Dragons are hiding in Dany's Fanny
Didn't know where to put it?
Owner: shodriver91
46 roto pts (#2)
Z-Score:
0.948 (percentile: 82.85%)
Weeks at #1: 7
Categories won:
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines (87), Glasses of Wine Consumed (50)
Best Week:
Episode 2: Home
(+8.5 roto points)
Team MVP:
Doran Martell
(picked #33,
118 points,
34.01% of team total)
Roster Stats
Roster
charId | Character | Special |
---|---|---|
17 |
Tyrion Lannister
The third, stunted dwarf of the Lannister children - a fugitive from Westeros after losing his trial for the murder of King Joffrey, he has escaped and found service as an advisor to Daenerys Targaryen.
|
* +1 point each time he is denied a drink * +1 point whenever he physically gives someone a coin (or other legal tender) |
86 |
Roose Bolton
Lord of House Bolton, and Warden of the North after his betrayal of Robb Stark at the Red Wedding. He is the father of Ramsay Bolton, who is his legitimized bastard son.
|
+1 politics point for lectures given to his son Ramsay |
40 |
Samwell Tarly
A steward of the Night's Watch. He is a close friend to Jon Snow, and one of the few people known to have killed a White Walker. He journeys south to begin his training as a Maester to replace the aging Maester Aemon.
|
+1 point for reading books, mentioning he "read that in a book", or writing raven letters. |
77 |
Tommen Baratheon
The King of the Seven Kingdoms after the assassination of his brother, Joffrey Baratheon. He is young and highly impressionable to the various influences in King's Landing that seek to control him.
|
Actions by Ser Pounce contribute to his points. |
185 |
Doran Martell
The head of House Martell of Dorne, and elder brother of Prince Oberyn Martell.
|
+1 point for every on-screen step he takes |
221 |
Randyll Tarly
Samwell Tarly's disapproving father. He is the Lord of House Tarly, and was one of the greatest soldiers in Westeros.
|
|
68 |
Gilly
A wildling who lived north of the Wall. After she befriended Samwell Tarly, she escaped with him to Castle Black, and now sails with him to Oldtown as Sam begins his Maester's training.
|
+1 each time she talks about something new she has learned |
189 |
Nymeria Sand
One of Oberyn Martell's bastards, known as Sand Snakes. She wields a whip.
|
+1 for invoking the name of Oberyn Martell |
Kills
22:19
(+10)
Tommen Baratheon:
After witnessing the wildfire explosion at the Sept of Baelor, Tommen removes his crown and leaps from the balcony to his death.
(Kill of Named Character)
Political Wins
28:07
(+3)
Nymeria Sand:
Obara and Nymeria arrive on the Dornish ship to assassinate Trystane.
Obara: "We're not here to feed you. We're here to kill you."
Nymeria: "You want her to do it? Or me? (Act of Betrayal)
Obara: "We're not here to feed you. We're here to kill you."
Nymeria: "You want her to do it? Or me? (Act of Betrayal)
13:51
(+3)
Tommen Baratheon:
Tommen bars Cersei from attending her daughter Myrcella's funeral, instead ordering her to stay in the Red Keep. Despite having the monstrous zombie Mountain on her side, she respects the King's wishes.
(Executive Decision)
submitted by alicehanners (approved!)
30:43
(+3)
Roose Bolton:
Roose chastises Ramsay after his attempts to locate Sansa Stark fail.
Roose: "Half a dozen men. Your best hunters."
Ramsay: "They obviously had help."
Roose: "I didn't think Lady Sansa killed them all by herself." (Politics Special)
Roose: "Half a dozen men. Your best hunters."
Ramsay: "They obviously had help."
Roose: "I didn't think Lady Sansa killed them all by herself." (Politics Special)
32:08
(+3)
Roose Bolton:
Roose gains a second son. "My Lords, Lady Walda has given birth. A boy. Red-cheeked and healthy."
(New Follower/Prisoner)
10:55
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam convinces Gilly to go along with his plan to stay with his family in Horn Hill.
Gilly: "I know that, Sam. And he does too. You're the only one who ever has. If you think it's for the best... we trust you."
(Convincing Argument)
Gilly: "I know that, Sam. And he does too. You're the only one who ever has. If you think it's for the best... we trust you."
(Convincing Argument)
11:19
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Gilly acknowledges Sam's stepfather status to little Sam. Samwell proceeds to vomit from all the subsequent feels.
Samwell: "I'd feel better if you threw something at me and stormed off."
Gilly: "I'd never do that to the father of my son." (New Follower/Prisoner)
Samwell: "I'd feel better if you threw something at me and stormed off."
Gilly: "I'd never do that to the father of my son." (New Follower/Prisoner)
15:01
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion overrules Missandei and Grey Worm, offering terms of compromise to the Slave Masters of Yunkai and Astapor.
"Slavery will never return to Meereen, but she will give the other cities of Slaver's Bay time to adjust to the new order. ... Instead of abolishing slavery overnight, we will give you seven years to end the practice. Slaveholders will be compensated for their losses... in exchange, you will cut off your support for the Sons of the Harpy." (Executive Decision)
"Slavery will never return to Meereen, but she will give the other cities of Slaver's Bay time to adjust to the new order. ... Instead of abolishing slavery overnight, we will give you seven years to end the practice. Slaveholders will be compensated for their losses... in exchange, you will cut off your support for the Sons of the Harpy." (Executive Decision)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
30:08
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Confirmation that the slave Masters agreed to Tyrion's slavery phase-out proposal.
Varys: "In the last fortnight since our pact with the Masters..." (Convincing Argument)
Varys: "In the last fortnight since our pact with the Masters..." (Convincing Argument)
18:25
(+3)
Randyll Tarly:
Randyll discovers Gilly's true origins as a Wildling from north of the Wall.
Randyll: "Your way *down* to Castle Black? Where did he kill a White Walker? Where are you from? How'd you come to meet my son?"
Gilly: "The Night's Watch came to our keep."
Randyll: "Where?"
Gilly: "North of the Wall."
Randyll: "North of the Wall? You're a Wildling." (Secret Discovery)
Randyll: "Your way *down* to Castle Black? Where did he kill a White Walker? Where are you from? How'd you come to meet my son?"
Gilly: "The Night's Watch came to our keep."
Randyll: "Where?"
Gilly: "North of the Wall."
Randyll: "North of the Wall? You're a Wildling." (Secret Discovery)
20:47
(+6)
Randyll Tarly:
Randyll takes in Gilly and Little Sam: "Your mother's a fine woman. You're not worthy of her. To please her, I'll take the Wildling in. She can work in the kitchens. The bastard will be raised here."
(New Follower/Prisoner)
submitted by goodjujumagic (approved!)
23:27
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell steals his father's Valyrian steel sword, Heartsbane, from above the family mantlepiece.
Gilly: "Sam. That's your father's sword."
Sam: "It's my family's sword."
Gilly: "Sam. Won't he come for it?"
Sam: "He can bloody well try." (New Weapon)
Gilly: "Sam. That's your father's sword."
Sam: "It's my family's sword."
Gilly: "Sam. Won't he come for it?"
Sam: "He can bloody well try." (New Weapon)
23:30
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
On his last night in Horn Hill, Samwell steals his father's Valyrian steel sword, Heartsbane, from above the family mantlepiece.
Gilly: "Sam. That's your father's sword."
Sam: "It's my family's sword."
Gilly: "Sam. Won't he come for it?"
Sam: "He can bloody well try." (Act of Betrayal)
Gilly: "Sam. That's your father's sword."
Sam: "It's my family's sword."
Gilly: "Sam. Won't he come for it?"
Sam: "He can bloody well try." (Act of Betrayal)
submitted by emilien.raggi (approved!)
24:19
(+3)
Tommen Baratheon:
Tommen issues a royal decree banning Trial by Combat. "Furthermore, after much prayer and reflection, the Crown has decided that from this day forward, trial by combat will be forbidden throughout the Seven Kingdoms. The tradition is a brutish one, a scheme devised by corrupt rulers in order to avoid true judgment from the Gods."
(Executive Decision)
3:23
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion convinces Daenerys to go with a less bloodthirsty response to the slavers attacking Meereen.
Daenerys: "I will crucify the Masters. I will set their fleets afire, kill every last one of their soldiers, and return their cities to the dirt. That is my plan. You don't approve?"
Tyrion: "You once told me you knew what your father was. Did you know his plans for King's Landing when the Lannister armies were at his gates? ... He had caches of wildfire hidden under the Red Keep, the Guildhalls, the Sept of Baelor, all the major thoroughfares. He would have burned every one of his citizens. The loyal ones and the traitors. Every man, woman, and child..."
Daenerys: "This is entirely different."
Tyrion: "You're talking about destroying cities. It's not entirely different. I'd like to suggest an alternate approach." (Convincing Argument)
Daenerys: "I will crucify the Masters. I will set their fleets afire, kill every last one of their soldiers, and return their cities to the dirt. That is my plan. You don't approve?"
Tyrion: "You once told me you knew what your father was. Did you know his plans for King's Landing when the Lannister armies were at his gates? ... He had caches of wildfire hidden under the Red Keep, the Guildhalls, the Sept of Baelor, all the major thoroughfares. He would have burned every one of his citizens. The loyal ones and the traitors. Every man, woman, and child..."
Daenerys: "This is entirely different."
Tyrion: "You're talking about destroying cities. It's not entirely different. I'd like to suggest an alternate approach." (Convincing Argument)
47:04
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
"I had something made for you. I'm not sure if it's right... Tyrion Lannister, I name you Hand of the Queen."
(New Title)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
12:00
(+3)
Roose Bolton:
to Ramsay: "Without Sansa, you won't be able to produce an heir. And without an heir, well... let's hope the Maesters are right and Lady Walda's carrying a boy."
(Threat)
submitted by moonbaseu92 (approved!)
28:49
(+3)
Nymeria Sand:
After Obara performs the named-character Kill Steal on Trystane: "You're a greedy bitch, you know that?"
(Funny Line)
29:17
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion with the completely uncalled-for burn on Varys.
Varys: "You walk as though the paving stones were your personal property. I used to steal from people like you when I was a boy."
Tyrion: "It's a good thing you're not a boy anymore. ... Because you have no cock." (Witty Insult)
Varys: "You walk as though the paving stones were your personal property. I used to steal from people like you when I was a boy."
Tyrion: "It's a good thing you're not a boy anymore. ... Because you have no cock." (Witty Insult)
22:03
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "Dragons do not do well in captivity."
Missandei: "How do you know this?"
Tyrion: "That's what I do. I drink and I know things." (Funny Line)
Missandei: "How do you know this?"
Tyrion: "That's what I do. I drink and I know things." (Funny Line)
submitted by wpearsal (approved!)
22:46
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
reasoning with Varys as he disapproves of Tyrion's alcoholism: "If I'd lost my cock, I'd drink all the time."
(Funny Line)
22:55
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
to Varys: "If I'd lost my cock, I'd drink all the time."
to Greyworm: "... meaning no offense. He makes dwarf jokes, I make eunuch jokes."
Varys: "I do NOT make dwarf jokes."
to Varys: "You think them." (gives Varys the eye) (Funny Line)
to Greyworm: "... meaning no offense. He makes dwarf jokes, I make eunuch jokes."
Varys: "I do NOT make dwarf jokes."
to Varys: "You think them." (gives Varys the eye) (Funny Line)
26:17
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
to Daenerys' imprisoned dragons: "I'm friends with your mother. I'm here to help... Don't eat the help."
(Funny Line)
28:30
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
to Varys: "Next time I have an idea like that... punch me in the face."
(Funny Line)
29:03
(+3)
Roose Bolton:
Ramsay: "They obviously had help."
Roose: "I didn't think Lady Sansa killed them all by herself." (Funny Line)
Roose: "I didn't think Lady Sansa killed them all by herself." (Funny Line)
submitted by Reaper (approved!)
31:58
(+3)
Roose Bolton:
to Ramsay: "If you acquire a reputation as a mad dog, you will be treated as a mad dog. Taken out back and slaughtered for pigfeed."
(Threat)
Gilly: "Did I ever tell you that I thought the sea was called 'the see' because it was nothing but water as far as the eye could see?"
Sam: "I don't think so." (Funny Line)
Sam: "I don't think so." (Funny Line)
submitted by cjcookart (approved!)
26:31
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "A wise man once said, a true history of the world is a history of great conversations in elegant rooms."
Missandei: "Who said this?"
Tyrion: "Me. Just now."
*awkward long pause*
Tyrion: "... alright, no conversations." (Funny Line)
Missandei: "Who said this?"
Tyrion: "Me. Just now."
*awkward long pause*
Tyrion: "... alright, no conversations." (Funny Line)
27:27
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
to Greyworm and Missandei: "Alright no drinking, we can play without drinking. It's a wonderful game - I invented it. Here's how it works: I make a statement about your past; if I'm wrong, I drink. And if I'm right... maybe we can't play without drinking."
(Funny Line)
16:21
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
in Valyrian to the former slaves in the Meereenese court: "Large sorry... you wait so fat time."
(Funny Line)
30:41
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
"The Sons of the Harpy have a good story: resist the foreign invaders. Our queen has an even better story. Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, ...and all that."
(Funny Line)
submitted by emilien.raggi (approved!)
31:47
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
to High Priestess Kinvara: "Thank you for travelling all this way. I know from personal experience how uncomfortable the journey can be. *looks at Varys*"
(Funny Line)
to Sam: "You're nervous. You're a nervous talker. [prolonged silence] ... That's not any better being a nervous mute."
(Witty Insult)
7:24
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam: "I told them I met you in the North."
Gilly: "Did you tell them how far north?"
Sam: "Well, it wasn't a very large piece of parchment..." (Funny Line)
Gilly: "Did you tell them how far north?"
Sam: "Well, it wasn't a very large piece of parchment..." (Funny Line)
16:57
(+3)
Randyll Tarly:
Melessa Tarly: "Samwell, would you care for more bread?"
Sam: "Oh, yes. Yes, please."
Randyll Tarly: "Not fat enough already?" (Witty Insult)
Sam: "Oh, yes. Yes, please."
Randyll Tarly: "Not fat enough already?" (Witty Insult)
17:26
(+3)
Randyll Tarly:
to Sam: "I thought the Night's Watch might make a man of you. Something resembling a man at least. You managed to stay soft, and fat. Your nose buried in books. Spending your life reading about the achievements of better men."
(Witty Insult)
19:52
(+3)
Randyll Tarly:
"I took you (Gilly) for a Mole's Town whore when I saw you and I made my peace with that. Who else would have him (Samwell)? But I overestimated him. No, it was a Wildling whore that seduced my son."
(Witty Insult)
20:40
(+3)
Randyll Tarly:
referring to Gilly: "This you getting back at me, boy? Bringing *that* to my table and making me dine with *it*?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by goodjujumagic (approved!)
9:57
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "If you shaved your beard with a straight razor, you'd say the razor worked. That doesn't mean it won't cut your throat."
Tyrion: "Spoken like a man who has never had to shave." (Witty Insult)
Tyrion: "Spoken like a man who has never had to shave." (Witty Insult)
submitted by skywalkerdude (approved!)
26:24
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Missandei: "I have tried wine before. It made me feel funny."
Tyrion: "That's how you know it's working." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "That's how you know it's working." (Funny Line)
0:00
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "Everyone who makes a joke about a dwarf's height thinks he's the only person ever to make a joke about a dwarf's height. 'The height of nobility,' 'a man of your stature,' 'someone to look up to.' You're all making the same five or six jokes."
Theon: "It was a long time ago."
Tyrion: "It was. And how have things been going for you since then?" (Witty Insult)
Theon: "It was a long time ago."
Tyrion: "It was. And how have things been going for you since then?" (Witty Insult)
submitted by tibbydoscott (approved!)
9:52
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Missandei: "Our Queen insists that one of you must die as punishment for your crimes."
Tyrion: "It always seems a bit abstract, doesn't it, other people dying?" (Witty Insult)
Tyrion: "It always seems a bit abstract, doesn't it, other people dying?" (Witty Insult)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
26:44
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Theon Greyjoy: "I didn't murder the Stark boys. But I did things that were just as bad or worse."
Yara Greyjoy: "And he paid for them."
Tyrion: "Doesn't seem like it. He's still alive." (Witty Insult)
Yara Greyjoy: "And he paid for them."
Tyrion: "Doesn't seem like it. He's still alive." (Witty Insult)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
27:09
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Daenerys: "...I expect you want me to support your claim to the throne of the Iron Islands?"
Theon: "Not my claim. Hers."
Daenerys: "And what's wrong with you?"
Theon: "I'm not fit to rule."
Tyrion: "We can agree upon that at least." (Witty Insult)
Theon: "Not my claim. Hers."
Daenerys: "And what's wrong with you?"
Theon: "I'm not fit to rule."
Tyrion: "We can agree upon that at least." (Witty Insult)
29:43
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Citadel receptionist: "This is irregular."
Samwell: "Yes, well... I suppose that... life is irregular." (Funny Line)
Samwell: "Yes, well... I suppose that... life is irregular." (Funny Line)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
23:19
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks during the meeting of the Meereenese council.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
24:46
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion downs glass #2 as he devises a plan to get the dragons to eat during the Meereenese council meeting.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
9:05
(+5)
Samwell Tarly:
After vomiting from his sea-sickness, Sam drinks from a wineskin of fermented pepto-bismol given to him by Gilly.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
26:06
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while making smalltalk with Greyworm and Missandei before the Meereenese council meeting.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
27:08
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks from his refill as he, Grey Worm, and Missandei continue to wait for Varys at the Meereenese council meeting.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
13:28
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks wine at the beginning of the negotiations with the slave masters of Astapor and Yunkai.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
31:13
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while discussing a PR strategy for the brokered peace agreement during the Meerenese council meeting.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
15:46
(+5)
Randyll Tarly:
Randyll drinks after toasting to his son Dickon for the 70-yard deer kill from that day's hunt.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
27:23
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion refills and drinks while fantasizing about retirement as a winemaker. "One day, after our Queen has taken the Seven Kingdoms, I'd like to have my own vineyard. Make my own wine. The Imp's Delight. Only my close friends could drink it."
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
Deaths
27:43
(+10)
Doran Martell:
Doran Martell bleeds out after being stabbed by Ellaria Sand. "When was the last time you left this palace? You don't know your own people. Their disgust for you. Elia Martell raped and murdered, and you did nothing. Oberyn Martell butchered, and you did nothing. You're not a Dornishman. You're not our Prince."
(Death)
33:05
(+10)
Roose Bolton:
Roose is stabbed in the gut by his son Ramsay after news arrived that Fat Walda has given birth to a second son for Roose.
Roose: "You'll always be my first born."
Ramsay: "Thank you for saying that. It means a great deal to me." (Death)
Roose: "You'll always be my first born."
Ramsay: "Thank you for saying that. It means a great deal to me." (Death)
+1 for Doran Martell
+1 for Roose Bolton, +1 for Doran Martell
+1 for Roose Bolton, +1 for Doran Martell
+1 for Roose Bolton, +1 for Doran Martell
+1 for Roose Bolton, +1 for Doran Martell
+1 for Roose Bolton, +1 for Doran Martell
+1 for Roose Bolton, +1 for Doran Martell
+1 for Roose Bolton, +1 for Doran Martell
22:19
(+10)
Tommen Baratheon:
After witnessing the wildfire explosion at the Sept of Baelor, Tommen removes his crown and leaps from the balcony to his death.
(Death)
26:42
(+0)
Tommen Baratheon:
Tommen's shrouded body is presented to Cersei. "He should be with his grandfather, his brother, his sister. Burn him and bury his ashes where the Sept once stood."
(Dead Body Appearance)
+1 for Roose Bolton, +1 for Doran Martell
Special
11:11
(+3)
Roose Bolton:
Roose gives Ramsay a lecture that it is marriages and political acumen that establish dynasties, not winning on the battlefield.
"Do you feel like a victor? I rebelled against the crown to arrange your marriage to Sansa Stark. Do you think that burning wagons in the night and mowing down tired, outnumbered Baratheons is the same as facing a prepared and provisioned Lannister army?" (Special)
"Do you feel like a victor? I rebelled against the crown to arrange your marriage to Sansa Stark. Do you think that burning wagons in the night and mowing down tired, outnumbered Baratheons is the same as facing a prepared and provisioned Lannister army?" (Special)
25:35
(+99)
Doran Martell:
Doran 'Professor X' Martell turns out to not actually be a wheelchair-bound cripple at all - apparently he was just too lazy to walk anywhere during any part of S5. He takes thirty-two slow, gimpy steps along the way to his wheelchair. Then decides to adjust his dangling right foot for good measure, before fully sitting down.
5 steps in initial overhead scene (25:35)
7 steps to get up the stairs (25:40)
8 steps to the next set of stairs (25:47)
9 steps to the wheelchair (25:55)
3 steps to get in the wheelchair (26:06)
1 step to get his last dangling foot onto the wheelchair (26:11) (Special)
5 steps in initial overhead scene (25:35)
7 steps to get up the stairs (25:40)
8 steps to the next set of stairs (25:47)
9 steps to the wheelchair (25:55)
3 steps to get in the wheelchair (26:06)
1 step to get his last dangling foot onto the wheelchair (26:11) (Special)
29:58
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion gives a coin to the Meereenese homeless woman and her baby to feed themselves.
(Special)