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Petyr Baelick my balls (RIP) | Fantasora

Petyr Baelick my balls (RIP)

Kings Landing Strip 2.0

Owner: kellybarford

1-4-1, 29 roto pts (#4)
Z-Score: -0.286 (percentile: 38.74%)
Weeks at #1: 0
Categories won:
Best Week: Episode 1: Winterfell (+8.5 roto points)
Team MVP: Sandor Clegane (The Hound) (picked #21, 155 points, 34.37% of team total)
Longest winstreak: W-1

Roster Stats

Character Drafted Total Kills Politics Insults Wine Sex Thrones Deaths Special Feels
#21 155 72 6 15 25 0 0 10 9 18
#9 150 31 0 18 30 10 6 7 12 36
#16 61 5 17 9 5 10 1 5 9 0
#4 51 0 17 3 5 5 6 7 3 5
#33 29 26 0 0 0 0 0 0 3 0
#28 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 5 0 0
#45 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
#40 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Totals 451 134 40 45 65 25 13 34 36 59

Roster

charId Character Special
18
* +1 special point every time she pours wine or requests a glass be poured
* +1 point when someone (excl. Jaime) references incest with Jaime or her childrens' bastardy directly to her
* 2x multiplier for sex acts involving incest (first cousin or closer)
19
* +1 point for awkward waves with his metal hand
* +1 point when he uses his metal hand in a combat situation
* +1 point when someone (excl. Cersei) references incest with Cersei or her childrens' bastardy directly to him
* 2x multiplier for sex acts involving incest (first cousin or closer)
216
+1 when he or his Ironborn is referenced as the "greatest" (including self-references)
+1 for crude sexual remarks made about women he is courting
81
* +1 point for scenes where he eats
* 2x multiplier for actions performed while confronted by fire
72
* +1 point whenever he receives a new specimen for his experiments
* +1 politics point when reporting information from his "little birds"
396
* glowing blue eyes (each set) simply staring at human characters without taking action (e.g. not attacking/pursuing)
13
+1 every time she transports Bran
283
Kills
Episode 3: The Long Night
Jaime bodies a wight onto the ground. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime slashes a wight across its back and drags it off of Brienne. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime kills a charging wight (Kill of Unnamed Character)
The Hound hacks away at 3 wights with his dragonglass axe. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
The Hound cuts down a spinning wight as he covers the group's retreat to Winterfell. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Clegane slashes down a wight as the phalanx of Unsullied escort Melisandre outside the Winterfell gate. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Sandor cuts down another wight as time frantically ticks down for the Red Woman's firestarters to work. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime cuts down the second wight climbing over the wall. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Sandor brings his axe down on a wight as it attempts to scale the wall, sending it tumbling back down to the bottom. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime cuts down three wights as they begin to overrun the wall. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
After being rescued by Brienne, Jaime covers her back and cuts down a wight. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
The Wight Giant bursts through the door and starts launching homeruns with his club, swatting away 5 Mormont soldiers. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
The Wight Giant kicks through the line of czech hedgehogs, obliterating them and sending three Mormont soldiers flying. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
The Wight Giant picks up the charging Lyanna Mormont, crushing in her plate armor with its bare hand. (Kill of Named Character)
Clegane fights off two wights, knocking out one's head and kicking another. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Jaime stabs into a wight. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Episode 5: The Bells
Euron stabs Jaime through the ribs with his dagger as the brawl in the sea cave underneath King's Landing. (Major Injury of Named Character)
Jaime stabs Euron Greyjoy through the stomach as they battle in the sea caves below King's Landing. (Kill of Named Character)
Sandor deftly handles 4 of Cersei's Queensguard as he confronts her and his brother Gregor escaping the Red Keep. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Sandor tackles Gregor Clegane and carries him through the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep and into the burning city below. (Kill of Named Character)
Sandor sacrifices himself to tackle Gregor Clegane, carrying the both of them tumbling through the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep and into the burning city below. (Kill of Named Character)
Political Wins
Episode 1: Winterfell
Cersei gains the sellsword services of the Golden Company.
Cersei: "In any event, you are most welcome here in King's Landing, Captain Strickland."
Harry Stickland: "We look forward to fighting on your behalf, Your Grace."
(Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
Along with the Golden Company, Cersei gains their Captain Harry Strickland as a follower. (New Follower/Prisoner)
Euron returns to King's Landing, have secured the services of the Golden Company for Cersei Lannister and the Crown. (Deals Brokered)
Euron finds a way to charm himself into Cersei's cold graces.
Cersei: "You want a whore, buy one. You want a queen earn her."
Euron: "How? I've given her justice, an army and the Iron Fleet, yet she gives me no sign of affection. My heart is nearly broken."
(Convincing Argument)
Sandor receives a massive dragonglass battleaxe forged by Gendry, and thanks him with insults.
"You know who makes weapons for the Wildlings? Cripples and cocksuckers - which one are you?"
(New Weapon)
Episode 3: The Long Night
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Euron and the Iron Fleet ambush Daenerys Targaryen's fleet on their way to Dragonstone, shooting Rhaegal out of the sky from their ship-mounted Scorpions. (Kill of Named Character (Orchestrated))
Euron's Iron Fleet executes a devastating attack on Daenerys' armada, shooting down one of her dragons and sinking most of her ships just outside of Dragonstone. (Victorious Battle)
Euron has captured Missandei and delivered her to King's Landing following the surprise attack on Daenerys' fleet. (New Follower/Prisoner)
As a result of the Iron Fleet attacks on Daenerys' ships, Cersei captures Missandei. (New Follower/Prisoner)
Cersei carries through on her threat as the Mountain beheads the prisoner Missandei in front of Daenerys and her advisors during the attempted parley. (Kill of Named Character (Orchestrated))
Episode 5: The Bells
Sandor reflects on the bitter end that revenge has brought him to, as he wards Arya away from following his same path.

Sandor: "She's dead. And you'll be dead too if you don't get out of here."
Arya: "I'm going to kill her."
Sandor: "You think you wanted revenge a long time? I've been after it all my life. It's all I care about. And look at me. Look at me! You wanna be like me? You come with me, you die here."
(Convincing Argument)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Episode 1: Winterfell
Cersei: "20,000 men is it? is it?"
Harry Strickland: "Yes, your Grace. A few died in transit."
Euron Greyjoy: "They cheated at dice. Or maybe I cheated. Someone cheated."
(Funny Line)
"I wanted those elephants." (Funny Line)
"You're a cold little bitch aren't you? I guess that's why you're still alive." (Witty Insult)
submitted by sweetsarah025 (approved!)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tyrion: "So, we're going to die. At Winterfell. Not the death I would've chosen. I always pictured myself dying in my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly fully of wine and a [in unison with Jaime] girl's mouth around my cock." (Funny Line)
to Tyrion: "It wasn't so simple. I was sleeping with my sister, and you had one friend in the world - who was sleeping with his sister." (Funny Line)
to Arya: "You never used to shut up, now you're just sitting there like a mute." (Funny Line)
As Beric walks by to interrupt the moment between Arya Stark and Sandor:

"Oh for fuck's sake - may as well be at a bloody wedding."
(Funny Line)
Beric Dondarrion: "The Lord of Light has brought us together all the same. This is his moment. When light-"
Sandor: "Thoros isn't here anymore, so I hope you're not about to give a sermon. Because if you are, the Lord of Light's gonna wonder why he brought you back 19 times just to watch you die when I chuck you over this fucking wall."
(Threat)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Jaime and Brienne play a drinking game of guesses.

Jaime: "You... are an only child."
Brienne: "I told you I was."
Jaime: "You didn't."
Brienne: "I did."
Jaime: "I surmised it."
(Funny Line)
Brienne: "It's the first thing I learnt when I came to the North. Keep your fire going. Every time you leave the room, put more wood on."
Jaime: "... You know the first thing I learned in the North? I hate the fucking North."
(Funny Line)
Episode 5: The Bells
Tyrion: "Did you consider taking it (the golden hand) off?"
Jaime: "Cersei once called me the stupidest Lannister."
(Funny Line)
after stabbing Jaime through the ribs: "You fought well... for a cripple." (Witty Insult)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
Episode 1: Winterfell
Euron drinks from his flask while chatting with Yara Greyjoy onboard his ship. He offers to Yara but she is apparently too proud to sell herself out for the fantasy points. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tyrion raises a toast - "to the perils of self-betterment" and Jaime just gets his lips on the cup as Brienne and Podrick barge in. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Sandor drinks from his wineskin atop the ramparts of Winterfell. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Jaime refills his cup as the fireplace crew talks about the sexism of knighthood in Westeros. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 3: The Long Night
The Hound takes a drink after admonishing Gendry for his thirst.

Gendry: "Look, it's not about that."
Sandor: "Of course it's about that, you twat. Why shouldn't it be? The dead are dead. You're not."
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Jaime drinks as Gendry scoots past him and Brienne in the aisle. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Brienne and Jaime share a drink at the Feast of Winterfell.

Jaime: "We've fought dead things and lived to talk about it.If this isn't the time to drink, when is?"
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
Sandor takes a sip in the blurry background as Davos and Tyrion talk about Melisandre. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Clegane takes another bitter drink as growls at a Northern girl who attempts to hit on him. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Sandor drinks from his refill as he talks bluntly with Sansa about her experiences. "You've changed, little bird." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Jaime pours himself a cup and drinks in Brienne's bedchambers as he jealously questions her about Tormund Giantsbane. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Jaime and Tyrion drink after toasting to Jaime's new relationship with Brienne. "To climbing mountains." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
Episode 1: Winterfell
Cersei chats with Euron after a romp in her chambers. (Act of Intercourse)
Euron chats with Cersei after a romp in her chambers. (Act of Intercourse)
Euron's right cheek is glimpsed as he pulls up his britches in Cersei's bedchambers. (Non-sexual Nude Scene)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Jaime fumbles awkwardly in his first attempts at flirting with someone who is not a sibling, but ultimately succeeds in wooing Brienne with the 'ol "my it's quite hot in here". (Act of Intercourse)
Jaime sits brooding in front of the fireplace after a 2nd night with Brienne, reflecting on how one just can't go back to non-incest after hitting that high-grade sibling kush. (Act of Intercourse)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
A Game of Thrones
Episode 1: Winterfell
Cersei greets the captain of the Golden Company, Harry Strickland, from the Iron Throne. (Iron Throne)
Cersei sits down with a glass of wine in her bedchambers after her session with Euron Greyjoy. (Basic Seat)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Jaime sits in front of the fireplace in Winterfell with Tyrion. (Basic Seat)
Jaime sits back down on his chair after inviting their new guests around the fireplace. (Basic Seat)
Jaime and the fireplace crew continue sitting. (Basic Seat)
Tyrion sits as Davos declares "we're out of wine" to the fireplace crew. (Basic Seat)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Tyrion sits with Jaime in front of a fireplace in Winterfell, as Tyrion ribs Jaime on his newfound romance with Brienne. (Basic Seat)
Euron sits in the gunner's seat of the Scorpion aboard his ship, as the Iron Fleet chases down Daenerys' dragons. (Basic Seat)
Jaime sits on a chair in front of the fireplace after a 2nd night with Brienne, reflecting on how non-incest just doesn't really do it for him. (Basic Seat)
Deaths
Episode 5: The Bells
Euron bleeds out on the stones of the sea cave below King's Landing, having been stabbed through by Jaime.

"I'm the man who killed Jaime Lannister."
(Death)
59:09 (+5) Qyburn:
Qyburn is bashed in against the rubble of the Red Keep and flung to his death by the Mountain, as he vainly commands Ser Gregor to stay by Queen Cersei's side. (Death)
Sandor sacrifices himself to tackle Gregor Clegane, carrying the both of them tumbling through the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep and into the burning city below. (Death)
Jaime reassures Cersei in their final moments in the cellars of the Red Keep, as the castle collapses down around them.

"Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. Only us."
(Death)
Jaime reassures Cersei in their final moments in the cellars of the Red Keep, as the castle collapses down around them.

"Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. Only us."
(Death)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
Tyrion finds Cersei's and Jaime's bodies in the rubble beneath the collapsed Red Keep (Dead Body Appearance)
submitted by jedjackoway (approved!)
Tyrion finds Cersei's and Jaime's bodies in the rubble beneath the collapsed Red Keep (Dead Body Appearance)
Special
Episode 1: Winterfell
Euron: "How do I compare? To the fat king."
Cersei: "Robert had a different whore every night, but he still didn't know his way around a woman's body."
Euron: "And the Kingslayer?"
(Special)
Euron questions Cersei about his performance compared to her other lovers.
Euron: "So how do I compare to the fat king?"
Cersei: "You're insulting my late husband?"
Euron: "Are you offended?"
Cersei: "Robert had a different whore every night, but he still didn't know his way around a woman's body."
Euron: "And the Kingslayer?"
Cersei: "You enjoy risking your neck, don't you?"
(Special)
to Cersei: "I'm going to put a prince in your belly." (Special)
Episode 3: The Long Night
A wight giant picks up the little Lyanna Mormont to raise her up to optimal eye-stabbing height. (Special)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Sandor scoops at a shepherd's pie in his bowl during the Feast of Winterfell, in a strong foreshadowing to the Cleganebowl that was Promised. (Special)
submitted by conor_finlay (approved!)
Sandor chews on a piece of jerky as he rides solo out of Winterfell. (Special)
Episode 5: The Bells
Jaime holds up his golden hand when Tyrion asks "how did they (Daenerys' forces) find you?" (Special)
Jaime waves his golden hand at the Lannister guards in futility, as the King's Landing gates close and lock Jaime outside. (Special)
Jaime: "You're no King."
Euron: "Oh, but I am. And I fucked the Queen."
(Special)
submitted by kelseylawniczak (approved!)
Jaime uses the ancient martial art of throat-poking with his golden hand while fighting Euron Greyjoy. (Special)
Jaime bitch-slaps Euron across the face with his golden hand to escape from a chokehold. (Special)
The Feels
Episode 1: Winterfell
After riding anonymously for a fortnight to reach Winterfell, Jaime discovers Bran has been sitting in the courtyard waiting for his "old friend" the whole time. (I've made a huge mistake.)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Arya and the Hound share a drink atop the ramparts of Winterfell.

Arya: "No, I mean, what are you doing up here? You joined the Brotherhood. You went beyond the Wall with Jon. You're here now. Why? When was the last time you fought for anyone but yourself?"
Sandor: "I fought for you, didn't I?"
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Jaime knights Brienne of Tarth

"In the name of the Warrior, I charge you to be brave.
In the name of the Father, I charge you to be just.
In the name of the Mother, I charge you to defend the innocent.
Arise, Brienne of Tarth - a knight of the Seven Kingdoms."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Sandor continues to sit and eat throughout all the various celebratory toasts for Gendry, Arya, and other heroes of the Battle of Winterfell. (Ridiculously Funny Moment)
Sandor Clegane and Sansa talk about their long journeys and roads not taken.

Sandor: " You've changed, Little Bird. None of it would have happened if you'd left King's Landing with me. No Littlefinger, no Ramsay none of it."
Sansa: "Without Littlefinger, and Ramsay, and the rest... I would have stayed a Little Bird all my life."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
After two days of playing house with Brienne, Jaime receives news of the events in King's Landing and reflects on where his true passions lie.

"You think I'm a good man? I pushed a boy out a tower window, crippled him for life for Cersei. I strangled my cousin with my own hands just to get back to Cersei. I would have murdered every man, woman and child in Riverrun for Cersei. She's hateful. And so am I."
(Sad Feels)
Episode 5: The Bells
Tyrion frees Jaime and the Lannister brothers say their goodbyes on the eve of the attack on King's Landing.

Tyrion: "You were the only one who didn't treat me like a monster. You were all I had."
(Sad Feels)
Sandor reflects on the bitter end that revenge has brought him to, as he wards Arya away from following his same path.

Sandor: "She's dead. And you'll be dead too if you don't get out of here."
Arya: "I'm going to kill her."
Sandor: "You think you wanted revenge a long time? I've been after it all my life. It's all I care about. And look at me. Look at me! You wanna be like me? You come with me, you die here."
(Sad Feels)
Jaime reassures Cersei in their final moments in the cellars of the Red Keep, as the castle collapses down around them.

"Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. Only us."
(Sad Feels)
Jaime reassures Cersei in their final moments in the cellars of the Red Keep, as the castle collapses down around them.

"Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. Only us."
(Sad Feels)