The Valonqar
Getting Jon Snow some Greyscale armor
Owner: jimwangerin
6-1, 26 roto pts (#1)
Z-Score:
0.829 (percentile: 79.64%)
Weeks at #1: 6
Categories won:
Political Wins (135), Insults Delivered / Funny Lines (186), Glasses of Wine Consumed (40), Special (66)
Best Week:
Episode 1: Dragonstone
(+3 roto points)
Team MVP:
Euron Greyjoy
(picked #12,
113 points,
17.85% of team total)
Longest winstreak: W-5
Roster Stats
Roster
| charId | Character | Special |
|---|---|---|
| 17 |
Tyrion Lannister
Quick to wit and even quicker to the drink, Tyrion is the youngest of three Lannister children. After being exiled by his sister Cersei, he has joined with Daenerys Targaryen, serving as her Hand of the Queen and most trusted adviser.
|
* +1 point each time he is denied a drink * +1 point whenever he physically gives someone a coin (or other legal tender) |
| 19 |
Jaime Lannister
The second of the Lannister children, he is Cersei's lover and twin brother, and also the father of her three (now deceased) bastard children, the supposed sons and daughters of the late King Robert Baratheon. He also serves as Lord Commander of the Kingsguard.
|
* +1 point for awkward waves with his metal hand * +1 point when he uses his metal hand in a combat situation * +1 point when someone (excl. Cersei) references incest with Cersei or her childrens' bastardy directly to him * 2x multiplier for sex acts involving incest (first cousin or closer) |
| 216 |
Euron Greyjoy
The new King of the Iron Islands, after killing his brother Balon Greyjoy. He is described as cunning, ruthless, and with a touch of madness.
|
+1 when he or his Ironborn is referenced as the "greatest" (including self-references) +1 for crude sexual remarks made about women he is courting |
| 81 |
Sandor Clegane (The Hound)
A fearsome Lannister knight, formerly known as the Hound. After being left for dead after losing a fight with Brienne of Tarth, he recovered and briefly reformed as a laborer in a nonviolent commune, but has joined with Beric Dondarrion and the Brotherhood without Banners after bandits attack and destroy the village.
|
* +1 point for scenes where he eats * 2x multiplier for actions performed while confronted by fire |
| 28 |
Gregor Clegane (The Mountain)
A knight and the head of House Clegane, he serves as a member of the Kingsguard and Cersei's personal muscle. He is a massive and impossibly strong warrior, although he remains speechless and zombie-like ever since being wounded in a Trial by Combat against Oberyn Martell.
|
* Scores for any kills of non-combatants * Scores for each sentence spoken * Interacting with bowls |
| 40 |
Samwell Tarly
A steward of the Night's Watch, Samwell has been sent south to Oldtown to begin his training as a Maester. He is a close friend to Jon Snow, and one of the few people known to have killed a White Walker.
|
+1 point for reading books, mentioning he "read that in a book", or writing raven letters. |
| 101 |
Beric Dondarrion
Lord of Blackhaven, bannermen to House Baratheon. He leads the Brotherhood Without Banners, an outlaw fighting group in the Riverlands.
|
Can receive points multiple times in the Death category +1 when shown igniting the flaming sword |
| 23 |
Bronn
A former sellsword, who has risen through the ranks of nobility thanks to his fighting skills and work for the Lannisters. He has accompanied Jaime Lannister on his missions to Dorne and Riverrun.
|
+1 point when he gives expert critique/advice on fighting strategy |
Kills
33:54
(+5)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell plies off the infected Greyscale tissue from Jorah's chest, with all the gentleness of a spoon digging through hot pie.
(Major Injury of Named Character)
50:51
(+4)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron crushes a Greyjoy soldier with the landing bridge, as he makes his entrance aboard Yara's ship, and then immediately cuts down another.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
51:30
(+2)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron parries a blow, and then slices up a Greyjoy soldier.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
52:26
(+4)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron cleaves down an Ironborn soldier, then sticks his axe into the head of another before getting caught by Nymeria Sand's whip.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
53:03
(+10)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron stabs Obara through the stomach with the shards of her own broken spear.
(Kill of Named Character)
53:30
(+10)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron bests Nymeria Sand, blocking her dagger and then strangling her with her own whip.
(Kill of Named Character)
54:15
(+2)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron kills an intervening soldier after he and Yara begin their head-to-head fight.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
54:21
(+2)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron's axe finds an unsuspecting soldier that Yara uses as a human shield.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
55:41
(+1)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron bests Yara in single combat, taking his bloodied niece captive.
(Minor Injury of Named Character)
43:03
(+8)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime fends off four Dothraki screamers as they break through the Lannister lines and descend upon his position.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Bronn unsheathes a sword out of the torso of an impaled, flailing Lannister soldier, inflicting the fatal damage on the way out.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Bronn runs through the chaos of the battlefield to make his way over to the Scorpion, cutting down two Dothraki screamers with the sword he takes from the torso of an impaled Lannister soldier.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
Bronn blows away the Dothraki screamer with a bolt from the Scorpion.
(Kill of Named Character)
After a miss on his first shot, Bronn strikes a bolt from the Scorpio into Drogon's right shoulder, sending him spiraling out of control and forcing Daenerys to the ground.
(Major Injury of Named Character)
26:02
(+5)
Beric Dondarrion:
Beric smacks his flaming sword onto the wight bear, setting it on fire.
(Major Injury of Named Character)
27:36
(+1)
Beric Dondarrion:
Beric applies his flaming sword to cauterize the chest wounds suffered by Thoros at the paws of the wight bear.
(Minor Injury of Named Character)
32:56
(+2)
Beric Dondarrion:
Beric slices through a wight during the ambush on the White Walker scouting party.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
The Hound shatters the jaw of a wight with one hell of an accurate rock throw. "Dumb cunt."
(Major Injury of Unnamed Character)
47:15
(+44)
Sandor Clegane (The Hound):
The Hound smashes 22 wights in the ensuing battle as the Night King's Army of the Dead descends upon the group.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
47:29
(+62)
Beric Dondarrion:
Beric cuts down 31 wights in the ensuing battle as the Night King's Army of the Dead descends upon the group.
(Kill of Unnamed Character)
The Hound secures the cargo by impaling the wight onto one of Drogon's spines for the flight out.
(Major Injury of Unnamed Character)
After revealing the wight to the audience in King's Landing, Sandor Clegane reels back its chain and bisects the wight as it charges him.
(Major Injury of Unnamed Character)
Political Wins
21:15
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron sails into King's Landing with his shiny new Iron Fleet, rebuilt after Yara stole the existing fleet following his coronation.
(Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
27:02
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell has officially made it to grad-school life, having been admitted as a student of the Citadel. His first task is latrine duty.
(New Title)
While looking into Thoros' flames, Sandor Clegane discovers the location of the planned White Walker invasion: Eastwatch-by-the-Sea.
"Ice. A wall of ice. The Wall. ... It's where the Wall meets the sea. There's a castle there. There's a mountain. Looks like an arrowhead. The dead are marching past. Thousands of them." (Secret Discovery)
"Ice. A wall of ice. The Wall. ... It's where the Wall meets the sea. There's a castle there. There's a mountain. Looks like an arrowhead. The dead are marching past. Thousands of them." (Secret Discovery)
submitted by jake.kmiech (approved!)
45:38
(+3)
Beric Dondarrion:
While looking into Thoros' flames, Sandor Clegane discovers the location of the planned White Walker invasion - Eastwatch-by-the-Sea - a secret which Beric seems to already be aware of.
---
Sandor Clegane: "Ice. A wall of ice. The Wall. ... It's where the Wall meets the sea. There's a castle there. There's a mountain. Looks like an arrowhead. The dead are marching past. Thousands of them."
Beric: "Do you believe me now, Clegane?" (Secret Discovery)
---
Sandor Clegane: "Ice. A wall of ice. The Wall. ... It's where the Wall meets the sea. There's a castle there. There's a mountain. Looks like an arrowhead. The dead are marching past. Thousands of them."
Beric: "Do you believe me now, Clegane?" (Secret Discovery)
50:13
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
As Samwell flips the pages of the restricted Maester books, he discovers that Dragonstone sits on a literal mountain of dragonglass, a weapon crucial to defeating the White Walkers.
(Secret Discovery)
0:00
(+6)
Euron Greyjoy:
Yara and Theon Greyjoy, and their competing claims to lead the Ironborn, are eliminated as Euron captures Yara and forces Theon to flee after successfully ambushing their fleet.
(Rivals Eliminated)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
10:18
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion convinces Daenerys to follow Melisandre's proposal to ally with Jon Snow. "I can't speak to prophecies or visions in the flame... but I like Jon Snow, and I trusted him. And I am an excellent judge of character."
(Convincing Argument)
20:31
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion's earlier advice wins over Daenerys, as she opts for a slower, more politically-calculated siege rather than the violent direct-assault on King's Landing advocated by her Westerosi allies. "I am not here to be Queen of the Ashes."
(Convincing Argument)
30:55
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell sneaks into Jorah's room to try an experimental Greyscale treatment on him, despite Archmaester Ebrose's forbidding him to do so.
(Executive Decision)
38:07
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell's letter is the final straw that convinces Jon Snow to ally with Daenerys Targaryen.
"This message was sent to me by Samwell Tarly. He was my brother at the Night's Watch. A man I trust as much as anyone in this world. He's discovered proof that Dragonstone sits on a mountain of dragonglass." (Convincing Argument)
"This message was sent to me by Samwell Tarly. He was my brother at the Night's Watch. A man I trust as much as anyone in this world. He's discovered proof that Dragonstone sits on a mountain of dragonglass." (Convincing Argument)
53:37
(+6)
Euron Greyjoy:
Ellaria and Tyene Sand are taken prisoner by Euron's Ironborn.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
55:41
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron bests Yara in single combat and taunts Theon into running away, taking his niece captive.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
56:50
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron succesfully ambushes Yara Greyjoy's fleet, burning most of her ships and taking Yara, Ellaria, and Tyene Sand as prisoners.
(Victorious Battle)
0:00
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
After seizing Highgarden, the defeated Olenna Tyrell sits in her prisoner as a prisoner of Jaime Lannister.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
0:00
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
With his succesful destruction of Yara Greyjoy's fleet and the "gift" of the captured Ellaria and Tyene Sand, Euron wins over Cersei and convinces her to ally with his Ironborn and accept his marriage proposal.
(Convincing Argument)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
23:28
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Cersei accepts Euron Greyjoy's proposal of an alliance, appointing him as the head of the navy of the Seven Kindgoms.
(New Title)
36:48
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
After Jon Snow resigns himself to giving up on an alliance with Daenerys and returning to the North empty-handed, Tyrion convinces him to stay and find a compromise deal, leading him to ask for the dragonglass.
Tyrion: "After a single meeting, it's not a reasonable thing to ask. So, do you have anything reasonable to ask?"
Jon: "What do you mean?"
Tyrion: "Maybe you are a Northern fool. I'm asking if there's something I can do to help you." (Convincing Argument)
Tyrion: "After a single meeting, it's not a reasonable thing to ask. So, do you have anything reasonable to ask?"
Jon: "What do you mean?"
Tyrion: "Maybe you are a Northern fool. I'm asking if there's something I can do to help you." (Convincing Argument)
38:53
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion convinces Daenerys to give Jon Snow the dragonglass as a gesture of good faith with the North. "Let him mine the Dragonglass. If he's wrong, it's worthless. You didn't even know it was here. It's nothing to you. Give him something by giving him nothing. Take a step toward a more productive relationship with a possible ally."
(Convincing Argument)
55:21
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
As the Unsullied are busy attacking Casterly Rock, Euron's Iron Fleet ambushes their ships, destroying the Unsullied navy and cutting off any sea-based escape route in the process.
Jaime Lannister to Olenna Tyrell: "They won't be able to hold it (Casterly Rock). Euron Greyjoy's navy burned their ships, we emptied the larders before we left. Eventually, they'll be forced to abandon their position and march all the way across Westeros." (Victorious Battle)
Jaime Lannister to Olenna Tyrell: "They won't be able to hold it (Casterly Rock). Euron Greyjoy's navy burned their ships, we emptied the larders before we left. Eventually, they'll be forced to abandon their position and march all the way across Westeros." (Victorious Battle)
55:56
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime's offer to Randyll Tarly to rebel against the Tyrells appears to have been accepted, as the Tarly's ride with the Lannister army on the assault on Highgarden.
(Convincing Argument)
55:56
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Randyll Tarly allies with the Lannisters, taking Jaime Lannister's offer to become Warden of the South and marching with the Lannister army against the Tyrells.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
56:32
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime walks through the courtyards of Highgarden, where the Lannister army has been victorious in seizing the castle.
(Victorious Battle)
56:32
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime walks through the courtyards of Highgarden, where the Lannister army has been victorious in seizing the castle.
(Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
58:31
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime is in possession of the Valyrian steel sword, Widow's Wail. "How will you do it? With that sword? That was Joffrey's sword, wasn't it? Not that he ever used it. What did he call it?" Jaime: "Widow's Wail."
(New Weapon)
61:26
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
In her dying moments, Olenna Tyrell reveals to Jaime that she was Joffrey's killer.
"I'd hate to die like your son. Clawing at my neck, foam and bile spilling from my mouth, eyes bloodred, skin purple. Must have been horrible for you, as a Kingsguard, as a father. It was horrible enough for me ... You see, I had never seen the poison work before. Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me." (Secret Discovery)
"I'd hate to die like your son. Clawing at my neck, foam and bile spilling from my mouth, eyes bloodred, skin purple. Must have been horrible for you, as a Kingsguard, as a father. It was horrible enough for me ... You see, I had never seen the poison work before. Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me." (Secret Discovery)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
4:50
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime acquires all of the Tyrell gold after taking Highgarden, although it is bound for the Iron Bank.
(Acquire a New Castle/City/Army/Loot)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Bronn arrives to the wagon and unveils the Scorpion, a high-powered dragon-killing ballista.
(New Weapon)
25:34
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
After the latest rejected plea by Jon Snow to get Daenerys to assist in the war with the White Walkers, Tyrion convinces the team on a different course to try to unite all three monarchs together:
Jon Snow: "We'll fight with the men we have. Unless you'll join us."
Daenerys: "And give the country to Cersei? As soon as I march away, she marches in."
Tyrion: "Perhaps not. Cersei thinks the Army of the Dead is nothing but a story made up by wet nurses to frighten children. What if we prove her wrong?
Jon: "I don't think she'll come see the dead at my invitation."
Tyrion: "So bring the dead to her." (Convincing Argument)
Jon Snow: "We'll fight with the men we have. Unless you'll join us."
Daenerys: "And give the country to Cersei? As soon as I march away, she marches in."
Tyrion: "Perhaps not. Cersei thinks the Army of the Dead is nothing but a story made up by wet nurses to frighten children. What if we prove her wrong?
Jon: "I don't think she'll come see the dead at my invitation."
Tyrion: "So bring the dead to her." (Convincing Argument)
32:25
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime is taken by Bronn to the dungeons beneath the Red Keep, where he finds his fugitive brother Tyrion who has arranged a meeting with him there.
(Secret Discovery)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
Bronn finds Tyrion in the dungeons below the Red Keep, later arranging a secret meeting between him and Jaime.
(Secret Discovery)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
41:13
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
After Tyrion and Jaime's secret meeting, Cersei agrees to the truce with Daenerys while they await for Jon to return with proof of the White Walker situation.
Cersei: "I've come to believe that an accommodation with the Dragon Queen could be in our immediate interest. She has the numbers. If we want to beat her, we have to be clever. We have to fight her like Father would have." (Deals Brokered)
Cersei: "I've come to believe that an accommodation with the Dragon Queen could be in our immediate interest. She has the numbers. If we want to beat her, we have to be clever. We have to fight her like Father would have." (Deals Brokered)
41:13
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
After Jaime and Tyrion's secret meeting, Cersei agrees to the truce with Daenerys while they await for Jon to return with proof of the White Walker situation.
Cersei: "I've come to believe that an accommodation with the Dragon Queen could be in our immediate interest. She has the numbers. If we want to beat her, we have to be clever. We have to fight her like Father would have." (Deals Brokered)
Cersei: "I've come to believe that an accommodation with the Dragon Queen could be in our immediate interest. She has the numbers. If we want to beat her, we have to be clever. We have to fight her like Father would have." (Deals Brokered)
48:41
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell steals several books and records from the restricted area of the library and abandons the Citadel with Gilly and little Sam.
Gilly: "Are you sure you want to do this? You always wanted to be a Maester."
Samwell: "I'm tired of reading about the achievements of better men." (Act of Betrayal)
Gilly: "Are you sure you want to do this? You always wanted to be a Maester."
Samwell: "I'm tired of reading about the achievements of better men." (Act of Betrayal)
39:38
(+3)
Beric Dondarrion:
Beric says a brief prayer for Thoros after they discover him perished in the night. "Lord of Light, show us the way. Come to us in our darkness and lead your servant into the light ... Lord of Light, come to us in our darkness. For the night is dark and full of terrors."
(House Words)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
The Hound wields Gendry's warhammer, after Tormund forced him to leave it behind for the group so Gendry could make the marathon run back to Eastwatch faster.
(New Weapon)
Sandor loads the prized captured wight into a boat headed for King's Landing.
(New Follower/Prisoner)
36:50
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
During their meeting in King's Landing, Tyrion deduces that Cersei is pregnant.
(Secret Discovery)
40:01
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion's meeting with Cersei is succesful, convincing her to not only agree to the truce but to pledge her armies to march north to face the undead threat.
Cersei: "My armies will not stand down. I will not pull them back to the capital. I will march them north to fight alongside you in the Great War. The darkness is coming for us all. We'll face it together. And when the Great War is over, perhaps you'll remember I chose to help with no promises or assurances from any of you." (Convincing Argument)
Cersei: "My armies will not stand down. I will not pull them back to the capital. I will march them north to fight alongside you in the Great War. The darkness is coming for us all. We'll face it together. And when the Great War is over, perhaps you'll remember I chose to help with no promises or assurances from any of you." (Convincing Argument)
40:01
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
After a private meeting with Tyrion, Cersei agrees to a truce with the Targaryen and Northern forces so that they may collectively combat the White Walker threat, completing the deal brokered by Tyrion, Jaime, and Bronn's secret meeting.
(Deals Brokered)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
40:01
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
After a private meeting with Tyrion, Cersei agrees to a truce with the Targaryen and Northern forces so that they may collectively combat the White Walker threat, completing the deal brokered by Tyrion, Jaime, and Bronn's secret meeting.
(Deals Brokered)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
After a private meeting with Tyrion, Cersei agrees to a truce with the Targaryen and Northern forces so that they may collectively combat the White Walker threat, completing the deal brokered by Tyrion, Jaime, and Bronn's secret meeting.
(Deals Brokered)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
69:17
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam puts the pieces of Bran's visions about Jon Snow's parentage together, remembering what Gilly told him at the Citadel about Rhaegar Targaryen's secret wedding.
"At the Citadel, I transcribed a High Septon's diary. He annulled Rhaegar's marriage to Elia. He wed Rhaegar and Lyanna in a secret ceremony." (Secret Discovery)
"At the Citadel, I transcribed a High Septon's diary. He annulled Rhaegar's marriage to Elia. He wed Rhaegar and Lyanna in a secret ceremony." (Secret Discovery)
Insults Delivered / Funny Lines
11:31
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime: "How are they better allies? How are they different from the Freys? They both broke their promises and murdered their former friends as soon as it suited them."
Cersei: "So does everyone, when it suits them. Unlike the Freys, they have ships, and they're good at killing."
Jaime: "They're not good at anything." (Witty Insult)
Cersei: "So does everyone, when it suits them. Unlike the Freys, they have ships, and they're good at killing."
Jaime: "They're not good at anything." (Witty Insult)
submitted by alicehanners (approved!)
19:41
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Cersei: "I'm the Queen of the 7 Kingdoms"
Jaime: "Three Kingdoms, at best." (Witty Insult)
Jaime: "Three Kingdoms, at best." (Witty Insult)
submitted by kevinpetsky (approved!)
24:00
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Jaime: "The people I was cutting down were your own kin."
Euron: "The place was getting crowded." (Funny Line)
Euron: "The place was getting crowded." (Funny Line)
submitted by hsackman2146 (approved!)
25:39
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
When he said to Jamie and Cersei, ".... with two good hands." Making a joke of Jamie having lost one his hands.
(Witty Insult)
submitted by Th3 JaBBeRWoCK (approved!)
26:04
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Cersei: "You murdered your own brother."
Euron: "You should try it. Feels wonderful." (Funny Line)
Euron: "You should try it. Feels wonderful." (Funny Line)
Thoros: "Bad night to be outdoors."
Sandor: "You've got real powerful magic to figure that out. Did the Lord of Light whisper that in your ear? 'It's snowwing, Thoros.
It's winnndy. It's gonna be a coold night.'" (Funny Line)
Sandor: "You've got real powerful magic to figure that out. Did the Lord of Light whisper that in your ear? 'It's snowwing, Thoros.
It's winnndy. It's gonna be a coold night.'" (Funny Line)
Thoros: "Why are you always in such a foul mood?"
Sandor: "... Experience." (Funny Line)
Sandor: "... Experience." (Funny Line)
to Thoros: "I'll tell you what doesn't scare me: bald cocksuckers like you. You think you're fooling anyone with that top knot?"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by tylermanhart (approved!)
"It's my fucking luck I end up with a band of fire-worshippers" -as Thoros beckons him over to check out the magic prophecy fire he just started
(Funny Line)
0:00
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron taunts Theon into fleeing the battle as he holds Yara captive: "Ah come on, you cockless coward. I have her. Come and get her."
(Witty Insult)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
0:00
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron sarcastically and disparagingly to Yara as he approaches her to cut her down: "Give your uncle a kiss"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
10:18
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion while convincing Daenerys to follow Melisandre's proposal to ally with Jon Snow. "I can't speak to prophecies or visions in the flame... but I like Jon Snow, and I trusted him. And I am an excellent judge of character."
(Funny Line)
13:42
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Randyll Tarly: "Ser Jaime, I believe you know my son."
Jaime: "Rickon, isn't it?"
Dickon: "Dickon."
Jaime: "That's it." (walks past Dickon to speak with Randyll) (Funny Line)
Jaime: "Rickon, isn't it?"
Dickon: "Dickon."
Jaime: "That's it." (walks past Dickon to speak with Randyll) (Funny Line)
0:00
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
calling back to Bronn's quote about the Eyrie: "Give me ten good men, and I'll impregnate the bitch"
(Funny Line)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
0:00
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
to Yara, mocking Theon's reaction during their battle on her ship: "*Ohhh noooo!* What a twat."
(Witty Insult)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
0:00
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
to Jaime: "There's nothing like it is there, the love of the people ... but I suppose you wouldn't know".
(Witty Insult)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
23:55
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Jaime Lannister: "...if you turn on us, they'll cheer to have your severed head mounted on a spike."
Euron: "Or yours. They just like severed heads, really." (Threat)
Euron: "Or yours. They just like severed heads, really." (Threat)
24:08
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
to Jaime: "Does she like it gentle, or rough? A finger in the bum? Shh, shh, shh, shh, not now. We'll talk later."
(Funny Line)
submitted by jbornstein89 (approved!)
34:07
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
to Jon Snow: "I came down here to brood over my failure to predict the Greyjoy attack. You're making it difficult. You look a lot better brooding than I do. You make me feel like I'm failing at brooding over failing."
(Funny Line)
35:40
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
"People's minds aren't made for problems that large. White Walkers, the Night King, Army of the Dead. It's almost a relief to confront a comfortable, familiar monster like my sister."
(Witty Insult)
37:50
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "Apparently, it can be turned into weapons that kill white walkers and their foot soldiers. Or stop them. Destroy them. Unsure about the nomenclature."
(Funny Line)
38:14
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "I'd very much like to believe that Jon Snow is wrong. But a wise man once said that you should never believe a thing simply because you want to believe it."
Daenerys: "Which wise man said this?"
Tyrion: "I don't remember."
Daenerys: "Are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom?"
Tyrion: "I would never do that."
To you.
The reason I believe Jon Snow is because he's here. (Funny Line)
Daenerys: "Which wise man said this?"
Tyrion: "I don't remember."
Daenerys: "Are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom?"
Tyrion: "I would never do that."
To you.
The reason I believe Jon Snow is because he's here. (Funny Line)
Jaime to Bronn: Besides think of the upkeep, the more you own the more it weighs you down.
Bronn To Jaime: Is that why you're so glum eh? All your new riches weighing you down? (Witty Insult)
Bronn To Jaime: Is that why you're so glum eh? All your new riches weighing you down? (Witty Insult)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
to Jaime: "You've just won the biggest prize in the world, what do you possibly have to be upset about? C'mon you can tell me - the Queen of Thorns give you one last prick in the balls before saying goodbye?"
(Witty Insult)
4:05
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Bronn: "You've just won the biggest prize in the world, what do you possibly have to be upset about? C'mon you can tell me - the Queen of Thorns give you one last prick in the balls before saying goodbye?"
Jaime: "I'll save my confessions for the High Septon."
Bronn: "There is no more High Septon."
Jaime: "No, there isn't, is there?" (Comeback)
Jaime: "I'll save my confessions for the High Septon."
Bronn: "There is no more High Septon."
Jaime: "No, there isn't, is there?" (Comeback)
4:57
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
to Bronn: "Ser Bronn of the Blackwater, formerly of... whatever nameless shit-heap you're from... with a saddleback full of gold, complaining about not getting paid."
(Witty Insult)
27:05
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Daenerys: "What kind of a Queen am I if I'm not willing to risk my life to fight them."
Tyrion: "A smart one." (Comeback)
Tyrion: "A smart one." (Comeback)
to Dickon Tarly: "Men shit themselves when they die, didn't they teach you that at fancy lad school?"
(Witty Insult)
to Jaime: "Listen to me, cunt. Until I get what I'm owed, a dragon doesn't get to kill you. You don't get to kill you. Only I get to kill you."
(Funny Line)
Jaime: "That was only one of them. She has two more. If she decides to use them, to really use them-"
Bronn: "You're fucked."
Jaime: "Don't you mean we're fucked?"
Bronn: "No, I do not." (Funny Line)
Bronn: "You're fucked."
Jaime: "Don't you mean we're fucked?"
Bronn: "No, I do not." (Funny Line)
Bronn: "Dragons are where our partnership ends. I'm not gonna be around when those things start spitting fire on King's Landing."
Jaime: "I have to tell Cersei."
Bronn: "May as well jump back in that river." (Funny Line)
Jaime: "I have to tell Cersei."
Bronn: "May as well jump back in that river." (Funny Line)
24:16
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion: "Who's that (raven letter) for?"
Varys: "Jon Snow."
Tyrion: "Did you read it?"
Varys: "It's a sealed scroll for the King in the North."
...
Tyrion: "What's it say?" (Funny Line)
Varys: "Jon Snow."
Tyrion: "Did you read it?"
Varys: "It's a sealed scroll for the King in the North."
...
Tyrion: "What's it say?" (Funny Line)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
Jaime: "We don't have time for this, we should be preparing the city for a siege. The Dothraki are coming."
Bronn: "All the more reason for you to train. Unless you plan on fighting Dothraki twelve-year-olds." (Witty Insult)
Bronn: "All the more reason for you to train. Unless you plan on fighting Dothraki twelve-year-olds." (Witty Insult)
Jaime: "Why (do swordfight training) down here?"
Bronn: "I don't think you want people to see how you look swinging that thing yet." (Witty Insult)
Bronn: "I don't think you want people to see how you look swinging that thing yet." (Witty Insult)
32:52
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Jaime: "I once told Bronn that if I ever saw you again, I'd cut you in half."
Tyrion: "...it'll take you a while with a sparring sword." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "...it'll take you a while with a sparring sword." (Funny Line)
39:11
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
First Gold Cloak: "That dwarf..."
Second Gold Cloak: "Where'd you get that scar?"
Tyrion: "Fish hook. Some men you just can't teach." (Funny Line)
Second Gold Cloak: "Where'd you get that scar?"
Tyrion: "Fish hook. Some men you just can't teach." (Funny Line)
39:40
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Davos introduces Tyrion to Gendry, who has just smashed in the heads of two investigating Gold Cloaks.
Davos: "This is Gendry."
Tyrion: "He'll do." (Funny Line)
Davos: "This is Gendry."
Tyrion: "He'll do." (Funny Line)
44:55
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
to Jorah Mormont: "You may not believe it, but I've missed you, Mormont. Nobody glowers quite like you. Not even Grey Worm."
(Witty Insult)
47:05
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Gilly: "Guess how many windows are in the Great Sept of Baelor.
Sam: "None anymore." (Funny Line)
Sam: "None anymore." (Funny Line)
47:58
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam goes on a rant to Gilly about the order of Maesters: "We can all become slavering, murderous imbeciles in thrall to evil incarnate as long as we can have access to the full records of High Septon Maynard's 15,782 shits!"
(Witty Insult)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
The Hound interrupts Beric's grand monologue.
Beric: "It doesn't matter what we think our reasons are. There's a greater purpose at work. And we serve it together, whether we know it or not. We may take the steps, but the Lord of Light-"
Hound: "For fuck's sake, will you shut your hole? Are we coming with you or not?" (Funny Line)
Beric: "It doesn't matter what we think our reasons are. There's a greater purpose at work. And we serve it together, whether we know it or not. We may take the steps, but the Lord of Light-"
Hound: "For fuck's sake, will you shut your hole? Are we coming with you or not?" (Funny Line)
Gendry recaps his ordeal after being sold to the Red Priestess Melisandre.
Gendry: "You know what she did to me? She strapped me down on the bed, she stripped me naked-"
Sandor: "Sounds alright so far." (Funny Line)
Gendry: "You know what she did to me? She strapped me down on the bed, she stripped me naked-"
Sandor: "Sounds alright so far." (Funny Line)
Gendry: "She wanted to kill me. And would have killed me if it weren't for-"
Sandor: "But they didn't, did they? So what you whinging about?"
Gendry: "I'm not whinging."
Sandor: "Your lips are moving and you complain about something. That's whinging. This one's been killed six times and you don't hear him bitching about it." (Witty Insult)
Sandor: "But they didn't, did they? So what you whinging about?"
Gendry: "I'm not whinging."
Sandor: "Your lips are moving and you complain about something. That's whinging. This one's been killed six times and you don't hear him bitching about it." (Witty Insult)
Sandor: "You want to suck my dick, is that it?"
Tormund Giantsbane: "Dick?"
Sandor: "Cock."
Tormund: "Ah, dick. I like it."
Sandor: "Bet you do. (Funny Line)
Tormund Giantsbane: "Dick?"
Sandor: "Cock."
Tormund: "Ah, dick. I like it."
Sandor: "Bet you do. (Funny Line)
Tormund: "I want to make babies with her - think of them. Great big monsters. They'd conquer the world."
Sandor: "How did a mad fucker like you live this long?" (Funny Line)
Sandor: "How did a mad fucker like you live this long?" (Funny Line)
19:43
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Daenerys: "Jon Snow is not in love with me."
Tyrion: "Oh, my mistake. I suppose he stares at you longingly because he's hopeful for a successful military alliance." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "Oh, my mistake. I suppose he stares at you longingly because he's hopeful for a successful military alliance." (Funny Line)
Beric Dondarrion, as they part ways at Eastwatch: "We'll meet again, Clegane."
Sandor: "Fucking hope not." (Funny Line)
Sandor: "Fucking hope not." (Funny Line)
Bronn and Jaime discuss the Unsullied army standing outside the gates of King's Landing.
Bronn: "Men without cocks. You wouldn't find me fighting in an army if I had no cock. What's left to fight for?"
Jaime: "Gold?"
Bronn: "I spent my life around soldiers. What do you think they spend that gold on?"
Jaime: "Family."
Bronn: "Not without a cock, you don't." (Funny Line)
Bronn: "Men without cocks. You wouldn't find me fighting in an army if I had no cock. What's left to fight for?"
Jaime: "Gold?"
Bronn: "I spent my life around soldiers. What do you think they spend that gold on?"
Jaime: "Family."
Bronn: "Not without a cock, you don't." (Funny Line)
5:04
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Bronn and Jaime discuss the Unsullied army standing outside the gates of King's Landing.
Bronn: "Men without cocks. You wouldn't find me fighting in an army if I had no cock. What's left to fight for?"
Jaime: "Gold?"
Bronn: "I spent my life around soldiers. What do you think they spend that gold on?"
Jaime: "Family."
Bronn: "Not without a cock, you don't."
Jaime: "Maybe it really is all cocks in the end" (Funny Line)
Bronn: "Men without cocks. You wouldn't find me fighting in an army if I had no cock. What's left to fight for?"
Jaime: "Gold?"
Bronn: "I spent my life around soldiers. What do you think they spend that gold on?"
Jaime: "Family."
Bronn: "Not without a cock, you don't."
Jaime: "Maybe it really is all cocks in the end" (Funny Line)
submitted by kevinpetsky (approved!)
Bronn breaks up the Podrick and Tyrion reunion
Podrick: "I never thought I'd see you again, my lord."
Tyrion: "Supporting the enemy, no less."
Podrick: "Hard to blame you."
Tyrion: 'Cersei will anyway."
Podrick: "I'm glad you're alive."
Bronn: "Come on. You can suck his magic cock later." (Witty Insult)
Podrick: "I never thought I'd see you again, my lord."
Tyrion: "Supporting the enemy, no less."
Podrick: "Hard to blame you."
Tyrion: 'Cersei will anyway."
Podrick: "I'm glad you're alive."
Bronn: "Come on. You can suck his magic cock later." (Witty Insult)
Tyrion Lannister: "Are you? Helping me to arrange this meeting wasn't exactly looking after yourself, was it? You put yourself at risk."
Bronn: "I put yourself at risk. Important difference. It's your head Queen Cersei's offered a bag of gold for, it's not mine. Now, thanks to me, she's got two traitors' heads coming right through her door. She can lop them both off as soon as she gets tired of the clever words that pour out their pieholes. All thanks to Ser Bronn of the fucking Blackwater. If that's not looking after myself, I don't know what is." (Threat)
Bronn: "I put yourself at risk. Important difference. It's your head Queen Cersei's offered a bag of gold for, it's not mine. Now, thanks to me, she's got two traitors' heads coming right through her door. She can lop them both off as soon as she gets tired of the clever words that pour out their pieholes. All thanks to Ser Bronn of the fucking Blackwater. If that's not looking after myself, I don't know what is." (Threat)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
Sandor Clegane: "Am I going to die in this shit city?"
Tyrion Lanniser: "You might."
Sandor: "And this is all your idea. Seems every bad idea has some Lannister cunt behind it." (Witty Insult)
Tyrion Lanniser: "You might."
Sandor: "And this is all your idea. Seems every bad idea has some Lannister cunt behind it." (Witty Insult)
13:55
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Sandor Clegane: "Am I going to die in this shit city?"
Tyrion Lanniser: "You might."
Sandor: "And this is all your idea. Seems every bad idea has some Lannister cunt behind it."
Tyrion: "And some Clegane cunt to help them see it through." (Witty Insult)
Tyrion Lanniser: "You might."
Sandor: "And this is all your idea. Seems every bad idea has some Lannister cunt behind it."
Tyrion: "And some Clegane cunt to help them see it through." (Witty Insult)
to Gregor Clegane: "Remember me? Yeah, you do. You're even fucking uglier than I am now. What did they do to you? Doesn't matter. That's not how it ends for you, brother. You know who's coming for you. You've always known."
(Threat)
18:06
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Tyrion: "I think we ought to begin with larger concerns."
Euron: "Then why are you talking? You're the smallest concern here." (Witty Insult)
Euron: "Then why are you talking? You're the smallest concern here." (Witty Insult)
18:24
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
to Tyrion: "We don't even let your kind live in the Iron Islands, you know? We kill you at birth. An act of mercy for the parents."
(Witty Insult)
28:21
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
to Jon Snow: "I'm pleased you bent the knee to our Queen. I would have advised it, had you asked. But have you ever considered learning how to lie every now and then? Just a bit?!?"
(Witty Insult)
28:49
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Jon: "Talk about my father if you want, tell me that's the attitude that got him killed. But when enough people make false promises, words stop meaning anything. Then there are no more answers, only better and better lies. And lies won't help us in this fight."
Tyrion: "That is indeed a problem. The more immediate problem is that we're fucked." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "That is indeed a problem. The more immediate problem is that we're fucked." (Funny Line)
29:23
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Jon Snow: "I did this. I should go."
Tyrion: "She'll definitely murder you." (Funny Line)
Tyrion: "She'll definitely murder you." (Funny Line)
32:02
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Cersei: "I shouldn't be surprised, I suppose. She's your kind of woman: a foreign whore who doesn't know her place."
Tyrion: "A foreign whore you can't abduct, beat, or intimidate. That must be difficult for you." (Witty Insult)
Tyrion: "A foreign whore you can't abduct, beat, or intimidate. That must be difficult for you." (Witty Insult)
67:52
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam: "What happened to you beyond the Wall?"
Bran Stark: "I became the Three-Eyed Raven."
Sam: "Ohhh! ...I don't know what that means." (Funny Line)
Bran Stark: "I became the Three-Eyed Raven."
Sam: "Ohhh! ...I don't know what that means." (Funny Line)
Glasses of Wine Consumed
31:39
(+5)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell takes a hearty swig of the rum he gives to Jorah, before attempting the Greyscale surgery.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
29:27
(+5)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime takes a drink in Cersei's chambers as we all try to collectively erase the imagery of Euron sticking Cersei with the pointy end.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
23:03
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while discussing the burning of the Tarlys with Varys.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
24:11
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks from the refill after Varys finishes off the cup of wine he was originally drinking.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
20:15
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion drinks while talking with Daenerys in Dragonstone.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
The Hound gets one short swig in before Jon ruins the party and takes back the flask. "We have to burn the body."
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
34:26
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion pours himself a glass from Cersei's own wine stash after he survives his feigned plea that Cersei should have Gregor Clegane execute him.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
35:24
(+5)
Tyrion Lannister:
After serving a refill of wine to Cersei, Tyrion pours another for himself and drinks.
(Glass of Wine Consumed)
Acts of Intercourse
30:10
(+20)
Jaime Lannister:
Jaime gets his trousers dropped as Cersei is feeling extra thirsty after another exhilarating session of dungeon torturing her enemies.
(Act of Intercourse)
Special
0:00
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
While responding to Jaime about him fleeing after the Greyjoy Rebellion: "If I hadn't done that, I wouldn't be the greatest captain of the fourteen seas"
(Special)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
0:00
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Euron boasts about his fleet to Cersei: "The Iron Fleet, on the other hand, that's something else entirely. It's the greatest armada Westeros has ever seen."
(Special)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
25:39
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Euron Greyjoy: "Ever since I was a little boy, I wanted to grow up and marry the most beautiful woman in the world, so here I am with a thousand ships and two good hands." (looks at Jaime)
(Special)
submitted by xdwxrd (approved!)
49:18
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam does some late night studying with his pirated JSTOR copies of the restricted Maester books.
(Special)
50:32
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam begins writing a raven letter to Jon to inform him of the cache of dragonglass buried beneath Dragonstone.
(Special)
29:52
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell mentions that he has potentially found a treatment option for Jorah Mormont's greyscale in a book. "I found the procedure in a study of rare diseases by Archmaester Pylos".
(Special)
31:52
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Samwell opens up Archmaester Pylos' tome on Rare Diseases, which contains the instructions for the Greyscale treatment he is to perform on Jorah.
(Special)
20:58
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
to Yara: "Look at them, cheering for a Greyjoy. I have to be honest, this is making me hard."
(Special)
22:57
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
Cersei: "You've proven yourself the greatest captain of the Fourteen Seas."
(Special)
24:08
(+3)
Euron Greyjoy:
to Jaime: "Does she like it gentle, or rough? A finger in the bum? Shh, shh, shh, shh, not now. We'll talk later."
(Special)
24:13
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Euron asks Jaime for advice on pleasing Cersei: "Does she like it gentle, or rough? A finger in the bum? Shh, shh, shh, shh, not now. We'll talk later."
(Special)
50:08
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Archmaester Ebrose: "It's a meticulous, difficult procedure. Many Maesters whose chains are heavy with healing links have attempted it and failed. Yet you succeeded. How?"
Sam: "I read the books and followed the instructions." (Special)
Sam: "I read the books and followed the instructions." (Special)
61:26
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Olenna Tyrell: "I'd hate to die like your son. Clawing at my neck, foam and bile spilling from my mouth, eyes blood red, skin purple. Must have been horrible for you, as a Kingsguard, as a father."
(Special)
Bronn: "Get back to King's Landing."
Jaime Lannister: "I'm not abandoning my army."
Bronn: "You're the commander, not a damn infantryman. Those fuckers are about to swamp us." (Special)
Jaime Lannister: "I'm not abandoning my army."
Bronn: "You're the commander, not a damn infantryman. Those fuckers are about to swamp us." (Special)
submitted by hindsight44 (approved!)
43:55
(+3)
Jaime Lannister:
Jamie uses his golden hand to block a strike from an attacking Dothraki.
(Special)
submitted by cyprus05 (approved!)
45:27
(+3)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion hands the sentimental slaver's coin to Jorah, reminiscing briefly on their slave days in Meereen before Mormont leaves for Eastwatch.
(Special)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
46:49
(+3)
Samwell Tarly:
Sam reads from a book as he transcribes it onto a fresh set of paper, before handing it over to Baby Sam.
(Special)
submitted by hkeseyan (approved!)
25:49
(+3)
Beric Dondarrion:
Beric lights his sword on fire as the wight bear descends on the party.
(Special)
submitted by nyan (approved!)
40:06
(+3)
Beric Dondarrion:
Beric lights up his flaming sword to cremate the remains of Thoros of Myr.
(Special)
47:04
(+3)
Beric Dondarrion:
Beric lights up his firesaber as the wight army approaches over the re-frozen ice.
(Special)
The Feels
45:28
(+0)
Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion and Jorah share a brief reunion before Jorah sails off to the Wall on Jon's expedition to kidnap a wight..
Tyrion: "This is the coin the slaver gave me when I suggested he free us and pay us, remember?"
Jorah: "It was supposed to last us the rest of our lives."
Tyrion: "Take it with you. But bring it back. Our Queen needs you." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
Tyrion: "This is the coin the slaver gave me when I suggested he free us and pay us, remember?"
Jorah: "It was supposed to last us the rest of our lives."
Tyrion: "Take it with you. But bring it back. Our Queen needs you." (Warm Fuzzy Moment)
34:54
(+0)
Tyrion Lannister:
After an intense conversation spilling out all of Tyrion's wrongs to their family, Cersei decides not to execute her brother after all this time. Relieved, Tyrion downs a glass of wine, and pours another for Cersei, reuniting them with the only familial bond more powerful than her incestual love for Jaime - alcoholism.
(Warm Fuzzy Moment)