call me Giantsbane. Want to know why?
I killed a giant when I was 10. Then I climbed right into bed with his wife.
When she woke up, you know what she did? Suckled me at her teat for three months.
Thought I was her baby. That's how I got so strong. Giant's milk."
(Funny Line)
Episode 3: The Long Night
"You might be surprised at the lengths I'd go to avoid joining the Army of the Dead. I could think of no organization less suited to my talents." (Funny Line)
submitted by ryanmcfarlane09 (approved!)
Tyrion: "Maybe we should have stayed married."
Sansa: "You were the best of them."
Tyrion: "What a terrifying thought."
(Funny Line)
submitted by ryanmcfarlane09 (approved!)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Tormund demands Jon finish off his horn of wine in front of a celebratory crowd at the Feast of Winterfell.

Tormund: "We have to celebrate our victory."
Jon: "Vomiting is not celebrating."
Tormund: "...yes, it is."
(Funny Line)
"Now, which one of you cowards shit in my pants?" (Funny Line)
ribbing Jaime on his new dedication to Brienne: "I'm happy. I'm happy that you're happy. I'm happy that you'll finally have to climb for it." (Funny Line)
ribbing Jaime on his new dedication to Brienne: "Do you know how long I've waited to tell tall-person jokes?" (Funny Line)
to Sansa: "My Lady. [long pause] ...'My Lord' is the standard response." (Funny Line)
Jon: "Rhaegal needs to heal. He doesn't need me weighing him down."
Tormund: "You weigh as much as two fleas fucking."
(Witty Insult)
Varys: "He (Jon Snow) is a man, which makes him more appealing to the lords of Westeros, whose support we are going to need."
Tyrion: "Joffrey was a man. I don't think a cock is a true qualification, as I'm sure you'd agree."
(Witty Insult)
Episode 5: The Bells
Tyrion attempts to speak to the Unsullied guards.

"I drink to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to see the..."
Unsullied: "-we speak the Common Tongue."
(Funny Line)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
"I suppose there's a crude kind of justice. I betrayed my closest friend and watched him burn. Now Varys's ashes can tell my ashes: See, I told you." (Funny Line)
Jon: "I don't expect we'll ever see each other again."
Tyrion: "I wouldn't be so sure. A few years as Hand of the King would make anyone want to piss off the edge of the world."
(Funny Line)
Tyrion: "I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel." (Funny Line)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tyrion drinks in front of the fireplace at Winterfell as he chats with Jaime. "I wish father were here." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Podrick gulps down the overflowing full cup of wine poured by Tyrion. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Podrick drinks the last of his cup after Davos declares, "we're out of wine." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 3: The Long Night
Tyrion takes a swig from his wineskin after he realizes he has nothing to say to Sansa in the Winterfell crypts. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tyrion drinks from his second wineskin as Varys and Sansa tell him to give up hope of venturing upstairs and being useful for the battle. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tyrion drinks some liquid courage from his wineskin as the wights come bashing through to the crypt level. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Tyrion drinks in the far background as Gendry scoots his way up the aisle. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Podrick drinks from his cup as Gendry makes his way through the aisle. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tyrion refills and drinks at the the refill station as he and Davos discuss the political drama to come. "We may have defeated them, but we still have us to contend with." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tormund drinks from his horn as the crowd toasts both Daenerys and Arya. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tyrion drinks at the table with Jaime and Brienne as they kick off their drinking game of guesses. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Brienne tells Tyrion he is wrong about his guess, and he is forced to drink. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Jaime and Tyrion drink after toasting to Jaime's new relationship with Brienne. "To climbing mountains." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tyrion drinks in the ship's cabin while discussing the issue of Jon Snow's parentage with Varys. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tyrion drinks in the throne room at Dragonstone as he and Varys discuss how to reign in Daenerys. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
After being spurned by Brienne, Tormund rebounds with a Northern girl who fancies him at the Feast of Winterfell.

Northern girl: " You can touch me. I'm not afraid of Wildlings."
Tormund: "Maybe you should be."
(Act of Intercourse)
Podrick has a girl in hand and chats up another Northern beauty before all three abscond into a dark corner of Winterfell. (Act of Intercourse)
After shooting a flirting smile at Podrick, Emer pairs up with him and Sarra for the night. (Act of Intercourse)
A Game of Thrones
Episode 1: Winterfell
Tyrion sits at the head table to the side of Sansa and Jon Snow, as they host the Northern Lords at Winterfell. (Basic Seat)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tyrion sits down to hear Bran's story.

Bran: "It's a long story."
Tyrion: "If only we were in a castle, in the middle of winter with nowhere to go."
(Basic Seat)
Podrick takes a seat among the fireplace crew. (Basic Seat)
Tormund sits down to regale the fireplace crew with the story of how he was named Giantsbane. (Basic Seat)
Tormund and the fireplace crew continue sitting. (Basic Seat)
Davos and the fireplace crew continue sitting. (Basic Seat)
Tyrion sits as Davos declares "we're out of wine" to the fireplace crew. (Basic Seat)
Tormund is sitting as Davos declares "we're out of wine" to the fireplace crew. (Basic Seat)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Tyrion sits at the head table during the celebratory feast at Winterfell. (Basic Seat)
Tyrion sits with Jaime in front of a fireplace in Winterfell, as Tyrion ribs Jaime on his newfound romance with Brienne. (Basic Seat)
Tyrion sits with Varys in the cabin below deck, discussing the secret of Jon's parentage. (Basic Seat)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
Tyrion tries out his seat in the Hand's chair before the Small Council meeting begins. (Seat of Power)
Tyrion hurriedly sits back into the Hand's chair as he hears the Small Council members enter the room. (Seat of Power)
Tyrion returns to the Hand's seat after Bran arrives at the Small Council meeting. (Seat of Power)
Davos reseats himself in the Hand's chair at the Small Council meeting after King Bran's departure. (Seat of Power)
Deaths
Episode 3: The Long Night
Lyanna is crushed to death by a Wight Giant, taking it down with her as she stabs it with a dragonglass dagger. (Death)
Lyanna's body is shown on the floor before she reanimates as an undead wight. (Dead Body Appearance)
Edd's body is shown on the ground as he reanimates as an undead wight. (Dead Body Appearance)
Wight Eddison Tollet dies with the Night King if she has not already died in a previous battle. (Death)
Wight Lyanna Mormont dies with the Night King if she has not already died in a previous battle. (Death)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Edd's body lies atop a funeral pyre after the Battle of Winterfell as Samwell Tarly says his goodbye. (Dead Body Appearance)
Jon approaches Lyanna Mormont's body as they light the funeral pyres to honor the dead after the Battle of Winterfell. (Dead Body Appearance)
Special
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Podrick impresses in a sparring session on the training grounds at Winterfell.

Jaime: "He's come a long way."
Brienne: "He's alright. Still has a lot to learn."
(Special)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Tormund gives the eye to Brienne during the battle planning meeting (3 seconds)

"We're all going to die... but at least we die together."
(Special)
Lyanna tells off Jorah Mormont for trying to convince her to stay safe in the crypts.

Lyanna: "I have trained my men, women and children. I have fought before. I can fight again.
JORAH: "Please, listen to me. You're the future of our house."
LYANNA: "I don't need you to remind me of that."
Jorah: "You'll be safer in the crypt. These things we're fighting-
Lyanna: "I will not hide underground. I pledged to fight for the North - and I will fight."
Samwell, interrupting: "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
Lyanna: "It's all right. We're done here."
(Special)
After he gets passed over by the group as Tyrion Lannister entreats a song, Podrick surprises the group with his rich and moving rendition of the ballad, "Jenny of Oldstones". (Special)
submitted by coreymarkhembree (approved!)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Tormund eagerly stares at Brienne as she excuses herself to take a piss. His 3-second gaze is unfortunately interrupted by Jaime. (Special)
submitted by conor_finlay (approved!)
The Feels
Episode 1: Winterfell
Edd and Tormund Giantsbane stumble upon each other at the Last Hearth.

Edd: "Stand back, he's got blue eyes!"
Tormund: "I've always had blue eyes!!"
(Ridiculously Funny Moment)
submitted by niketbp (approved!)
Edd and Tormund Giantsbane stumble upon each other at the Last Hearth.

Edd: "Stand back, he's got blue eyes!"
Tormund: "I've always had blue eyes!!"
(Ridiculously Funny Moment)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tormund bear tackles Jon Snow in the courtyard as the Beyond-the-Wall gang reunites in Winterfell. (Funny Line)
The three remaining Night's Watch members share some banter and reflect on their beginnings.
Samwell: "Think back to where we started. Us, Grenn, Pyp."
Jon: "Now it's just us three."
Edd: "Last man left, burn the rest of us."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Tormund shotguns his entire horn of "giants' milk" as it pours down all over his beard to the dismay of Davos and others. (Ridiculously Funny Moment)
Podrick delivers a heartfelt rendition of the ballad, "Jenny of Oldstones":

"High in the halls of the Kings who are gone
Jenny would dance with her ghosts
The ones she had lost and the ones she had found
And the ones who had loved her the most
The ones who'd been gone for so very long
She couldn't remember their names
They spun her around on the damp old stones
Spun away all her sorrow and pain
And she never wanted to leave
Never wanted to leave...
Never wanted to leave...
Never wanted to leave...
Never wanted to leave...
Never wanted to leave..."
(Sad Feels)
Episode 3: The Long Night
Sansa and Tyrion wax nostalgic to their King's Landing days, and all the trials they've endured since

Tyrion: "Maybe we should have stayed married."
Sansa: "You were the best of them."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
submitted by okaymkay (approved!)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Tormund's heart is broken as he regales his story to Clegane. "And after all that, this fucker comes north and takes her from me. Just takes her, like that. I mean it, Clegane. My heart is broken." (Sad Feels)
Jon and Tormund say their final farewells, as Tormund leaves to take the Free Folk home beyond the Wall.

Tormund: "It isn't home. We need room to wander. I'll take them back through Castle Black as soon as the winter storms pass. Back where we belong."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Episode 5: The Bells
Tyrion attempts to speak to the Unsullied guards.

"I drink to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to see the..."
Unsullied: "-we speak the Common Tongue."
(Ridiculously Funny Moment)
Tyrion frees Jaime and the Lannister brothers say their goodbyes on the eve of the attack on King's Landing.

Tyrion: "You were the only one who didn't treat me like a monster. You were all I had."
(Sad Feels)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
Tyrion discovers the bodies of Jaime and Cersei buried beneath the rubble of the Red Keep. (Sad Feels)
An exacerbated Tyrion reacts as the Small Council arrives and proceed to rearrange his carefully placed chairs. (Ridiculously Funny Moment)
Tyrion inquires about how history regards him in the Archmaester Ebrose's new historical tome, "A Song of Ice and Fire" - but is told by Samwell Tarly that he isn't actually mentioned in it. (Ridiculously Funny Moment)