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Gods of Tits and Wine | Fantasora

Gods of Tits and Wine

CoT Fantasy League

Owner: loganfoliver

26.5 roto pts (#1)
Z-Score: 0.843 (percentile: 80.05%)
Weeks at #1: 0
Categories won: Political Wins (120), Insults Delivered / Funny Lines (138), Glasses of Wine Consumed (55), Acts of Intercourse (40)
Best Week: Episode 3: The Queen's Justice (+4.5 roto points)
Team MVP: Cersei Lannister (picked #5, 140 points, 32.79% of team total)

Roster Stats

Character Drafted Total Kills Politics Insults Wine Sex Thrones Deaths Special Feels
Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, after the death of her last remaining child Tommen Baratheon. She suffers from a rare water allergy.
#5 140 5 45 18 20 40 0 0 12 0
Quick to wit and even quicker to the drink, Tyrion is the youngest of three Lannister children. After being exiled by his sister Cersei, he has joined with Daenerys Targaryen, serving as her Hand of the Queen and most trusted adviser.
#4 109 0 27 54 25 0 0 0 3 0
Formerly Hand of the King to Stannis Baratheon, Davos now advises Jon Snow. He is often at odds with the Red Priestess Melisandre.
#20 63 0 9 51 0 0 0 0 3 0
The fourth of the Stark children. A greenseer and a warg, Bran has mystical visions of the future and past, and has the ability to leap into the minds of others to control them - power he is only beginning to tap into. After having encountered the Three-Eyed Raven and the Night King in the far north, he now flees back south to the Wall.
#12 30 0 15 3 0 0 0 0 12 0
The second eldest of the Stark children. After being held as a prisoner of House Bolton, Sansa managed to escape and, with the help of Jon Snow and the Knights of the Vale, defeated Ramsay Bolton to reclaim Winterfell for the Starks. She is a huge fan of lemon cakes.
#13 27 0 15 12 0 0 0 0 0 0
Theon's older sister, Yara was raised on the Iron Islands as a true Ironborn. She is a fearsome fighter and commands a longship of her own. After her uncle Euron Greyjoy seizes control of the Iron Islands, she flees with Theon and her loyal troops to ally with Daenerys Targaryen, whose dragons and armies sail west to retake Westeros.
#21 27 16 0 0 5 0 0 0 6 0
Heir to the Iron Islands, and formerly a ward of House Stark. Theon is slowly recovering from physical and mental breakdown during his time as a prisoner of Ramsay Bolton. He currently accompanies his sister Yara Greyjoy, who has pledged her Ironborn forces to the cause of Daenerys Targaryen.
#28 22 11 3 0 5 0 0 0 3 0
A Red Priest from the city of Myr - he is a member of the Brotherhood Without Banners, led by Beric Dondarrion.
#29 6 0 3 0 0 0 0 0 3 0
Archmaester at the Citadel in Oldtown, where new Maesters are trained.
- 3 0 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Totals 427 32 120 138 55 40 0 0 42 0

Roster

charId Character Special
17
Quick to wit and even quicker to the drink, Tyrion is the youngest of three Lannister children. After being exiled by his sister Cersei, he has joined with Daenerys Targaryen, serving as her Hand of the Queen and most trusted adviser.
* +1 point each time he is denied a drink
* +1 point whenever he physically gives someone a coin (or other legal tender)
18
Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, after the death of her last remaining child Tommen Baratheon. She suffers from a rare water allergy.
* +1 special point every time she pours wine or requests a glass be poured
* +1 point when someone (excl. Jaime) references incest with Jaime or her childrens' bastardy directly to her
* 2x multiplier for sex acts involving incest (first cousin or closer)
7
The fourth of the Stark children. A greenseer and a warg, Bran has mystical visions of the future and past, and has the ability to leap into the minds of others to control them - power he is only beginning to tap into. After having encountered the Three-Eyed Raven and the Night King in the far north, he now flees back south to the Wall.
* Bran introducing himself into a scene by creepily staring at people * Summer's actions contribute to his points * Scores points for each scene where he breaks out of his tree-trance and shows any of the following emotions: sadness (visible tears), happiness (audible laughter or smiles with teeth), fear (audible screams) * Scores points for each instance he uses his Warg ability
5
The second eldest of the Stark children. After being held as a prisoner of House Bolton, Sansa managed to escape and, with the help of Jon Snow and the Knights of the Vale, defeated Ramsay Bolton to reclaim Winterfell for the Starks. She is a huge fan of lemon cakes.
* Lady's actions contribute to her points.
* +1 point in every scene she cries
50
Formerly Hand of the King to Stannis Baratheon, Davos now advises Jon Snow. He is often at odds with the Red Priestess Melisandre.
* +1 point every time his fingers or onions are referenced
* +1 point when invoking Shireen's name
63
Theon's older sister, Yara was raised on the Iron Islands as a true Ironborn. She is a fearsome fighter and commands a longship of her own. After her uncle Euron Greyjoy seizes control of the Iron Islands, she flees with Theon and her loyal troops to ally with Daenerys Targaryen, whose dragons and armies sail west to retake Westeros.
+1 when referencing that she is a lesbian, or making a pass at another woman
61
Heir to the Iron Islands, and formerly a ward of House Stark. Theon is slowly recovering from physical and mental breakdown during his time as a prisoner of Ramsay Bolton. He currently accompanies his sister Yara Greyjoy, who has pledged her Ironborn forces to the cause of Daenerys Targaryen.
+1 point for scenes where Theon refers to himself as "Reek"
+1 point when his missing manhood is referenced
263
Archmaester at the Citadel in Oldtown, where new Maesters are trained.
+1 each time he asks a rhetorical questions he already knows the answer to
Kills
Episode 2: Stormborn
Theon cuts down two of Euron's soldiers as they board Yara's ship. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Yara kills three Greyjoy soldiers in the initial melee aboard her ship, throwing down one, slicing down a second, and killing a third on the backswing of her sword. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Yara slices two Greyjoy soldiers by the neck. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Theon kills two more soldiers. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Yara cuts the throat of one of Euron's soldiers, before turning to witness the fiery carnage of her fleet.  As she regains her composure she stabs another soldier. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Yara knocks an Ironborn soldier off the upper deck of her ship. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Theon cuts down one last Ironborn, before his uncle Euron calls to him. (Kill of Unnamed Character)
Episode 3: The Queen's Justice
Cersei plants a kiss on Tyene Sand, poisoning her with the Long Farewell - the same poison used by Ellaria Sand to kill Myrcella Baratheon. (Major Injury of Named Character)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf
Theon makes a comeback in round two with Harrag, wearing out the older Ironborn's kneecap on his impervious groin area, and then pounding him into submission. (Minor Injury of Named Character)
Political Wins
Episode 1: Dragonstone
Bran Stark uses his knowledge about the battle at Hardhome to convince Eddison Tollet to grant him and Meera Reed passage into Castle Black. (Convincing Argument)
submitted by Ser Vincent (approved!)
Over Jaime's protests, Cersei meets with Euron Greyjoy to hear his alliance proposal, although it ultimately ends in Euron leaving empty-handed with a promise to return with a gift. (Executive Decision)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
Episode 2: Stormborn
Davos suggests that Daenerys's dragons will be a powerful asset against the fight against the wights, and suggests allying with her, despite Sansa's protests. Ultimately, Jon decides to personally travel to Dragonstone to meet with Daenerys, citing Davos' arguments in his appeal to the Northern Lords.

"What breathes fire?" ...  "But if the army of the dead makes it past the wall, do we have enough men to fight them?"

(Convincing Argument)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
The Archmaester forbids Jorah Mormont from receiving the experimental Greyscale treatment documented by Archmaester Pylos.

Ebrose: "I'm familiar with Archmaester Pylos and his study of rare diseases ... And shall I tell you how he died? From Greyscale. The procedure's far too dangerous, which is why it's now forbidden."
(Executive Decision)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
Tyrion convinces Daenerys to follow Melisandre's proposal to ally with Jon Snow. "I can't speak to prophecies or visions in the flame... but I like Jon Snow, and I trusted him. And I am an excellent judge of character." (Convincing Argument)
Qyburn presents a high-powered dragon-killing ballista to Cersei. "Apparently, one of Daenerys' dragons was wounded by spears in the fighting pits of Meereen. If they can be wounded, they can be killed." (New Weapon)
Tyrion's earlier advice wins over Daenerys, as she opts for a slower, more politically-calculated siege rather than the violent direct-assault on King's Landing advocated by her Westerosi allies. "I am not here to be Queen of the Ashes." (Convincing Argument)
Sansa is given command of Winterfell as Jon travels to meet with Daenerys Targaryen. "You are my sister. You're the only Stark in Winterfell. Until I return, the North is yours." (New Title)
Episode 3: The Queen's Justice
Euron Greyjoy presents his gift to Cersei - the captured Ellaria and Tyene Sand. (New Follower/Prisoner)
Cersei accepts Euron Greyjoy's proposal of an alliance, appointing him at the head of her navy. (New Follower/Prisoner)
Cersei casually reveals her night of incest with Jaime in her chambers as she opens the door for one of her handmaidens.

Jaime: "What are you doing? No one can see us like this."
Cersei: "I am Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, I'll do as I please."
(Executive Decision)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Cersei convinces the Iron Bank against investing in Daenerys Targaryen, and to give her an extension on her loan instead: "From what I gather, she considers herself more of a revolutionary than a monarch. In your experience, how do bankers usually fare with revolutionaries? The Lannisters owe the Iron Bank quite a lot of money, but Lannisters always pay their debts. Do former slaves or Dothraki or dragons?"

Tycho Nestoris: "Your father's daughter, indeed."
(Convincing Argument)
After Jon Snow resigns himself to giving up on an alliance with Daenerys and returning to the North empty-handed, Tyrion convinces him to stay and find a compromise deal, leading him to ask for the dragonglass.

Tyrion: "After a single meeting, it's not a reasonable thing to ask. So, do you have anything reasonable to ask?"
Jon: "What do you mean?"
Tyrion: "Maybe you are a Northern fool. I'm asking if there's something I can do to help you."
(Convincing Argument)
Tyrion convinces Daenerys to give Jon Snow the dragonglass as a gesture of good faith with the North. "Let him mine the Dragonglass. If he's wrong, it's worthless. You didn't even know it was here. It's nothing to you. Give him something by giving him nothing. Take a step toward a more productive relationship with a possible ally." (Convincing Argument)
Episode 4: The Spoils of War
Bran receives Lord Baelish's Valyrian steel dagger, which was used in an attempt to assassinate him in Season 1.

Petyr Baelish: "This is for you. The last man who wielded meant to cut your throat, but your mother fought him off."
(New Weapon)
Episode 5: Eastwatch
With the delivery of the Tyrell gold and a repayment of debts to the Iron Bank, Cersei secures a new loan: "We have the Tyrell gold, we have the Iron Bank behind us. We can buy mercenaries." (Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
Jaime explains to Cersei that it was Olenna Tyrell who had assassinated Joffrey, not Tyrion.

Jaime: "It was Olenna. She confessed before she died."
Cersei: "And this was before or after she drank the poison you so kindly provided her?"
Jaime: "After."
Cersei: "And you believed her?"
Jaime: "If you were Olenna, would you rather have seen your granddaughter married to Joffrey or Tommen? Which one would Margaery have been better able to control? Which one would have made Olenna the true ruler of the Seven Kingdoms? She was telling the truth."
(Secret Discovery)
Cersei rejects Jaime's plea to find a peaceful solution out of the conflict with Daenerys.

Jaime: "And if we don't find a way out of this war, we'll follow them."
Cersei: "So we fight and die or we submit and die. I know my choice. A soldier should know his."
(Executive Decision)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
Bran discovers the location of the Night King and the army of the dead, marching towards Eastwatch. "Ravens. We need to send ravens." (Secret Discovery)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
Archmaester Ebrose rejects Sam's pleas to immediately alert the realm about the impending White Walker invasion as the Council of Maesters discusses a letter sent by Maester Wolkan of Winterfell about the army of the dead.

Samwell Tarly: "Archmaester, please. It's real. I've seen it."
Ebrose: "We will write to Maester Wolkan at Winterfell for clarification. I promise you we will get to the truth of it one way or another."
Sam: "Archmaester, please-"
Ebrose: "That will be all, Tarly."
(Executive Decision)
submitted by Ser Vincent (approved!)
After the latest rejected plea by Jon Snow to get Daenerys to assist in the war with the White Walkers, Tyrion convinces the team on a different course to try to unite all three monarchs together:

Jon Snow: "We'll fight with the men we have. Unless you'll join us."
Daenerys: "And give the country to Cersei? As soon as I march away, she marches in."
Tyrion: "Perhaps not. Cersei thinks the Army of the Dead is nothing but a story made up by wet nurses to frighten children. What if we prove her wrong?
Jon: "I don't think she'll come see the dead at my invitation."
Tyrion: "So bring the dead to her."
(Convincing Argument)
Davos tracks down Gendry in King's Landing. "I wasn't sure I'd find you. Thought you might still be rowing. I looked in shops, taverns, brothels. Should have known to come straight to the Street of Steel." (Secret Discovery)
Davos has an easier time than expected convincing Gendry to leave King's Landing.

Gendry: "You came to get me. You want me to come with you."
Davos Seaworth: "Well, the thing you need to understand is-"
Gendry: "I'm ready. Let's go."
(New Follower/Prisoner)
Cersei reveals that she is already aware of Jaime and Tyrion's secret meeting.

Cersei: "Are you going to punish him?"
Jaime: "Tyrion?"
Cersei: "Bronn. He betrayed you. He set up a meeting without your knowledge or consent. Do you think anything of importance happens in this city without me knowing?"
(Secret Discovery)
After Tyrion and Jaime's secret meeting, Cersei agrees to the truce with Daenerys while they await for Jon to return with proof of the White Walker situation.

Cersei: "I've come to believe that an accommodation with the Dragon Queen could be in our immediate interest. She has the numbers. If we want to beat her, we have to be clever. We have to fight her like Father would have."
(Deals Brokered)
Episode 6: Beyond the Wall
Sansa commands Brienne of Tarth to journey south to King's Landing for the meeting convened to present the White Walker threat, leaving Sansa alone in Winterfell despite her protests.

Brienne: I sworn an oath to protect you and your sister. If I abandon you-"
Sansa: "The trip to King's Landing is long, Lady Brienne, and you won't be travelling on summer roads. The sooner you leave, the better your chances of making it on time."
(Executive Decision)
Sansa goes snooping into Arya's room in an attempt to recover the copy of the raven letter. (Act of Betrayal)
While snooping through her room, Sansa discover's Arya's stash of faces. (Secret Discovery)
Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf
During their meeting in King's Landing, Tyrion deduces that Cersei is pregnant. (Secret Discovery)
Tyrion's meeting with Cersei is succesful, convincing her to not only agree to the truce but to pledge her armies to march north to face the undead threat.

Cersei: "My armies will not stand down. I will not pull them back to the capital. I will march them north to fight alongside you in the Great War. The darkness is coming for us all. We'll face it together. And when the Great War is over, perhaps you'll remember I chose to help with no promises or assurances from any of you."
(Convincing Argument)
After a private meeting with Tyrion, Cersei agrees to a truce with the Targaryen and Northern forces so that they may collectively combat the White Walker threat, completing the deal brokered by Tyrion, Jaime, and Bronn's secret meeting. (Deals Brokered)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Theon wins over Harrag's crew of Ironborn after punching him out on the beaches of Dragonstone. "Not for me. For Yara!" (Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
"You stand accused of murder. You stand accused of treason. How do you answer these charges... Lord Baelish?" (Act of Betrayal)
Bran reveals his knowledge of Littlefinger's actions in King's Landing.

Sansa Stark: "Do you deny it?"
Petyr Baelish: "I deny it! None of you were there to see what happened. None of you knows the truth."
Bran: "You held a knife to his throat. You said, 'I did warn you not the trust me.'"
(Secret Discovery)
Cersei declares that the Lannister armies will not be sent north to help fight the White Walkers, over Jaime's protests.

"The monsters are real. The White Walkers, the dragons, the Dothraki screamers all the frightening stories we heard when we were young, they're all real. So be it. Let the monsters kill each other. And while they battle in the North, we take back the lands that belong to us."
(Executive Decision)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Cersei figures that Daenerys has lost one of her dragons and has only two left.

Cersei: "How many dragons did you see at the pit?"
Jaime: "Two."
Cersei: "What happened to the third?
Jaime: "For all we know, it's guarding her fleet!"
Cersei: "She came here with her dragons and her Dothraki and her Unsullied. She came here to show us all her power. No, something happened. The dragons are vulnerable."
(Secret Discovery)
Cersei has bought the services of the mercenary Golden Company. "Highgarden bought us the most powerful army in Essos the Golden Company. 20,000 men, horses, elephants, I believe." (Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
Cersei reneges on her promise to send her armies to fight the Army of the Dead in the north, threatening Jaime with treason for disobeying.

Jaime: "I pledged to ride north. I intend to honor that pledge."
Cersei: "And that will be treason."
Jaime: "Treason?"
Cersei: "Disobeying your queen's command, fighting with her enemies. What would you call it?"
Jaime: "Doesn't matter what I'd call it."
(Act of Betrayal)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
At Sam Tarly's prompting, Bran wargs into the past to witness the secret wedding ceremony between Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, confirming Jon Snow's trueborn lineage and rightful claim to the Iron Throne. (Secret Discovery)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
Episode 1: Dragonstone
Samwell Tarly: "I was wondering if you had considered my proposition."
Archmaester Ebrose: "I don't remember your proposition."
Samwell: "I asked you if, in light of what I've seen in the North, if I could have access to the restricted area of the library."
Ebrose: "That area is reserved for Maesters. Are you a maester?"
Samwell: "No."
Ebrose: "Not a very strong proposition, is it?"
(Funny Line)
Petyr Baelish: "Why aren't you happy? What do you want that you do not have?"
Sansa Stark: "At the moment, peace and quiet."
(Witty Insult)
"No need to seize the last word, Lord Baelish. I'll assume it was something clever." (Witty Insult)
submitted by xdwxrd (approved!)
Episode 2: Stormborn
Samwell Tarly: "I met Stannis Baratheon's daughter at Castle Black. She had the Greyscale as a baby and was cured."
Archmaester Ebrose: "No."
Samwell: "Isn't there some way..."
Ebrose: "Does this look like a baby to you?" (referencing their patient, Jorah Mormont)
Samwell: "No."
Ebrose: "Have you studied the varying rates of greyscale progression in infants and fully grown men?"
Samwell: "No."
(Funny Line)
submitted by pacelli929 (approved!)
Tyrion while convincing Daenerys to follow Melisandre's proposal to ally with Jon Snow. "I can't speak to prophecies or visions in the flame... but I like Jon Snow, and I trusted him. And I am an excellent judge of character." (Funny Line)
Episode 3: The Queen's Justice
Missandei: "You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, rightful heir to the Iron Throne, rightful Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains."
Davos: "This is Jon Snow."
(Funny Line)
to Ellaria Sand: "Your daughter will die here in this cell, and you will be here watching when she does. You'll be here the rest of your days. If you refuse to eat, we'll force food down your throat. You will live to watch your daughter rot. To watch that beautiful face collapse - to bone and dust. All the while contemplating the choices you've made.

Make sure the guards change the torches every few hours. I don't want her to miss a thing."
(Threat)
to Jon Snow: "I came down here to brood over my failure to predict the Greyjoy attack. You're making it difficult. You look a lot better brooding than I do. You make me feel like I'm failing at brooding over failing." (Funny Line)
"People's minds aren't made for problems that large. White Walkers, the Night King, Army of the Dead. It's almost a relief to confront a comfortable, familiar monster like my sister." (Witty Insult)
Tyrion: "Apparently, it can be turned into weapons that kill white walkers and their foot soldiers. Or stop them. Destroy them. Unsure about the nomenclature." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "I'd very much like to believe that Jon Snow is wrong. But a wise man once said that you should never believe a thing simply because you want to believe it."
Daenerys: "Which wise man said this?"
Tyrion: "I don't remember."
Daenerys: "Are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom?"
Tyrion: "I would never do that."
To you.
The reason I believe Jon Snow is because he's here.
(Funny Line)
Petyr Baelish: "I know Cersei better than anyone here. If you turn your back on her-"
Sansa: "You don't know Cersei better than anyone here."
Petyr: "I only meant to say-"
Sansa: "That the woman who murdered my mother, father, and brother is dangerous? Thank you for your wise counsel."
(Witty Insult)
Episode 4: The Spoils of War
Bran interrupts Littlefinger's meddling mind games as soon as Littlefinger mentions chaos with a comeback that leaves Littlefinger speechless and his underpants soiled: "Chaos is a ladder" (Threat)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
Davos: "What do you think of her?"
Jon: "Who?"
Davos: "I believe you know of whom I speak." ?
Jon: "I think she has a good heart."
Davos: "A good heart? I've noticed you staring at her good heart."
(Funny Line)
Davos corrects Jon's grammar with a classic callback from his former King, Stannis Baratheon:

Jon Snow: "How many men do we have in the North to fight him? 10,000? Less?"
Davos: "Fewer."
Jon: "What?"
(Funny Line)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
Missandei: "Ser Davos, Lord Snow."
Davos: "King Snow, isn't it? No, that doesn't sound right. King Jon?"
(Funny Line)
Missandei: "We don't have marriage in Narth, so the concept of a bastard doesn't exist."
Davos: "That sounds... liberating."
(Funny Line)
Missandei: "All of us who came with her from Essos, we believe in her. She's not our Queen because she's the daughter of some king we never knew. She's the Queen we chose."
Davos, to Jon Snow: "Will you forgive me if I switch sides?"
(Funny Line)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
Episode 5: Eastwatch
Jaime Lannister: "[Olenna's] dead, like her son, her grandchildren, her whole house. And if we don't find a way out of this war, we'll follow them."
Cersei: "So we fight and die or we submit and die. I know my choice. A soldier should know his."
(Witty Insult)
Tyrion: "Who's that (raven letter) for?"
Varys: "Jon Snow."
Tyrion: "Did you read it?"
Varys: "It's a sealed scroll for the King in the North."
...
Tyrion: "What's it say?"
(Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
after smuggling Tyrion through Blackwater Bay: "There's a path to the left that hugs the cliff. The guards hardly ever patrol it. Too many steps." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "What if someone takes the boat?"
Davos: "Then we're fooked. Best hurry."
(Funny Line)
Jaime: "I once told Bronn that if I ever saw you again, I'd cut you in half."
Tyrion: "...it'll take you a while with a sparring sword."
(Funny Line)
Gendry: "Aren't you worried about the Gold Cloaks?"
Davos: "Haven't been here in years. Why should they recognize me? Sometimes I hardly do.
Nothing fucks you harder than time."
(Funny Line)
Gold Cloaks, after already accepting Davos' bribe: "What's in the boat?
Davos: "Not more gold."
(Comeback)
Davos explains the goods he's smuggling in his boat.

"Fermented crab. One bucket of this triples a brothel's earnings for the week. A man thinks he's done. He's ready to go back to his loving family. But before he gets his breeches up, his lady of the hour pops a tiny spoon of that into his mouth. Five minutes later, he's back in the race."
(Funny Line)
to the Gold Cloaks after giving them a free sample of the fermented crab: "I'd hurry to your favorite establishment, or you'll put a hole in that chainmail." (Funny Line)
"I really wouldn't try any more until you see how the first bite hits you." (as the Gold Cloaks return to the boat of fermented crab to get a better look at Tyrion) (Funny Line)
First Gold Cloak: "That dwarf..."
Second Gold Cloak: "Where'd you get that scar?"
Tyrion: "Fish hook. Some men you just can't teach."
(Funny Line)
Davos introduces Tyrion to Gendry, who has just smashed in the heads of two investigating Gold Cloaks.

Davos: "This is Gendry."
Tyrion: "He'll do."
(Funny Line)
Gendry: "I owe you my life. Twice over. But if what you said is true about what's up there, I can't wait out this war."
Davos: "Yep, nobody mind me. All I've ever done is live to a ripe old age."
(Funny Line)
to Jorah Mormont: "You may not believe it, but I've missed you, Mormont. Nobody glowers quite like you. Not even Grey Worm." (Witty Insult)
Tormund: "Isn't it your job to talk him out of stupid fucking ideas like this?"
Davos: "I've been failing at that job of late.
(Funny Line)
Episode 6: Beyond the Wall
Daenerys: "Jon Snow is not in love with me."
Tyrion: "Oh, my mistake. I suppose he stares at you longingly because he's hopeful for a successful military alliance."
(Funny Line)
on the Northern lords: "Yes, they turned their backs on Jon when it was time to retake Winterfell, and then they named him their King, and now they're ready to turn their backs on him again. How far would you trust men like that? They're all bloody wind vanes." (Witty Insult)
Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf
briefing Gregor Clegane in Jaime's presence: "If anything goes wrong, kill the silver-haired bitch first, then our brother, then the bastard who calls himself King. The rest of them you can kill in any order you see fit." (Threat)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
Sandor Clegane: "Am I going to die in this shit city?"
Tyrion Lanniser: "You might."
Sandor: "And this is all your idea. Seems every bad idea has some Lannister cunt behind it."
Tyrion: "And some Clegane cunt to help them see it through."
(Witty Insult)
Jon Snow: "Lord Tyrion tells me a million people live in this city. They're about to become a million more soldiers in the Army of the Dead."
Cersei: "I imagine for most of them it would be an improvement."
(Comeback)
after Jon Snow rejects her offer of truce: "Then there is nothing left to discuss. The dead will come north first. Enjoy dealing with them. We will deal with whatever is left of you." (Threat)
to Jon Snow: "I'm pleased you bent the knee to our Queen. I would have advised it, had you asked. But have you ever considered learning how to lie every now and then? Just a bit?!?" (Witty Insult)
Jon: "Talk about my father if you want, tell me that's the attitude that got him killed. But when enough people make false promises, words stop meaning anything. Then there are no more answers, only better and better lies. And lies won't help us in this fight."
Tyrion: "That is indeed a problem. The more immediate problem is that we're fucked."
(Funny Line)
Jon Snow: "I did this. I should go."
Tyrion: "She'll definitely murder you."
(Funny Line)
Cersei: "I shouldn't be surprised, I suppose. She's your kind of woman: a foreign whore who doesn't know her place."
Tyrion: "A foreign whore you can't abduct, beat, or intimidate. That must be difficult for you."
(Witty Insult)
Cersei: "What are you doing?"
Jaime: "Preparing the expedition north."
Cersei: "Expedition north? I always knew you were the stupidest Lannister."
(Witty Insult)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
Episode 1: Dragonstone
Cersei takes a sip from the glass while discussing the failed alliance with the Freys after Walder's assassination. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 2: Stormborn
Theon drinks with Yara and Ellaria Sand below deck as they sail for Sunspear. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Yara drinks with Theon and Ellaria Sand below deck as they sail for Sunspear. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 3: The Queen's Justice
Cersei downs a shot of Long Farewell antidote after poisoning Tyene Sand with a kiss. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Cersei drinks while discussing the Iron Throne's debt payments with Tycho Nestoris, a representative of the Iron Bank. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 4: The Spoils of War
Cersei drinks while discussing the delivery of Tyrell gold to Tycho Nestoris of the Iron Bank. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 5: Eastwatch
Tyrion drinks while discussing the burning of the Tarlys with Varys. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Tyrion drinks from the refill after Varys finishes off the cup of wine he was originally drinking. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 6: Beyond the Wall
Tyrion drinks while talking with Daenerys in Dragonstone. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf
Tyrion pours himself a glass from Cersei's own wine stash after he survives his feigned plea that Cersei should have Gregor Clegane execute him. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
After serving a refill of wine to Cersei, Tyrion pours another for himself and drinks. (Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
Episode 3: The Queen's Justice
Cersei throws off the bed sheets to reveal herself in the morning after a night with Jaime. (Act of Intercourse)
Special
Episode 1: Dragonstone
Bran taps into his warg ability as he waits at the gate to Castle Black. (Special)
Cersei runs for the pitcher and pours a glass as Jaime confronts her about Tommen's death. (Special)
Euron Greyjoy: "Ever since I was a little boy, I wanted to grow up and marry the most beautiful woman in the world, so here I am with a thousand ships and two good hands." (looks at Jaime) (Special)
submitted by adamjfallon (approved!)
Samwell Tarly: "I asked you if, in light of what I've seen in the North, if I could have access to the restricted area of the library."
Ebrose: "That area is reserved for Maesters. Are you a Maester?"
Samwell: "No."
Ebrose: "Not a very strong proposition, is it?"
(Special)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 2: Stormborn
Yara makes a pass at Ellaria below deck as Theon watches. (Special)
submitted by shannonferretti (approved!)
Ebrose: "Does this look like a baby to you?"
Samwell Tarly: "No."
Ebrose: "Have you studied the varying rates of Greyscale progression in infants and fully grown men?"
Samwell: "No."
(Special)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Ellaria Sand: "You ever been to Dorne?"
Yara: "A few times. Never stayed long."
Ellaria: "A boy in every port."
Yara: "A boy. A girl. Depends on the port."
(Special)
Euron taunts Theon into fleeing the battle as he holds Yara captive: "Ah come on, you cockless coward. I have her. Come and get her." (Special)
Episode 3: The Queen's Justice
Tyrion Lannister greets Ser Davos on his arrival to Dragonstone: "Ah, the Onion Knight" (Special)
Cersei pours out a glass of wine for her Braavosi visitor, Tycho Nestoris of the Iron Bank. (Special)
Archmaester Ebrose: "You treated him?"
Samwell Tarly: "Yes."
Ebrose: "Who told you to treat him?"
Sam: "No one."
Ebrose: "Who forbade you, or anyone, to attempt to treat him?"
Sam: "I seem to remember you."
Ebrose: "But you treated him anyway?"
Sam: "I did, yes."
(Special)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Episode 4: The Spoils of War
Cersei pours herself a glass while discussing the delivery of Tyrell gold to Tycho Nestoris of the Iron Bank. (Special)
Episode 5: Eastwatch
Bran wargs into a flock of ravens to fly beyond Eastwatch-by-the-Sea and scout out the White Walker army. (Special)
Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf
At Sam Tarly's prompting, Bran wargs into the past to witness the secret wedding ceremony between Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark. (Special)
Bran wargs by the weirwood tree, controlling a flock of ravens flying over Eastwatch-by-the-Sea. (Special)
The Feels
Episode 5: Eastwatch
Tyrion and Jorah share a brief reunion before Jorah sails off to the Wall on Jon's expedition to kidnap a wight..

Tyrion: "This is the coin the slaver gave me when I suggested he free us and pay us, remember?"
Jorah: "It was supposed to last us the rest of our lives."
Tyrion: "Take it with you. But bring it back. Our Queen needs you."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf
After an intense conversation spilling out all of Tyrion's wrongs to their family, Cersei decides not to execute her brother after all this time. Relieved, Tyrion downs a glass of wine, and pours another for Cersei, reuniting them with the only familial bond more powerful than her incestual love for Jaime - alcoholism. (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Jon Snow comes around to forgive Theon for his betrayals to their family.

Theon: "I always wanted to do the right thing. Be the right kind of person. But I never knew what that meant. It always seemed like there's like there was an impossible choice I had to make. Stark or Greyjoy."

Jon Snow: "Our father was more of a father to you than yours ever was. ... And you betrayed him. Betrayed his memory. ... But you never lost him. He's a part of you. Just like he's a part of me. But the things I've done It's not my place to forgive you for all of it.
But what I can forgive, I do. You don't need to choose. You're a Greyjoy and you're a Stark."
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)