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You're Not My Real Dad | Fantasora

You're Not My Real Dad

This is Known

Owner: Nickers

3-6-1, 10 roto pts (#2)
Z-Score: -0.707 (percentile: 23.97%)
Weeks at #1: 0
Categories won:
Best Week: None (+0 roto points)
Team MVP: Jaime Lannister (picked #4, 94 points, 31.02% of team total)
Longest winstreak: W-3

Roster Stats

Character Drafted Total Kills Politics Insults Wine Sex Thrones Deaths Special Feels
The second of the Lannister children, he is Cersei's lover and twin brother, and also the father of her three bastard children, the supposed sons and daughters of the late King Robert Baratheon. He also serves as Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, and recently returns from a mission to Dorne to rescue his daughter/niece, Myrcella Baratheon.
#4 94 15 27 30 0 10 0 0 12 0
The youngest of the Stark girls. Free-spirited and rebellious, Arya escaped the war-ravaged Westeros and currently resides in Braavos, where she trains under the face-changing assassin Jaqen H'ghar in the House of Black and White.
#8 57 40 6 3 5 0 0 0 3 0
Theon's older sister, Yara was raised on the Iron Islands as a true Ironborn. She is a fearsome fighter and commands a longship of her own.
#12 37 0 12 15 5 5 0 0 0 0
Formerly the Master of Whisperers in King's Landing, Varys controls a vast network of spies. After smuggling Tyrion Lannister to Essos, he reveals himself as a supporter of Daenerys Targaryen's claim to the Iron Throne. In Daenerys' absence, he serves with Tyrion Lannister and presides over the rule of Meereen.
#5 36 0 9 12 0 0 0 0 15 0
A skilled fighter and heir to House Tarth. A sworn sword to the late Catelyn Stark, she continues her mission to ensure the safety of the Stark girls.
#1 29 8 6 9 0 0 0 0 6 0
An uncle to Theon Greyjoy, Euron is an infamous pirate who has terrorized seas all around the world. He is described as cunning, ruthless, and with a touch of madness.
#16 28 10 6 12 0 0 0 0 0 0
The leader of the White Walkers.
#13 16 10 6 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Formerly the Master of Coin, Littlefinger is a conniving political mastermind and serves as Warden of the East after his behind-the-scenes assassination of Lisa Tully.
#9 6 0 6 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Totals 303 83 78 81 10 15 0 0 36 0

Roster

charId Character Special
9
A skilled fighter and heir to House Tarth. A sworn sword to the late Catelyn Stark, she continues her mission to ensure the safety of the Stark girls.
* Scores every time she mentions the "oath" or "vow" she swore to serve the Starks. * Scores every time someone references her size/masculinity/attractiveness.
19
The second of the Lannister children, he is Cersei's lover and twin brother, and also the father of her three bastard children, the supposed sons and daughters of the late King Robert Baratheon. He also serves as Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, and recently returns from a mission to Dorne to rescue his daughter/niece, Myrcella Baratheon.
* +1 point for awkward waves with his metal hand
* +1 point when he uses his metal hand in a combat situation
* +1 point when someone (excl. Cersei) references incest with Cersei or her childrens' bastardy directly to him
* 2x multiplier for sex acts involving incest (first cousin or closer)
82
Formerly the Master of Whisperers in King's Landing, Varys controls a vast network of spies. After smuggling Tyrion Lannister to Essos, he reveals himself as a supporter of Daenerys Targaryen's claim to the Iron Throne. In Daenerys' absence, he serves with Tyrion Lannister and presides over the rule of Meereen.
* +1 politics point when he meets another character in secret
* +1 point when someone references his being a eunuch to him
* +1 point when he passes along information from his "little birds"
6
The youngest of the Stark girls. Free-spirited and rebellious, Arya escaped the war-ravaged Westeros and currently resides in Braavos, where she trains under the face-changing assassin Jaqen H'ghar in the House of Black and White.
* Nymeria's actions contribute to her points.
* +1 point for reciting her hitlist
* adopting a new Faceless Man disguise
79
Formerly the Master of Coin, Littlefinger is a conniving political mastermind and serves as Warden of the East after his behind-the-scenes assassination of Lisa Tully.
+1 point in the intercourse category for sex events that occur in his brothels
2x multiplier for betrayal events
+1 for every kiss he gives to Sansa
63
Theon's older sister, Yara was raised on the Iron Islands as a true Ironborn. She is a fearsome fighter and commands a longship of her own.
+1 when referencing that she is a lesbian, or making a pass at another woman
130
The leader of the White Walkers.
* Actions of dragons while dragonriding
* Wights or White Walker versions of named chars are counted as followers (unless shown to be re-animated by someone else)
* Scenes of Winter arriving anywhere south of the Riverlands (inclusive)
* works of White Walker art
216
An uncle to Theon Greyjoy, Euron is an infamous pirate who has terrorized seas all around the world. He is described as cunning, ruthless, and with a touch of madness.
+1 when he or his Ironborn is referenced as the "greatest" (including self-references)
+1 for crude sexual remarks made about women he is courting
Kills
Episode 1: The Red Woman
Brienne cuts down the first Bolton soldier on horseback as she and Podrick rush in to save Sansa Stark. "It's a bloody woman!" (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Brienne cuts down the second Bolton soldier who stupidly dismounts his horse to engage an enemy he's knocked to the ground. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Brienne cuts down the horse of a Bolton soldier, pinning the soldier's leg (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Brienne ruthlessly slits the throat of a Bolton soldier pinned under his own horse. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Episode 2: Home
Euron throws his brother Balon Greyjoy over the bridge at Pyke and into the sea. "I am the storm, brother. The first storm and the last. And you're in my way." (Kill of Named Character)
Episode 5: The Door
The White Walker King cuts down the Three-Eyed Raven after gaining access to his cavern via Bran's unsupervised vision. (Kill of Named Character)
Episode 6: Blood of My Blood
Jaime slays the Mad King Aerys II during one of Bran's flashback visions. (Kill of Named Character)
Episode 7: The Broken Man
Jaime clobbers Black Walder with his golden hand, leaving him with a severe bruise to the cheek.

Jaime: "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do?"
Black Walder: "I don't give a rat's-" *smack*
(Minor Injury of Named Character)
submitted by bookworm13457 (approved!)
Jaime acquires Edmure Tully as his prisoner after taking over the Siege of Riverrun. (New Follower/Prisoner)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 8: No One
55:51 (+10) Arya Stark:
Arya leads the Waif to her darkened quarters, where she extinguishes the lone candle with her sword Needle and gains the upper hand in complete darkness. (Kill of Named Character)
Episode 10: The Winds of Winter
48:52 (+20) Arya Stark:
Arya serves Walder Frey pies stuffed with meat from his own sons, Black Walder and Lothar Frey.

Walder Frey: "Where are my damn moron sons? Black Walder and Lothar promised to be here by midday."
Arya: "But they're already here, my Lord... Here, my Lord... They weren't easy to carve."
(Kill of Named Character)
49:06 (+10) Arya Stark:
After serving him a meat pie cooked from his own sons, Arya slits the throat of Walder Frey. "My name is Arya Stark. I want you to know that. The last thing you're ever going to see is a Stark smiling down at you as you die." (Kill of Named Character)
Political Wins
Episode 1: The Red Woman
After saving her from capture by the Bolton soldiers, Brienne finally convinces Sansa Stark to accept her protection.
Brienne: "Lady Sansa, I offer my services once again. I will shield your back and keep your counsel and give my life for yours if need be. I swear it, by the Old Gods and the New."
Sansa: "And I vow... that you shall always have a place by my... hearth. and..."
Podrick assist" Meat and mead at my table."
Sansa: "...meat and mead at my table. And I pledge to ask no service of you that might bring you dishonor. I swear it by the Old Gods and the New. Arise."
(Convincing Argument)
submitted by moonbaseu92 (approved!)
Episode 3: Oathbreaker
22:25 (+3) Varys:
Varys' investigations have exposed Vala, the Meereenese prostitute who lured the Unsullied to her brothel so that the Sons of the Harpy could murder them.
"I know who you are and what you've done. You've done a lot. You've sacrificed your body for a cause, which is more than most people do. And you've helped the Sons of the Harpy murder the Unsullied and the Second Sons."
(Secret Discovery)
submitted by moonbaseu92 (approved!)
27:55 (+3) Varys:
Varys has discovered the source of the rebellion's funding after coercing the prostitute Vala.
"Sorry.. I was busy, learning who funds the Sons of the Harpy. Some things you can't rush... The Good Masters of Astapor, and the Wise Masters of Yunkai, with help from their friends in Volantis."
(Secret Discovery)
Episode 4: Book of the Stranger
Littlefinger prevails over Lord Yohn Royce's protests, convincing Robin Arryn to mobilize the forces of the Vale against the Boltons, ostensibly to rescue Sansa Stark. "Our Lord has spoken. Gather the Knights of the Vale. The time has come to join the fray." (Convincing Argument)
Jaime assists Cersei in convincing Kevan Lannister and Olenna Tyrell to march the Tyrell army into King's Landing to arrest the High Sparrow and rescue Queen Margaery. "When the High Sparrow is in custody or dead, preferably, and Margaery's back at Tommen's side, do you think the king will be angry at the outcome?" (Convincing Argument)
submitted by coconnor723 (approved!)
Theon pledges his support for her in the upcoming Kingsmoot. "You should rule the Iron Islands. Let me help you." (New Follower/Prisoner)
submitted by alexander.hilton91 (approved!)
Episode 5: The Door
Yara exposes Euron Greyjoy's assassination of her father Balon during the Kingsmoot, though he quickly counters it.
Yara: "Now I know what my first act as queen will be. To execute the man who killed my father."
Euron: "I did. I killed him. Threw him right over a rope bridge and watched him fall. He was leading us nowhere and we would still be heading there if it weren't for me. No one loved him. No one wanted to follow him ... I apologize to you all for not killing him years ago."
(Secret Discovery)
submitted by cmwalken15 (approved!)
Euron wins over the Ironborn caucus, despite Yara Greyjoy's early superdelegate boost from Theon. "I wasn't born to be king. I paid the iron price. And here I stand." (Convincing Argument)
Euron survives a near-drowning baptism by the Drowned God, and is crowned with a bundle of sticks as the new King of the Iron Islands. (New Title)
Yara refuses to go out quietly after losing the Kingsmoot election to Euron Greyjoy - during his coronation ceremony she makes her escape and steals off with the best ships of the Iron Fleet. (Act of Betrayal)
submitted by taylorreneegoodrich (approved!)
The White Walkers defeat the magical defenses of the Children of the Forest, slaughtering Leaf and her companions and killing the Three-Eyed Raven with their horde of wights. (Victorious Battle)
Episode 6: Blood of My Blood
Arya betrays Bianca, who had entrusted her murder plot of Lady Crane to the Faceless Men. "Careful that one... she wants you dead." (Act of Betrayal)
Arya reclaims Needle, which she had buried into the docks of Braavos. (New Weapon)
Despite being demoted out of the Kingsguard, Jaime is assigned a new role as head of the Lannister armies sent to deal with the Blackfish in the Riverlands. "I'm being sent to deal with the Blackfish. Apparently Walder Frey can't manage it on his own because he's 400 years old. Sent me with an army to the Riverlands and a siege that could last months." (New Title)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 7: The Broken Man
Lothar Frey and Black Walder find themselves under Jaime Lannister's command as he arrives to take over the siege forces surrounding Riverrun. (New Follower/Prisoner)
Episode 8: No One
Brienne persuades Jaime Lannister to allow her to broker surrender terms with the Blackfish, who commands the Tully forces holding Riverrun.
Jaime: "I'm a Lannister. Don't ask me to betray my own house."
Brienne: "I do no such thing."
(Convincing Argument)
Jaime successfully convinces Edmure Tully to comply with his plan to retake Riverrun, sending him to the gates to ask for entry. (Convincing Argument)
Jaime is victorious in the Siege of Riverrun after his Trojan Horse, Edmure Tully, gains access to the castle and willingly opens his gates to the Lannister army. (Victorious Battle)
Jaime captures the castle of Riverrun. (Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
While watching from the ramparts of the newly-acquired Riverrun, Jaime spots Brienne and Podrick rowing away from the castle under the cover of night. (Secret Discovery)
submitted by nsimmonds (approved!)
Episode 9: Battle of the Bastards
Yara agrees to give Daenerys use of the Iron Fleet, and convinces her to come to Westeros and back her claim to the Iron Islands, despite Tyrion's mistrust of the Greyjoys and Theon in particular. (Convincing Argument)
submitted by cmwalken15 (approved!)
The Knights of the Vale rout the Bolton army, striking the shield formation from the rear and decimating the spearmen with a stream of cavalry, forcing Ramsay to retreat back to Winterfell. (Victorious Battle)
Episode 10: The Winds of Winter
66:01 (+3) Varys:
Varys returns from his diplomatic mission to Dorne, apparently successful at recruiting House Tyrell and the Sand Snakes to support Daenerys and lend her use of their navies. (Convincing Argument)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Episode 1: The Red Woman
29:48 (+3) Varys:
Tyrion to homeless mother: "For your baby. To eat." [makes stuffing motion into mouth]
Varys. "She thinks you want to eat her baby."
(Funny Line)
Episode 2: Home
High Sparrow: "You would spill blood in this holy place?"
Jaime: "Oh the Gods won't mind. They spill more blood than the rest of us combined."
(Threat)
22:45 (+3) Varys:
Tyrion: "Dragons are intelligent ... They have affection for their friends and fury for their enemies. I am their friend."
Varys: "Do *they* know that?"
(Funny Line)
submitted by danmirabile13 (approved!)
22:46 (+3) Varys:
Varys shakes his head and tsks as Tyrion pours out a glass of wine during a meeting of the Meereenese advising council. (Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Yara: "Deepwood Motte was our last stronghold on the mainland."
Balon: "Then we will take more."
Yara: "Why? For more pinecones and rocks?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by kosowankenobi (approved!)
to Balon Greyjoy: "I am the storm, brother. The first storm and the last. And you're in my way." (Threat)
submitted by wpearsal (approved!)
Episode 3: Oathbreaker
to Qyburn: "Does he (Gregor Clegane) understand what we're saying? I mean, to the extent that he ever understood complete sentences in the first place." (Witty Insult)
Waif: "That's a short list. That can't be everyone you want to kill. Are you sure you're not forgetting someone?"
Arya: "Which name would you like a girl to speak?"
(Threat)
Episode 4: Book of the Stranger
Brienne: "I was Kingsguard to Renly Baratheon. Before Renly was assassinated with bloodmagic."
Nervous Davos: "That's... in the past now."
Brienne: "Yes, it's in the past. It doesn't mean I forget. *looks at Melisandre* Or forgive."
(Threat)
submitted by jamesfkehoe (approved!)
Episode 5: The Door
"Little Theon. Heard you managed to fuck things right into the ground. Captured a castle you couldn't keep. Got yourself taken prisoner. Even heard you have no cock. Explains why you think a woman can be king." (Witty Insult)
Theon: "Last I heard, you were gallivanting around the world having a grand old time."
Euron: "Gallivanting? That the sort of thing you start to say once your dick gets chopped off?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by wpearsal (approved!)
"I'm going to build that fleet, and I'm going to gallivant right over and give it (the Iron Fleet) to Daenarys Targaryen, along with my big cock!" (Witty Insult)
submitted by wpearsal (approved!)
Brienne: "I don't like leaving you here alone."
Sansa: "With Jon?"
Brienne: "Not him. He seems trustworthy. A bit... brooding, perhaps. I suppose that's understandable, considering. The others, though. Davos and the Red Woman helped a man murder his own brother with bloodmagic... and that wildling fellow with the beard-"
(Funny Line)
Episode 6: Blood of My Blood
Episode 7: The Broken Man
Bronn: "Now that is a sorry attempt at a siege. Someone needs to teach those sad twats how to dig trenches."
Jaime: "Someone certainly does."
(Funny Line)
to Black Walder: "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do?" (Threat)
submitted by nsimmonds (approved!)
to Theon: "Nothing on the Iron Islands has an ass like that. Doesn't interest you anymore?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by cmwalken15 (approved!)
Episode 8: No One
on Sansa Stark: "In my experience, girls like her don't live very long." (Witty Insult)
Edmure Tully: "Do you imagine yourself a decent person? ... After you've massacred my family. Kept me in a cell for years. Stolen our lands."
Jaime: "I'll remind you that our houses are at war. I'm sorry if this conflict has inconvenienced you, but rebelling against the Crown does have consequences."
(Witty Insult)
to Edmure Tully: "I'll send for your baby boy. And I'll launch him into Riverrun with a catapult. Because you don't matter to me, Lord Edmure. Your son doesn't matter to me. The people in the castle don't matter to me. Only Cersei." (Threat)
Episode 9: Battle of the Bastards
Meeting with Daenerys:
Theon: "The Iron Fleet isn't all [Euron Greyjoy's] bringing. He also wants to give you-"
Yara: "His big cock, I think he said."
(Funny Line)
submitted by becharafayad1997 (approved!)
Theon: "Your ancestors defeated ours and took the Iron Islands. We ask you to give them back."
Daenerys: "And that's all?"
Yara: "We'd like you to help us murder an uncle or two who don't think a woman's fit to rule."
(Funny Line)
submitted by becharafayad1997 (approved!)
Episode 10: The Winds of Winter
Walder Frey: "Fear is a marvelous thing."
Jaime: "They don't fear the Freys, though. They fear the Lannisters. We gave you the Riverlands to hold the Riverlands. If we have to ride north and take them back for you every time you lose them, why do we need you?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by moonbaseu92 (approved!)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
Episode 7: The Broken Man
Yara drinks while giving a pep talk to Theon. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 8: No One
Arya drinks a glass of milk of the poppy to settle her into sleep. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
Episode 6: Blood of My Blood
Jaime and Cersei get it on after hot and heavy dirty talk about the power of House Lannister and destroying their enemies. "They've made us both stronger, all of them. They have no idea how strong we are. No idea what we're going to do to them. We've always been together. We'll always be together." (Act of Intercourse)
Episode 7: The Broken Man
Yara wanders off with a whore in Volantis. "Now, since it's my last night ashore for a long while, I'm gonna go fuck the tits off this one." (Act of Intercourse)
Special
Episode 1: The Red Woman
29:17 (+3) Varys:
Tyrion references Varys' eunuch status in his comeback.
Varys: "You walk as though the paving stones were your personal property. I used to steal from people like you when I was a boy."
Tyrion: "It's a good thing you're not a boy anymore. ... Because you have no cock."
(Special)
Episode 2: Home
22:46 (+3) Varys:
Varys just can't get away from the eunuch references after he judgmentally stares at Tyrion downing another cup of wine.
Tyrion: "If I lost my cock, I'd drink all the time. *looks at Greyworm* ...meaning no offense. He makes dwarf jokes, I make eunuch jokes."
(Special)
submitted by alexander.hilton91 (approved!)
Episode 3: Oathbreaker
Olenna to Cersei: "Margaery is the Queen. You are not the Queen, because you're not married to the king. I do appreciate these things can get a bit confusing in your family."
(Special)
Waif: "Who else was on Arya Stark's funny little list?"
Arya: "Cersei Lannister. Gregor Clegane. Walder Frey."
(Special)
Episode 4: Book of the Stranger
Episode 5: The Door
34:36 (+3) Varys:
High Priestess Kinvara talks to Varys about his castration.
"If not for your... mutilation at the hand of a second-rate sorcerer, you wouldn't be here. Helping the Lord's Chosen bring his light into the world... Do you remember what you heard that night when the sorcerer tossed your parts in the fire?"
(Special)
submitted by emilien.raggi (approved!)
Episode 7: The Broken Man
Septon Ray: "How many men did it take to cut you down?"
Sandor Clegane: "Just one."
Ray: "Whew... he must have been some kind of a monster."
Sandor: "He was a woman."
(Special)
Jaime smacks Black Walder with his golden hand as he gives a lesson on threats.

Jaime: "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out. Now let's say I threatened to hit you unless you shut your mouth, but you kept talking. What do you think I'd do?"
Black Walder: "I don't give a rat's-" *smack*
(Special)
Episode 8: No One
9:57 (+3) Varys:
Varys: "If you shaved your beard with a straight razor, you'd say the razor worked. That doesn't mean it won't cut your throat."
Tyrion: "Spoken like a man who has never had to shave."
(Special)
submitted by alexanderdropkin (approved!)
As Brienne meets with Jaime inside a tent on the Lannister siege line, Bronn outs himself as Vice President of the Brienne's a Hottie Admiration Society.
Bronn: "You think they're fucking?"
Podrick: "What? No."
Bronn: "Why not? I'd fuck her. You'd fuck her, wouldn't you? ... Well he'd (Jaime) fuck her, that's for sure. And she'd fuck him, don't you think?"
(Special)
submitted by alexanderdropkin (approved!)
after spotting them from the castle wall, Jaime waves to Brienne and Podrick as they row away from Riverrun. (Special)
submitted by andres.geurts (approved!)
Episode 10: The Winds of Winter
Bronn converses with Jaime about the women at the Frey-Lannister feast.
Jaime: "Not my type."
Bronn: "Not blonde enough?"
(Special)