Notice: MemcachePool::get(): Server localhost (tcp 11211, udp 0) failed with: Connection refused (111) in /var/www/html/fantasora.com/public_html/src/Cache/Cache.php on line 70
Crows before Hoes | Fantasora

Crows before Hoes

Impin’ aint easy

Owner: dhabig99

2-4, 37 roto pts (#2)
Z-Score: 1.104 (percentile: 86.54%)
Weeks at #1: 0
Categories won: Insults Delivered / Funny Lines (66), Glasses of Wine Consumed (85)
Best Week: Episode 5: The Bells (+4 roto points)
Team MVP: Tyrion Lannister (picked #10, 206 points, 46.92% of team total)
Longest winstreak: W-2

Roster Stats

Character Drafted Total Kills Politics Insults Wine Sex Thrones Deaths Special Feels
#10 206 0 30 57 55 0 20 0 0 44
#15 149 40 15 6 25 10 8 0 0 45
#3 51 0 17 3 5 5 6 7 3 5
#22 33 25 0 0 0 0 0 5 3 0
Totals 439 65 62 66 85 15 34 12 6 94

Roster

charId Character Special
18
* +1 special point every time she pours wine or requests a glass be poured
* +1 point when someone (excl. Jaime) references incest with Jaime or her childrens' bastardy directly to her
* 2x multiplier for sex acts involving incest (first cousin or closer)
17
* +1 point each time he is denied a drink
* +1 point whenever he physically gives someone a coin (or other legal tender)
9
* Scores every time she mentions the "oath" or "vow" she swore to serve the Starks. * Scores every time someone references her size/masculinity/attractiveness.
28
* Scores for any kills of non-combatants * Scores for each sentence spoken * Interacting with bowls
Kills
Episode 3: The Long Night
Brienne's downward strike takes out one wight, before she is gang-tackled by the horde. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Brienne cuts down two wights as the snowstorm approaches overhead. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Brienne strikes down a wight. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Brienne stabs through a wight as Sam watches her silhouette through the flames of the battlefield. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Brienne decapitates two wights as they overrun the wall. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Brienne knocks 3 wights over a weak guardrail atop the wall. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Brienne rescues Jaime and killing the 2 wights on top of him and defending against 4 more wights charging their position. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Brienne mops up Jaime's sloppy work, turning around to cut down a wight who was still attacking after Jaime's strike. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Brienne cuts down three wights as they begin to overwhelm her position in the Winterfell courtyard. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Cersei carries through on her threat as the Mountain beheads the prisoner Missandei in front of Daenerys and her advisors during the attempted parley. (Kill of Named Character)
Episode 5: The Bells
The Mountain flings Qyburn to his death against the rubble of the Red Keep, ignoring his commands to stay by Queen Cersei's side. (Kill of Named Character)
The Mountain squeezes in the eyes of his younger brother Sandor Clegane, as they fight in the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep. (Major Injury of Named Character)
Political Wins
Episode 1: Winterfell
Cersei gains the sellsword services of the Golden Company.
Cersei: "In any event, you are most welcome here in King's Landing, Captain Strickland."
Harry Stickland: "We look forward to fighting on your behalf, Your Grace."
(Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
Along with the Golden Company, Cersei gains their Captain Harry Strickland as a follower. (New Follower/Prisoner)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Brienne defends Jaime to the skeptical court at Winterfell, convincing Sansa to accept Jaime.

to Sansa: "Without him, my Lady, you would not be alive. He armed me, armored me, and sent me to find you and bring you home. Because he had sworn an oath to your mother."
(Convincing Argument)
Brienne is revealed to be a commander for the upcoming Battle at Winterfell, overseeing the left flank.

"It's good ground. The rise - it should give us some advantage if we can keep a tight formation we might be able to beat them back."
(New Title)
Jaime pledges his services to Brienne: "I came to Winterfell because I'm not the fighter I used to be. But I'd be honored to serve under your command, if you'll have me." (New Follower/Prisoner)
Brienne is knighted by Ser Jaime Lannister.

"In the name of the Warrior, I charge you to be brave.
In the name of the Father, I charge you to be just.
In the name of the Mother, I charge you to defend the innocent.
Arise, Brienne of Tarth - a knight of the Seven Kingdoms."
(New Title)
Episode 3: The Long Night
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Tyrion and Jon convince Daenerys to take a more cautioned approach to the war and lay siege to King's Landing instead of destroying it.

Daenerys: "No matter how many lords turn against her, as long as she sits on the Iron Throne, she can call herself Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. We need the capital."
Tyrion: "I watched the people of King's Landing rebel against their king when they were hungry, and that was before winter began. Give them the opportunity and they will cast Cersei aside."
Jon: "We'll surround the city. If the Iron Fleet tries to ferry in more food, the dragons will destroy them. If the Lannisters and the Golden Company attack, we'll defeat them in the field."
Tyrion: "Once the people see that Cersei is our only enemy, her reign is over."
(Convincing Argument)
Tyrion learns of Jon's heritage as a secret Targaryen and claimant to the Iron Throne through Sansa. (Secret Discovery)
As a result of the Iron Fleet attacks on Daenerys' ships, Cersei captures Missandei. (New Follower/Prisoner)
Cersei carries through on her threat as the Mountain beheads the prisoner Missandei in front of Daenerys and her advisors during the attempted parley. (Kill of Named Character (Orchestrated))
Episode 5: The Bells
Tyrion rats out Varys for his betrayal of Daenerys. (Act of Betrayal)
Tyrion speaks his way past the Unsullied guards stationed outside of Jaime's tent
Unsullied: "We have orders to guard the prisoner."
Tyrion: "Ordered by whom, the Queen herself?"
Unsullied: "No."
Tyrion: "Well, in that case, as Hand of the Queen, I outrank whomever gave your order, probably by quite a lot."
(Convincing Argument)
Tyrion convinces Jaime to undertake the covert mission to smuggle Cersei out of King's Landing and escape to a new life.

"Do it. If you don't, you'll never see Cersei again."
(Convincing Argument)
Tyrion unlocks Jaime's chains and frees him, sending him on a covert mission to rescue Cersei and end the war before Daenerys destroys the city.

"Tens of thousands of innocent lives. One not particularly innocent dwarf. Seems like a fair trade."
(Act of Betrayal)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
Tyrion convinces Jon to betray Daenerys for the good of the realm. "It's a terrible thing I'm asking. It's also the right thing." (Convincing Argument)
Tyrion successfully deflects Grey Worm from discussing his fate by dangling a juicy power struggle in front of the Lords of Westeros instead.

Grey Worm: "You are not here to speak! Everyone has heard enough words from you."
Tyrion: "You're right. And no one's any better for it. But it's not for you to decide. Jon committed his crime here. His fate is for our king to decide. Or our queen."
Lord Royce: "We don't have a king or queen."
Tyrion: "You're the most powerful people in Westeros. Choose one."
(Convincing Argument)
Tyrion is succesful in his nomination of Bran Stark for King of Westeros.

"I've had nothing to do but think these past few weeks. About our bloody history. About the mistakes we've made. What unites people? Armies? Gold? Flags? Stories. There's nothing in the world more powerful than a good story. Nothing can stop it. No enemy can defeat it. And who has a better story than Bran the Broken?"
(Convincing Argument)
Tyrion is named as King Bran Stark's Hand. (New Title)
Brienne joins the Small Council meeting as Lord Commander of the Kingsguard (New Title)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Episode 1: Winterfell
to Varys as they arrive in a frigid Winterfell: "You should consider yourself lucky. At least your balls won't freeze off." (Funny Line)
"I wanted those elephants." (Funny Line)
Varys (observing banners): "The Karstarks."
Tyrion: "One of the better sigils. Beats an onion, anyway."
(Funny Line)
Varys: "Jon and Daenerys don't want to listen to lonely old men."
Tyrion: "I'm not that old... not as old as him (Davos Seaworth)."
(Funny Line)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tyrion comments on the Lannister brothers reunion as they are spat upon by Northerners.

"Well, here we are... together again. And the masses rejoice."
(Funny Line)
Tyrion: "So, we're going to die. At Winterfell. Not the death I would've chosen. I always pictured myself dying in my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly fully of wine and a [in unison with Jaime] girl's mouth around my cock." (Funny Line)
Brienne: "What are you doing? ... We have never had a conversation last this long without you insulting me, not once."
Jaime: "You want me to insult you?"
(Funny Line)
Tyrion: "You've had a strange journey."
Bran: "Stranger than most."
Tyrion: "I'd like to hear about it.
Bran: "It's a long story."
Tyrion: "If only we were in a castle, in the middle of winter with nowhere to go."
(Funny Line)
to Jaime: "I wish father were here. I would love to see the look on his face when he realizes his two sons are about to die defending Winterfell." (Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Brienne: "We didn't meant to interrupt, we were just looking for someplace warm to-"
Tyrion: "-to contemplate your imminent death. You've come to the right place."
(Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Brienne relents and allows her squire to have a drink.

Brienne: "I don't think that's wise - the battle might start at any moment."
[Podrick sad look]
Brienne: "Half cup."
(Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 3: The Long Night
"You might be surprised at the lengths I'd go to avoid joining the Army of the Dead. I could think of no organization less suited to my talents." (Funny Line)
submitted by ryanmcfarlane09 (approved!)
Tyrion: "Maybe we should have stayed married."
Sansa: "You were the best of them."
Tyrion: "What a terrifying thought."
(Funny Line)
submitted by ryanmcfarlane09 (approved!)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
ribbing Jaime on his new dedication to Brienne: "I'm happy. I'm happy that you're happy. I'm happy that you'll finally have to climb for it." (Funny Line)
ribbing Jaime on his new dedication to Brienne: "Do you know how long I've waited to tell tall-person jokes?" (Funny Line)
to Sansa: "My Lady. [long pause] ...'My Lord' is the standard response." (Funny Line)
Varys: "He (Jon Snow) is a man, which makes him more appealing to the lords of Westeros, whose support we are going to need."
Tyrion: "Joffrey was a man. I don't think a cock is a true qualification, as I'm sure you'd agree."
(Witty Insult)
Episode 5: The Bells
Tyrion attempts to speak to the Unsullied guards.

"I drink to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to see the..."
Unsullied: "-we speak the Common Tongue."
(Funny Line)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
"I suppose there's a crude kind of justice. I betrayed my closest friend and watched him burn. Now Varys's ashes can tell my ashes: See, I told you." (Funny Line)
Jon: "I don't expect we'll ever see each other again."
Tyrion: "I wouldn't be so sure. A few years as Hand of the King would make anyone want to piss off the edge of the world."
(Funny Line)
Tyrion: "I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel." (Funny Line)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
Episode 1: Winterfell
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tyrion drinks in front of the fireplace at Winterfell as he chats with Jaime. "I wish father were here." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 3: The Long Night
Tyrion takes a swig from his wineskin after he realizes he has nothing to say to Sansa in the Winterfell crypts. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tyrion drinks from his second wineskin as Varys and Sansa tell him to give up hope of venturing upstairs and being useful for the battle. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tyrion drinks some liquid courage from his wineskin as the wights come bashing through to the crypt level. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Tyrion drinks in the far background as Gendry scoots his way up the aisle. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Brienne and Jaime share a drink at the Feast of Winterfell.

Jaime: "We've fought dead things and lived to talk about it.If this isn't the time to drink, when is?"
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tyrion refills and drinks at the the refill station as he and Davos discuss the political drama to come. "We may have defeated them, but we still have us to contend with." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tyrion drinks at the table with Jaime and Brienne as they kick off their drinking game of guesses. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Brienne is forced to drink in the game after Jaime correctly "guesses" that she is an only child.

Jaime: "You... are an only child."
Brienne: "I told you I was."
Jaime: "You didn't."
Brienne: "I did."
Jaime: "I surmised it."
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
Brienne drinks jovially at a table with Podrick, Tyrion, and Jaime as Daenerys realizes she has no friends. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Brienne tells Tyrion he is wrong about his guess, and he is forced to drink. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Brienne guesses wrong that Tyrion is drinking wine but prefers ale, forcing her to drink. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Brienne takes a drink as Jaime stumbles into her bedchambers with a cups and a pitcher of wine. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Jaime and Tyrion drink after toasting to Jaime's new relationship with Brienne. "To climbing mountains." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tyrion drinks in the ship's cabin while discussing the issue of Jon Snow's parentage with Varys. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tyrion drinks in the throne room at Dragonstone as he and Varys discuss how to reign in Daenerys. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
Episode 1: Winterfell
Cersei chats with Euron after a romp in her chambers. (Act of Intercourse)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Brienne experiences her first time with Jaime after he drunkenly and jealously stumbles into her bedchambers.

Jaime: "I've never slept with a knight before."
Brienne: "I've never slept with anyone before."
(Act of Intercourse)
Brienne wakes up from bed after a 2nd night with Jaime, only to find he has disappeared into the night. (Act of Intercourse)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
A Game of Thrones
Episode 1: Winterfell
Tyrion sits at the head table to the side of Sansa and Jon Snow, as they host the Northern Lords at Winterfell. (Basic Seat)
Cersei greets the captain of the Golden Company, Harry Strickland, from the Iron Throne. (Iron Throne)
Cersei sits down with a glass of wine in her bedchambers after her session with Euron Greyjoy. (Basic Seat)
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Tyrion sits down to hear Bran's story.

Bran: "It's a long story."
Tyrion: "If only we were in a castle, in the middle of winter with nowhere to go."
(Basic Seat)
Brienne accepts Jaime's offer of a seat in front of the fireplace.
Jaime: "You really think any of us are going to sleep tonight? Join us."
(Basic Seat)
Brienne and the fireplace crew continue sitting. (Basic Seat)
Davos and the fireplace crew continue sitting. (Basic Seat)
Tyrion sits as Davos declares "we're out of wine" to the fireplace crew. (Basic Seat)
Brienne is sitting as Davos declares "we're out of wine" to the fireplace crew. (Basic Seat)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Tyrion sits at the head table during the celebratory feast at Winterfell. (Basic Seat)
Tyrion sits with Jaime in front of a fireplace in Winterfell, as Tyrion ribs Jaime on his newfound romance with Brienne. (Basic Seat)
Tyrion sits with Varys in the cabin below deck, discussing the secret of Jon's parentage. (Basic Seat)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
Brienne is seated as the Lords and Ladies of Westeros meet in the Dragonpit for Tyrion Lannister's trial. (Basic Seat)
Brienne sits back down after the Lords rise to anoint Bran Stark as King of Six Kingdoms. (Basic Seat)
Brienne sits as she pages through the Book of the Brothers, the chronicle of the Kingsguard. (Basic Seat)
Tyrion tries out his seat in the Hand's chair before the Small Council meeting begins. (Seat of Power)
Tyrion hurriedly sits back into the Hand's chair as he hears the Small Council members enter the room. (Seat of Power)
Tyrion returns to the Hand's seat after Bran arrives at the Small Council meeting. (Seat of Power)
Brienne takes her seat at the Small Council meeting after arriving with Bran. (Basic Seat)
Brienne reseats herself at the Small Council meeting after King Bran's departure. (Basic Seat)
Davos reseats himself in the Hand's chair at the Small Council meeting after King Bran's departure. (Seat of Power)
Deaths
Episode 5: The Bells
Gregor Clegane is tackled by his brother Sandor, sending them both tumbling through the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep and into the burning city below. (Death)
Jaime reassures Cersei in their final moments in the cellars of the Red Keep, as the castle collapses down around them.

"Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. Only us."
(Death)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
Tyrion finds Cersei's and Jaime's bodies in the rubble beneath the collapsed Red Keep (Dead Body Appearance)
submitted by jedjackoway (approved!)
Special
Episode 1: Winterfell
Euron: "How do I compare? To the fat king."
Cersei: "Robert had a different whore every night, but he still didn't know his way around a woman's body."
Euron: "And the Kingslayer?"
(Special)
Episode 5: The Bells
The Mountain flings the non-combatant Qyburn to his death against the rubble of the Red Keep, ignoring his commands to stay by Queen Cersei's side. (Special)
The Feels
Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
Brienne is knighted by Ser Jaime Lannister.

"In the name of the Warrior, I charge you to be brave.
In the name of the Father, I charge you to be just.
In the name of the Mother, I charge you to defend the innocent.
Arise, Brienne of Tarth - a knight of the Seven Kingdoms."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Episode 3: The Long Night
Sansa and Tyrion wax nostalgic to their King's Landing days, and all the trials they've endured since

Tyrion: "Maybe we should have stayed married."
Sansa: "You were the best of them."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
submitted by okaymkay (approved!)
Episode 4: The Last of the Starks
Brienne begs Jaime to stay with her, but is left sobbing in the courtyard of Winterfell after Jaime rides off to save Cersei.

"You're better than she is. You're a good man and you can't save her. You don't need to die with her. Stay here. Stay with me."
(Sad Feels)
Episode 5: The Bells
Tyrion attempts to speak to the Unsullied guards.

"I drink to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to eat the skull keeper."
"I want to see the..."
Unsullied: "-we speak the Common Tongue."
(Ridiculously Funny Moment)
Tyrion frees Jaime and the Lannister brothers say their goodbyes on the eve of the attack on King's Landing.

Tyrion: "You were the only one who didn't treat me like a monster. You were all I had."
(Sad Feels)
Jaime reassures Cersei in their final moments in the cellars of the Red Keep, as the castle collapses down around them.

"Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. Only us."
(Sad Feels)
Episode 6: The Iron Throne
Tyrion discovers the bodies of Jaime and Cersei buried beneath the rubble of the Red Keep. (Sad Feels)
Brienne returns to King's Landing and fills in Jaime Lannisters' entry in the The Book of the Brothers, the chronicle of the Kingsguard. (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
An exacerbated Tyrion reacts as the Small Council arrives and proceed to rearrange his carefully placed chairs. (Ridiculously Funny Moment)
Tyrion inquires about how history regards him in the Archmaester Ebrose's new historical tome, "A Song of Ice and Fire" - but is told by Samwell Tarly that he isn't actually mentioned in it. (Ridiculously Funny Moment)