A House of Cards
There's No Cure For Being A Cunt
Owner: thekazarian
28.5 roto pts (#4)
Z-Score:
-0.707 (percentile: 23.97%)
Weeks at #1: 0
Categories won:
Best Week:
Episode 1: Dragonstone
(+3 roto points)
Team MVP:
Jon Snow
(picked #2,
165 points,
45.08% of team total)
Roster Stats
Roster
| charId | Character | Special |
|---|---|---|
| 39 |
Jon Snow
Recently declared King in the North, he is the bastard son of Ned Stark, and formerly served as Lord Commander of the Night's Watch before he was betrayed by his fellow men.
|
* +1 each time he unintentionally drops Longclaw * +1 point each time he is called a bastard in his presence * Ghost's actions contribute to his points. |
| 7 |
Bran Stark
The fourth of the Stark children. A greenseer and a warg, Bran has mystical visions of the future and past, and has the ability to leap into the minds of others to control them - power he is only beginning to tap into. After having encountered the Three-Eyed Raven and the Night King in the far north, he now flees back south to the Wall.
|
* Bran introducing himself into a scene by creepily staring at people * Summer's actions contribute to his points * Scores points for each scene where he breaks out of his tree-trance and shows any of the following emotions: sadness (visible tears), happiness (audible laughter or smiles with teeth), fear (audible screams) * Scores points for each instance he uses his Warg ability |
| 130 |
White Walker (Night King)
The leader of the White Walkers.
|
* Actions of dragons while dragonriding * Wights or White Walker versions of named chars are counted as followers (unless shown to be re-animated by someone else) * Scenes of Winter arriving anywhere south of the Riverlands (inclusive) * works of White Walker art |
| 81 |
Sandor Clegane (The Hound)
A fearsome Lannister knight, formerly known as the Hound. After being left for dead after losing a fight with Brienne of Tarth, he recovered and briefly reformed as a laborer in a nonviolent commune, but has joined with Beric Dondarrion and the Brotherhood without Banners after bandits attack and destroy the village.
|
* +1 point for scenes where he eats * 2x multiplier for actions performed while confronted by fire |
| 13 |
Meera Reed
The eldest child of Howland Reed, bannerman to the Starks. She assists Bran in his journeys north of the Wall and is the only other surviving member of his party.
|
+1 every time she transports Bran |
| 27 |
Podrick Payne
A squire in the service of Brienne of Tarth. He previously served as Tyrion Lannister's squire.
|
+1 point for failed attempts at basic tasks. +1 point for surprising people with how good he is at a task |
| 45 |
Eddison Tollett
One of Jon Snow's few friends in the Night's Watch, he now serves as the Lord Commander after Jon deserts the order following his betrayal.
|
|
| 191 |
Obara Sand
The eldest of Prince Oberyn Martell's bastard children, known as the Sand Snakes. She wields a spear.
|
+1 for invoking the name of Oberyn Martell |
Kills
Jon chokes a creeping Littlefinger against a wall in the Crypts of Winterfell. "Talk to my sister, and I'll kill you myself."
(Minor Injury of Named Character)
After dodging a blow, Jon slices through the White Walker leading the scouting party with Longclaw, shattering it to pieces.
(Kill of Named Character)
7 of the wights in the scouting party disintegrate after Jon kills the White Walker leading them.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
The Hound shatters the jaw of a wight with one hell of an accurate rock throw. "Dumb cunt."
(Major Injury of Unnamed Character)
47:15
(+44)
Sandor Clegane (The Hound):
The Hound smashes 22 wights in the ensuing battle as the Night King's Army of the Dead descends upon the group.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jon cuts down 17 wights in the ensuing battle as the Night King's Army of the Dead descends upon the group, up until Daenerys and her dragons arrive.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jon realizes he is currently only 4th place on the Kills leaderboard, and climbs back down off of Drogon to score 10 more wight kills in garbage time, as all the others wisely get onboard.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
The Hound secures the cargo by impaling the wight onto one of Drogon's spines for the flight out.
(Major Injury of Unnamed Character)
53:35
(+10)
White Walker (Night King):
The Night King launches a perfect javelin toss, striking Viserion right in the neck and bringing him crashing straight down into the icy lake.
(Kill of Named Character)
Jon Snow cuts down four wights after witnessing Viseron's death, before realizing that trying to cut his way to the Night King for a 1v1 was a terrible idea and that he should really get back to the dragon evac.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
After revealing the wight to the audience in King's Landing, Sandor Clegane reels back its chain and bisects the wight as it charges him.
(Major Injury of Unnamed Character)
At the audience in King's Landing, Jon demonstrates the two ways of defeating the Army of the Dead, burning the wight's severed hand, and then finishing off the dismembered wight with a dragonglass dagger.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
78:00
(+16)
White Walker (Night King):
The Night King rides in on the newly risen wight-dragon Viserion, attacking the Wall at Eastwatch-by-the-Sea with blue flame, and sending 8 of its defenders to their death amidst the collapsing ice wall.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Political Wins
The Night King marches across the tundra, having newly added several wight Giants to his army.
(Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
8:18
(+3)
Bran Stark:
Bran Stark uses his knowledge about the battle at Hardhome to convince Eddison Tollet to grant him and Meera Reed passage into Castle Black.
(Convincing Argument)
submitted by Ser Vincent (approved!)
8:37
(+3)
Eddison Tollett:
Edd learns that Bran Stark is still alive, after he and Meera Reed show up to the gates of Castle Black.
(Secret Discovery)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
Jon refuses to strip the Umbers and Karstarks of their castles for Smalljon and Harald's treasonous siding with Ramsay Bolton, despite the objections from Sansa and the other Northern lords.
"...I will not punish a son for his father's sins, and I will not take a family home away from a family it has belonged to for centuries.
That is my decision, and my decision is final." (Executive Decision)
"...I will not punish a son for his father's sins, and I will not take a family home away from a family it has belonged to for centuries.
That is my decision, and my decision is final." (Executive Decision)
Jon receives pledges of loyalty from Ned Umber and Alys Karstark, the new heads of their respective houses after Smalljon Umber and Harald Karstark died in the Battle of Winterfell.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
While looking into Thoros' flames, Sandor Clegane discovers the location of the planned White Walker invasion: Eastwatch-by-the-Sea.
"Ice. A wall of ice. The Wall. ... It's where the Wall meets the sea. There's a castle there. There's a mountain. Looks like an arrowhead. The dead are marching past. Thousands of them." (Secret Discovery)
"Ice. A wall of ice. The Wall. ... It's where the Wall meets the sea. There's a castle there. There's a mountain. Looks like an arrowhead. The dead are marching past. Thousands of them." (Secret Discovery)
submitted by jake.kmiech (approved!)
Jon Snow decides that he must go to Dragonstone to meet with Daenerys, despite objections from Sansa and nearly all the Northern lords. "Daenerys is a Queen. Only a King could convince her to help us. It has to be me."
(Executive Decision)
Daenerys grants the cache of Dragonglass to Jon: "I will allow you to mine the Dragonglass and forge weapons from it. Any resources or men you need, I will provide for you."
(New Weapon)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
7:56
(+3)
Bran Stark:
Bran receives Lord Baelish's Valyrian steel dagger, which was used in an attempt to assassinate him in Season 1.
Petyr Baelish: "This is for you. The last man who wielded meant to cut your throat, but your mother fought him off." (New Weapon)
Petyr Baelish: "This is for you. The last man who wielded meant to cut your throat, but your mother fought him off." (New Weapon)
Jon reveals the ancient petroglyphs carved into the obsidian cave at Dragonstone, showing the Children of the Forest and the First Men fighting together against the White Walkers.
"There is something else I want to show you, Your Grace. The children of the forest made these. ... A very long time ago. They were right here, standing where we're standing. Before there were Targaryens or Starks or Lannisters. ... They were here together, the children and the First Men.
... They fought together against their common enemy. Despite their differences, despite their suspicions. Together. We need to do the same if we're going to survive. Because the enemy is real. It's always been real." (Secret Discovery)
"There is something else I want to show you, Your Grace. The children of the forest made these. ... A very long time ago. They were right here, standing where we're standing. Before there were Targaryens or Starks or Lannisters. ... They were here together, the children and the First Men.
... They fought together against their common enemy. Despite their differences, despite their suspicions. Together. We need to do the same if we're going to survive. Because the enemy is real. It's always been real." (Secret Discovery)
Gendry enthusiastically pledges to follow Jon Snow beyond the Wall to take on the White Walkers.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
The Night King breaks Bran's warg connection to his ravens, dispersing the scouting flock sent north of the Wall.
(Victorious Battle)
19:47
(+3)
Bran Stark:
Bran discovers the location of the Night King and the army of the dead, marching towards Eastwatch. "Ravens. We need to send ravens."
(Secret Discovery)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
Over Davos' and Daenerys' protests, Jon decides that he'll personally lead the expedition north of the Wall to capture a wight.
Davos Seaworth: "You can't lead a raid beyond the Wall. You're not in the Night's Watch anymore, you're King in the North."
Jon: "I'm the only one here who's fought them. I'm the only one here who knows them."
Daenerys: "I haven't given you permission to leave."
Jon: "With respect, Your Grace, I don't need your permission. I am a King." (Executive Decision)
Davos Seaworth: "You can't lead a raid beyond the Wall. You're not in the Night's Watch anymore, you're King in the North."
Jon: "I'm the only one here who's fought them. I'm the only one here who knows them."
Daenerys: "I haven't given you permission to leave."
Jon: "With respect, Your Grace, I don't need your permission. I am a King." (Executive Decision)
Jon silences the squabbling in the Eastwatch cells and recruits the prisoners into his expedition.
Jon: "He's right. We're all on the same side."
Gendry: "How can we be?"
Jon: "We're all breathing." (Convincing Argument)
Jon: "He's right. We're all on the same side."
Gendry: "How can we be?"
Jon: "We're all breathing." (Convincing Argument)
Jon Snow and his crew successfully ambush the White Walker scouting party, killing the leader and capturing the live wight they were looking for.
(Victorious Battle)
The Hound wields Gendry's warhammer, after Tormund forced him to leave it behind for the group so Gendry could make the marathon run back to Eastwatch faster.
(New Weapon)
The Night King's Army of the Dead overwhelm Jon Snow's party, forcing them to evacuate by dragon and taking down one of Daenerys Targaryen's dragons, Viserion, in the process.
(Victorious Battle)
Sandor loads the prized captured wight into a boat headed for King's Landing.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
After having Viseron's body salvaged from the icy lake, the Night King reanimates the dragon as a wight.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
In what is universally regarded as a terrible idea by all sides, Jon single-handedly dissolves the Lannister-Targaryen truce in the name of honor and hopefully getting into Daenerys' pants later.
Cersei: "In return, the King in the North will extend this truce. He will remain in the North where he belongs. He will not take up arms against the Lannisters. He will not choose sides. ... I know Ned Stark's son will be true to his word."
Jon Snow: "I am true to my word. Or I try to be. That is why I cannot give you what you ask. I cannot serve two queens. And I have already pledged myself to Queen Daenerys of House Targaryen." (Executive Decision)
Cersei: "In return, the King in the North will extend this truce. He will remain in the North where he belongs. He will not take up arms against the Lannisters. He will not choose sides. ... I know Ned Stark's son will be true to his word."
Jon Snow: "I am true to my word. Or I try to be. That is why I cannot give you what you ask. I cannot serve two queens. And I have already pledged myself to Queen Daenerys of House Targaryen." (Executive Decision)
Jon convinces Daenerys to sail with him to the North, rather than flying on her own.
"It's your decision, Your Grace. But if we're going to be allies in this war, it's important for the Northerners to see us as allies. If we sail to White Harbor together, I think it sends a better message." (Convincing Argument)
"It's your decision, Your Grace. But if we're going to be allies in this war, it's important for the Northerners to see us as allies. If we sail to White Harbor together, I think it sends a better message." (Convincing Argument)
57:44
(+3)
Bran Stark:
Bran reveals his knowledge of Littlefinger's actions in King's Landing.
Sansa Stark: "Do you deny it?"
Petyr Baelish: "I deny it! None of you were there to see what happened. None of you knows the truth."
Bran: "You held a knife to his throat. You said, 'I did warn you not the trust me.'" (Secret Discovery)
Sansa Stark: "Do you deny it?"
Petyr Baelish: "I deny it! None of you were there to see what happened. None of you knows the truth."
Bran: "You held a knife to his throat. You said, 'I did warn you not the trust me.'" (Secret Discovery)
69:44
(+3)
Bran Stark:
At Sam Tarly's prompting, Bran wargs into the past to witness the secret wedding ceremony between Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, confirming Jon Snow's trueborn lineage and rightful claim to the Iron Throne.
(Secret Discovery)
Riding in on the newly risen wight-dragon Viserion, the Night King blasts the Wall at Eastwatch-by-the-Sea with blue flame, destroying the castle and sending the Wall crashing down.
(Victorious Battle)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Sansa Stark: "They respect you, they really do, but you have to- Why are you laughing?"
Jon Snow: "What did father used to say? Everything before the word 'but' is horse shit." (Witty Insult)
Jon Snow: "What did father used to say? Everything before the word 'but' is horse shit." (Witty Insult)
submitted by andrei.sias (approved!)
Thoros: "Bad night to be outdoors."
Sandor: "You've got real powerful magic to figure that out. Did the Lord of Light whisper that in your ear? 'It's snowwing, Thoros.
It's winnndy. It's gonna be a coold night.'" (Funny Line)
Sandor: "You've got real powerful magic to figure that out. Did the Lord of Light whisper that in your ear? 'It's snowwing, Thoros.
It's winnndy. It's gonna be a coold night.'" (Funny Line)
Thoros: "Why are you always in such a foul mood?"
Sandor: "... Experience." (Funny Line)
Sandor: "... Experience." (Funny Line)
to Thoros: "I'll tell you what doesn't scare me: bald cocksuckers like you. You think you're fooling anyone with that top knot?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by tylermanhart (approved!)
"It's my fucking luck I end up with a band of fire-worshippers" -as Thoros beckons him over to check out the magic prophecy fire he just started
(Funny Line)
48:28
(+3)
Obara Sand:
Tyene Sand: "Maybe I'll kill you both before we take King's Landing. And then I won't have to share."
Obara and Nymeria: "(baby voice) Mammmaaa!" (Funny Line)
Obara and Nymeria: "(baby voice) Mammmaaa!" (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "She's much smarter than she lets on."
Jon: "She's starting to let on." (Funny Line)
Jon: "She's starting to let on." (Funny Line)
Daenerys Targaryen: "Did you see three dragons flying overhead when you arrived? ... and did you see the Dothraki, all of whom have sworn to kill for me?"
Jon: "They're hard to miss." (Funny Line)
Jon: "They're hard to miss." (Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
0:00
(+3)
Bran Stark:
Bran interrupts Littlefinger's meddling mind games as soon as Littlefinger mentions chaos with a comeback that leaves Littlefinger speechless and his underpants soiled: "Chaos is a ladder"
(Threat)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
Jon and Daenerys discuss her dragons.
Daenerys: "They're beautiful, aren't they?"
Jon: "It wasn't the word I was thinking of, but... but, yes, they are. Gorgeous beasts." (Funny Line)
Daenerys: "They're beautiful, aren't they?"
Jon: "It wasn't the word I was thinking of, but... but, yes, they are. Gorgeous beasts." (Funny Line)
The Hound interrupts Beric's grand monologue.
Beric: "It doesn't matter what we think our reasons are. There's a greater purpose at work. And we serve it together, whether we know it or not. We may take the steps, but the Lord of Light-"
Hound: "For fuck's sake, will you shut your hole? Are we coming with you or not?" (Funny Line)
Beric: "It doesn't matter what we think our reasons are. There's a greater purpose at work. And we serve it together, whether we know it or not. We may take the steps, but the Lord of Light-"
Hound: "For fuck's sake, will you shut your hole? Are we coming with you or not?" (Funny Line)
Tormund Giantsbane: "I can breathe again. Down south the air smells like pigshit."
Jon Snow: "You've never been down south."
Tormund: "I've been to Winterfell."
Jon: "That's the North." (Funny Line)
Jon Snow: "You've never been down south."
Tormund: "I've been to Winterfell."
Jon: "That's the North." (Funny Line)
Gendry recaps his ordeal after being sold to the Red Priestess Melisandre.
Gendry: "You know what she did to me? She strapped me down on the bed, she stripped me naked-"
Sandor: "Sounds alright so far." (Funny Line)
Gendry: "You know what she did to me? She strapped me down on the bed, she stripped me naked-"
Sandor: "Sounds alright so far." (Funny Line)
Gendry: "She wanted to kill me. And would have killed me if it weren't for-"
Sandor: "But they didn't, did they? So what you whinging about?"
Gendry: "I'm not whinging."
Sandor: "Your lips are moving and you complain about something. That's whinging. This one's been killed six times and you don't hear him bitching about it." (Witty Insult)
Sandor: "But they didn't, did they? So what you whinging about?"
Gendry: "I'm not whinging."
Sandor: "Your lips are moving and you complain about something. That's whinging. This one's been killed six times and you don't hear him bitching about it." (Witty Insult)
Sandor: "You want to suck my dick, is that it?"
Tormund Giantsbane: "Dick?"
Sandor: "Cock."
Tormund: "Ah, dick. I like it."
Sandor: "Bet you do. (Funny Line)
Tormund Giantsbane: "Dick?"
Sandor: "Cock."
Tormund: "Ah, dick. I like it."
Sandor: "Bet you do. (Funny Line)
Tormund: "I want to make babies with her - think of them. Great big monsters. They'd conquer the world."
Sandor: "How did a mad fucker like you live this long?" (Funny Line)
Sandor: "How did a mad fucker like you live this long?" (Funny Line)
Beric Dondarrion, as they part ways at Eastwatch: "We'll meet again, Clegane."
Sandor: "Fucking hope not." (Funny Line)
Sandor: "Fucking hope not." (Funny Line)
Sandor Clegane: "Am I going to die in this shit city?"
Tyrion Lanniser: "You might."
Sandor: "And this is all your idea. Seems every bad idea has some Lannister cunt behind it." (Witty Insult)
Tyrion Lanniser: "You might."
Sandor: "And this is all your idea. Seems every bad idea has some Lannister cunt behind it." (Witty Insult)
to Gregor Clegane: "Remember me? Yeah, you do. You're even fucking uglier than I am now. What did they do to you? Doesn't matter. That's not how it ends for you, brother. You know who's coming for you. You've always known."
(Threat)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
48:08
(+5)
Obara Sand:
Obara drinks in her hammock below deck, as the Sand Sisters argue over who they will kill in King's Landing.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
The Hound gets one short swig in before Jon ruins the party and takes back the flask. "We have to burn the body."
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
Deaths
56:02
(+2)
Obara Sand:
In the aftermath of Euron's ambush on Yara's fleet, Obara's body is shown impaled with her own spears onto the bowsprit of the burning ship.
(Dead Body Appearance)
Special
7:33
(+3)
Bran Stark:
Bran taps into his warg ability as he waits at the gate to Castle Black.
(Special)
8:57
(+3)
Meera Reed:
Meera gives a slight push to Bran's sledge for appearances sake, as two members of the Night's Watch tow Bran through the gates at Castle Black.
(Special)
Sansa reading Tyrion's letter to Jon Snow: "All dwarves are bastards in their father's eyes."
(Special)
48:11
(+3)
Obara Sand:
to Nymeria: "The Mountain killed father. He'll crush you with one hand."
(Special)
Tyrion Lannister greets Jon on his arrival at Dragonstone: "The Bastard of Winterfell."
(Special)
Davos Seaworth: "He was named King in the North. Not because of his birthright. He has no birthright. He's a damn bastard."
(Special)
Missandei: "Forgive me, but may I ask a question? ... Your name is Jon Snow, but your father's name is Ned Stark?"
Jon Snow: "I'm a bastard. My mother and father weren't married." (Special)
Jon Snow: "I'm a bastard. My mother and father weren't married." (Special)
18:35
(+3)
Bran Stark:
Bran wargs into a flock of ravens to fly beyond Eastwatch-by-the-Sea and scout out the White Walker army.
(Special)
Jon Snow drops Longclaw on the frozen ice sheet after he is tackled under water by the wights during the dragon evacuation.
(Special)
69:44
(+3)
Bran Stark:
At Sam Tarly's prompting, Bran wargs into the past to witness the secret wedding ceremony between Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark.
(Special)
74:26
(+3)
Bran Stark:
Bran wargs by the weirwood tree, controlling a flock of ravens flying over Eastwatch-by-the-Sea.
(Special)
The Feels
20:20
(+0)
Podrick Payne:
While watching on as the living Stark children together in the courtyard of Winterfell:
Podrick: "Catelyn Stark would be proud. You've kept your vow."
Brienne: "I did next to nothing."
Podrick: "You're too hard on yourself, My Lady."
Brienne: "I'm not- ...thank you, Podrick." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Podrick: "Catelyn Stark would be proud. You've kept your vow."
Brienne: "I did next to nothing."
Podrick: "You're too hard on yourself, My Lady."
Brienne: "I'm not- ...thank you, Podrick." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)