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Theon's Sausage Company | Fantasora

Theon's Sausage Company

House Hamilton Season 5

Owner: coconnor723

6-3-1, 44 roto pts (#3)
Z-Score: 0.477 (percentile: 68.33%)
Weeks at #1: 1
Categories won: Insults Delivered / Funny Lines (102), Glasses of Wine Consumed (75)
Best Week: Episode 1: The Wars to Come (+10 roto points)
Team MVP: Tyrion Lannister (picked #3, 121 points, 41.58% of team total)
Longest winstreak: W-3

Roster Stats

Character Drafted Total Kills Politics Insults Wine Sex Thrones Deaths Special Feels
Tyrion Lannister
The third of the Lannister children. After losing his trial for the murder of King Joffrey, he has escaped prison and fled King's Landing.
#3 121 3 9 54 55 0 0 0 0 0
Daario Naharis
Leader of the Second Sons, a sellsword company who broke their contract and now sides with Daenerys.
#14 73 29 3 15 5 15 0 0 6 0
Bronn
A former sellsword, who has risen through the ranks of nobility thanks to his fighting skills and work for the Lannisters. He is arranged to marry Lollys Stokeworth, and eventually inherit a lordship and castle of his own.
#19 43 12 0 21 10 0 0 0 0 0
Tyene Sand
One of Oberyn Martell's bastard children, known as the Sand Snakes.
#30 15 2 0 3 0 10 0 0 0 0
The Lord of Bones (Rattleshirt)
A fearsome Wildling raider, who wears a giant's skull for a helmet and a coat of armor made of bones.
#46 15 0 0 3 0 0 0 12 0 0
Olyvar
A former prostitute, Olyvar now manages Littlefinger's brothels while he is away in the Eyrie.
#35 14 0 3 6 0 5 0 0 0 0
Trystane Martell
Prince Doran Martell's son, and heir to Dorne. He is betrothed to Myrcella Baratheon.
#67 10 2 3 0 5 0 0 0 0 0
Melara Hetherspoon
A childhood friend of Cersei Lannister.
#51 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Varamyr Sixskins
legacy character - does not appear in S5
#78 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Clea
Volantene courtesan who meets Tyrion Lannister.
#62 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Totals 291 48 18 102 75 30 0 12 6 0

Roster

charId Character Special
17
Tyrion Lannister
The third of the Lannister children. After losing his trial for the murder of King Joffrey, he has escaped prison and fled King's Landing.
* +1 point each time he is denied a drink
* +1 point whenever he physically gives someone a coin (or other legal tender)
36
Daario Naharis
Leader of the Second Sons, a sellsword company who broke their contract and now sides with Daenerys.
+1 point each time he flirts with Daenerys.
23
Bronn
A former sellsword, who has risen through the ranks of nobility thanks to his fighting skills and work for the Lannisters. He is arranged to marry Lollys Stokeworth, and eventually inherit a lordship and castle of his own.
+1 point when he gives expert critique/advice on fighting strategy
190
Tyene Sand
One of Oberyn Martell's bastard children, known as the Sand Snakes.
+1 for invoking the name of Oberyn Martell
126
Olyvar
A former prostitute, Olyvar now manages Littlefinger's brothels while he is away in the Eyrie.
+1 point whenever he name-drops that the brothel "is Lord Petyr Baelish's establishment"
180
The Lord of Bones (Rattleshirt)
A fearsome Wildling raider, who wears a giant's skull for a helmet and a coat of armor made of bones.
197
Melara Hetherspoon
A childhood friend of Cersei Lannister.
199
Clea
Volantene courtesan who meets Tyrion Lannister.
186
Trystane Martell
Prince Doran Martell's son, and heir to Dorne. He is betrothed to Myrcella Baratheon.
202
Varamyr Sixskins
legacy character - does not appear in S5
+1 point for warging or skinchanging
Kills
Episode 2: The House of Black and White
23:36 (+1) Daario Naharis :
Daario stabs a member of the Sons of the Harpy, who was concealed behind the wall of a hideout. (Major Injury of Unnamed Character)
51:07 (+10) Daario Naharis :
Daario beheads Mossador with his arakh in a public execution. Mossador was sentenced to death on Daenerys' orders, after he murdered the captive Son of the Harpy. (Kill of Named Character)
Episode 4: The Sons of the Harpy
31:03 (+2) Bronn:
Bronn kills a snake slithering next to Jaime's head. "Breakfast." (Kill of Unnamed Character)
34:30 (+4) Bronn:
Bronn attacks the Dornish riders, throwing his dagger into the throat of one and stabbing another with his sword. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
34:44 (+2) Bronn:
Bronn cuts down the horse of one of the Dornish riders. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
34:58 (+2) Bronn:
Bronn cuts down the fourth Dornish rider in the background, as Jaime fights with the third. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Episode 6: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken
32:58 (+2) Bronn:
Bronn knocks out Trystane Martell after he reaches for his sword. (Minor Injury of Named Character)
34:09 (+2) Tyene Sand:
Tyene manages to slash Bronn on the arm with her dagger, just before Areo Hotah and the Dornish guards arrive. (Minor Injury of Named Character)
Episode 7: The Gift
28:30 (+1) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion beats a slave trader with the chain from his collar, to prove his worth to the slave trader Yezzan zo Qaggaz. (Major Injury of Unnamed Character)
Episode 9: The Dance of Dragons
16:54 (+2) Trystane Martell:
Trystane orders Areo Hotah to return an elbow to Bronn's face in light-hearted retribution, as his punishment for the "fleabite" Bronn gave to him in the Water Gardens. (Minor Injury of Named Character)
44:46 (+4) Daario Naharis :
Daario kills two Sons of the Harpy as they reveal themselves and try to attack Daenerys. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
45:11 (+2) Daario Naharis :
Daario kills another Son of the Harpy while defending Daenerys in the fighting pit gallery. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
45:39 (+2) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion picks a dagger up from the ground and slits the throat of a Son of the Harpy who attempts to attack Missandei. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
47:18 (+8) Daario Naharis :
Daario cuts down four enemies as Daenerys' group becomes encircled by the Sons of the Harpy mob. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
49:13 (+2) Daario Naharis :
Daario slices a Son of the Harpy with his arakh in the middle of the fighting pits. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
49:46 (+2) Daario Naharis :
Daario throws his dagger into the stomach of a spear-wielding Son of the Harpy. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Political Wins
Episode 4: The Sons of the Harpy
40:55 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion figures out that his captor is Jorah Mormont, and deduces the backstory behind their falling out. "A highborn knight from the North of Westeros, down on his luck in Essos. Dragon epaulets, bear sigil breastplate. You're Jorah Mormont." (Politics - uncategorized)
Episode 6: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken
21:27 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion convinces the slave trader Malko to spare his life for the time being, instead of slitting his throat and chopping off his cock. "You can't just hand a dried cock to a merchant and expect him to pay for it! He has to know it came from a dwarf. And how could he know unless he sees the dwarf?" (Politics - uncategorized)
41:43 (+3) Olyvar:
Olyvar betrays Loras Tyrell, exposing his homosexuality to the High Sparrow's inquest.
High Sparrow: "And what occurred in his chamber?"
Olyvar: "We engaged in intimate relations."
High Sparrow: "You lay with him?"
Olyvar: "That night and many others." (Politics - uncategorized)
Episode 8: Hardhome
5:58 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion convinces Daenerys to spare Jorah Mormont, and banish him from the city of Meereeen instead. "A ruler who kills those devoted to her is not a ruler who inspires devotion. And you're going to need to inspire devotion, a lot of it, if you're ever going to rule across the Narrow Sea. But you cannot have him by your side when you do." (Politics - uncategorized)
Episode 9: The Dance of Dragons
13:47 (+3) Trystane Martell:
Doran secures a seat on the Small Council for his son Trystane.
Doran Martell: "My brother was named to the Small Council before his death. Your father understood the importance of keeping Dorne in the fold. With Oberyn gone, Trystane will take his place on the small council."
Jaime Lannister: "You have my word." (Politics - uncategorized)
Episode 10: Mother's Mercy
34:50 (+3) Daario Naharis :
Daario directs traffic in Meereen in the absence of Daenerys, ordering Tyrion, Grey Worm, and Missandei to manage the city while he and Jorah venture out in search of Daenerys. "Good fortune, my friends. Meereen is ancient and glorious. Try not to ruin her." (Politics - uncategorized)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Episode 1: The Wars to Come
14:19 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"Are you a lord if you kill your father? I don't imagine they revoke your nobility for killing a whore, it must happen all the time." (Funny Line)
35:00 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "There are faster ways to kill yourself."
Tyrion: "Not for a coward." (Funny Line)
37:31 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "You have a choice, my friend. You can stay here at Illyrio's palace and drink yourself to death or you can ride with me to Meereen, meet Daenerys Targaryen and decide if the world is worth fighting for."
Tyrion: "Can I drink myself to death on the road to Meereen?" (Funny Line)
Episode 2: The House of Black and White
27:30 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "Cersei has offered a lordship to the man who brings her your head."
Tyrion: "She ought to offer her cunt. Best part of her for the best part of me." (Witty Insult)
27:43 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Varys: "Are we really going to spend the entire road to Volantis talking about the futility of everything?"
Tyrion: "You're right, no point." (Funny Line)
Episode 3: The High Sparrow
41:08 (+3) Olyvar:
In Littlefinger's brothel, during an elaborate roleplay of the Seven.
Olyvar: "Which of the Seven will you worship today?"
High Septon: "The Maiden..."
Olyvar: *muttering* "...always the Maiden." (Funny Line)
41:15 (+3) Olyvar:
Olyvar: "Which of the Seven will you worship today?"
High Septon: "The Maiden... and the Stranger."
Olyvar: "Two is extra, you realize?" (Funny Line)
54:54 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Brothel bouncer: "It's good luck to rub a dwarf's head."
Tyrion: "It's even better luck to suck a dwarf's cock."
*flustered Varys* (Funny Line)
submitted by wpearsal (approved!)
56:05 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Varys: "I need to talk to someone with hair." (Witty Insult)
Episode 4: The Sons of the Harpy
3:52 (+3) Bronn:
"There's nothing like a good fight to get you in the mood for fucking. And there's nothing like a fuck-mad Dornish girl to clear your head for the next fight." (Funny Line)
33:40 (+3) Bronn:
Dornish Rider: "You're from King's Landing."
Bronn: "Accent gave me away? Flea Bottom, whelped and whipped." (Funny Line)
34:46 (+3) Bronn:
to Jaime, after knocking one of the Dornish riders off his horse: "That one should be slow enough." (Funny Line)
39:08 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"MRPPHM MRPPPHM MPRMPRPHM MPRPHPM MPRPRHPHMMM MMHRRM MPHRRM... thank you." (Funny Line)
Episode 5: Kill the Boy
47:40 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Jorah Mormont: "Long, sullen silences and the occasional punch in the face. The Mormont way." (Witty Insult)
Episode 6: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken
21:27 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "You can't just hand a dried cock to a merchant and expect him to pay for it! He has to know it came from a dwarf. And how could he know unless he sees the dwarf?"
Slave trader: "It will be a dwarf-sized cock."
Tyrion: "Guess again." (Funny Line)
30:58 (+3) Bronn:
Bronn: "And once we've got the princess, then what?"
Jaime: "I like to improvise."
Bronn: "That explains the golden hand." (Witty Insult)
Episode 7: The Gift
40:02 (+3) Bronn:
Bronn gives a rendition of "The Dornishman's Wife" as he is locked in a cell opposite from the Sand Snakes'. (Funny Line)
submitted by mmccor4140 (approved!)
40:44 (+3) Bronn:
Bronn: "Dornish women are the most beautiful women in the world."
Tyene Sand: "Thank you."
Bronn: "I said Dornish women. I didn't say you." (Witty Insult)
Episode 8: Hardhome
2:24 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"I killed my mother... on the day I was born. I killed my father, Tywin Lannister, with a bolt to the heart. I am the greatest Lannister killer of all time." (Funny Line)
20:27 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"Someday, if you decide not to execute me, I'll tell you all about why I killed my father. And on that day, should it ever come, we'll need more wine than this." (Funny Line)
21:25 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
"My own sister married someone she loathed as well, though not by choice and certainly not for the greater good, Gods forbid." (Witty Insult)
32:46 (+3) The Lord of Bones (Rattleshirt):
to Tormund: "You and the pretty crow do a lot of talking, Tormund? And when you're done talking, do you get down on your knees and suck his co-" (Threat)
Episode 9: The Dance of Dragons
16:43 (+3) Bronn:
Jaime Lannister: "Prince Trystane here is a man of mercy. He's agreed to grant you your freedom."
Bronn: "I'm glad to hear it. Pie looks good." (Funny Line)
37:54 (+3) Daario Naharis :
Daario talks about his history in the fighting pits: "But the pile of angry muscles (strong and slow pit fighters) never had any muscles here, or... *points dagger at Hizdahr's head* here. And the big men were always too slow to stop my dagger from going where their muscles weren't."

Read more at: http://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=67&t=18722 (Witty Insult)
38:21 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Hizdahr zo Loraq: "You don't approve (of the fighting pits)?"
Tyrion: "There's always been more than enough death in the world for my taste. I can do without it in my leisure time." (Funny Line)
38:56 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Hizdahr zo Loraq, as the dead pit fighter is dragged away: "That... is a vital part of the great city of Meereen, which existed long before you or I, and will remain standing long after we have returned to the dirt."
Tyrion: "My father would have liked you." (Witty Insult)
39:36 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Hizdahr zo Loraq: "Well said. You're an eloquent man. Doesn't mean you're wrong. In my experience, eloquent men are right every bit as often as imbeciles." (Witty Insult)
40:13 (+3) Daario Naharis :
Hizdahr zo Loraq: "Your Grace-"
Daario: "Shut your mouth." (Threat)
Episode 10: Mother's Mercy
26:32 (+3) Tyene Sand:
to Bronn: "You want a good girl, but you need the bad pussy." (Funny Line)
31:34 (+3) Daario Naharis :
to Jorah, on Tyrion: "Does he always talk so much?"
Jorah: *nods* (Funny Line)
32:06 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
to Missandei: "Apologies. My Valyrian is a bit nostril." (Funny Line)
33:34 (+3) Daario Naharis :
Daario: "Have you ever tracked animals in the wilderness?"
Tyrion: "Not precisely, but I have other skills that would be useful."
Daario: "Can you fight?"
Tyrion: "I have fought. I don't claim to be a great warrior."
Daario: "Are you good on a horse?"
Tyrion: "Middling."
Daario: "So mainly you talk." (Witty Insult)
33:36 (+3) Tyrion Lannister:
Daario: "So mainly you talk."
Tyrion: "And drink. I've survived so far." (Witty Insult)
34:08 (+3) Daario Naharis :
on Grey Worm: "He is. He's the toughest man with no balls I ever met." (Witty Insult)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
Episode 1: The Wars to Come
13:59 (+15) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion downs 3 cups of wine after getting out of that fucking crate, before puking over all the rugs in Ilyrio's palace. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
15:04 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
After vomiting his previous three drinks onto the floor of Ilyrio's palace, Tyrion refills and goes for another. Boot 'n rally! (Glass of Wine Consumed)
35:01 (+10) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks away his misery with two glasses of wine on the balcony of Ilyrio's palace. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
40:14 (+5) Daario Naharis :
Daario drinks in bed with Daenerys. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 2: The House of Black and White
27:20 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks a glass of wine inside that fucking box. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 3: The High Sparrow
52:53 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks from a flask while walking through a market in Volantis. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
55:49 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks at the whorehouse in Volantis. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 4: The Sons of the Harpy
4:22 (+5) Bronn:
Bronn drinks while below deck of the merchant ship smuggling him and Jaime into Dorne. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 7: The Gift
44:18 (+5) Bronn:
Bronn drinks the vial of antidote from Tyene. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 8: Hardhome
20:13 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
drinks while speaking with Daenerys in her chambers. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
22:45 (+5) Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks his refilled cup while speaking with Daenerys in her chambers. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 9: The Dance of Dragons
16:57 (+5) Trystane Martell:
Trystane drinks after Areo Hotah carries out his order to knock out Bronn with his elbow. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
Episode 1: The Wars to Come
32:02 (+5) Olyvar:
Olyvar in bed with Loras, admiring the striking resemblance of Loras' birthmarks to the geography of Dorne. (Act of Intercourse)
39:31 (+5) Daario Naharis :
Daario pours wine after a session with Daenerys, as they discuss the re-opening of the fighting pits. (Act of Intercourse)
Episode 7: The Gift
29:24 (+5) Daario Naharis :
Daario and Daenerys share pillowtalk after a session in her chambers. (Act of Intercourse)
30:04 (+5) Daario Naharis :
As he and Daenerys have post-sex pillow talk, Daario rolls on top of her and mounts her again. (Act of Intercourse)
submitted by angurtheconsumer (approved!)
41:14 (+10) Tyene Sand:
Tyene strips down to toy with Bronn as he suffers from the effects of her poisoned dagger. (Non-sexual Nude Scene)
Deaths
Episode 8: Hardhome
33:05 (+10) The Lord of Bones (Rattleshirt):
The Lord of Bones has his skull smashed in with his own club after insulting Tormund. (Death)
Episode 9: The Dance of Dragons
+1 for The Lord of Bones (Rattleshirt)
Episode 10: Mother's Mercy
+1 for The Lord of Bones (Rattleshirt)
Special
Episode 1: The Wars to Come
39:02 (+3) Daario Naharis :
While Daenerys holds court with Hizdahr zo Loraq, Daario pulls out his dagger and suggestively strokes its naked lady hilt while Daenerys eyes him. (Special)
Episode 9: The Dance of Dragons
38:00 (+3) Daario Naharis :
Daario stares dreamily into Daenerys' eyes while talking about his past as a pit fighter: "Yes, whenever I saw a beast like that one standing across from me making his beast faces, I knew I could rest easy." (Special)