CLEGANEBOWL STILL FCKIN CONFIRMED!!!!
Bitchachos
Owner: tyler3005
68 roto pts (#1)
Z-Score:
1.29 (percentile: 90.16%)
Weeks at #1: 0
Categories won:
Political Wins (75), Acts of Intercourse (40)
Best Week:
Episode 1: Dragonstone
(+15.5 roto points)
Team MVP:
Cersei Lannister
(picked #4,
140 points,
34.74% of team total)
Roster Stats
Roster
charId | Character | Special |
---|---|---|
18 |
Cersei Lannister
Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, after the death of her last remaining child Tommen Baratheon. She suffers from a rare water allergy.
|
* +1 special point every time she pours wine or requests a glass be poured * +1 point when someone (excl. Jaime) references incest with Jaime or her childrens' bastardy directly to her * 2x multiplier for sex acts involving incest (first cousin or closer) |
81 |
Sandor Clegane (The Hound)
A fearsome Lannister knight, formerly known as the Hound. After being left for dead after losing a fight with Brienne of Tarth, he recovered and briefly reformed as a laborer in a nonviolent commune, but has joined with Beric Dondarrion and the Brotherhood without Banners after bandits attack and destroy the village.
|
* +1 point for scenes where he eats * 2x multiplier for actions performed while confronted by fire |
23 |
Bronn
A former sellsword, who has risen through the ranks of nobility thanks to his fighting skills and work for the Lannisters. He has accompanied Jaime Lannister on his missions to Dorne and Riverrun.
|
+1 point when he gives expert critique/advice on fighting strategy |
235 |
Lyanna Stark
Eddard Stark's sister. She was kidnapped by Rhaegar Targaryen and subsequently died, which sparked Robert Baratheon and the Starks to rebel against he Targaryens.
|
Kills
0:00
(+5)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei plants a kiss on Tyene Sand, poisoning her with the Long Farewell - the same poison used by Ellaria Sand to kill Myrcella Baratheon.
(Major Injury of Named Character)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Bronn unsheathes a sword out of the torso of an impaled, flailing Lannister soldier, inflicting the fatal damage on the way out.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Bronn runs through the chaos of the battlefield to make his way over to the Scorpion, cutting down two Dothraki screamers with the sword he takes from the torso of an impaled Lannister soldier.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Bronn blows away the Dothraki screamer with a bolt from the Scorpion.
(Kill of Named Character)
After a miss on his first shot, Bronn strikes a bolt from the Scorpio into Drogon's right shoulder, sending him spiraling out of control and forcing Daenerys to the ground.
(Major Injury of Named Character)
The Hound shatters the jaw of a wight with one hell of an accurate rock throw. "Dumb cunt."
(Major Injury of Unnamed Character)
47:15
(+44)
Sandor Clegane (The Hound):
The Hound smashes 22 wights in the ensuing battle as the Night King's Army of the Dead descends upon the group.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
The Hound secures the cargo by impaling the wight onto one of Drogon's spines for the flight out.
(Major Injury of Unnamed Character)
After revealing the wight to the audience in King's Landing, Sandor Clegane reels back its chain and bisects the wight as it charges him.
(Major Injury of Unnamed Character)
Political Wins
22:40
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Over Jaime's protests, Cersei meets with Euron Greyjoy to hear his alliance proposal, although it ultimately ends in Euron leaving empty-handed with a promise to return with a gift.
(Executive Decision)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
While looking into Thoros' flames, Sandor Clegane discovers the location of the planned White Walker invasion: Eastwatch-by-the-Sea.
"Ice. A wall of ice. The Wall. ... It's where the Wall meets the sea. There's a castle there. There's a mountain. Looks like an arrowhead. The dead are marching past. Thousands of them." (Secret Discovery)
"Ice. A wall of ice. The Wall. ... It's where the Wall meets the sea. There's a castle there. There's a mountain. Looks like an arrowhead. The dead are marching past. Thousands of them." (Secret Discovery)
submitted by jake.kmiech (approved!)
19:17
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Qyburn presents a high-powered dragon-killing ballista to Cersei. "Apparently, one of Daenerys' dragons was wounded by spears in the fighting pits of Meereen. If they can be wounded, they can be killed."
(New Weapon)
22:34
(+6)
Cersei Lannister:
Euron Greyjoy presents his gift to Cersei - the captured Ellaria and Tyene Sand.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
23:28
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei accepts Euron Greyjoy's proposal of an alliance, appointing him at the head of her navy.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
30:40
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei casually reveals her night of incest with Jaime in her chambers as she opens the door for one of her handmaidens.
Jaime: "What are you doing? No one can see us like this."
Cersei: "I am Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, I'll do as I please." (Executive Decision)
Jaime: "What are you doing? No one can see us like this."
Cersei: "I am Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, I'll do as I please." (Executive Decision)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
33:09
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei convinces the Iron Bank against investing in Daenerys Targaryen, and to give her an extension on her loan instead: "From what I gather, she considers herself more of a revolutionary than a monarch. In your experience, how do bankers usually fare with revolutionaries? The Lannisters owe the Iron Bank quite a lot of money, but Lannisters always pay their debts. Do former slaves or Dothraki or dragons?"
Tycho Nestoris: "Your father's daughter, indeed." (Convincing Argument)
Tycho Nestoris: "Your father's daughter, indeed." (Convincing Argument)
Bronn arrives to the wagon and unveils the Scorpion, a high-powered dragon-killing ballista.
(New Weapon)
11:49
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
With the delivery of the Tyrell gold and a repayment of debts to the Iron Bank, Cersei secures a new loan: "We have the Tyrell gold, we have the Iron Bank behind us. We can buy mercenaries."
(Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
12:57
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Jaime explains to Cersei that it was Olenna Tyrell who had assassinated Joffrey, not Tyrion.
Jaime: "It was Olenna. She confessed before she died."
Cersei: "And this was before or after she drank the poison you so kindly provided her?"
Jaime: "After."
Cersei: "And you believed her?"
Jaime: "If you were Olenna, would you rather have seen your granddaughter married to Joffrey or Tommen? Which one would Margaery have been better able to control? Which one would have made Olenna the true ruler of the Seven Kingdoms? She was telling the truth." (Secret Discovery)
Jaime: "It was Olenna. She confessed before she died."
Cersei: "And this was before or after she drank the poison you so kindly provided her?"
Jaime: "After."
Cersei: "And you believed her?"
Jaime: "If you were Olenna, would you rather have seen your granddaughter married to Joffrey or Tommen? Which one would Margaery have been better able to control? Which one would have made Olenna the true ruler of the Seven Kingdoms? She was telling the truth." (Secret Discovery)
13:45
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei rejects Jaime's plea to find a peaceful solution out of the conflict with Daenerys.
Jaime: "And if we don't find a way out of this war, we'll follow them."
Cersei: "So we fight and die or we submit and die. I know my choice. A soldier should know his." (Executive Decision)
Jaime: "And if we don't find a way out of this war, we'll follow them."
Cersei: "So we fight and die or we submit and die. I know my choice. A soldier should know his." (Executive Decision)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
Bronn finds Tyrion in the dungeons below the Red Keep, later arranging a secret meeting between him and Jaime.
(Secret Discovery)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
41:06
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei reveals that she is already aware of Jaime and Tyrion's secret meeting.
Cersei: "Are you going to punish him?"
Jaime: "Tyrion?"
Cersei: "Bronn. He betrayed you. He set up a meeting without your knowledge or consent. Do you think anything of importance happens in this city without me knowing?" (Secret Discovery)
Cersei: "Are you going to punish him?"
Jaime: "Tyrion?"
Cersei: "Bronn. He betrayed you. He set up a meeting without your knowledge or consent. Do you think anything of importance happens in this city without me knowing?" (Secret Discovery)
The Hound wields Gendry's warhammer, after Tormund forced him to leave it behind for the group so Gendry could make the marathon run back to Eastwatch faster.
(New Weapon)
Sandor loads the prized captured wight into a boat headed for King's Landing.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
After a private meeting with Tyrion, Cersei agrees to a truce with the Targaryen and Northern forces so that they may collectively combat the White Walker threat, completing the deal brokered by Tyrion, Jaime, and Bronn's secret meeting.
(Deals Brokered)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
62:06
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei declares that the Lannister armies will not be sent north to help fight the White Walkers, over Jaime's protests.
"The monsters are real. The White Walkers, the dragons, the Dothraki screamers all the frightening stories we heard when we were young, they're all real. So be it. Let the monsters kill each other. And while they battle in the North, we take back the lands that belong to us." (Executive Decision)
"The monsters are real. The White Walkers, the dragons, the Dothraki screamers all the frightening stories we heard when we were young, they're all real. So be it. Let the monsters kill each other. And while they battle in the North, we take back the lands that belong to us." (Executive Decision)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
62:50
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei figures that Daenerys has lost one of her dragons and has only two left.
Cersei: "How many dragons did you see at the pit?"
Jaime: "Two."
Cersei: "What happened to the third?
Jaime: "For all we know, it's guarding her fleet!"
Cersei: "She came here with her dragons and her Dothraki and her Unsullied. She came here to show us all her power. No, something happened. The dragons are vulnerable." (Secret Discovery)
Cersei: "How many dragons did you see at the pit?"
Jaime: "Two."
Cersei: "What happened to the third?
Jaime: "For all we know, it's guarding her fleet!"
Cersei: "She came here with her dragons and her Dothraki and her Unsullied. She came here to show us all her power. No, something happened. The dragons are vulnerable." (Secret Discovery)
63:59
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei has bought the services of the mercenary Golden Company. "Highgarden bought us the most powerful army in Essos the Golden Company. 20,000 men, horses, elephants, I believe."
(Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
64:12
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei reneges on her promise to send her armies to fight the Army of the Dead in the north, threatening Jaime with treason for disobeying.
Jaime: "I pledged to ride north. I intend to honor that pledge."
Cersei: "And that will be treason."
Jaime: "Treason?"
Cersei: "Disobeying your queen's command, fighting with her enemies. What would you call it?"
Jaime: "Doesn't matter what I'd call it." (Act of Betrayal)
Jaime: "I pledged to ride north. I intend to honor that pledge."
Cersei: "And that will be treason."
Jaime: "Treason?"
Cersei: "Disobeying your queen's command, fighting with her enemies. What would you call it?"
Jaime: "Doesn't matter what I'd call it." (Act of Betrayal)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
69:58
(+3)
Lyanna Stark:
In a warged vision of the past, Lyanna is seen reciting her marriage vows to Rhaegar Targaryen.
"Father, Smith, Warrior, Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger. I am his, and he is mine, from this day until the end of my days." (Marriage)
"Father, Smith, Warrior, Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger. I am his, and he is mine, from this day until the end of my days." (Marriage)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Thoros: "Bad night to be outdoors."
Sandor: "You've got real powerful magic to figure that out. Did the Lord of Light whisper that in your ear? 'It's snowwing, Thoros.
It's winnndy. It's gonna be a coold night.'" (Funny Line)
Sandor: "You've got real powerful magic to figure that out. Did the Lord of Light whisper that in your ear? 'It's snowwing, Thoros.
It's winnndy. It's gonna be a coold night.'" (Funny Line)
Thoros: "Why are you always in such a foul mood?"
Sandor: "... Experience." (Funny Line)
Sandor: "... Experience." (Funny Line)
to Thoros: "I'll tell you what doesn't scare me: bald cocksuckers like you. You think you're fooling anyone with that top knot?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by tylermanhart (approved!)
"It's my fucking luck I end up with a band of fire-worshippers" -as Thoros beckons him over to check out the magic prophecy fire he just started
(Funny Line)
28:34
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
to Ellaria Sand: "Your daughter will die here in this cell, and you will be here watching when she does. You'll be here the rest of your days. If you refuse to eat, we'll force food down your throat. You will live to watch your daughter rot. To watch that beautiful face collapse - to bone and dust. All the while contemplating the choices you've made.
Make sure the guards change the torches every few hours. I don't want her to miss a thing." (Threat)
Make sure the guards change the torches every few hours. I don't want her to miss a thing." (Threat)
Jaime to Bronn: Besides think of the upkeep, the more you own the more it weighs you down.
Bronn To Jaime: Is that why you're so glum eh? All your new riches weighing you down? (Witty Insult)
Bronn To Jaime: Is that why you're so glum eh? All your new riches weighing you down? (Witty Insult)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
to Jaime: "You've just won the biggest prize in the world, what do you possibly have to be upset about? C'mon you can tell me - the Queen of Thorns give you one last prick in the balls before saying goodbye?"
(Witty Insult)
to Dickon Tarly: "Men shit themselves when they die, didn't they teach you that at fancy lad school?"
(Witty Insult)
to Jaime: "Listen to me, cunt. Until I get what I'm owed, a dragon doesn't get to kill you. You don't get to kill you. Only I get to kill you."
(Funny Line)
Jaime: "That was only one of them. She has two more. If she decides to use them, to really use them-"
Bronn: "You're fucked."
Jaime: "Don't you mean we're fucked?"
Bronn: "No, I do not." (Funny Line)
Bronn: "You're fucked."
Jaime: "Don't you mean we're fucked?"
Bronn: "No, I do not." (Funny Line)
Bronn: "Dragons are where our partnership ends. I'm not gonna be around when those things start spitting fire on King's Landing."
Jaime: "I have to tell Cersei."
Bronn: "May as well jump back in that river." (Funny Line)
Jaime: "I have to tell Cersei."
Bronn: "May as well jump back in that river." (Funny Line)
13:45
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Jaime Lannister: "[Olenna's] dead, like her son, her grandchildren, her whole house. And if we don't find a way out of this war, we'll follow them."
Cersei: "So we fight and die or we submit and die. I know my choice. A soldier should know his." (Witty Insult)
Cersei: "So we fight and die or we submit and die. I know my choice. A soldier should know his." (Witty Insult)
Jaime: "We don't have time for this, we should be preparing the city for a siege. The Dothraki are coming."
Bronn: "All the more reason for you to train. Unless you plan on fighting Dothraki twelve-year-olds." (Witty Insult)
Bronn: "All the more reason for you to train. Unless you plan on fighting Dothraki twelve-year-olds." (Witty Insult)
Jaime: "Why (do swordfight training) down here?"
Bronn: "I don't think you want people to see how you look swinging that thing yet." (Witty Insult)
Bronn: "I don't think you want people to see how you look swinging that thing yet." (Witty Insult)
The Hound interrupts Beric's grand monologue.
Beric: "It doesn't matter what we think our reasons are. There's a greater purpose at work. And we serve it together, whether we know it or not. We may take the steps, but the Lord of Light-"
Hound: "For fuck's sake, will you shut your hole? Are we coming with you or not?" (Funny Line)
Beric: "It doesn't matter what we think our reasons are. There's a greater purpose at work. And we serve it together, whether we know it or not. We may take the steps, but the Lord of Light-"
Hound: "For fuck's sake, will you shut your hole? Are we coming with you or not?" (Funny Line)
Gendry recaps his ordeal after being sold to the Red Priestess Melisandre.
Gendry: "You know what she did to me? She strapped me down on the bed, she stripped me naked-"
Sandor: "Sounds alright so far." (Funny Line)
Gendry: "You know what she did to me? She strapped me down on the bed, she stripped me naked-"
Sandor: "Sounds alright so far." (Funny Line)
Gendry: "She wanted to kill me. And would have killed me if it weren't for-"
Sandor: "But they didn't, did they? So what you whinging about?"
Gendry: "I'm not whinging."
Sandor: "Your lips are moving and you complain about something. That's whinging. This one's been killed six times and you don't hear him bitching about it." (Witty Insult)
Sandor: "But they didn't, did they? So what you whinging about?"
Gendry: "I'm not whinging."
Sandor: "Your lips are moving and you complain about something. That's whinging. This one's been killed six times and you don't hear him bitching about it." (Witty Insult)
Sandor: "You want to suck my dick, is that it?"
Tormund Giantsbane: "Dick?"
Sandor: "Cock."
Tormund: "Ah, dick. I like it."
Sandor: "Bet you do. (Funny Line)
Tormund Giantsbane: "Dick?"
Sandor: "Cock."
Tormund: "Ah, dick. I like it."
Sandor: "Bet you do. (Funny Line)
Tormund: "I want to make babies with her - think of them. Great big monsters. They'd conquer the world."
Sandor: "How did a mad fucker like you live this long?" (Funny Line)
Sandor: "How did a mad fucker like you live this long?" (Funny Line)
Beric Dondarrion, as they part ways at Eastwatch: "We'll meet again, Clegane."
Sandor: "Fucking hope not." (Funny Line)
Sandor: "Fucking hope not." (Funny Line)
Bronn and Jaime discuss the Unsullied army standing outside the gates of King's Landing.
Bronn: "Men without cocks. You wouldn't find me fighting in an army if I had no cock. What's left to fight for?"
Jaime: "Gold?"
Bronn: "I spent my life around soldiers. What do you think they spend that gold on?"
Jaime: "Family."
Bronn: "Not without a cock, you don't." (Funny Line)
Bronn: "Men without cocks. You wouldn't find me fighting in an army if I had no cock. What's left to fight for?"
Jaime: "Gold?"
Bronn: "I spent my life around soldiers. What do you think they spend that gold on?"
Jaime: "Family."
Bronn: "Not without a cock, you don't." (Funny Line)
7:44
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
briefing Gregor Clegane in Jaime's presence: "If anything goes wrong, kill the silver-haired bitch first, then our brother, then the bastard who calls himself King. The rest of them you can kill in any order you see fit."
(Threat)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
Bronn breaks up the Podrick and Tyrion reunion
Podrick: "I never thought I'd see you again, my lord."
Tyrion: "Supporting the enemy, no less."
Podrick: "Hard to blame you."
Tyrion: 'Cersei will anyway."
Podrick: "I'm glad you're alive."
Bronn: "Come on. You can suck his magic cock later." (Witty Insult)
Podrick: "I never thought I'd see you again, my lord."
Tyrion: "Supporting the enemy, no less."
Podrick: "Hard to blame you."
Tyrion: 'Cersei will anyway."
Podrick: "I'm glad you're alive."
Bronn: "Come on. You can suck his magic cock later." (Witty Insult)
Tyrion Lannister: "Are you? Helping me to arrange this meeting wasn't exactly looking after yourself, was it? You put yourself at risk."
Bronn: "I put yourself at risk. Important difference. It's your head Queen Cersei's offered a bag of gold for, it's not mine. Now, thanks to me, she's got two traitors' heads coming right through her door. She can lop them both off as soon as she gets tired of the clever words that pour out their pieholes. All thanks to Ser Bronn of the fucking Blackwater. If that's not looking after myself, I don't know what is." (Threat)
Bronn: "I put yourself at risk. Important difference. It's your head Queen Cersei's offered a bag of gold for, it's not mine. Now, thanks to me, she's got two traitors' heads coming right through her door. She can lop them both off as soon as she gets tired of the clever words that pour out their pieholes. All thanks to Ser Bronn of the fucking Blackwater. If that's not looking after myself, I don't know what is." (Threat)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
Sandor Clegane: "Am I going to die in this shit city?"
Tyrion Lanniser: "You might."
Sandor: "And this is all your idea. Seems every bad idea has some Lannister cunt behind it." (Witty Insult)
Tyrion Lanniser: "You might."
Sandor: "And this is all your idea. Seems every bad idea has some Lannister cunt behind it." (Witty Insult)
to Gregor Clegane: "Remember me? Yeah, you do. You're even fucking uglier than I am now. What did they do to you? Doesn't matter. That's not how it ends for you, brother. You know who's coming for you. You've always known."
(Threat)
19:45
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Jon Snow: "Lord Tyrion tells me a million people live in this city. They're about to become a million more soldiers in the Army of the Dead."
Cersei: "I imagine for most of them it would be an improvement." (Comeback)
Cersei: "I imagine for most of them it would be an improvement." (Comeback)
27:06
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
after Jon Snow rejects her offer of truce: "Then there is nothing left to discuss. The dead will come north first. Enjoy dealing with them. We will deal with whatever is left of you."
(Threat)
61:07
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei: "What are you doing?"
Jaime: "Preparing the expedition north."
Cersei: "Expedition north? I always knew you were the stupidest Lannister." (Witty Insult)
Jaime: "Preparing the expedition north."
Cersei: "Expedition north? I always knew you were the stupidest Lannister." (Witty Insult)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
20:52
(+5)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei takes a sip from the glass while discussing the failed alliance with the Freys after Walder's assassination.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
28:15
(+5)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei downs a shot of Long Farewell antidote after poisoning Tyene Sand with a kiss.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
31:24
(+5)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei drinks while discussing the Iron Throne's debt payments with Tycho Nestoris, a representative of the Iron Bank.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
6:40
(+5)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei drinks while discussing the delivery of Tyrell gold to Tycho Nestoris of the Iron Bank.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
The Hound gets one short swig in before Jon ruins the party and takes back the flask. "We have to burn the body."
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
30:30
(+40)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei throws off the bed sheets to reveal herself in the morning after a night with Jaime.
(Act of Intercourse)
Special
20:17
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei runs for the pitcher and pours a glass as Jaime confronts her about Tommen's death.
(Special)
23:59
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Euron Greyjoy: "Ever since I was a little boy, I wanted to grow up and marry the most beautiful woman in the world, so here I am with a thousand ships and two good hands." (looks at Jaime)
(Special)
submitted by adamjfallon (approved!)
31:03
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei pours out a glass of wine for her Braavosi visitor, Tycho Nestoris of the Iron Bank.
(Special)
6:35
(+3)
Cersei Lannister:
Cersei pours herself a glass while discussing the delivery of Tyrell gold to Tycho Nestoris of the Iron Bank.
(Special)
Bronn: "Get back to King's Landing."
Jaime Lannister: "I'm not abandoning my army."
Bronn: "You're the commander, not a damn infantryman. Those fuckers are about to swamp us." (Special)
Jaime Lannister: "I'm not abandoning my army."
Bronn: "You're the commander, not a damn infantryman. Those fuckers are about to swamp us." (Special)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)