Crows Before Hoes
Do You Even GoT???
Owner: fenrojas
26 roto pts (#6)
Z-Score:
-1.334 (percentile: 9.1%)
Weeks at #1: 0
Categories won:
Best Week:
Episode 1: The Red Woman
(+6 roto points)
Team MVP:
Doran Martell
(picked #40,
118 points,
31.47% of team total)
Roster Stats
Roster
| charId | Character | Special |
|---|---|---|
| 79 |
Petyr Baelish (Littlefinger)
Formerly the Master of Coin, Littlefinger is a conniving political mastermind and serves as Warden of the East after his behind-the-scenes assassination of Lisa Tully.
|
+1 point in the intercourse category for sex events that occur in his brothels 2x multiplier for betrayal events +1 for every kiss he gives to Sansa |
| 19 |
Jaime Lannister
The second of the Lannister children, he is Cersei's lover and twin brother, and also the father of her three bastard children, the supposed sons and daughters of the late King Robert Baratheon. He also serves as Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, and recently returns from a mission to Dorne to rescue his daughter/niece, Myrcella Baratheon.
|
* +1 point for awkward waves with his metal hand * +1 point when he uses his metal hand in a combat situation * +1 point when someone (excl. Cersei) references incest with Cersei or her childrens' bastardy directly to him * 2x multiplier for sex acts involving incest (first cousin or closer) |
| 82 |
Varys
Formerly the Master of Whisperers in King's Landing, Varys controls a vast network of spies. After smuggling Tyrion Lannister to Essos, he reveals himself as a supporter of Daenerys Targaryen's claim to the Iron Throne. In Daenerys' absence, he serves with Tyrion Lannister and presides over the rule of Meereen.
|
* +1 politics point when he meets another character in secret * +1 point when someone references his being a eunuch to him * +1 point when he passes along information from his "little birds" |
| 61 |
Theon Greyjoy
Heir to the Iron Islands, and formerly a ward of House Stark. Theon has been broken through torture by the hands of Ramsay Bolton, but has escaped Winterfell along with Sansa Stark during the chaos of the Battle of Winterfell.
|
+1 point for scenes where Theon refers to himself as "Reek" +1 point when his missing manhood is referenced |
| 37 |
Missandei
A freed slave from Astapor, who serves Daenerys as an advisor and translator.
|
+1 point for each scene where she speaks Valyrian or translates. |
| 43 |
Alliser Thorne
A former master-of-arms and acting Commander of the Night's Watch, Thorne narrowly lost the Lord Commander choosing to Jon Snow in S5. He later led a mutiny of disgruntled Night's Watch members against Jon Snow, stabbing and leaving him for dead.
|
+1 point every time he address Jon Snow as "Lord Snow". |
| 185 |
Doran Martell
The head of House Martell of Dorne, and elder brother of Prince Oberyn Martell.
|
+1 point for every on-screen step he takes |
| 186 |
Trystane Martell
Prince Doran Martell's son, and heir to Dorne. He is betrothed to Myrcella Baratheon, and accompanies her back to King's Landing to serve on the Small Council.
|
|
| 94 |
Brynden Tully (Blackfish)
Known as the Blackfish, Brynden is the uncle of Catelyn Stark and Edmure Tully. He escaped the events of the Red Wedding, but his whereabouts are unknown.
|
|
| 191 |
Obara Sand
The eldest of Prince Oberyn Martell's bastard children, known as the Sand Snakes. She wields a spear.
|
+1 for invoking the name of Oberyn Martell |
Kills
17:13
(+2)
Theon Greyjoy:
Theon stabs a Bolton soldier through the back while he is battling Podrick Payne.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
28:42
(+10)
Obara Sand:
Obara stabs Trystane through the face after he turns his back on her to face Nymeria Sand one-on-one.
(Kill of Named Character)
2:50
(+10)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime slays the Mad King Aerys II during one of Bran's flashback visions.
(Kill of Named Character)
21:39
(+2)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime clobbers Black Walder with his golden hand, leaving him with a severe bruise to the cheek.
Jaime: "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do?"
Black Walder: "I don't give a rat's-" *smack* (Minor Injury of Named Character)
Jaime: "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do?"
Black Walder: "I don't give a rat's-" *smack* (Minor Injury of Named Character)
submitted by bookworm13457 (approved!)
21:45
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime acquires Edmure Tully as his prisoner after taking over the Siege of Riverrun.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Political Wins
8:13
(+3)
Alliser Thorne:
Ser Alliser defends his treason against Lord Commander Jon Snow, and convinces the Night's Watch to side with him.
"You're right! We've committed treason, all of us. Jon Snow was my Lord Commander. I had no love for him. That was no secret. But I never once disobeyed an order. Loyalty is the foundation on which the Night's Watch is built. And the Watch means everything to me. I have given my life, we have all given our lives to the Night's Watch. Jon Snow was going to destroy the Night's Watch ... He thrust a terrible choice upon us. And we made it." (Convincing Argument)
"You're right! We've committed treason, all of us. Jon Snow was my Lord Commander. I had no love for him. That was no secret. But I never once disobeyed an order. Loyalty is the foundation on which the Night's Watch is built. And the Watch means everything to me. I have given my life, we have all given our lives to the Night's Watch. Jon Snow was going to destroy the Night's Watch ... He thrust a terrible choice upon us. And we made it." (Convincing Argument)
8:13
(+3)
Alliser Thorne:
Alliser takes over as de facto Commander of the Night's Watch after explaining his mutinous actions to kill Jon Snow, and winning over the crowd.
(New Title)
28:07
(+3)
Obara Sand:
Obara and Nymeria arrive on the Dornish ship to assassinate Trystane.
Obara: "We're not here to feed you. We're here to kill you."
Nymeria: "You want her to do it? Or me? (Act of Betrayal)
Obara: "We're not here to feed you. We're here to kill you."
Nymeria: "You want her to do it? Or me? (Act of Betrayal)
Varys' investigations have exposed Vala, the Meereenese prostitute who lured the Unsullied to her brothel so that the Sons of the Harpy could murder them.
"I know who you are and what you've done. You've done a lot. You've sacrificed your body for a cause, which is more than most people do. And you've helped the Sons of the Harpy murder the Unsullied and the Second Sons." (Secret Discovery)
"I know who you are and what you've done. You've done a lot. You've sacrificed your body for a cause, which is more than most people do. And you've helped the Sons of the Harpy murder the Unsullied and the Second Sons." (Secret Discovery)
submitted by moonbaseu92 (approved!)
Varys has discovered the source of the rebellion's funding after coercing the prostitute Vala.
"Sorry.. I was busy, learning who funds the Sons of the Harpy. Some things you can't rush... The Good Masters of Astapor, and the Wise Masters of Yunkai, with help from their friends in Volantis." (Secret Discovery)
"Sorry.. I was busy, learning who funds the Sons of the Harpy. Some things you can't rush... The Good Masters of Astapor, and the Wise Masters of Yunkai, with help from their friends in Volantis." (Secret Discovery)
Littlefinger prevails over Lord Yohn Royce's protests, convincing Robin Arryn to mobilize the forces of the Vale against the Boltons, ostensibly to rescue Sansa Stark. "Our Lord has spoken. Gather the Knights of the Vale. The time has come to join the fray."
(Convincing Argument)
39:27
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime assists Cersei in convincing Kevan Lannister and Olenna Tyrell to march the Tyrell army into King's Landing to arrest the High Sparrow and rescue Queen Margaery. "When the High Sparrow is in custody or dead, preferably, and Margaery's back at Tommen's side, do you think the king will be angry at the outcome?"
(Convincing Argument)
submitted by coconnor723 (approved!)
Word of the Blackfish's exploits reaches Sansa via Littlefinger: "Your great uncle, Brynden the Blackfish, has gathered what remains of the Tully forces and retaken Riverrun."
(Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
2:50
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime stabs the Mad King Aerys II in the back during one of Bran's flashback visions.
(Act of Betrayal)
41:32
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Despite being demoted out of the Kingsguard, Jaime is assigned a new role as head of the Lannister armies sent to deal with the Blackfish in the Riverlands. "I'm being sent to deal with the Blackfish. Apparently Walder Frey can't manage it on his own because he's 400 years old. Sent me with an army to the Riverlands and a siege that could last months."
(New Title)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
The Freys attempt to negotiate for the surrender of Riverrun by threatening to cut Edmure Tully's throat. The Blackfish coldly calls their bluff without regard for his nephew's life, convincing them to spare the heir to House Tully (for now).
Black Walder: "Yield the castle, or I cut his throat."
Brynden: "Go on, then. Cut his throat." (Convincing Argument)
Black Walder: "Yield the castle, or I cut his throat."
Brynden: "Go on, then. Cut his throat." (Convincing Argument)
submitted by righteous (approved!)
21:55
(+6)
Jaime Lannister:
Lothar Frey and Black Walder find themselves under Jaime Lannister's command as he arrives to take over the siege forces surrounding Riverrun.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
35:31
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime successfully convinces Edmure Tully to comply with his plan to retake Riverrun, sending him to the gates to ask for entry.
(Convincing Argument)
40:00
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime is victorious in the Siege of Riverrun after his Trojan Horse, Edmure Tully, gains access to the castle and willingly opens his gates to the Lannister army.
(Victorious Battle)
41:19
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime captures the castle of Riverrun.
(Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
41:50
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
While watching from the ramparts of the newly-acquired Riverrun, Jaime spots Brienne and Podrick rowing away from the castle under the cover of night.
(Secret Discovery)
submitted by nsimmonds (approved!)
The Knights of the Vale rout the Bolton army, striking the shield formation from the rear and decimating the spearmen with a stream of cavalry, forcing Ramsay to retreat back to Winterfell.
(Victorious Battle)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Tyrion to homeless mother: "For your baby. To eat." [makes stuffing motion into mouth]
Varys. "She thinks you want to eat her baby." (Funny Line)
Varys. "She thinks you want to eat her baby." (Funny Line)
19:08
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
High Sparrow: "You would spill blood in this holy place?"
Jaime: "Oh the Gods won't mind. They spill more blood than the rest of us combined." (Threat)
Jaime: "Oh the Gods won't mind. They spill more blood than the rest of us combined." (Threat)
Tyrion: "Dragons are intelligent ... They have affection for their friends and fury for their enemies. I am their friend."
Varys: "Do *they* know that?" (Funny Line)
Varys: "Do *they* know that?" (Funny Line)
submitted by danmirabile13 (approved!)
Varys shakes his head and tsks as Tyrion pours out a glass of wine during a meeting of the Meereenese advising council.
(Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
to Unsullied guards while fanning himself: "I don't know how you stand in all that leather."
(Funny Line)
submitted by danmirabile13 (approved!)
30:35
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
to Qyburn: "Does he (Gregor Clegane) understand what we're saying? I mean, to the extent that he ever understood complete sentences in the first place."
(Witty Insult)
Tyrion: "Trust me. My own recent experience with slavery have taught me the horrors of that institution."
Missandei: "How many days were you a slave?"
Tyrion: "...long enough to know."
Missandei: "Not long enough to understand." (Witty Insult)
Missandei: "How many days were you a slave?"
Tyrion: "...long enough to know."
Missandei: "Not long enough to understand." (Witty Insult)
Tyrion, in Valyrian: "Large sorry... you wait so fat time."
Missandei: "Perhaps I should translate for you." (Funny Line)
Missandei: "Perhaps I should translate for you." (Funny Line)
35:18
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
to High Sparrow: "You've already insulted one great house. It won't happen twice. Every last sparrow will die before Margaery Tyrell walks down that street."
(Threat)
41:32
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
"I'm being sent to deal with the Blackfish. Apparently Walder Frey can't manage it on his own because he's 400 years old."
(Witty Insult)
18:15
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Bronn: "Now that is a sorry attempt at a siege. Someone needs to teach those sad twats how to dig trenches."
Jaime: "Someone certainly does." (Funny Line)
Jaime: "Someone certainly does." (Funny Line)
21:29
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
to Black Walder: "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do?"
(Threat)
submitted by nsimmonds (approved!)
The Blackfish: "I assume you're here to fulfill the vow you gave my niece. I don't see Sansa and Arya."
Jaime: "I don't have them."
The Blackfish: "Pity. Do you wish to resume your captivity?" (Witty Insult)
Jaime: "I don't have them."
The Blackfish: "Pity. Do you wish to resume your captivity?" (Witty Insult)
Jaime Lanniser: "But if you surrender, I'll spare the lives of your men. On my honor."
Blackfish: "Your honor? Bargaining with oathbreakers is like building on quicksand." (Witty Insult)
Blackfish: "Your honor? Bargaining with oathbreakers is like building on quicksand." (Witty Insult)
to Jaime: "We have enough provisions for two years. Do you have two years, Kingslayer?"
(Threat)
Jaime Lannister: "You clearly have no intention of saving your men's lives. Why did you come treat with me?"
Blackfish: "Sieges are dull. And I wanted to see you in person, get the measure of you."
Jaime: "Well, now you have."
Blackfish: "Aye, now I have. I'm disappointed." (Witty Insult)
Blackfish: "Sieges are dull. And I wanted to see you in person, get the measure of you."
Jaime: "Well, now you have."
Blackfish: "Aye, now I have. I'm disappointed." (Witty Insult)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
16:31
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
on Sansa Stark: "In my experience, girls like her don't live very long."
(Witty Insult)
31:18
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Edmure Tully: "Do you imagine yourself a decent person? ... After you've massacred my family. Kept me in a cell for years. Stolen our lands."
Jaime: "I'll remind you that our houses are at war. I'm sorry if this conflict has inconvenienced you, but rebelling against the Crown does have consequences." (Witty Insult)
Jaime: "I'll remind you that our houses are at war. I'm sorry if this conflict has inconvenienced you, but rebelling against the Crown does have consequences." (Witty Insult)
34:35
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
to Edmure Tully: "I'll send for your baby boy. And I'll launch him into Riverrun with a catapult. Because you don't matter to me, Lord Edmure. Your son doesn't matter to me. The people in the castle don't matter to me. Only Cersei."
(Threat)
"I haven't had a proper sword fight in years. I expect I'll make a damn fool of myself."
(Funny Line)
submitted by righteous (approved!)
26:10
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Walder Frey: "Fear is a marvelous thing."
Jaime: "They don't fear the Freys, though. They fear the Lannisters. We gave you the Riverlands to hold the Riverlands. If we have to ride north and take them back for you every time you lose them, why do we need you?" (Witty Insult)
Jaime: "They don't fear the Freys, though. They fear the Lannisters. We gave you the Riverlands to hold the Riverlands. If we have to ride north and take them back for you every time you lose them, why do we need you?" (Witty Insult)
submitted by moonbaseu92 (approved!)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
35:48
(+5)
Theon Greyjoy:
Yara forces Theon to drink while the fleet is docked.
Theon: "I don't want any."
Yara: "I don't care what you want. Drink." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Theon: "I don't want any."
Yara: "I don't care what you want. Drink." (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
43:08
(+10)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime and Cersei get it on after hot and heavy dirty talk about the power of House Lannister and destroying their enemies. "They've made us both stronger, all of them. They have no idea how strong we are. No idea what we're going to do to them. We've always been together. We'll always be together."
(Act of Intercourse)
Deaths
27:43
(+10)
Doran Martell:
Doran Martell bleeds out after being stabbed by Ellaria Sand. "When was the last time you left this palace? You don't know your own people. Their disgust for you. Elia Martell raped and murdered, and you did nothing. Oberyn Martell butchered, and you did nothing. You're not a Dornishman. You're not our Prince."
(Death)
28:42
(+10)
Trystane Martell:
Trystane is stabbed through the face from behind on Obara Sand, after he turns his back on her to face Nymeria Sand one-on-one.
(Death)
+1 for Doran Martell, +1 for Trystane Martell
49:37
(+10)
Alliser Thorne:
Ser Alliser is hanged for his role in the assassination of Jon Snow.
(Death)
+1 for Doran Martell, +1 for Trystane Martell
+1 for Alliser Thorne, +1 for Doran Martell, +1 for Trystane Martell
+1 for Alliser Thorne, +1 for Doran Martell, +1 for Trystane Martell
+1 for Alliser Thorne, +1 for Doran Martell, +1 for Trystane Martell
+1 for Alliser Thorne, +1 for Doran Martell, +1 for Trystane Martell
41:28
(+10)
Brynden Tully (Blackfish):
A Lannister guard confirms Brynden Tully's death to Jaime Lannister.
Blackfish: "I haven't had a proper sword fight in years. I expect I'll make a damn fool of myself." (Death)
Blackfish: "I haven't had a proper sword fight in years. I expect I'll make a damn fool of myself." (Death)
+1 for Alliser Thorne, +1 for Doran Martell, +1 for Trystane Martell
+1 for Alliser Thorne, +1 for Brynden Tully (Blackfish), +1 for Doran Martell, +1 for Trystane Martell
+1 for Alliser Thorne, +1 for Brynden Tully (Blackfish), +1 for Doran Martell, +1 for Trystane Martell
Special
25:35
(+99)
Doran Martell:
Doran 'Professor X' Martell turns out to not actually be a wheelchair-bound cripple at all - apparently he was just too lazy to walk anywhere during any part of S5. He takes thirty-two slow, gimpy steps along the way to his wheelchair. Then decides to adjust his dangling right foot for good measure, before fully sitting down.
5 steps in initial overhead scene (25:35)
7 steps to get up the stairs (25:40)
8 steps to the next set of stairs (25:47)
9 steps to the wheelchair (25:55)
3 steps to get in the wheelchair (26:06)
1 step to get his last dangling foot onto the wheelchair (26:11) (Special)
5 steps in initial overhead scene (25:35)
7 steps to get up the stairs (25:40)
8 steps to the next set of stairs (25:47)
9 steps to the wheelchair (25:55)
3 steps to get in the wheelchair (26:06)
1 step to get his last dangling foot onto the wheelchair (26:11) (Special)
Tyrion references Varys' eunuch status in his comeback.
Varys: "You walk as though the paving stones were your personal property. I used to steal from people like you when I was a boy."
Tyrion: "It's a good thing you're not a boy anymore. ... Because you have no cock." (Special)
Varys: "You walk as though the paving stones were your personal property. I used to steal from people like you when I was a boy."
Tyrion: "It's a good thing you're not a boy anymore. ... Because you have no cock." (Special)
Varys just can't get away from the eunuch references after he judgmentally stares at Tyrion downing another cup of wine.
Tyrion: "If I lost my cock, I'd drink all the time. *looks at Greyworm* ...meaning no offense. He makes dwarf jokes, I make eunuch jokes." (Special)
Tyrion: "If I lost my cock, I'd drink all the time. *looks at Greyworm* ...meaning no offense. He makes dwarf jokes, I make eunuch jokes." (Special)
submitted by alexander.hilton91 (approved!)
32:28
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Olenna to Cersei: "Margaery is the Queen. You are not the Queen, because you're not married to the king. I do appreciate these things can get a bit confusing in your family."
(Special)
(Special)
48:07
(+3)
Alliser Thorne:
to Jon Snow: "I fought, I lost. Now I rest. But you, Lord Snow, you'll be fighting their battles forever."
(Special)
Astapor slave master: "We came here to meet the Queen, and instead we're greeted by a dwarf and a eunuch."
(Special)
in Valyrian to the former slaves: "I do not trust them (the slave mastesr). I will never trust them. ... but as a wise man once said, 'We make peace with our enemies, not out friends'."
(Special)
43:11
(+3)
Theon Greyjoy:
Theon acts against his own self-interest, throwing away his own claim in support of his sister Yara ruling the Iron Islands.
(Special)
submitted by skywalkerdude (approved!)
19:44
(+3)
Theon Greyjoy:
Theon elects to stump for his sister Yara, after other some of the other Ironborn nominate him to inherit the Salt Throne. "I am Theon Greyjoy, last living son of Balon Greyjoy ... and she is your rightful ruler."
(Special)
High Priestess Kinvara talks to Varys about his castration.
"If not for your... mutilation at the hand of a second-rate sorcerer, you wouldn't be here. Helping the Lord's Chosen bring his light into the world... Do you remember what you heard that night when the sorcerer tossed your parts in the fire?" (Special)
"If not for your... mutilation at the hand of a second-rate sorcerer, you wouldn't be here. Helping the Lord's Chosen bring his light into the world... Do you remember what you heard that night when the sorcerer tossed your parts in the fire?" (Special)
submitted by emilien.raggi (approved!)
21:39
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime smacks Black Walder with his golden hand as he gives a lesson on threats.
Jaime: "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do?"
Black Walder: "I don't give a rat's-" *smack* (Special)
Jaime: "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do?"
Black Walder: "I don't give a rat's-" *smack* (Special)
35:42
(+3)
Theon Greyjoy:
Yara forces Theon to drink while the fleet is docked.
Theon: "I don't want any."
Yara: "I don't care what you want. Drink." (Special)
Theon: "I don't want any."
Yara: "I don't care what you want. Drink." (Special)
submitted by rls14 (approved!)
Varys: "If you shaved your beard with a straight razor, you'd say the razor worked. That doesn't mean it won't cut your throat."
Tyrion: "Spoken like a man who has never had to shave." (Special)
Tyrion: "Spoken like a man who has never had to shave." (Special)
submitted by alexanderdropkin (approved!)
42:09
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
after spotting them from the castle wall, Jaime waves to Brienne and Podrick as they row away from Riverrun.
(Special)
submitted by andres.geurts (approved!)
24:08
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Bronn converses with Jaime about the women at the Frey-Lannister feast.
Jaime: "Not my type."
Bronn: "Not blonde enough?" (Special)
Jaime: "Not my type."
Bronn: "Not blonde enough?" (Special)